Loving James Ch. 05

I shrugged and grinned. Because he loved me and I couldn't believe it. Because this was wonderful and perfect and he was here in my arms. "No reason." Alex looked at me suspiciously, but finally sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." He said, but he couldn't hide a smile.

"Shut up and kiss me." I told him with a grin, and stole another kiss.

A suitable amount of time down the track:

James:

"I love you." I breathed, kissing his cheek.

"Yeah, yeah." Alex mumbled as if he didn't really care, but his arms were tight around me. After having sex with him for this long I thought I could read his body language pretty well, and right now I was pretty sure he was loving this. He would never admit to it, but he went all dopey and soft after sex. Mostly it wasn't such a dramatic change as today, but I always enjoyed it.

I kissed down his neck. Alex arched his head back as if to give me more room. I grazed my teeth across his skin and he hissed.

"No biting." He said in a low voice. "I had enough trouble last time you bit me."

"That was just one little teeny love bite." I murmured.

Alex mumbled something grumbly in return but I didn't catch it. I probably wasn't supposed to. His fingers were sliding through my hair and I was so relaxed and warm. This was perfect.

I waited for a while until we'd both cooled off a bit before I spoke again.

"I got you something." I murmured, tracing a line from Alex's ear, down his neck to his nipple. My heart was pounding against my ribs. Ok. So maybe I hadn't really cooled off after all.

"We said no presents!" Alex said sharply, looking more alarmed than anything. I guessed he certainly hadn't got me anything. I didn't care. I hadn't expected him to. But seriously. He should have known me better than that.

"It's not an anniversary present." I told him firmly. He just glared at me and stretched his arms above his head.

I got out of his bed crossed the room. I knew where the box was, wrapped in my fleecy jumper tucked at the bottom of my bag. I'd been paranoid about losing it all day.

I unwound the jumper and pulled out the box. It felt so small and insignificant in my hand.

The space between us felt huge. Alex was throwing our discarded clothes off the bed. Then I crossed back, holding the box in front of me and his eyes fixed on my hands.

"That had better not be jewellery." Alex said flatly as I got close.

I looked down at the black velvet box in my hand, back at his blue eyes.

I wasn't sure what I supposed to say to that. I couldn't deny it. I couldn't believe he'd said that. What the hell else did he think was in a box like this? Wasn't he pleased?

Now what? Was I supposed to put it back in my bag? Tell him to forget it? But we'd know, we'd both know...

And why would he say that, anyway? Why would he...?

After a moment of me staring at him, his expression suddenly changed.

His eyes widened suddenly and he hastily sat up. "I didn't- James... I didn't mean..."

I swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry." He went on, his voice strangled and odd. "That was so stupid. I'm such an idiot, I always ruin everything. Forget I opened my fat mouth. Forget I said anything. Start again? Please?" He looked as frightened as I'd ever seen him, and that actually reassured me.

I nodded.

"Alex." I said, and he nodded, holding my gaze intently. He looked kind of petrified. I had to grin and some of the tension passed. I sat on the bed next to him and looked down at him.

He blinked, and his eyes softened. He was letting me see him. Actually see him, and not his bravado and his comebacks and the person he'd constructed around himself.

"I got you this. Because I love you. Because you are all I want and all I need and being with you makes me incredibly happy and I never want to be without you."

I held the box out to him, and he looked at the box and then back at me with the shyest glance I'd ever seen from him. He reached fingers out for it but I didn't let the box go when he gripped it. We both sat there, holding it between us.

"If you don't like it, we can change it." I whispered, then let go.

Alex looked at the black box in his hands for a moment, then he drew a breath and slowly opened it.

The platinum band shone against the velvet. I really hoped it would fit him.

"James." Alex said, glancing up at me with big eyes. "I- I'm..." he carefully prised it out of the box, slid it onto a finger on his right hand. It didn't fit.

"Here." I said. My mouth was totally dry. "It doesn't go there." I said, but it came out as a whisper. I slid the ring back off his finger, then picked up his left hand.

I actually felt the tremor that shook him. His eyes flew to mine.

"Marry me?" I asked into the silence.

My voice wasn't strong and steady like I'd hoped.

Alex stared at me, his eyebrows slowly climbing his forehead and his eyes getting shinier and moister, his mouth half open. He look stunned. He was beautiful.

"Even if technically, legally, we can't? It's only been- And our parents- god, what will your parents say? And even though- Oh my god, my mum will freak- you have no idea what people are going to-"

"Alex." I interrupted firmly. His face was getting steadily redder. "Will you marry me?" I repeated.

"Yes." He finally answered, then gave a weak sounding laugh. I hadn't realised I'd been holding my breath. I let out the breath with a whoosh and grinned at him, giddy with relief and pure wonder.

I slid the ring onto his finger.

It fit. Perfectly.

Alex' laughter was turning into something that sounded awfully like tears. He'd closed his fist and was looking at the ring.

"We can change it, if you want. If you don't like it." I repeated.

Alex looked up at me, and his eyes were warm and bright. "As if anyone is ever getting this off my finger." He said roughly, then gave another noise which might have been laughter and might have been a sob. I couldn't tell- he flung his arms around my neck and hung onto me like there was no tomorrow.

"I love you." I repeated, closing my eyes, savouring the feel of him in my arms. He had agreed. He knew how much I loved him and how much I wanted him and he was being himself, not trying to fight me or pretend this didn't mean everything it did.

