Love Wasn't Enough For Her

If you were to call me impulsive you'd probably be right. After two gas and pit stops I found myself outside of Amber's apartment in Atlanta. This was the only other girl I had ever met that made me go weak in the knees. What the hell was I thinking? We had kept each other updated. We talked a little but mostly e-mailed and texted one another. She was happy with her life, but had always told me that before I decided to settle down to at least talk to her. Was she still interested? I guess that was the question I was trying to get answered that night or should I say morning. Sometimes the surpriser gets surprised. I saw it wasn't going to be that easy.

Amber tried to call and text me over the next twelve hours but by the time I finally got home I was whipped. I spent Sunday in bed, alone, sleeping and thinking about my life going forward. I was glad the next day was Monday so I had something other than my own life to think about.

Amber and I finally connected and she informed me that I should have called her in advance instead of just popping in on her. She continued telling me that we were more than just good friends, but we'd never said anything about being exclusive. She really needed to know why I had come up to see her. That was the ten thousand dollar question now, wasn't it? I apologized and told her it was a stupid stunt on my part, and told her not to worry about it. It was my mom who to put it all into perspective for me.

I was having dinner at my parents' house three weeks later. Dad had finished and was in the den watching something on the tube while I helped my mother with the dishes.

"Becky still cares for you, you do know that, don't you? And Danny is now at that age where he's starting to ask all the difficult questions as to why the two of you aren't together anymore."

"I guess she'll have to tell him the truth now, won't she?"

"Still have that anger, I see," she said handing me a dirty pot that needed to be scrubbed.

"Do you blame me? She fucked up, not me."

"Steve, Becky was right about one thing, you both screwed up. In your short marriage you ended up living three separate lives. It was you, Becky, and Danny struggling in the beginning. Then it went to you working all the time and going to school, and finally it was her and her own schooling. Nothing was ever what I'd call normal. There was always some type of drama in your lives."

"But isn't that the way life is, Mom? Nothing went according to plan and when things got tough she bailed on me."

"That's not exactly true now is it? She went through the first couple of tough years. Then she supported you when you worked and went back to school. It was only when she went back to school that there was a problem. At that point you two had already started growing apart and she wanted to regain her youth. I'm not saying she was wrong and you were right, or the other way around, it's just my observation. After that though, things got out of hand and the rest is history."

"She cheated on me."

"Steve, the two of you were by all accounts basically divorced and she told me herself that she was drunk. I know that doesn't excuse what she did, but I don't think you can throw any stones when it comes to making stupid mistakes either." She then reminded me how I was the one who started it all. The topic died after that.

There were calls and e-mails from Amber wanting to know how I was doing and although I replied, my replies didn't tell the whole story. Becky was giving me a wide berth. She had spelled out what she wanted and was even seeing a therapist on her own to resolve a lot of her old issues.

To speak frankly, I could have gotten laid every week. Hell, if push came to shove, I could have gotten laid almost every night. Don't get me wrong, the sex in the past had been mind blowing in most cases, but that's what it was, sex, not love making. I made sure they were more than satisfied and in turn they always found a way to drain me. I suppose I should have been flattered, but it did nothing except complicate matters.

I was just finishing up Friday at work. I had no real plans but told a few of the guys I might join them for a cold one after work when I got her text.

'I'm at your place. How much longer?' It was from Amber.

I should have broken every speed record to get home to what I knew was waiting for me, but I didn't. I picked up a few things at the store and pondered my next move. I would get lucky tonight because with Amber, there was no luck involved. I'd already told her where my hide-a-key was, so I knew she'd be in my apartment waiting on me.

She must have been looking out the window because she was in my arms and in my mouth before I could even shut the door.

"I didn't think you would ever get home," she said, kissing me again with a lot of deep tonguing. "Driving makes me feel grungy. Let's take a shower and we can discuss our weekend while we're in there."

By six thirty Saturday morning I was lying in my bed, on my back, staring up at a dark ceiling with Amber cuddled under my arm. I'd almost forgotten what a fantastic lover she was.

She opened first one eye then the other. She smiled, kissed me, and then ran for the bathroom. A short time later I heard the flush, the sink, and her prancing across the room in all her naked glory. I think she did a one and a half in the tuck position to get back on the bed and her lips told me that she was awake and ready for action again.

We made love that morning. With our lips joined and our hands intertwined above our heads we gave and took until we both felt one another climax and start to come down. With her eyes still shut and me shrinking rapidly I rolled off her and pulled her in close kissing the top of her head.

"That was nice," she said snuggling even closer, if that was at all possible.

The next thing I knew, it was half past ten and I was hungry, but badly in need of a shower first. I pulled a tired Amber out of my bed and dragged her into the warm shower with me. With Amber there is no such thing as a quick shower. Lips, tongues, and hands were all active until the water began to cool. With nothing but cold water left, we bid a hasty retreat and threw on only the barest essentials.

