Loving Lill, A Christmas Romance

"Hey, babe," he slurred, pushing his palm on the door to try to open it.

I kept it held tightly to my hip. "Hi. It's late."

"Yeah, I know, but I wanted to see you."

You wanted a booty call. "I have an exam tomorrow, and I was already in bed," I fibbed, not budging.

He laughed. "Well, then. I'll join you!" Leaning in, he kissed me roughly.

I pulled back. "No, Blake. I—"

He came at me like a linebacker and I stumbled back into my room, Blake coming with me. Once inside, he pushed the door shut and locked it. My elbow banged on the edge of my dresser and the jolt knocked over a bottle of lotion.

"That hurt," I frowned, crossing my arms and rubbing my elbow.

He lurched toward me. "Come 'ere, babe."

I pressed my back into the dresser, giving him an indignant look. "You need to go. I have an exam in the morning and I need sleep."

"Stop your whining and come here," he slurred.

I sighed. "You're drunk, Blake. I really think you should go and sleep it off."

His eyes darkened and he sprang forward, grabbing me by the wrist and jerking me toward him. I crashed into his chest, and then his hands were on me, groping my ass and then squeezing and fondling my breasts. He walked me backwards until my calves hit the side of my bed. I teetered, but didn't fall. Instead, I pushed on Blake's chest and jumped up on the bed, since it was the only place I had to go.

"Get out!" I yelled.

"You're pissing me off!" he snapped.

I dodged when he reached for me, and he tumbled right onto the bed. Quickly, I hopped onto the floor.

He moaned into my pillow. "I don't feel so good."

"So, help me, Blake, if you puke on my bed, I'm going to kill you," I spat.

"Lill?"

I crossed my arms and pouted, "What?"

No answer.

I eyed him suspiciously. He didn't move. "Blake?"

No answer.

I could see that he was breathing. Now what? I could sleep in Sophie's bed, but, to be honest, I didn't want to stay in the same room with him. My exam was in the morning, and if he woke up in the middle of the night, I knew he wouldn't leave me alone. But it was past eleven. Where could I go where there would be an extra bed?

Lightbulb!

I threw a change of clothing and my toothbrush into my bookbag along with my things for my class in the morning. Shoving my feet into my black boots, I put on my blue Sherpa-lined, zip-up hoodie. Locking my door behind me, I walked down the hallway.

*****

I stood poised to knock in front of the door and hesitated. Should I have come? But where else had I to go at eleven o'clock at night in the middle of finals week? I raised my hand and wrapped my knuckles on the wooden door.

After a few seconds, the door cracked open and a familiar face peered out at me, then the door opened wide.

Logan looked down at me questioningly, "Uh—Blake's not here."

"Um—I know. He's in my room."

Raising an eyebrow, he titled his head. "Then—why are you here?"

"Well, he's drunk. And he's in my bed." Oh, that didn't sound right. My cheeks heated. "I mean...He came over and...well—I have an exam in the morning, and he's passed out." Haha. Wow. I am so eloquent.

Confusion was still etched on his face. "So—you want me to come and get him?"

"Uh...no." It was a bad idea. Maybe I should just go back. "I—I figured he could sleep it off." Then something suddenly occurred to me and I felt myself blush and it climbed to the tips of my ears. "Oh my God." I brought my hand to my mouth. "Is Kirstin here?"

His eyebrows quirked like he was getting even more confused and he crossed his arms. "No. We broke up."

Good God. Could it get any worse? "I'm so sorry, Logan."

"Don't be. It was a long time coming. I reached my limit."

I studied my shoes. I felt like I was intruding and wasn't sure it was right of me to have come. I could have slept in the study lounge.

On that filthy thing. Eww.

Yeah, its gross, but this probably wasn't the best idea, either.

"I shouldn't have bothered you." I started to walk away.

"Wait. Lill. Why are you here?" Logan stepped into the hallway. "Is something wrong?" He sounded concerned and closed the distance between us, turning me to face him.

I couldn't look at him. It was embarrassing. "I—I just didn't want to be there. I mean...you've seen Blake drunk. I...He's just..."

"He can be a jerk."

"Yeah."

Then, to my surprise, he cupped my face between his hands and tipped my head up, a prompt for me to look at him. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"No."

He exhaled in a loud huff that sounded like he was relieved. He moved his hands from my face, placing them on his own hips. "Good."

"It's like you said. He can be a jerk. I just didn't want to be there if he wakes up during the night," I finally admitted.

