Loving Jessie

Otherwise, things are good. I'm working again, this time as an administrative assistant. The job is okay, the people are nice, and it's a paycheck. I'd love nothing more than to be a full-time mom to my kids, but staying home won't put food on the table so that's not an option. Maybe someday. *Sigh* So for now at least it's high-ho, high-ho, and off to work I go five days a week! Are you still in advertising?

Before I forget, Mike found some of our old emails a few months ago during one of his endless rampages looking for proof I was cheating on him—I never have, but he's obsessed with proving I have. He demanded to know who this Reid guy was and I told him 'he's a friend for life and that will never change'. I wanted to contact you that very day, but I was too afraid. Even now, I worry he can somehow read what I write, but I'm tired of being afraid so I finally sent you the friend request.

I'd love to stay in touch and I really miss and our talks and your sweet voice! I'm so glad we're back in contact!!! Love, Jessie."

As he finished reading her message the second time, he realized he was rock hard for the first time in a very long while. It didn't help when he went through her photos and saw image after image of her in some tight, clingy top or a pair of jeans. Even her church-related pics were hot. SHE was hot and he still had it bad for her.

He closed the laptop again, exhaled deeply, then closed his eyes and opened that part of his mind that he'd kept closed off for so long.

For the next week, they communicated via Messenger as he packed up and moved out. The following week they exchanged phone numbers and Reid's hand were sweaty as he dialed her number for the first time from his new place. She picked up on the second ring and said, "Hello my old friend! I'm so glad you called!"

"Oh, great! Thanks for letting 'old' be just about the first word out of your mouth," he replied politely and mostly teasing.

"Sorry, Reid! You know what I mean. How about 'dear friend' instead?" she said. He could always tell when she was smiling just by the way her voice sounded and she was most definitely smiling as they talked. "You are a dear friend, by the way."

After maybe twenty minutes of chit chat, Reid said, "I'd love to get together and catch up with you."

There was a pause before Jessie said, "So would I, Reid, but I get the feeling I'm being watched all the time. I know he can't be everywhere 24/7, but it feels that way. So I can't really invite you over here and no matter where we agreed to meet, he could be watching. And honestly? I think he's coming unhinged."

"Wow. I had no idea it was that bad, Jessie." He thought for a moment then said, "I could stop by your work during the day sometime and just say hello. Do you think that would be a problem?"

There was another pause before he heard, "That might be okay. He doesn't know you by face so you'd just be some other guy coming in and going out of the office. So...sure. Let's do that. Just give me a heads up before you come by so I can plan my break accordingly. We have a small room for employees and we can sit there and talk."

"Great! I'm really looking forward to it. I've missed seeing you, Jessie."

"I know. Me too, Reid. You've always been such a great friend."

"You, too," he told her. "So I'll text you well in advance so we can make this happen, okay?"

"Sounds good, Reid. It was really great hearing your voice again. See you soon?"

"You will. Bye, Jessie."

He was not only getting hard again, his pulse was racing. She still did it to him and just the thought of seeing her lit a fire inside of him. The thought of actually being able to go out with her was the most exciting thing he could remember thinking about in many years and if the possibility presented itself, he was definitely going to ask her. Crazy, controlling, soon-to-be-ex-husband or not, he had to let her know how he felt—and soon.

Legally, both of them were still married. That meant they couldn't actually date at least as far as the church was concerned. Then again, Reid knew in his heart of hearts he'd go out with her without so much as a second thought were he given the chance. He had no idea whether or not Jessie felt the same way, but he could probably hint around enough at the idea to find out.

The only other thing that bothered him was her repeated use of the word 'friend.' He certainly wanted her friendship, but he had no desire to stay trapped in the dreaded Friend Zone for life. He didn't know how to break out, but he was going to do everything in his power to do so.

They'd agreed to meet two days later at 2pm, well after her lunch time, and at the office so that even if her psycho husband was somehow watching, it wouldn't arouse suspicion. Against his better judgment, he stopped and bought a single red rose hoping it would be the Goldilocks of gifts. Not too much to cause her to think he was also some kind of sick, twisted freak, but romantic enough to let her know he was interested.