"You hungry?"

"I just had breakfast, what do you have for lunch?" she said smiling as she made coffee.

"Very funny," I said whipping us up some French toast and sausage patties. With breakfast out of the way we relaxed finishing our second cup of coffee.

"You made quite an impression on my boss. She said that you were the first guy that ever turned her down. I figured you'd at least give her a tumble and told her if you did, she wouldn't be disappointed."

"You pimping me out now?"

"Quite the contery, you pimped yourself out, she just took advantage of it. Shelly's in great shape isn't she? She and her husband own three gyms in the Atlanta area and are building another one just outside of Athens. They're great bosses. Now, why the surprise visit? Were your hormones acting up and you needed a little release only the way I can give you? You do know you scared the shit out of the guy I was with. He thought you were a jealous boyfriend and that he was dead meat." She laughed.

"Just hitting a fork in the road and needed to look at the map to see where I'm going." Amber looked at me kind of strange and proceeded to update me on her life.

She was in school getting her degree in exercise science along with revamping all the classes being taught at all the facilities. She loved her high paced life and the nightlife Atlanta offered. Amber had her life all planned out and it appeared that she had her head and ass wired together. She knew what she wanted and exactly how to get it, at least on paper that is.

"Steve, you know there are a ton of good jobs in Atlanta. I know you could find one that probably would pay you a lot more than what you're making now. Besides, you wouldn't have to drive seven hours to get the quality booty call you deserve." She kissed me again.

We spent Saturday talking and catching up. She still made me weak in the knees. That night she outdid herself. By the time the energizer bunny was done with me I was a pool of sweat, drained of every bodily fluid I had in me.

"I'm still the best, aren't I?" I just nodded in agreement, pulled her in close and went to sleep. Life was good for the moment.

She tracked me down in the kitchen just after nine o'clock. Breakfast was made and I had waited for her to get up before starting to eat.

"Damn, I could get use to this type of treatment in a hurry," she said grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting down next to me at the breakfast bar. "I need to get out of here by at least noon. It's a long drive and I hate doing it in the dark."

We had a nice breakfast together and by ten o'clock we were in the shower together. We ended up against the back shower wall kissing and exchanging spit and tongues until, again like yesterday, we ran out of hot water.

"Your turn next time she said getting her stuff together getting ready to leave. Give me a couple of weeks and then come up. If you come up on Friday I'll show you around the town, maybe you can set up a few job interviews," she said with a hopeful tone in her voice.

When I started to say Amber, she stopped me flat.

"No, I don't want to hear it, do you hear me? We can make this happen, I know we can." She knew what I was going to say already. "Seven hours, it's not that damn far. I can be exclusive knowing I'm going to see you every other week. We can make this work." I held her and just wanted to cry.

"I think the world of you and maybe love you but I just can't. My son and family are here and I can't leave them, not yet anyway. You've got plans and are nowhere near ready to settle down just yet. Maybe in a couple of years, who knows?" For the second time in my life I had that hollow feeling in my gut. It wasn't just the sex, which was amazing; it was just so easy being with her.

"Steve, let's just give ourselves some time. Let's not write this off just yet. I told you to keep me on the top of your list and I still mean that. Hell, you're not running away to get married tomorrow, are you? Give it time, that's all I ask." She wasn't taking no for an answer.

I walked her to her car, kissed her, and told her to drive carefully. I threw her bag in the back seat and with a rib crushing hug and another couple of kisses she was gone. I died a little bit more that morning but realized that I couldn't change my life to suite everyone else's needs. I had to live my own life not someone else's.

I gave up my second job and found an apartment close to my parents' house. Right now I am concentrating on putting my life back in order. I set my priorities, which became family, and then work, and life went on. I made sure I saw Danny at least a couple of times a week, and instead of hiding from Becky anymore I faced my anger and got rid of it. Becky is still looking at starting over with me. We have gone out together a few times in the last two months, even as a family.

However, I'm in no hurry to do anything right now and besides Becky has her hands full with Danny and finishing up with school. Will we get back together? I kind of doubt it, something about trust issues but hell, stranger things have happened. Amber? Well she's planning a swing through central Florida in two weeks and has told me to set aside the whole weekend for her. So, I'm working out a little harder at the gym and taking an extra vitamin everyday preparing for her trip. But in the interim, I'm spending Friday night and all day Saturday with Becky at my place. She's calling it a booty call weekend and I'm kind of interested in seeing if she's picked up any new tricks—I know I have.

Have I fully recovered? Not yet. You don't go through a loss like that and walk away unscarred. It still hurts when I think about it, but I no longer drive myself nuts wondering and asking myself 'what if' anymore. I eventually want to settle down and have someone special to share my life with me but I'm not setting any timetable. It'll happen when it happens. Well, I figure that's the way it is suppose to happen, anyway.