"Come inside."

I silently slipped past Logan and into the room. He followed me in and shut the door, locking it behind us.

*****

Lill and I stood inside the doorway in silence for a moment. The tension in the air was thick. Though maybe it was just one-sided. I was definitely tense. Did something happen between her and Blake? It was killing me not knowing. But I didn't want to pry. It was certainly none of my business.

I still wasn't clear about why she'd come to my room. Curiosity got the better of me, and I asked. "Why did you come here, Lill?"

"Well, I told you I didn't want to be there if he woke up."

"Yes. But why here? Why not someplace else?

"Do you want me to go?"

"No. I was just wondering why not someone else on your floor."

"Who would have an extra bed? I figured if Logan was in mine, then no one was in his."

"True."

I won't lie. I was disappointed. God, how I wished she'd come to see me. Having her there in my room—alone—was more tempting than I could ever have imagine. She looked so damn cute standing there in her fuzzy snowflake pants and tight, blue tee shirt. My whole body craved her. I wanted to wrap her in my arms. Kiss her. Touch her face. Smell her hair. I had to take several deep breaths to calm my rattled nerves—among other things.

"I was gonna watch a movie. Wanna join me? Or do you just want to sleep? I know you said you have that exam."

"I'm not a bit tired," she chirped.

It was the first time I'd seen her smile since she arrived at my door, and it made me grin in return.

We decided on the newest James Bond film, which neither of us had seen. While the streaming was loading, I flipped off the lights and pulled two bottled waters out of the mini-fridge before sitting down next to Lill on the loveseat-sized sofa and handing her a water.

"Thanks."

She took off her shoes and pulled her bare feet up onto the sofa, circling her arms around her legs and propping her chin on her knees. I glanced sidewats at her. No make-up. Hair pulled messily on top of her head. She was adorable.

The movie played, but I wasn't paying close attention because I was too lost in my own thoughts. I hadn't looked at Lill since the movie began. Some of my thoughts weren't exactly PG, and I didn't want to risk doing or saying something wholly inappropriate.

About an hour into the movie, Lill shifted. Her knees fell onto my leg and her head settled on my shoulder. I was startled by her sudden closeness, and peeked over at her to find that she had fallen asleep. I turned my body slightly sideways to try to move away from her, to minimize her contact with my shoulder. I really wanted to maintain some distance between us. But that move only made things worse. She slid down so her head was on my chest, which was turned toward her, and my thigh was caught under her two curled up legs. I felt my pulse quicken. Good God. Being so close to her was both thrilling and scary as hell.

I should have woken her or moved her and gotten up myself. But I didn't. I couldn't. Instead, I hesitantly, moved my arm to place it carefully around her shoulder. She was asleep. What could it hurt? I ran a strand of her silken hair through.

I was paying no attention to the movie, not when I had everything I ever wanted right there in my arms. I let my knuckle graze her cheekbone. She was so beautiful. Turning my head slightly, I leaned my cheek on the top of her head and inhaled. I shouldn't have done that. The light scent of jasmine seemed to awaken all my senses, and suddenly I was acutely aware of every inch where her body pressed against mine. I closed my eyes, swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat, and just concentrated on taking long deep breaths.

I'm going to hell.

*****

He held my face tenderly with both hands, and sinfully, slowly descended his lips to touch mine. They were soft and warm, and it sent a shiver down my spine. He continued to kiss me while caressing my face. One hand slid to the back of my neck guiding my head while he slipped his tongue between my parted lips. His other hand snaked around me and pulled me close. My breasts were pressed to his chest.

Our tongues and lips moved together easily, like old friends, but with a passion that took my breath away. Trailing kisses down my neck, his hands explored my back and slid down over my ass. Then, his fingers skimmed up my sides, molding to the contours of my and hips, waist and ribcage until he reached my breasts. He cupped one in each hand at the same time that his kisses traveled from my neck onto my chest, and then he kissed my smooth, fleshy mounds.

Electric shock waves flooded my body when he took a nipple in his mouth and skillfully rolled his tongue around it, delightfully teasing it to a point. He nipped and lightly tugged on one while his thumb rolled and flicked the other. My head rolled back and I uttered a throaty moan. A wave of heat washed over me and a flood of hot liquid gathred between my thighs.

"Lill," he growled, his voice full of desire.

I wanted so much more from him, and I begged, "Please—Logan."

