Loving Hannah

"If that's what you want, ring your solicitor now. You have your mobile."

I rang him. He had a free slot in ten minutes. We both went in to see him. I handed over the copy of the will. He read it quickly, too quickly, and looked at me.

"Well Simon, what do you want to do?"

"I think I should accept. Do you see any problem?"

"None at all. I have had a copy of this for a few days. I have looked hard and I can't see anything to worry about."

"Now what?"

"Formally - you have to prove that you are the person mentioned in the will. You have to make a witnessed statement of acceptance. That is it. You will be paid one hundred thousand pounds and given the keys of the house. Then nothing else happens until the year is up."

"How do I prove ..."

"I have already done that for you. Here is the statement that you have to sign. We can go round the corner to another solicitor's office. He will witness your signature. It can be done in the next ten minutes."

I shook myself. This wasn't real. Kay stroked my hand.

"I'll do it. Now."

"I'll just check the other solicitor is available."

He picked up the phone. A short conversation and then we three walked round the corner to the other office. I signed the acceptance. We walked back. He rang Hannah's solicitor.

"Hannah's solicitor can see you now. Give him the statement. He will do the rest."

Kay waited outside this time. I came out in minutes with a set of keys and a cheque for one hundred thousand pounds. We walked to my bank and deposited the cheque. The cashier treated the cheque just as if it was for a hundred pounds, not one hundred thousand.

I left my car because I was shaking too much. Kay drove me in her car to Hannah's house. I opened the door and we walked in. It smelt dusty but Hannah's perfume was still faintly present.

We went into every room. Hannah's bedroom was the most difficult for me. I remembered the pleasant experiences but much more vividly the near-death encounters with Hannah's tits and pussy. Hannah's floor length poly-cotton slip was draped on the bed. At least it wasn't that evening dress which had nearly been fatal to Kay and me. I vaguely wondered what had happened to it. Hannah had taken it with her when she left my flat. Had it been thrown away? I hoped that it had. That dress held too many painful memories.

Kay and I went to the kitchen. The fridge was disgusting. The power had been switched off and the contents were covered with mould. I turned the power back on at the main switch.

The fridge changed my mood. After all I had lived in this house for a month. Hannah would have been horrified. Her house was always clean and tidy. I started clearing out the fridge while Kay opened windows. By the time I had cleaned that fridge I could hear a vacuum cleaner hard at work.

After a couple of hours the house looked more as it should. The garden wasn't as bad as it could have been. Kay and I strolled around it. Someone had mowed the lawn and done some basic weeding. There was work to do but much less than there might have been. One of the neighbours noticed us and came over.

"Hello, Simon. Are you the new owner?"

"Not yet, George, but I will be living here. Can you tell me who has been looking after the garden?"

"Hannah's gardener has kept coming. I think he is worried that he might not be paid but he wanted to make a good impression on the new owners."

"He'll be paid. He has saved me a lot of work."

The neighbour wanted to find out more, particularly how Kay fitted into the new arrangements but I was careful not to say too much. It was an odd situation. I didn't own the house yet. I suppose I was Hannah's tenant - rent free.

Kay volunteered to get some milk. She drove off to the nearest supermarket. While she was gone I cleaned the rest of the kitchen. It was fairly easy. Apart from a light film of dust it was basically in good order. There was some washing in the machine. I put the detergent in and started it.

When Kay came back we made coffee. It still felt as if I was in Hannah's kitchen but the cleaning had given me a sense of starting to establish my ownership. A few changes here and there would make a great difference. I had to live here for a year. I should start tonight. Kay agreed. She drove me back to my flat. I packed an overnight bag. On the way back to the house I collected my car. I wasn't shaking. I had made my decision and would live by it.

Kay wasn't sure that she should leave me alone on the first night but she had arranged to visit a friend that evening for a girly chat about the friend's forthcoming wedding. I told her to go and come back in the morning.

Alone in the house I wasn't so sure that I had been right to send Kay away. Hannah's presence was everywhere. I felt sorry for her but I also remembered just how scared of her I had been.

I emptied the washing machine and hung Hannah's clothes on the drying rack suspended from the kitchen ceiling. I continued cleaning the house carefully. Why shouldn't I? It would be MY house. Kay had cleaned the upstairs rooms. I vacuumed the landing stairs and hall. I left the living and dining rooms until tomorrow. I sat down in the dusty living room to watch TV.