When he walked in, he could tell his palms were again sweaty and his heart was once again racing, as well. He had one hand behind his back as he began looking around for her, but she saw him before he saw her. The second she did, she jumped up out of her seat, ran around the front desk, and threw her arms around him. "Hi there, you!" she said as she hugged him. The hug lasted for quite a while and Reid would have loved for it to last even longer. He'd been running on empty for so long, the quick rush of endorphins from a simple hug was like a powerful drug coursing through his body.

"Let me get a good look at you!" she said as she let go. She gave him the once over, smiled brightly and said, "Just as handsome as I remembered! Wow. It's just SO good to see you, Reid!"

She hadn't seen the flower behind his back yet and he'd quickly given her the once over himself while she checked him out. The rush of endorphins he'd experienced turned to a deep feeling of love sickness as he looked at her. She was simply gorgeous! Jessie was wearing a nice blue dress with a matching cardigan sweater and a pair of what looked to be about 2 1/2" heels. She had several gold chains around her neck and two pairs of earrings to match. But more importantly, her blue eyes and her dazzling smile were simply amazing.

"Wow yourself!" he said. "I can't believe how amazing you look, Jess."

"Thank you! Hey, come on. Let's go sit down and talk," she said. She reached for his hand which surprised him, but he readily gave it to her.

As they entered the break room she offered him a seat. Before he sat down he said, "Just a little something for my friend who happens to be a girl." He showed her the rose and it was as though he'd just handed her a fortune.

"Oh, Reid! Oh, my goodness! That is SO sweet!" She kissed him on the cheek and said, "Thank you so much for the rose. I love it!"

She laid it right in front of her as she took a seat across from him at the small table. "So...tell me everything!" she said. Jessie was positively beaming and Reid suddenly found his throat very dry.

"I could really use a drink," he croaked.

"Is 7-Up okay?" she asked as she walked the five steps to the little refrigerator.

"That's perfect," he told her as she handed him the can. He opened it, took a drink, then said, "Well, my two oldest are out of the house and both of them are working. Mandy's a junior and doing great in school. I'm still working in advertising and now I want to hear about you."

"Why doesn't that surprise me you have so little to say about yourself?" she said sweetly. "I've never met a man who listens the way you do, Reid. I'd give anything to have a husband who does. Then again, I've been so angry with men lately...." She looked at him and said, "Present company excluded, of course." She smiled then continued. "I'm not really angry with men. I guess I'm more angry at myself. I've always thought I was a pretty smart girl and a decent judge of character and yet I've managed to pick two losers."

"I don't know what went wrong with Geoff, but if it's anything like Reina and me, it's no one's fault, Jessie. Sometimes people just grow apart, you know? But this Mike guy seems out of control."

"Oh, that's an understatement. I just found out he put cameras in our house. I'm living there without him now but he came in and installed them after we separated! That's when I got the restraining order. I'm so paranoid I'm afraid to go anywhere or talk to anyone or even post stuff on Facebook."

"Even with the restraining order?" he asked.

"It's just a piece of paper, Reid," she said matter of factly.

"Yeah, I guess so. It's like a ban on guns. Criminals and the mentally ill don't respect ink on paper. The ban makes some people feel like they're doing something, when nothing has changed."

He looked down and saw her playing with the flower he brought her. "Do you like it?"

She picked it up and smelled it and said, "I love it, Reid. This was so nice of you. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I didn't want you to think it was inappropriate or anything. It's just that you've been such a great friend over the years and I'm so glad to be re-connecting."

"Me too," she said with a smile. "This is really nice. I wish there was a way I could at least have you over for dinner sometime. It's just that with Mike...."

"I understand," he told her. "I'd like that too, by the way. If there's a ever a time you think it would be safe; a time when you feel safe, then...."

"You'll be the first to know," she assured him.

They spent the next few minutes sharing as much as they could and before he knew it, their time was up. "Unfortunately, my break is over and I have to get back up front. But I can't tell you how good it's been seeing you again! You look great, Reid. You really do."

He stood up and offered her his hand to help her stand. She picked up her flower and said, "At least I'll have this to remind me of you."

