Lovers and Friends

Adam ran into the elevator just as the doors began to close. Struggling to keep his grocery bags from getting trapped between the sliding metal, he pulled himself further in and stopped when he felt resistance on his left.

"Sorry Mrs. Sipper." he could feel his face heat up as the older woman glowered at him. He sidled towards his right, making sure not to knock into her with anything else and managed to push his button without further incident. Ignoring the glare still aimed in his direction by his grumpy old neighbor, he focused instead on the meal that he was planning on preparing.

The game would come on at seven so that gave him just over three hours. He had more than enough time to prepare the lasagna for the oven. He'd chop up the salad while it baked then make some garlic bread.

He waited for Mrs. Sipper to step out of the elevator on their floor then walked out behind her. His thoughts turned from food to clothing; he'd wear the faded blue jeans that Sean liked, maybe the--

He froze as he opened his apartment door and came face to face with something out of his nightmares. Sean stood in the middle of the entrance, his arms dropping from an embrace with his ex-lover. The other man still held onto Sean, his head dipped low where Adam imagined he was whispering into Sean's ear.

The tightening in his chest was so stupid he wanted to punch his own face. This shouldn't have come as a surprise. He knew Sean was still in love with that jackass. This arrangement of theirs was only temporary; at least for Sean.

"Sorry, I'll leave." he managed to choke out as Sean's eyes came up to meet his. He was placing the bags by the hall closet, uncaring that the cheese would be spoiled by the time he returned, when Tyler turned to face him as if he'd just realized anyone else was there with them. Adam was momentarily surprised at the hate that was aimed at him in that stare, but really shouldn't have been; it was no secret that Tyler didn't like him. The two men had never gotten along no matter how much Adam had tried to pretend for the sake of his best friend.

He turned and walked out of his apartment, all but running down the hall. Forget the elevator, he turned into the staircase and sped down the stairs; the exertion made his chest burn. Or maybe that was just from trying too hard to keep from crying. He was so stupid. He knew Sean was still in love with his ex. Knew it was only a matter of time before Tyler realized his mistake and begged Sean to come back to him.

He walked aimlessly once he finally reached the outside of the building. The crisp air did nothing to cool his emotions, and he forced himself to breathe calmly, to unclench his fists. The problem was that he'd never felt this way before. He'd always been the one who kept calm, thought rationally, came up with clear-headed solutions. Everything about this thing with Sean made him crazy, to the point where he began to question if his feelings were healthy for the pair of them. This burning jealousy whenever Sean spoke of Tyler, the brimming joy when Sean kissed him, when they made love. The ups and downs were too much to handle and for the first time in his life Adam was struggling to keep contained.

He wasn't sure when he started looking at his friend as more than just someone to laugh and hang out with, but somehow one day he'd been watching Sean animatedly describing one of his new project ideas and he just knew. He'd wanted him, and not just because he was sexy as hell with his tousled blond hair and tan, muscular body. That had been before Tyler, and sometimes Adam wondered if he'd have saved Sean the heartache that jerk had caused if he'd spoken up sooner. Or would Sean have turned him down kindly and had his whirlwind love affair with Tyler anyways? He'd never know and he wasn't sure whether he regretted keeping his mouth shut.

He'd never liked the smooth-talking lawyer, and that was before Sean started dating him. After, well, it was just that much worse to have to deal with him knowing how badly he treated Sean.

Not wanting to return home to find that asshole still there, he made his way to his favourite coffee shop and found a secluded table at the back. He nursed his black, no sugar java and tried not to think about why his careful plans had gone out the window. He had been planning on coming clean to Sean about how he really felt tonight, for better or worse he'd been prepared to come clean with his friend about the fact that he was completely, irrevocably in love with him.

He knew he couldn't do that now. Not with Tyler back in the picture, and man every time he pictured that scene in his living room he wanted to throw up. He'd let his opportunity slide, again. He supposed he'd always have memories, and it wasn't like he was completely losing his friend but that wasn't enough for him anymore. Just like their frequent lovemaking wasn't enough anymore.