About eleven I decided to go to bed. Which bed? Hannah's bed would be the most comfortable. I braced myself and went upstairs. I went to the bathroom washed and cleaned my teeth. Only then did I remember that Hannah's bedroom had an en-suite bathroom. I left my toilet bag where it was. Kay had cleaned the bathroom. Had she cleaned the en-suite room? It didn't matter. I would look tomorrow.

In the bedroom something had changed. It took a few seconds thought. Kay had put Hannah's long slip away. I pulled back the bedcovers and jumped back in shock. Hannah's black nylon night-dress was neatly folded under the sheet. The night-dress that had stopped me saying the safe word that first night of bondage.

I picked it up as if it was a live snake and put on the dressing table. I checked under the pillows for more surprises. Nothing. I got into bed and turned out the light. I was asleep in minutes.

*****

When I woke it was still dark. What had woken me? I felt a soft caress as if I was being stroked with something silky. I couldn't see or hear anything. I wanted to ask who was there but at first I didn't dare. The stroking continued. It was stimulating me to an erection. Had Kay changed her mind? I nerved myself to speak and opened my mouth. A wad of soft material filled it.

I choked and spluttered. The material was pushed further in and wound tightly around my head. I was gagged. Gagged just as Hannah had gagged me with her black night-dress. That was it. The stroking had been done with Hannah's night-dress. That was impossible. This must be a nightmare. I was re-living that first night.

I must wake up. I opened my eyes to blackness. Not the ordinary blackness of the bedroom but much darker. I couldn't see a thing. I wanted to lift my hands to pull the gag away. My hands would not move.

I felt a heavy body across my chest. It was cold, so cold. It wriggled down and my erect tool was plunged into the coldness. I should have lost the erection with that sudden cold. It felt like an ice pack from the depths of a cold freezer. The coldness clamped around me and the cold body pumped up and down. Heavy breasts slapped against me raising goosepimples at each contact.

If this was a nightmare it was more realistic than any I had ever had. I could feel the weight, the movement and the muscle play of this woman. Then her perfume reached my nose. Hannah's perfume!

Even now I still believed this was a bad dream. Hannah, if it was Hannah, provoked my orgasm within less than a minute of the gag entering my mouth. Once I had juddered to a climax the nightmare vanished as if it had never been.

I felt around carefully. If it had been a wet dream there should be a wet patch. There wasn't. It couldn't have been real. I reached out and turned on the light. I would have screamed but I couldn't. I was still tightly gagged with the black night-dress that I had left on the dressing table. I struggled to untie it. I pulled it out of my mouth and threw it across the room. I staggered into the en-suite room and was violently sick until the empty retching stopped.

I went back to bed and much later to sleep with the light still on. In the morning I started to rationalise the experience. Yesterday had been a shock which had revived my memories of Hannah. Perhaps I had been sleepwalking and had gagged myself? That must have been it. My brain was trying to deal with the events of yesterday and the reminders of Hannah.

I removed the vomit from the en-suite and sprayed air-freshener around. When Kay arrived after breakfast I didn't say a word about last night's experience. The rest of that day we were too busy cleaning, sorting and moving. I brought all my clothes and really important possessions from the flat. The clothes were a problem. The wardrobes and drawers were full of Hannah's clothes. Opening a wardrobe door and finding the dresses Hannah had worn when with me was not pleasant. I left my clothes in the suitcases.

The only surprise that day was the garage. I had forgotten about Hannah's car. It was not a car one should forget - a bright red Jaguar E-type convertible. It was an early model in concours condition and the only thing that might have suggested that Hannah had money. I found the keys hanging with others in the kitchen. I had never been in Hannah's garage. From the road it was wide enough for two cars. From the back garden it was hidden behind a trellis with climbing plants. There was a short passageway from the hall to an internal door labelled "garage".

Kay and I went into the garage. I stopped still. It was gloomy until I found the light switch but I could see that the garage was large, much larger than I thought. When the lights came on there were four cars and several motorcycles. Most were covered by plastic bubble tents. The Jaguar was against the front garage door.