"I love you too." He said back, voice hot and muffled against my neck. "So much."

He pulled and I let him draw me down on top of him. I just wanted to hold him until I recovered from the sensation that my heart might leap out of my chest, trailing every hope and fear and desire in a great rainbow arc behind it.

Wow. You know. As if to prove I was gay or something...

Alex gave another noise that appeared to be half laugh and half sob, so I propped myself up on my elbows to look down at him.

He was grinning but his eyelashes were all stuck together and there were tear tracks down the side of his face. "I c-can't believe it." He whispered, wiping his eyes, laughing again.

"You'd better." I told him gently. Alex smiled up at me, going shy again. I ducked my head towards his and he closed his eyes as I kissed him. His hands slid around my neck and tangled in my hair, and he wrapped one leg around mine at the same time.

I picked up his left hand and drew it up between us. The ring was so shiny, so new.

"Wait. So where's yours?" he asked.

"At the shop." I told him, smiling. "You have to come back with me tomorrow. I want... I want to get them engraved."

Alex was smiling back, something bright and alive burning in his eyes. I'd never seen anyone who looked so happy. "What?" he asked, eager and unself-conscious and totally silly with joy. "What are you going to get engraved?" He reminded me of a puppy in that moment.

"You'll see." I told him.

"You're not going to tell me?" he asked, voice rising.

"No." I grinned at him.

"Prick." He muttered, but he was still smiling. I laughed and he missed my mouth, so I pulled him back close to me and kissed him.

This was perfect. This was how things were supposed to be, how I always wanted them to be.

Yeah, I was pretty happy with what I'd chosen to get engraved on that ring. And I was pretty sure Alex would like it too.

- - -- - - - - - - -

The jeweller, to her credit, didn't bat an eyelash when we walked in hand in hand or when I asked about the ring I had paid for and had put aside for me.

It was exactly the same as Alex's. I hadn't wanted anything more than Alex forever and him to know it. I didn't need anything more than a ring.

"There's a note about an inscription?" she asked.

Alex's ears almost visibly perked up.

"Yes." I agreed. "I'd like this one engraved with it." I said, showing her the ring on Alex's finger.

"You're Alex?" she addressed him. He nodded quickly, looking at her intently.

"Al, you better give her the ring." I reminded him.

He took the ring off with less reluctance than I might have expected. I think his curiosity was strong enough that he was prepared to forget yesterday's determination to hold onto it.

"Alright." She said, smiling. "I'll have it done for you now. It won't be too long."

"We might go and have coffee or something then, if that's ok?"

Alex clutched my hand and shot me a dark look. I had to bite back a laugh.

"I want to know what it says!" He hissed at me as I steered him out of the shop.

I laughed. "You'll see it when it's done."

He rubbed the skin on his ring finger as he glared at me. I liked the fact that he was already missing the ring. "Well, what if I don't like it?" he demanded.

"You'll like it." I told him. I knew he would. "You'd better." I added.

Alex frowned at me, but he was having trouble holding the expression. He was smiling too much underneath. I shook my head at him and planted a kiss on his lips.

"Come on." I said. "Coffee?"

"Wait," Alex hopped along beside me, slipping his hand back into mine. "What about yours? Does yours say anything?"

"Ah..." Truthfully I hadn't arranged for that. I was doing this for Alex more than me. "Not yet." I answered, instead of telling him that.

"Good." he said, grinning.

Good? I didn't ask.

We had coffee sitting in the back of a café in the old shopping arcade. Alex was fidgety the whole time, but at least he wasn't trying to keep scowling at me anymore.

Back at the jewellers, the woman handed me the ring. I looked over the inscription on the inside and smiled. It was perfect.

"Thank you." I said to the woman. She was standing there, smiling and watching us expectantly.

"Can I see now?" Alex asked, yanking on my shirt like a little kid.

I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. I just passed him the ring.

Alex held it up so he could see the elegant script inside the band and then looked at me with big eyes. I was pretty sure they were filling with tears.

He let me take the ring from his hand and slide it back onto the right finger. He closed his hand around it and stared at it for a moment, then threw his arms around my neck.

"That is so incredibly sappy," he half laughed into my ear. I had to laugh too.

"You love it." I told him.

"God, I can't out-do that!" He moaned, thumping my shoulder and wiping his eyes.

"Babe, you don't have to." I said firmly, stealing a quick kiss from him. Jeweller lady could watch if she wanted, I didn't really care.

"Look what you've done, you've turned me into a massive cry baby." He said, glaring at me. He couldn't hold the expression though and we both ended up laughing. I hugged him tight and Alex squeezed me back.

"I love you anyway." I told him. Alex smiled and nuzzled my neck.

"I love you too." He whispered.

He quickly wiped his eyes again as we pulled away then turned back to the lady.

"I want that one engraved too." He said quickly.

"Of course." She said. She didn't seem too bothered. Then again, she probably saw variations of this theme all the time. "What would you like the inscription to say?"

"The same." Alex said, giving me a heated look. I wanted to drag him home and take him to bed. I wanted to undress him and not let him move and then make him scream with pleasure. Like now. And then I wanted to do it again and again every day for the rest of our lives. "Exactly the same," Alex obviously hadn't noticed me tuning out and imagining him naked. I smiled at him and he grinned back before turning back to the jeweller lady. "Only I want his to say 'James forever after'..."