Although he supposed it wasn't lovemaking to Sean, so much as a way to scratch an itch in a way that didn't involve him putting his feelings on the line. He was grateful for that, at least. And for Sean's suggestion that night so many months ago. We could take care of each other, Adam, he'd said, climbing onto Adam's lap and shocking the hell out of him. He'd looked a little vulnerable even in his forwardness, as if worried Adam might turn him down. Like that was even a possibility in Adam's mind, at the time all he could think of was getting the guy undressed before he thought things through and changed his mind.

Deciding that taking shelter in a place that was soothing and conducive to quiet thinking had probably been a bad idea, Adam abandoned the rest of this coffee and headed back out into the chilly fall air. He walked aimlessly, making a point of reading every single storefront, street sign and advertisement in sight to try and take his mind off the turmoil in his heart.

It took hours for Adam to feel like he was human enough to return to his apartment. Feeling slightly more like himself, he climbed his way slowly back up the stairs and knocked loudly on the door. When he was certain he'd given enough warning—just in case— he slipped his keys into the lock and took a deep breath before opening his way in.

Sean was the first thing he saw. His sometimes lover was sitting on the couch at the end of the hall, his elbows on his thighs, his head resting in his hands. He looked up as Adam walked in. "Hey." He tried to keep his voice casual, but had to turn to face the door as he locked it to slow his heart rate down.

"I tried to call you," Sean told him from his spot in the other room.

"My phone was off." He didn't elaborate that he'd turned it off in case Sean tried to call. He hadn't wanted to hear his friend's excuses or pity. Now that he saw the worry on Sean's face though he felt like an ass on top of already feeling like a jealous jerk.

"I put the groceries away. I was going to try to make dinner myself but thought that might be a bad idea." Adam forced himself to turn back around and face his friend, attempting a smile at the small joke.

"Yeah, I like my kitchen the way it is, thanks. Black smoke stains wouldn't do much for the décor." He couldn't make the smile stick. The small sense of re-calibration he'd found as he walked seemed to be slipping away from him as he was faced with Sean again. He should have told him how he felt a long time ago, shouldn't have waited for Tyler to come back and destroy everything before it had barely even had a chance to start. Adam really needed to close this conversation and lock himself up in his room...maybe take a bottle of vodka with him.

"He just stopped by to drop off some stuff," Sean explained as Adam's eyes landed on a box by Sean's feet. He tried to ignore the curling anger that snuck back up on him but couldn't, all he could see was Sean enveloped by that hulking mass, his body curled into Tyler like he couldn't get enough of him.

His final inch of control snapped so hard he physically jerked, and was unable to stop himself from stalking towards Sean and dropping to his knees in front of him. He grasped his best friend by the sides of the face and pulled him down, latching onto those full lips hungrily. He was surprised when Sean's mouth parted above his, allowing his tongue to snake in and possess his mouth the way he wanted to possess his body. His hands moved from Sean's neck to his waist, tugging up his polo shirt until they had to break the kiss to free the material. The skin beneath his hands was soft over top the tight muscles. He knew this body so well, had become achingly familiar with it over the past few months. He knew just how hard to nip at Sean's nipples, knew exactly how he liked to be gripped. It was all out the window tonight though. His body was on autopilot and he couldn't stop it even if he wanted to. He forced his mouth away from Sean's and bit at skin as he traveled down that smooth chest, then twirled his tongue around a tight nipple before taking it between his teeth and pulling on it. The moan that came out of Sean's mouth nearly had him losing it in his jeans.

God, he loved those sounds, the audible confirmation that he was enjoying Adam's attention. Wanting to hear Sean moan again, he licked his way down his tight abdomen while his hands busied themselves by freeing him of the dark jeans he wore. He was the one that moaned as Sean's stiff cock popped against his jaw when he pulled the pants and boxers off in one shot.

Needing to taste him, he opened his mouth wide and stared up at Sean as he took in the mushroom head of that deep red flesh. His eyes were closed, his head tilted back. Adam wished he would look at him, watch him as he took that cock deeper into his throat. He wished he could watch those eyes fill with lust for him...with love for him.

Shaking the sappy thoughts out of his head, he re-focused his attention on the hard cock that was penetrating his mouth. He snaked his arm around Sean's thigh, his hand grabbing onto the ass that drove him crazy just to look at. Feeling it under his skin, holding on as the muscles tensed and relaxed underneath him; that was heaven.