The way her eyes danced told him there were feelings of some kind for him. He just wasn't sure whether this was purely friendship or something more. They started to leave when Reid said, "Jessie?" She stopped and turned toward him and waited. "Listen. I know there's this issue with Mike and I know both of us are still technically married, but well...I was wondering if maybe you might like to you know...get together sometime and...."

"Yes, I would," she answered immediately. "I'd like that very much. I just can't say when that might be." She had a kind of sad look in her eyes as she asked, "Is that okay? For now anyway?"

Reid forced a smile and said, "It's more than okay." He opened the door for her and walked her back to the front.

"I'd like to call you again," he said.

"I'd like that, too. And please keep sending me emails and messages. You have no idea how much I look forward to them each day," she told him.

He smiled and said, "Oh, I think I do."

He could tell she understood and nothing more needed to be said. "It was really great seeing you again, Jessie," he told her.

"You too, Reid."

He knew a kiss was absolutely out of the question, but there was nothing wrong with another friendly hug and Jessie accepted his offer before he left. "So big and so strong," she said as he held her.

Reid patted his stomach and said, "I don't know about the strong part but..."

"Get out of here!" she teased. "You look great."

"No, you look great, Jessie. I just look...like this," he said as he patted his stomach again. "But you really do. You always have for that matter, but now—well, you truly look amazing."

"You are just the sweetest, best friend a girl could ever have," she told him sincerely. "Give me one more hug you big teddy bear!"

Teddy bear. Those were two words no man wanted to hear from a woman he loved. They were kind of like the dreaded 'we need to talk'. It meant they were friends and only friends so in spite of her seeming willingness to get together it looked like he was still firmly entrenched in the Friend Zone. He accepted her hug while it became crystal clear he had to do something. He wasn't sure what else to say so he told her, "I gotta get back to work."

She thanked him again for stopping by and for the flower. She held it up again and smelled it before smiling and turning around. Reid nodded and watched her walk away before turning and doing the same.

As he got back into his car he wasn't sure what to make of that brief reunion. On balance it seemed positive and she'd indicated a willingness to get together—someday—but again, was she just being purely friendly? He honestly still didn't know the answer to his own question.

When he got back to the office he went straight to the office of the only guy he was really close with at work and said, "Mind if I sit down?"

Gabe Collins was quite a few years younger, but had been there almost as long as Reid and over the years they'd become good friends. Gabe wasn't LDS. He wasn't even religious. But he was honest to a fault and Reid knew he'd level with him and more importantly not judge him.

"What's going on, Hulk?" he said using his favorite nickname for the big man.

"I need some advice."

Gabe stopped everything, sat up straight and said, "I'm all ears. Shoot."

Reid spent the next several minutes explaining his relationship with Jessie, how he felt about her, what he wanted, and his exasperation with feeling trapped in the Friend Zone.

"I'll give you my two cents worth. Just remember you get what you pay for and my advice is free." Reid laughed politely and told him he wanted to hear it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

"The first obvious issue is the psycho husband. I can't tell you what to do but if I was your size I might confront him and see if he can be intimidated. Is it possible he's really a psycho? Someone with a gun who's willing to use it? Sure and I'm not discounting that. But most guys like this are only 'bad asses' around women they can push around. A visit from the Jolly Green Giant might scare the shit out of him and you're done with the guy."

He waited to see if Reid was tracking with him then went on. "From there the next issue—for her at least—seems to be a no-sex-before I'm divorced—and married to you. It sounds like that could possibly be overcome—if that's what you really want, but worst case, you might have to wait until she's legally single again."

He got up and set next to his friend and said, "Here's my advice. You know the age thing, no matter what she might say, is at least a concern or maybe even a big damn deal. So as a start...do everything you can to look younger and feel younger."

"Oh, so just do the 'power of positive thinking' thing and she'll fall into my arms, right?"

"No, dumbass. Get yourself to the gym. Learn how to eat a healthy diet, get rid of that gut she says isn't an issue but you know probably is. You've got great hair. Use it. Get it cut and styled. I know, I know. That's what women do. But it's 2016, Reid. Men dye, color, style, and gel their hair. Get some new clothes, for God's sake. Don't be pretentious, but dress sharply. Wait until you get the weight off and turn that soft body of yours into something hard, but get a new wardrobe. I haven't see you wear anything new in...."

