Loving Jessie

"I could give you ten more if you need them," he said hoping to lighten the mood.

Jessie laughed and said, "You see, that is what I lov...like about you so much, Reid. You make me laugh. You listen to me. You really listen and you care. You make me feel safe and...happy."

"But not happy enough to be more than friends?" he asked seeking clarification.

"I honestly don't know," she told him. "I do know this, though. The kids are with my mom, we have dinner to eat, and I'm really glad you're here. How is that for an honest answer...for now anyway?"

Reid smiled and reached out for her hand. Jessie balked but offered it to him. "That sounds more than reasonable. Listen, I'm not going to push you. I'm going to give you all the space you need. Just please understand that I couldn't wait another day to tell you how I feel. I know it's a lot to deal with, but my feelings are as genuine and as real as they can be."

She smiled at him and asked, "Did you shave your mustache for me by any chance?"

"Uh-huh. Biggest sacrifice I've ever made for anyone or anything," he said melodramatically. "I nearly cried, I'll have you know."

"It looks really good, Reid. I didn't mind it, but you look so much younger and...."

"And?"

"Handsome. I still can't believe this is you. You look so...different. Good different. Tell you what. Let me get dinner on the table and then I want to hear all about this physical transition of yours. Fair enough?"

He smiled and let go of her hand and watched her get everything else ready. In addition to the chicken and potatoes, there was a tossed salad and water to drink. With coffee, tea, and alcohol out of the question, water or juice were the typical drinks of choice.

"Okay, so how did all of this come about?" she asked as they took their first bite.

He spent some time telling her about his visit with Gabe then backtracked all the way to the first time they met and the impression she'd made on him.

"First of all, let me tell you again how great you look and then say this all makes sense now. The stomach you used to joke about is gone, your hair looks great like that, the new clothes are perfect, and I have to say I love the clean-shaven look." She smiled and added, "A lot." There was a pause before she said, "Kissing a guy with a mustache is well..."

"Not so great?" he suggested.

"Sorry, but yes. Let's just say this look is something I really like and leave it at that." There was another pause before she said, "For now."

They chatted about the status of their divorces, their children, and their jobs for the rest of the meal. When they were done, Reid helped her clean up and when they were done, Jessie asked if he'd like to stay and talk some more. Reid readily agreed and they moved to the living room and sat down. He was on one end of her couch and she sat on the end of the love seat closest to him.

Neither of them spoke for a good while and Jessie said, "Would it maybe help if I put on some music?"

"That sounds like a great idea," he told her.

"Do you mind '80s music?" she asked tentatively.

Reid stood up and came over to where she was standing to look at her CDs. "Normally I'd say that '80s and music' are oxymorons, but since it's you asking...."

"Hey!" she said playfully as she hit his arm. "Eighties music rocks! These are my favorites so if you don't like my music, well....what hope is there?"

Her smile encouraged him as he reached out for the CDs she was holding. "Okay, lemme see those. Maybe I'll find some music buried in here somewhere."

"Watch it, buster," she warned balling up her tiny fist. "I may be small, but I pack a real punch."

Reid held his hands up in an 'I surrender pose.' "Okay, okay. You win. Eighties music it is. Maybe you should chose," he said handing her back the disks.

"Do you like...um, do you mind...Duran Duran?"

"Keep going," he said.

"Bon Jovi?"

"Got anything else?"

Jessie sighed and said, "Okay, if you don't like U2, there's no chance for us."

"Hey, I like Bono! I think we just found common ground."

"It's about time," she said pretending to be annoyed. She dropped in the disk and hit play. Moments later the words to With or Without You blared. She turned the volume down and said, "Sorry. My kids must have been listening to something."

For the next few minutes they continued to talk about their kids and then the topic of the church came up with regard to dating and marriage.

"Are you uncomfortable with me being here? I mean, since both of us are still legally married," he asked her.

"I wasn't when I thought we were just friends," she said quietly.

"Are we still just friends?" he asked also in a quiet voice with some amount of hopefulness showing through.

Jessie looked down and said even more quietly, "I'm not sure. Maybe." She sat quietly for a few moments then said, "No. Well, I don't think so."