"Look at me." he didn't recognize the voice that came out of his own mouth. The eyes that shifted to meet his were full of lust, but suddenly that wasn't enough for Adam. He wanted to claim every inch of Sean's body, to make it clear that he belonged to Adam...if only for now.

Unable to reign in his self-control any longer Adam pulled Sean up against him, so they were connected from waist to shoulders, and devoured that sweet, hot mouth. His dark eyes stayed locked on Sean's sea green ones and he was grateful the other man didn't look away; it would have felt too much like rejection in that moment.

He walked them to his bedroom and all but threw Sean onto his bed, pouncing on him before he'd stopped bouncing from the impact and attacking that mouth again. Too impatient to wait any longer he grabbed the lube from the nightstand and worked it onto his fingers. He pressed a finger against the puckered skin and moaned at the tight heat as it slipped inside, he needed to feel that around his cock, he needed to pound into that beautiful ass. He watched the pleasure on Sean's face as he slipped in another, and then a third finger. Sean's hand came down to grip his own cock and Adam watched him stroke it in long, even movements as he rolled a condom onto himself.

"Do it, please." Sean's voice was as hoarse as it always was when he was turned on. Adam wasn't waiting to be asked again, he placed his thick dick head at Sean's slick opening and watched those green eyes lose focus as he slid home forcefully. Instead of the pleasure he expected at the tightness clutching his dick, Adam's stomach churned in anger; that he wasn't good enough for Sean, that the guy was going to leave him, that he was still in love with that asshole who didn't deserve him. Suddenly, he found himself pounding furiously into Sean, uncaring if he was being rough with him. He gripped the thick cock bouncing against Sean's stomach with each thrust and jerked it hard, causing his friend to buck against the onslaught and dig his head back into the pillow.

Leaning down, Adam grabbed onto the thick, blond chin-length hair with his free hand and pulled Sean's face against his own, kissing him frantically as he kept pounding and jerking. And then he lost complete control, a feeling of disassociation spreading through him as he watched himself transform into someone he didn't want to be.

"Tell me you want me," he growled against Sean's mouth, except he didn't give him a chance to respond. He just kept kissing and sucking and thrusting with his tongue.

"Tell me," he demanded again, this time looking into his friend's eyes as he waited for a response. Sean brought his hands up to Adam's face, framing it lightly and bringing him down for a gentle kiss, then pulling away when Adam tried to deepen it again.

"Yes, I want you." He lost it completely then, his body shooting into full spasms as he came hard into the condom, Sean's hot, tight grip milking him until there was nothing left to give. Sean went over the edge with him, hot ropes of come going all over his hand and stomach.

He came back to himself as he unlatched his hand from Sean's softening cock. What the hell had possessed him to...do that to his best friend? His body started shaking in shame as he pulled out and slipped off the condom. He couldn't look at Sean, just turned and headed into the en-suite, dropping the condom into the trash and staring at the stranger looking back at him in the mirror.

His eyes were hard, his jaw set tightly, his fist clenched to keep his hand from shaking. It was a wonder Sean hadn't run seeing Adam poised over him looking like a feral animal. Not able to stand looking at himself for another second he dropped to a crouch and buried his head in the arms that were braced against the sink in front of him.

He wasn't sure how long he stayed like that, his face buried in the crook of his arms, struggling to keep his emotions in check, waiting for Sean to leave. But Sean didn't leave. The door to the bathroom opened behind him and he felt Sean crouch beside him, a hand pressing gently against his back then rubbing in small circles as if calming a small child. Or an animal. The steady massage circling his back was exactly what he needed to focus on to calm down enough to face his friend again.

"I'm sorry," he managed to get out once he trusted himself to speak. He refused to meet Sean's eyes, though. Just kept his head buried in his arms and spoke to the floor.

"Look at me," his own words were repeated back to him in a much more steady and level tone than he'd used earlier. He supposed it was the least he could do, so he forced himself to meet his friend's eyes.

"I don't need an apology, Adam. I was right there with you."

"No, that was...that wasn't fair to you."