"A long time," Reid said. He breathed in deeply then exhaled. "But aren't all those things just cosmetic? Don't I want her to fall for the real me?"

Gabe didn't laugh but he did smile. "Of course. But why not make the real you look as appealing as it can? She obviously likes you for a lot of reasons. The singing, the way you treat her and make her feel, and probably a bunch of other stuff. She doesn't need you to look like a bodybuilder, man. Just flatten things out and tone the rest up. Oh, and I know you probably love it, but I'd shave the 'stache."

"Oh, no. That stays. That's a part of who I am. That's non-negotiable."

"Suit yourself, buddy. I'm just telling you that you need to maximize every possible feature and maybe, just maybe, the 'stache isn't something she sees the way you do. Let me put it this way. If it came down to her or the mustache would it really be non-negotiable? Really?"

Reid sighed again. "Okay. You win. Got any ideas on how to get started?"

"As a matter of fact...." he said as he got up and went back around to his desk. He pulled out a business card and handed it to Reid. "This guy was my personal trainer when I first got started a couple of years ago. Best thing I ever did. He'll help you get your diet straight and develop a workout routine to turn you into Mr. Irresistible."

"Maybe," Reid said forlornly.

"Come on! Where's that killer attitude? Where's the deal closer I know so well? When a potential customer makes an excuse about not buying advertising time or space do you just accept it as a final decision?"

"No, but...."

"Hell no! You find out what's really keeping him from saying yes and attack, right? You break down the barrier then go back at it. So no 'buts.' No excuses. Just do it! Get in shape. Get fit. Get the new threads. And stay good old Reid Wilson. Then put on the full-court press. If you go down in flames it won't be because you didn't pull out all the stops."

"Yeah. Old Reid Wilson. That's me."

"But it doesn't have to be. That's what I'm telling you. Fifty-three is NOT old anymore unless YOU make it old. So get out there and start kickin' ass and takin' names and go get the girl!"

Reid thanked Gabe for his time and his candid advice then went back to his own office. He opened Facebook and looked at Jessie's pics again and as the wanting grew so did his resolve. "It's do or die time," he said out loud to himself.

On the way home, he stopped by the fitness center and signed up to start working with Gabe's fitness trainer five days a week. "Even if Jessie doesn't notice, I'll be healthier and live longer," he told himself. He smiled wryly as he thought, "Oh, great. Then I can live alone even longer."

Just that little mental exchange he had with himself was enough. He was tired of feeling sorry for himself. He wasn't a victim. He'd decided to marry Reina. He'd chosen to stay all those years. If there was anyone to blame, it was Reid Wilson and he was done beating himself up. He tried not laugh when the thought hit him but he couldn't help it because as cliche as it sounded, it really was true. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life."

When his alarm clock went off at 5:30am the following morning, he wasn't quite as excited about his decision to turn things around body, soul, and spirit. His body was demanding another hour of sleep and his spirit was dead to the world. "No. A decision is a decision," he told himself as he lay there debating whether or not to get up. "Get your...butt...out of bed and go the gym."

That first week was awful. The second week was bad. The third week didn't suck and by the fourth he was seeing real results and looking forward to each new day's challenge. He was eating right and hating the new food a lot less and even found himself working out six days a week because he was enjoying it so much. Three on weights and three doing cardio. He'd never felt better in his life and in addition, he and Jessie were texting, emailing, or on the phone several times a day.

It was all still clearly in the Friend Zone, but she'd gotten a little flirty and had even called him 'honey' for the first time two days ago. He was pretty sure it wasn't a romantic kind of 'honey', but no one had called him that since...since...he couldn't remember when. Just reading that in an email had made his day and strengthened his resolve to keep on keeping on.

Another bright spot was that the divorce was right on track as Reina wasn't contesting it, but Jessie's husband Mike was fighting her tooth and nail at every turn. Reid wasn't a bad ass and didn't have a mean bone in his body, but Jessie was still living in fear of him and while he'd never throw the guy around except in self defense, he decided it was time to pay Psycho Guy a visit.