Love's a Bitch, then We all Die Ch. 01

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want to get you involved. The things I saw in there..." he paused, shaking his head. "I didn't tell anyone about you. I wanted you off of their radar. I don't have any other family, Allison.

I wasn't sure how to take that so I stayed quiet, though I'm sure my expression must have said something along the lines of 'well aren't you just a fuck-head,' because he sighed again.

"Ally, I'm sorry. That came out wrong. Look, I should have told you. I know that, but I was afraid of losing you. I wanted to protect you. I didn't want to see you get hurt because of my job."

"I was killed by a fucking champagne cork, not the Columbian drug cartel, Garrett."

"Jesus Christ, Ally, you still don't give an inch do you?"

"I'm a reaper not a saint, Garrett."

"Yeah, and dead you're an even bigger pain in the ass."

"That still doesn't explain why you left me on the altar."

I glared some more. He glared back.

"Goddamnit, I didn't walk out on you! The case got blown wide open by an informant on the inside a day before the wedding. My cover was blown and our star witness and my partner were killed by car bomb planted in our vehicle. Because I was the lead detective on the case I had to transport the other remaining witness into protective custody." His expression tightened as he looked down into my eyes. "I had to transport him out of state."

"On you wedding day?!"

"They didn't give me a choice Allison."

"You could have at least called me, Garrett! How long would it have taken to make a damn phone call and say hey, sorry, Al, but you'll have to cut the cake without me because I have to escort drug-boy into hiding?!"

"I was going to call you but then I started thinking that it could have been you who was killed, and how you were marrying a man who didn't exist and how one day I might not come home and then you would find out the whole truth of who I really was and everything would just go to hell in a hand-basket."

He paused, his expression sobering as he looked down at me. His thumb feathered across my hairline, making my skin prickle with awareness. I inhaled sharply when his thumb traced down over my cheekbone to move gently back and forth over my lips.

"I was going to tell you when I got home but ... you were dead."

Sorrow flooded his features and I felt my heart tug. I didn't want to cry, damnit. I didn't want to feel a damn thing. I wanted to be angry, to tell him what an asshole he was for lying to me no matter what the reason. I needed to be mad, because resentment and rage were easier to deal with then the sudden overwhelming wave of sorrow that swept through me when his jaw tightened in the way it always had when he was fighting deep emotion.

I pulled my hands free, putting them over my face for a moment, willing myself to stay strong. I took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of my hand lotion. I needed something to focus on, anything other than the knot in my chest that felt like it was going to uncoil any minute now and let chaos break loose.

"Ally," he said gently. "I'm sorry. I can never tell you how sorry I am. I was stupid. I know that and I don't expect you to forgive me. I just need you to understand that I never stopped loving you. I always wanted a life with you. I wanted that more than I have ever wanted anything my life. I still want you."

My heart wasn't supposed to beat, but it broke with every word that fell from his mouth. I couldn't believe this was happening. Mr. Murphy had apparently set his sights on me to make me the prime example of how his laws worked.

My throat clenched but I couldn't let in the softer emotions because I knew as soon as I did, I was going to break and I didn't want him to see me break. He had reasons for leaving but it didn't erase the fact that I was dead and stuck here, while he got to move into the light as soon as he stopped being an asshole. Because he'd lied to me, my life was over. Maybe that was a bit melodramatic and unfair, but damnit, I had a right to be selfish tonight.

"I can't believe you lied to me."

"I said I was sorry."

"Right."

"Goddamnit, Allison!" he yelled. "I am trying here. I fucked up and I am sorry all right? I am sorrier than you will ever know. I quit the damn agency when I found out you'd died and I joined the dregs of the local department's narcotics division because I was hoping that maybe some junkie would do exactly what that son-of-a-bitch J.B did tonight; just end it all and then I wouldn't have to keep seeing your face every night when I went to bed."

He swore as he abruptly let me go, pulling away. "Forget it. This is bullshit. I should have gone into that goddamn light."

"Yea, well..."

I fumbled, at a loss of what to say. I sat up and just watched him walk to the window, oblivious that he was standing in the middle of my desk.

"Do you love me, Ally?"

"What?"

"It's a simple question."

"Garrett, look. This has been a crazy night and I don't think that this is a conversation that we should be having right now. I need to get a beer."

I stood up and walked out before he could protest, but instead of going to the kitchen, I moved into the living room and sat on the couch, tucking my knees up to my chest. I turned the T.V on, flipping absently through the channels. I needed a distraction, any distraction. I would even have settled for the Corpse Bride tonight, but the only thing on was infomercials for the Magic Bullet. I couldn't fix my love life or my afterlife but I could make fabulous guacamole in less than 3 click of dildo shaped plastic.

I turned off the T.V. with a sigh then jumped as Garrett appeared in front of me. I hated it when spirits did that. It was disconcerting as hell.

He knelt down in front of me, his eyes focused on mine as he took my hands between his, twining our fingers together. "Ally," he said quietly, "do you love me?"