*****

Wednesday, December 20

*****

My eyes sprang open and I gasped, my head jolting upright. Logan?! Wait...What?!?!

My heart was racing and my mind reeling. Looking around, I was momentarily confused before I remembered where I was. I turned my head, and wondered when that had happened, noting that I had been sleeping nearly laying on Logan. He was still asleep, which I was grateful for so he couldn't see the deep blush that was surely all over my face, neck and ears, thanks to that vivid dream I'd just had. And what the hell was that?!

Just then, Logan groaned and his arm tightened around my shoulder. I stiffened and my eyes widened. I had to go. I had to get out of there. Hoping to escape without waking him, I slowly moved his arm so I could get to a sitting position and then I stood up carefully.

That was the moment I became aware of the intense heat and wetness between my legs, obviously a result of that dream I'd had! I closed my eyes and shook my head to myself. My ears were burning, likely turning scarlet. Quietly, I walked over to his desk and collected my backpack and coat from the chair, and then I crept to the door. Glancing back at Logan, still asleep, I silently let myself out.

*****

I was feeling elated when I arrived at lunch that afternoon, knowing I did well on my exam. Logan was the only one there when I arrived, so I plunked my tray down and sat next to him. He appeared to be deep in thought, his brows deeply creased.

"Hey, Logan."

"Hey."

I frowned. He sounded down. I put a hand on his forearm. "Hey... What's going on?"

He crossed his arms, and I retracted my hand.

"Nothing."

"You seem upset. Is something wrong?"

"No, not a thing." His tone was dry, maybe even sarcastic.

He wasn't telling me something. For whatever reason, I wanted to know what was eating at him. "That's not how you look."

"And how am I supposed to look, Lill?" he snapped.

I scowled and puckered my lips. "What's going on?"

He just shot me a sarcastic smile.

"Well, if you need a friend..."

"Yeah. A friend," he muttered.

Something was up with him, but I didn't have an opportunity to investigate further because Blake arrived and kissed my cheek.

"Hi, baby. I have something for you."

I was listening, but I was still watching Logan out of the corner of my eye.

Blake pulled a red carnation out from behind his back—like the ones they were selling outside the school store. "An apology. I'm sorry about last night."

I took the flower and smelled it.

"So, am I forgiven?"

I smirked, "Let me think about it."

Logan made a noise and his fork clanged on the tray. I wondered what that was all about.

*****

Thursday, December 21

*****

I arrived at Blake's room just a little past seven to find him and four other guys in the room gaming. Logan was not among them. Blake hadn't mentioned earlier about gaming instead of a movie, but apparently, his plans changed and he hadn't bothered to let me know.

While I approached the small sofa, the one I'd woken up on that morning, I noticed all the empty beer bottles. Blake's eyes were glassy. I sighed. He didn't drink all the time, but two nights in a row?

I placed my coat in the usual spot on the back of his desk chair. "Hi."

Blake glanced at me, "Hey, babe!" That was quickly followed by, "Damn it!" when his turn ended. Getting up from the sofa, he sauntered over and laid a sloppy kiss on my lips, his arms circling my waist.

"Is that your girl, Blake?" The inquiry came from a guy I didn't recognize.

Blake's hands slid down to squeeze my ass. "Yeah."

"Great ass," the new guy commented.

What a slime.

"Definitely a fine ass," Blake agreed, and he gave me a swat.

Two of the guys were laughing. The other two just seemed to ignore—or not notice.

My cheeks were on fire, and I pushed on his chest. I was furious—and embarrassed. "Blake, please."

He grabbed my ass again and kissed me hard.

I pulled my head back, breaking the kiss. "Blake, why didn't you tell me the plans changed?"

"I don't have to tell you everything," he retorted, reclaiming his seat on the sofa.

I raised an eyebrow, but kept my tone calm. No reason to let things escalate. "Well, it would have been nice if you had just mentioned it to me because we had plans."

"Plans change," he laughed. And he kept laughing.

I couldn't help but wonder just how much he'd had to drink. But it didn't really matter. "That's fine. I'm just gonna go. I'll see you tomorrow."

"No, baby. Stay," Blake whined, and he pulled me onto his lap. "Have a beer." He grabbed a beer from a six-pack on the coffee table and whipped it toward me so quickly that it spilled onto my top and jeans.

I stood up, brushing my hands at my shirt, like I could dust off the dripping liquid. It was in my cleavage and there was a big slosh mark across my light pink top, as well as a hand sized wet mark on my thigh.