We walked around disbelieving. The Jaguar was in good company. The other cars were a 1940s Bristol, a Lotus Seven and a massive 1930s Packard. The motorcycles were a Brough Superior, a Vincent Black Shadow, a four pipe Ariel Square Four and a Panther 100 with single seat sidecar. If Hannah had ridden or driven any except the Jaguar she would have been very noticeable. The Packard looked as long as a bus or a modern stretch limousine. The wheels were massive. I wouldn't want to lift one of those wheels out of the dual sidemounts without a block and tackle.

Who did they belong to? If I survived the year they would be mine, but now? They were part of Hannah's estate. Could I use them? I coveted them all.

Then I felt ashamed. They had meant nothing to Hannah if she couldn't have me. If I had them, now or in a year's time, then I had her to thank for them. I couldn't love the fierce Hannah. I could remember the gentle Hannah from time to time. The fierce Hannah had lasted five days in total. The gentle Hannah had been with me for months as a friend and a month as a lover. I turned to leave the garage.

"Aren't you going to look them over?" Kay sounded surprised.

"I'd like to ..." I choked on my feelings for the gentle Hannah.

"What's wrong?"

"I was thinking of Hannah. She had everything but couldn't have the love she wanted."

"She did try to kill you and me."

"I know. I know. There should have been someone for Hannah. Not me, but someone. There wasn't. I just wish there had been."

Kay hugged me and kissed my cheek.

"You have someone. Me."

I hugged her back.

"I am very happy with Kay. I wish Hannah had been as happy."

"Come on. Back to the house. There is more sorting to do."

I felt better once we were back cleaning and dusting. I started on the dining room. Kay continued upstairs.

She walked in clutching Hannah's black night-dress. I shuddered.

"Simon. Why was this on the bedroom floor?"

I sat down. My legs felt suddenly weak. Kay saw my distress and rushed to me. I leant against her.

"I found it in the bed last night. It was a shock."

Kay understood. During the months after Hannah's death she had gradually extracted from me most of what had happened. After the inquest she had insisted on knowing all the details I hadn't told before.

"She used this on the first night?"

I nodded.

"I can understand that it was a shock but why is it damp?"

I blurted out last night's nightmare and my rationalisation.

"I knew I should have been with you last night. That does it. Tonight I will be here with you. I'll keep the nightmares away. As for this night-dress: it is going in the washing machine. Now."

By the evening the whole house except the living room was clean and tidy. We went out for a meal with some friends. We enjoyed ourselves and last night's dream seemed just that: a dream.

In bed I wore nothing. Kay had pyjamas with a crop top and shorts. She lay on my shoulder but rolled away soon after she went to sleep. I turned my back on her and slept.

I woke abruptly. I was vaguely aware of a faint mewing sound from Kay but I had more immediate worries. A soft silky scarf was already tightly wrapped over my mouth and more coils followed. I couldn't move as the scarf was knotted with cold fingers ...

I was terrified. Kay had been no protection. My terror peaked as I heard Hannah's voice inside my head.

"Don't worry about Kay, Simon. I haven't harmed her. I won't. I know now that she had nothing to do with your decision to leave me. I don't want her to interfere so I have made sure she won't. It is you and me."

"What do you want?" I thought at her.

"Good. We can communicate. I want YOU."

"How? You are dead. I'm not."

"Not yet you aren't. You will be eventually. I want you sooner than that. I can do things to you."

A cold hand stroked my flaccid prick.

"You can't do anything to me. Even when I was alive you couldn't. I love you, Simon."

"No you didn't!" I shouted in my head "People who love do NOT kill those they love. If you can, see what Kay feels about love. She is here tonight because she loves me. She would protect me if she could. I would protect her. That is love. You need love, Hannah. You need someone who can love you as you are. I didn't know what you were really like until you attacked me. That killed stone dead the love I might have had. Now all I feel is pity for you."

I was pleading for my life. Hannah had said she wouldn't harm Kay. Hannah used to mean what she said. Did dead Hannah follow the same rules?

"I don't want your pity!" The voice in my head was savage.

"That is all I can give you. Alive or dead, pity is all you will get from me. Beyond that there is only regret that you had no one for you."

I could feel that my regret had hurt Hannah. Her pain washed over me. If only I could take her pain away.