"Was that a yes or a no?"

"No. Not just friends. But I have a confession to make." He didn't respond, he just waited for her to speak. "This sounds so...shallow, but it's the truth, Reid, so you deserve to know it. All these changes? You're the same guy you were before and as you know, I've always liked you." She fidgeted briefly then told him, "Just saying this makes me feel SO superficial."

"Go ahead. As long as it's how you honestly feel, I want to hear it. No matter what."

"These exterior changes. They...you...you're...hot. I mean, really hot. I honestly never looked at you like that until tonight and now I'm sitting here and all I want to do is look at you. Isn't that terrible?"

"No. It isn't terrible. Look. Jessie, I made all these changes hoping against hope you'd notice; that they'd make some kind of difference. Right now, I'm happier I made them than I've ever been about any other decision in my life even though shaving my mustache nearly killed me."

Jessie smiled but had more to say. "I can't tell you how many times I or one of my girlfriends have complained about men being shallow or superficial or only caring about the size of our butts or our..." Jessie looked down and laughed. "Our boobs." She looked up at him and said, "You've made all these amazing changes and suddenly I have all these feelings and...desires and I...."

As the song ended, the next track was I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, a song Reid genuinely liked and which just happened to be Jessie's favorite U2 song of all time.

She looked up and said in that same quiet voice, "Would you maybe like to dance with me? You know, with Jessie the raging hypocrite who suddenly finds you irresistibly attractive?"

At that very moment, Reid knew he'd just busted out of the dreaded Friend Zone. He had no idea how far or even where things might go, but he'd broken free. "I can't think of anything I'd like more," he said as he stood up and took her hand.

As he offered her his right hand she bypassed it and put both arms around his neck which was a most pleasant surprise. He put his arms around her and held her in the small of her back.

She laid her head on his broad shoulder and said, "Reid? Would you sing for me?"

"This song?" he asked.

She nodded as she held him a little bit tighter. He picked up the melody and sang along as they danced. He could have easily overpowered the CD player, but sang quietly just loud enough for her to hear.

"I love your voice," she told him as he sang to her. "I've missed hearing you sing." They danced a while longer before she said, "I've missed you, too." She looked up at him and said, "I've missed...us."

He stopped singing and said, "The old us?"

"Yes," she said at first. "But I like the new us even better."

As the song was ending he sang the final line loudly enough so she could clearly hear him sing directly to her, changing one word. "I've finally found what I'm looking for...."

Her eyes were dancing with his as his voice trailed off and the room grew quiet. His heart rate surged as he saw her stand on her tiptoes and close her eyes as she pressed her lips to his. He kissed her back softly and slowly until she pulled away. "Wow," she said quietly. "I have to say that was very nice."

"So shaving the 'stache was a good thing?" he teased.

"Um...I'm not sure yet. Let me try that again just to be certain, okay?" she whispered.

This kiss was much longer but just as soft and slow and romantic. When she pulled back this time he asked, "So what's the verdict?"

"I may need to collect more evidence, but it's looking like a very good decision on your part."

This time he kissed her and for the first time, their tongues touched briefly and then slowly explored one each other for several long, wonderful seconds. "Mmmm. Okay, now I'm getting a little concerned about being alone with you," she said her voice husky with emotion.

"Are you saying I should leave?" he asked as he continued to hold her.

"Not just yet," she replied. "I...I think I'd like to get better acquainted with my new...boy...friend." She smiled and said, "Does that sound better than just 'friend' all by itself?"

"Much, much better," he said kissing her again as the next song began playing.

She took his hand and sat him beside her on the love seat. "So now what, boyfriend of mine?" she asked as they looked into one another's eyes.

"I guess we should be careful not to go too far," he said not believing his words for a moment but believing that was what she wanted to hear.

"I suppose that would be smart," she said.

He put his other hand on hers and said, "I never want you to feel like I'm pressuring you. Just let me know when to back off, okay?"

She put her hand on his face and said, "What if I don't want you to back off, Reid?"