"Geez, Blake!"

"Oh, so what? You're a little wet. Sit down and relax."

"I'm soaking wet and smell like beer." There was a sharp edge to my voice. Who wouldn't be annoyed if they got beer thrown on them?

"So, just take it off, babe. I'm sure no one here will mind," he snickered. "Here, I'll help ya."

He grabbed my waist and pulled me back onto his lap. His hands went up under my shirt, heading for my breasts. I slapped at his hands and quickly got to my feet.

"I'm leaving, Blake," I sputtered. When I turned to leave, Logan was standing in the open doorway. I hadn't heard him come in, and I wondered how much he'd seen. His expression was stony and his arms were crossed.

"Aw, Lill. I was only joking," Blake chuckled.

"I wouldn't call trying to undress me in front of your friends 'a joke.' I'll see you tomorrow." I turned and walked toward the door.

"You're such a fucking bore," he mumbled.

"What?" I exclaimed, spinning back to face him, my loose curls swinging around my shoulders.

"You act like you're too fucking good to hang out and drink a beer with us."

That was it. "Because—I'm wet and reek of beer! And because I don't much like you when you drink! And because we had other plans." I turned and gathered my coat from the chair. On my way to the door I said, "I'll see you tomorrow. Try to sober up between now and then." I didn't wait for a reply and I stalked right out of the room.

I heard Blake's muffled voice, but I didn't care what he'd said. While I walked down the hall, I slipped on my blue hoodie.

Then I heard Logan's angry voice, "You're an ass, Blake. Why do you talk to her like that?"

Blake raised his voice, and I heard his slurred reply, "It's none of your fucking business!"

"She deserves more respect than that."

"Fuck you!" Blake yelled.

I was just about to head into the stairwell when Logan called out to me. "Lill!"

I stopped and looked over my shoulder. He jogged to catch up to me, standing a little more than an arm's length away.

"Why do you let him talk to you like that?" It sounded like he was scolding me, and there was annoyance written all over his face.

As if I hadn't been yelled at enough for one night. "I didn't. I told him I didn't like it and I left."

"But you just keep going back."

"He's drunk."

"That's no excuse."

"Just leave it, Logan," I warned.

"I just don't get it!"

"What?"

"I mean, Why? Why do you put up with him?"

"No one's perfect." Why was I defending him?

"He's far from it," he muttered.

I blew out a breath and rubbed my forehead. "Just drop it, okay?"

"I can't. I can't stand by and watch this anymore. You deserve so much more than the garbage that comes out of his mouth," he said forcefully.

What could I say? I wondered myself why I'd put up with him for so long.

"God—Lill..." He said it like it was a lament—like it was painful for him to utter those words, and he hung his head. "I would never treat you like that. I would..." his voice cracked. He took a deep breath, looking down momentarily and then fixed his pained gaze on mine. In a quiet voice he said, "After all this time. You still don't get it. God! Lill... I love you."

"What?" I gasped, no real sound coming out. I shook my head, and leaned on the wall behind me because I felt like I couldn't breathe.

His gaze was on the floor, his hands resting on his hips when he mumbled "I've loved you a long time."

Then he stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on the side of my face, his thumb caressing my cheek. My heart was racing and a blush spread over my cheeks.

His eyes bore into mine, when he said, "You deserved the world, Lill. Don't settle."

I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand, so warm and caring, and then it was gone. I opened my eyes in time to see Logan disappear into the stairwell with two final words, "Goodbye, Lill."

What the hell had just happened? I felt like I'd been stabbed, a sharp pain pulsed in my chest. Gasping for air, tears filling my eyes. My heart pounded and my cheeks and ears were in flames. I bent over slightly, placing her hands on her knees. A tear rolled down her cheek. It was quickly joined by another, and then another. I wiped at them, but each one I wiped away was replaced by another. Pushing off the wall, I ran. I ran until I reached my room and took refuge inside, closing the door to shut out the rest of the world.

*****

Friday, December 22

*****

I hadn't slept much. I had spent most of the night thinking. I wanted to talk to Logan, but he hadn't answered my text. I was glad to have the distraction of packing my bags for winter break. Blake was supposed to pick me up at nine to leave for the ski resort, so I wanted to be in the lobby before he arrived.

I thought about how we would have been on our ski vacation last weekend if not for the storm that dumped over two feet of snow on the university. Campus had been closed for four days two weeks ago, which had delayed finals, so we were finishing the semester late.