I didn't know what to say. I felt myself torn with the emotions that I had avoided for the past five years. I wasn't the emotional, girly type of woman. Maybe I had been once, but that had been a long time ago and that girl was dead. I was part of the undead now and we couldn't afford to get involved or cling to our old lives because it just created complications and I didn't need any more complications. Especially not beautiful ones with soulful eyes that made me regret ever having opened that damn champagne bottle.

When I didn't answer, he reached up, his hand tangling gently into my hair. He tightened his hold to gently bring me down an inch before he leaned up. He hesitated and I felt his breath over my mouth, hovering there for a moment. I didn't know what to do. We had crossed a line somewhere and I couldn't think clearly enough to get back to it so I let him lead me.

His mouth brushed slowly over mine, just a brief touch as if he was feeling me out, waiting for me to tell him to go to hell again. I knew I should, but instead I opened for him, allowing him to deepen the kiss, his tongue a brief wet tease that was sexy as hell across my lower lip. I exhaled into his mouth, feeling him smile before he stroked his tongue against mine with the confidence he had always shown around me, taking me into his arms and stretching me out on the couch beneath him.

My god, I had missed this. We had never done anything that had defied my father's 'one foot on the floor at all times' rule, but I had forgotten how intimate a kiss could be. Lips and warm, wet heat that sent a wave of pleasure through my body as he brushed his mouth down the column of my throat and then moved back up to nip my earlobe. He teased it with his teeth and tongue, whispering in my ear that he was going to work every part of my body in the same way, making up for lost time.

I knew I should stop him. I was breaking more rules than I wanted to think about right now, but I couldn't seem to stop my hands from moving down the warm solid muscle of his back, feeling his strength before I pushed the jacket off of his shoulders. He shrugged out of it and then grinned down at me as he dragged his tee shirt over his head.

I felt my mouth go dry and my hormones kick into high gear, yelling 'Oh boy!' as my gaze slid over a strong, muscled chest with the same light furring of hair that darkened into a happy trail that I wanted to trace all the way to wherever X marked the spot. I'd never felt like this before, not even when I was fantasizing with my favorite purple latex friend.

I was burning up from the inside and all rhyme and reason had been tossed into jail to hang out for a bit while I crossed GO and took the game to a whole new level. His tongue playfully stroked across my collarbone as his hands moved down over the front of my body, cupping my breasts through my tee shirt until I arched into his hands. I heard myself whimper and felt his resulting groan vibrate against my skin as he kissed between them, leaving the damp imprint of his mouth.

"God I've missed you, Allison." He moved down my body, pressing one kiss at a time before he started to ease my tee shirt up inch by inch. The feel of his warm, calloused fingers brushing against my skin was driving me mad, a tantalizing difference in texture that made me thankful that we'd waited. Five years had taught the boy something about finesse. I reminded myself to ask him later if he had been reading my old Harlequin novels again.

"I wanted to call you the moment I left town. It didn't hit me till I woke up and didn't have you curled beside me in those ridiculous sweatpants you insisted on wearing when you slept over."

I grinned as he looked up at me, my hand tracing over the side of his jaw as he brought up the outfit I had dubbed my 'modern chastity belt'." It had worked because he had always stopped when I told him to, but now I wondered why the hell I had ever wanted him to.

"I think I may still have those somewhere."

"If they touch your skin tonight they're going into some homeless guy's fire can," he growled, silencing my laughter with a rough kiss that stole the breath right out of my lungs, my body dripping with a need that had been on hold for five years. I moaned into his mouth, dragging his hands back up to my breasts so he could cover them with his bare hands, making my body tighten.

His lips trailed to my ear again, caressing the curve with sensual flicks of his tongue that made my mind go out to lunch. I felt his body stir to life, pressing firm against me through the abrasive fabric of his jeans. I wanted him out of them and I wanted it now. If there was ever a time for him to use the ghostly poof trick, it was at this moment, but he denied me, smiling as he teased.

I gasped as his fingers grazed the rigid tips of my breasts, stroking with slow, deliberate touches around the mounds of my breasts. He was driving me crazy and he knew it. I slid my fingers into his hair, holding him in place as his lips found one peaked nipple and latched on, using his teeth to mold and suck me as spasms of pleasure shot through my body.

"Oh my God... This is what I've been missing? Why the hell didn't you tell me before?"

"Because you'd never shut up."

"Well shut me up now!"

His grin widened, slow and sexy and so familiar I felt my heart ache.

He sat back for a moment, sitting me up so he could pull the tee shirt over my head, letting it slide to the floor in a forgotten pile of faded cotton. His breath caught when I sat there, nothing between us except his jeans. He stared like a deer caught in headlights and I felt myself smiling. I mentally gave myself a hive five that I still had the ability to silence him and then dragged him back down over me.

"God you're beautiful, Ally."