"Then I won't be able to and my biggest fear is losing you after all these years because we went too far too fast causing you to regret doing so." He brushed back a shock of her pretty blonde hair and said, "You are so worth waiting for, Jessie. I can and will wait until we're both divorced if that's what you want." He understood by not saying 'and what I want, too' he was letting her know he was open to a physical relationship outside of wedlock.

"Even good Mormon girls can get tired of waiting, you know," she said softly as he caressed her cheek.

"I don't want to leave, but maybe that would be a good idea. What do you think?" he asked as he ran his fingers along the bare skin of her arm.

"I think I would be very disappointed if you did and yet you're probably right," she replied. "Are you sure you want to?"

"No. In fact, I'm sure I don't want. But I'm equally sure if I don't go now, I won't be leaving at all tonight so...."

"Oh, okay," she said as she put her hand on his face. "Then...maybe you should let me walk you to the door and kiss you good night there because...because if you kiss me here again, I won't want you to leave at all tonight, either."

Reid thought seriously about kissing her again right then and there but was concerned she would regret it the next day. "Come on. Walk me to the door, okay?" he said summoning up all of his waning willpower. He stood up and helped her stand.

She took his hand and walked with him. "So...how does it feel being out of the Friend Zone?" she asked with a bright smile.

"Like I've died and gone to heaven?" he said.

"Yeah, I'm kind of liking this, too." She kissed him and said, "A lot. You and me. Who'd have thunk?"

"Me and you," he said touching her pretty face. "You are just so beautiful," he told her.

"No, I'm not, but you make me feel that way," she said. She put her arms around him and said, "It's you who looks so amazing now and I still look...like me. I'd be a little embarrassed for you to see me...you know—undressed."

He put his hands on her shoulders and said, "When I told you before I thought you were the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, I wasn't kidding. You're gorgeous, Jess. You're...."

"Still flat and skinny?" she said with a weak smile.

"Why is it women can't believe some of us men prefer women like you who, in our opinion, have the perfect build? Why can't you accept that when you really are perfect to us? To me?"

She was looking into his eyes and could see—no, she could feel—his sincerity. "You really mean that, don't you?" she said. He saw a tear forming in her eye.

"Of course I do, Jess. You are perfect. You're everything I've ever wanted. You're everything—to me."

Jessie sighed deeply. "I'm still legally married to my second husband, I vowed there'd never be a third, and now here you are making me fall in love with you. I don't know whether I should love you back or hate you for this."

"How about I let you decide for yourself?"

"What if I decide I hate you?" she said as she put her arms back around his neck.

"Then I'll at least have had this one incredible evening with you which is more than I ever could have imagined."

She leaned her head back and looked up into his eyes. "I'd like more of these kinds of evenings with you, Reid," she told him as she kissed him slowly then passionately. After a very long, very deep kiss she said, "I suppose I'm going to have to actually let you go after all, huh?"

"Why don't you come over to my place tomorrow?" he asked. "I don't cook, but I can order take out."

"What if Mandy drops by?" she asked. "Maybe you could come back here again instead?"

"I suppose I could be talked into that," he said.

"So...same time, same place tomorrow? I'll make us dinner again and Mom will be glad to keep the kids."

He was tempted to ask if that meant 'all night' but decided to leave well enough alone.

"Okay, see you then, gorgeous," he told her as he kissed her.

"Goodnight, handsome," she said kissing him back one more time.

As he walked out to his car he realized he had the most raging hard on of his life. He looked down and laughed for two reasons. One, he could now see 'down there' without leaning over to look and two, he had a huge 'tent' in the front of his pants. He smiled when he wondered whether or not Jessie had noticed.

As he sat in his car and started the engine he shouted loudly, "I'm out of the Friend Zone! Hal-la-freakin'-lujah!!!"

Both Jessie and Reid lay alone in their beds thinking about the events of that evening and the implications it had for the future. They both had non-Mormon friends who'd tell them since they're both legally separated and have no intention of ever reconciling with their spouses, there's nothing wrong with having a sexual relation with another person. But they both knew the teachings of their church forbid sex outside of marriage. Each of them wrestled with the question for hours before finally falling asleep having decided for the first time in their lives, they didn't care what the church thought as much as they cared about being with each other.