"You didn't do anything I didn't want you to. I'm not sure what you think you did, but I'm not upset with you."

"I was...angry. And I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Using you like that wasn't fair, I'm so sorry," he bit his lip to keep from crying but it was no use, so he just let the tears slip down his face and kept going, "And I'm sorry that I let things get this far. I didn't mean to, but everything you do just makes me crazy and happy and...I don't know what I'll do if you leave me Sean, I really don't. And I know that's not fair to you and I'm sorry about that too, but I love you. I'm so in love with you." He stopped there, his breath hitching as he ran out of steam.

"Adam, look at me, please." he forced himself to look up at his friend again, and the look of sympathy on that face made him sick. He was going to let him down gently, like a great friend would. He couldn't bear that, but sure enough Sean stroked his cheek and began softly, "I can't—"

"We don't have to have this discussion. Let's just pretend it didn't happen, okay. I'm sorry, and I won't ever do that again. Please, just drop it." his friend just watched him seriously for a few moments then shook his head.

"You've had your turn, now it's mine. I think I deserve to be heard at least." He was right, of course. So Adam turned to face the man he loved, took a shaky breath, and prepared to be cut out of his life.

"I can't think straight right now. There are too many emotions rolling around inside for me to make sense of any of them. I thought I was still in love with Tyler until just a few hours ago. I didn't realize I wasn't until I opened the door to find him there holding a box of my junk and felt nothing but... annoyance, actually. That he hadn't called first and then that he just assumed I'd jump right back into his arms when he decided he did want me after all. So stupid I've been this whole time, wasting my time on such a jerk. It was such a relief to know that he didn't matter anymore, but then you walked in and the look on your face..." Adam closed his eyes tightly, imagining what kind of horror Sean had seen in his face.

The feel of his friend's hand on his jaw had him opening his eyes again. Sean's fingers traced his lips, then his hand cupped Adam's face. "I didn't know how you felt until that moment, and I'm still trying to process it all. So, I can't say it back. Not yet. I don't know if...when I will, but I'm not leaving. I want to give us a shot, if you'll let me."

He just blinked dumbly up at Sean for a few moments until the words sank in. "Are you sure?" he asked, immediately wanting to kick his own ass for placing any doubts into the guy's mind.

"Yes, I'm sure. You've been amazing, as a lover and as a friend. And we've pretty much been together anyways, only without the title and obligatory relationship commitments. I want to make it official."

He watched Sean's mouth come closer then closed his eyes as it pressed gently against his in the sweetest kiss he'd ever received.

"Now, how about a nice, hot bath. You're shivering." He wasn't about to tell him it wasn't from cold, so he allowed himself to be led to the edge of the tub as hot water was poured and bubbles added. Then he slipped in and opened his arms in encouragement, a smile spreading over his face when Sean stripped back out of his boxers and joined him. It hadn't exactly been the nice dinner and game he'd had planned for the evening, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to be disappointed about that.   Three months later...

Adam closed the apartment door behind him, dropping his briefcase and rolling his neck in exhaustion. What a hell of a day. He wanted a quick dinner and a bath to soothe his aching muscles and then to sprawl on the couch next to Sean, probably fall asleep pretending to watch TV before going off to bed and most decidedly not sleeping.

He walked into the kitchen—and stopped dead. The table was set for two, a candle burning in the middle, a decanter of red off to the side, a salad sitting in the center waiting to be served. He hadn't noticed when he first came in, but now he inhaled the scent of cooking meat. Sean walked in from the other end of the room, a pair of wine glasses in his hands.

"Oh, hey. I wasn't sure what time you were getting home, I know you said you'd be home late but...anyways, have a seat. Dinner's ready." He looked nervous, standing there behind the chair he'd pulled out for Adam as he spoke. But why shouldn't he be, he was the self-professed world's worst cook, and something as simple as preparing a salad and pasta would have sent him into a nervous fit. This definitely didn't smell like pasta, and Adam was pleasantly surprised that the apartment hadn't burned down and the food actually smelled quite appetizing. "Sit," Sean said, indicating the chair. Adam headed over and pressed a kiss to Sean's lips before taking a seat.