"Save the pillow talk, lover boy. I need you in me. It aches so bad, Garrett."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"Show me where. Show me how you want me to touch you, Ally."

"I thought this was your show."

He grinned as he sat back. "It is my show. I waited five years for this, baby. I want you begging. I want you so wet that you're screaming with it so when I take you, you'll explode around my cock. I am going to love and fuck you until you can't take anymore. I want to feel you clamping down, sucking me in deeper, urging me harder, faster till I explode and you milk me dry..."

Well damn.

I felt my eyes widen, my body flaring into a full body blush. He chuckled, pleased with himself in that purely masculine way that should be irritating but is just so sexy you let it go till you can think straight again "Show me how you want to be touched, Allison. Spread your legs for me, baby. I want to watch."

I didn't protest. I felt embarrassed as hell, but I wasn't a stranger to my own body and it was what he wanted. No. It was what I wanted. I wanted to give him this pleasure before sanity returned and I realized what a mistake I was making. I wanted to please him.You want to love him.

I told that annoying little voice to go fuck itself and then slowly let my hand slide down my belly, keeping my gaze locked with his. I saw his eyes darken with arousal as I bent my knees and spread my legs apart so he could watch as my fingers circled my belly button and then moved between my thighs.

I could feel the heat emanating from my pussy and I had to bite back the urge to let go right there with those hot, intent eyes focused on my hand as I slid my fingers through my slit, groaning with the slickness I found. I dipped the tip of one finger into me, smiling when his breath caught. I dipped it deeper, feeling the greedy walls of my wanton pussy sucking it in till I cried out.

I should have felt exposed and vulnerable, but instead I felt sexier and more powerful than I ever had. He wanted me. I could see it in his eyes, in the way his throat worked as I drew my finger out and dragged it across my lips. He growled as I sucked it clean and then circled my clit, my body arching.

"I can't believe I walked away from this."

"I can't believe you still have your pants on!"

"I'm trying to keep control here."

"You're going to miss me then because my control's almost gone," I heard the breathiness in my voice and knew he heard it too. I was struggling to keep my eyes open and on his face as I strummed my little nub the way I liked it, using my other hand to pump three fingers into me fast and hard. I could feel my inner walls beginning to tense, the pressure building, signaling that the fireworks were going to begin.

I cried out as he suddenly pulled my hand away, replacing it with his mouth. He blew cool air over my wet skin till I shivered and then breathed warm air for a contrast. I gasped as he swore and then dove in, devouring my pussy lips the way he had taken my mouth; hot and demanding, licking into me to suck me into his mouth, his hands firmly holding my thighs down so I couldn't move even if I'd wanted to.

He curled his tongue around my clit and sucked, his finger pushing into me to the knuckle. There was a brief moment of pain and then only pleasure as he curved his finger upwards till he touched something so good I screamed out.

He growled into my flesh, urging my orgasm in a shining wave that rushed over me like the sea at the shore, knocking the wind right out of me as my nails sunk into his shoulders.

I heard someone screaming and realized it was me when I collapsed, my throat sore and my body still strumming with pleasure. I closed my eyes, trying to remember how to breathe. I felt Garrett shift, moving to lay over me, the feel of his warm thick cock against my leg telling me he had fought the good fight but now it was time to put up or shut up.

"I need you, Ally. God, I need you."

"Then take me. I'm all yours."

He smiled and leaned down to kiss me, another damp, bone-melting kiss. I tightened my legs around him, feeling him so hard and so ready. It was all going to be all right. We were together now and nothing could take that away...

"Oh my God!"

Garrett and I jumped apart, him hitting the floor as the lights came on. I grabbed for my tee shirt as Miranda just stood there, her eyes wide as saucers. She looked from me to Garrett and repeated her first sentiment, before she shook her head.

"I'm not seeing this. I'm so not seeing this. Not tonight and definitely not tomorrow morning. All I am going to see is the inside of my eyelids and when I wake up, I will not see this."

She walked out of the room and I felt the deceptive illusion of the past hour shatter.

Jesus Christ. What was I doing?

I sat up and shoved Garrett's clothes at him, then pushed him away from me as I clutched my tee shirt over my body, my feeling of empowermentne with Scarlett and Rhett in the wind. "You really need to go."

"Allison, please. Lets talk about this."

"No, no talking, no nothing. We've done enough for tonight."

"Allison.."

No," I repeated more firmly. I sounded in control, not like I was fighting back tears. Go me.

"I am going to bed. Alone. I expect to wake up alone. You can stay here tonight if you want to but don't let Miranda see you. Tomorrow I will talk to Cassandra and figure this thing out."

"We already figured it out."

"No, we just complicated things and I don't need that. Not tonight. Not ever. Now just stay."

He started to protest but I fled to my room and locked the door. I jumped into my bed and pulled the covers half over my head, watching the door. I half expected him to follow me. For the first time in our relationship, he had actually obeyed. I smiled then started to sob.

Apparently it was a night of firsts.