After a fitful night's sleep, Reid couldn't wait to get to the gym to shed the stress that had been building up. The decision to 'be' with Jessie, if she was willing, was easier said than done. A couple of hours later he was back home, refreshed and invigorated, and felt much better about what he was planning to do.

For her part, Jessie was also exhausted when she finally woke up. As she lay there she silently prayed for God to take away her desires. Intuitively, she knew no one was going to take the way she felt about Reid, but it was the only thing she knew to do. And yet by noon, she found herself out shopping and decided to try something very bold and very new. Reid wasn't the only one who could look younger and although there wasn't a whole lot she could do, she could definitely at least change the way she dressed. She might be 39, but her body was hard and firm and her face was still soft and smooth so...why not?

As Reid pulled the tag off of a three-button Henley cotton shirt he'd ordered from Land End, he laughed when he looked at the color. It said 'jonquil' but it looked a lot like plain old yellow to him. He was sure there was a difference but it was one without a distinction as far as he was concerned. He pulled on a pair of olive-colored Dockers and some soft-soled shoes that were a kind of burgundy color that matched his belt and pronounced himself ready.

"Not bad for an old guy," he told himself looking at his reflection in the mirror.

He knew it was a cliche kind of gift, but he bought a heart-shaped box of chocolates anyway because...well, just because. The last thing he'd done was something he'd never done in his life. Along with the chocolates, he'd bought his first box of condoms making sure to drive well out of his normal range where people he knew might see him. "Just in case," was what he'd told himself knowing he fully intended and even hoped he'd need them this very evening.

Jessie added some pink lip gloss after having blended in three different shades of eye shadow along with her normal amount of mascara. That was unusual but not unheard of. But tonight she'd also drawn a very sexy black line around her eyelids using eyeliner, something she'd rarely ever done. She'd had her hair bleached that afternoon then had it trimmed slightly. It was short, smooth, sassy, and very sexy with a shock of it hanging down over her forehead.

As she looked at herself in the mirror she alternated between feeling downright sexy to slightly silly. She'd never wear something like this out in public. She also knew she shouldn't wear it for anyone but her husband and yet it was so cute on her and yes, it was damn sexy.

The skirt was definitely short. Way too short. It was at least four inches above her knee. It was pink and white and had a kind of checkered pattern to it. It hugged her firm butt and also fit quite nicely high around her tight waist. She felt another twinge of guilt as she saw the two inches of bare skin above the top of her skirt before the bottom of the very cute little long-sleeved, pink crop sweater she was wearing covered the rest of her upper body.

She smiled when she looked at the over-the-knee white stockings she'd never worn before that adorned her legs and ran down into a pair of four-inch white sandals with ankle straps. Some white hoop earrings and a strand of white pearls completed the hot, youthful, sexy look.

"He's either going to laugh at you or fuck your brains out, girl," she said out loud to herself as she took a final look. Having already decided she wanted the latter, she gave herself permission to use a word she'd only ever said in the throes of passion and was hoping he wouldn't choose laughter. "You don't look 18 but you could easily pass for 25," she told herself honestly as she went into the kitchen.

Before getting out of his car, Reid placed two and then a third condom in his wallet. He took a last look in the mirror then headed toward the front door.

Jessie saw him coming up the walkway and nearly panicked. She thought about running into the bedroom and throwing on a pair of sweat pants then laughed at the thought of not removing the heels. "Relax," she told herself. "He wants you as much as you want him."

She opened the door before Reid knocked and stood there smiling. She had her hands on her hips and said, "Hi, there."

The box of chocolates fell out of his hands and rolled along the floor stopping just in front of her. "I think you dropped something," she said still smiling.

"Oh...my...." Reid mumbled. "I think I know how you felt last night," he said. "Where is my Jessie and what have they done to her?"

"Is it too much?" she asked.

Reid finally managed to remember to shut the door then said, "Oh no. That is definitely not too much."

She turned around playfully and said, "I was so worried you'd laugh or say something about me trying to look like a teenager."

He bent down and picked up the chocolates then stood up just inches from her. "Teenager is good," he said still in shock.