There was a long silence. I could feel Hannah's ice-cold body lying on me. I could hear Kay's faint mewing beside me. I waited. This was the crisis for Hannah and me. She held all the aces. I was gagged, bound and immobile. I could do nothing to her. She could do anything to me.

Hannah's thought spoke in my head. This was the voice of the Hannah I had loved.

"I am sorry, Simon. I wanted love so much. I wanted you. Now I know that I wanted love, any love. You were the first who tried. There might have been someone else but I wasn't willing to let you go and start again. Now I must."

I kept my mind still. Waiting.

"For the love you tried to give me; for the pity you feel; for the regret you have that I did not find love and last but not least for the love that you and Kay have found ... I will let you go and let you live. Remember me, please, as I was when we started."

"I will, Hannah, I will."

"You remember that we agreed a safe word?"

"Yes."

"Each time I made very sure that you could not say it. You cannot say it now, can you?"

"No. You have gagged me again."

"Think it then."

"Before I do, what will happen to you?"

"I will release you and never torment you again."

"Do you have to go completely?"

Hannah's voice was wistful.

"If that is what you want."

"And if that is NOT what I want?"

"I could come when you want me. Not as a lover, not as a succubus, but as a friendly presence. I could be like Kay was to you before I died, a friend that you could share your joys and sorrows with, a friend who would listen without criticising, a friend who could know all about you and still be your friend."

"What about Kay? I love her."

"I know you do. If she wants you could share me. Kay?"

"Yes, Hannah. I have heard everything that has happened between you and Simon. I want to share Hannah as a friend and lose Hannah as an enemy."

"Thank you Kay. Simon?"

"I want you to be there as a friend. I hope you find love. What do I do?"

"Think the word."

"Succubus."

I could move. Hannah's cold body lifted from me. I was still gagged but my arms and legs were free. I felt Kay moving beside me.

"Hannah?"

"Yes Simon."

"Can you ungag me?"

"No Simon. I can only gag you, as I have Kay, when I am driven by hate. Now you have broken that hate I cannot undo what I did then. There are some things I can do ..."

A warm soft hand stroked my forehead. I flinched until I realised the warmth. As the stroking continued I was aware that Kay was being caressed as well.

"Like it? It is better with a warm hand, isn't it?"

"Yes." Kay and I chorused in our minds.

"I was cold with the hate. Now as a friend I can be warm. Now I must leave you two with your love. When you want me, just think of me."

Hannah was gone like the turning out of a light. I wanted to ungag myself. I couldn't get at the knot. Kay couldn't undo hers. She was gagged with her own panties and bra. We ungagged each other.

"Did you ...?" we asked each other.

We lay in Hannah's bed talking most of the night. Kay had "heard" the whole conversation between Hannah and me but could not participate until Hannah let her.

Kay and I made love slowly and gently. I was still bruised from the previous night's encounter with Hannah. The next morning I felt wonderful, better than I had for months. Kay was full of energy as well. My bruises had vanished. How?

"I think Hannah had something to do with those vanishing bruises."

"I think so too. Shall I ask her, Kay?"

"We'll ask her."

We stood side by side with our arms round each other.

"Hannah!" we thought together.

"I'm here."

"Did you heal Simon's bruises?"

"Yes Kay. I did that when I stroked his forehead last night."

"Thank you, Hannah." I said. "That was a friendly thing to do."

"Don't expect too much. I can only heal injuries I caused. I can make you feel better but I can't heal other injuries."

"We both feel better, Hannah. Thank you from both of us." said Kay.

"Would you like a hug?" I said daringly.

"Please."

Kay and I felt Hannah press against us. We clasped our arms around warm flesh that we could not see. We rested our heads on Hannah's invisible shoulders. I cried on Hannah's shoulder. She and Kay comforted me.

From then on we shared our lives with Hannah. We grew to love the new Hannah and in her way she loved us.

Kay and I married shortly after the year was up and I claimed Hannah's estate. We felt Hannah standing behind us at the altar. We gave her a hug while we were waiting to sign the register. It might have looked odd to the other people there but it meant a lot to us.

We never spoke about Hannah. People would have thought us mad. All we did that was strange was that we put flowers on Hannah's grave on her birthday and on our wedding anniversaries.

We were not surprised when our children each had an invisible friend called "Hannah".