Loving Wives: My Obsession

I've discovered a new genre that I've been reading on the internet: Loving Wives.

At first, being married, I thought that the stories would deal with the love and respect that a wife has for her husband and the romance that was involved in their equal union. The stories were hit and miss. A few were romantic, others were on swinging, okay that's not my thing, and then I started to see a trend that disturbed me.

Cheating.

Cheating wives. Cuckolded husbands. Humiliation.

The more I read, the more upset I became. It was like watching an automobile accident, I just couldn't turn away.

I became obsessed and read everything, from a wife that has second thoughts and stops before going too far, to a husband watching his partner getting fucked by a group of black men with impossibly large cocks that no white man could ever have. And the husband was turned on!

The ones that I dwelled on were the "I came home early..." stories. Normally some schmo who loves his wife and is clueless decides that he hasn't been paying enough attention to his wife the last six months and will surprise her with flowers and coming home early only to discover that...she's FUCKING another man/his best friend/his boss/her co-worker/some dominant big bull black man in their house, in their bedroom, on their marital bed.

Oh the shame! Oh the humiliation! Oh the...he must calmly with shaky hands and feet walk back out of his house without them knowing he saw them, and go think about things somewhere. What did he do wrong? How long has this been going on? Is this guy the first? Are his children really his? How can he ever trust her?

Then some elaborate plan for revenge and unveiling that the husband knows the truth with some humiliation and embarrassment, normally in front of friends and family and business associates happens. The husband serves the cheater divorce papers, but because he is "above" her, never mind the elaborate scam he pulled over her in planning his revenge, he has the divorce papers state Irreconcilable Differences, instead of Adultery.

I would get up from the computer screen after reading these stories and pace back and forth frothing at the mouth at the situation and how I wouldn't stand for ANY of that shit in my own marriage!

I've been married ten years. No kids, just the two of us. We both had lives before we met and we both accepted the fact that we wanted to grow old together. It hasn't always been easy. When we got married we had no money, no job prospects and everyone who knew us kept asking us what we were going to do for funds. We didn't care, those things work themselves out: We're In Love! And we were.

But guess what? 90% of our fights the first few years were about money. Who spent what, how were we going to invest it, why do we have all this debt, how come one of the bills was paid late? It was tough and a wake up call for both of us that love is not enough to maintain a relationship.

We grew together and honestly I could think of no one closer to me than my wife. Now reading all these "loving wives" stories, I began to wonder if I was so holier than thou, better than all those schmucks in the stories who also thought that nothing was wrong with their marriage, until they saw their slut wife pull a train at the ten year high school reunion.

We professed out love to each other daily. Sure the sex had dwindled and she never really had a high sex drive to begin with, but we were happy!

I just couldn't stop reading those stories and each elaborate plan got more and more complex. I kept yelling at the screen, WTF! Why not just sit down, and COMMMUNICATE! Shit. Tell her what you suspect, tell her that you will not stand for it, and if she is so fucking unhappy, to talk to you as her husband so that the two of you, remember it is a partnership, hello, can work it out, with a shrink if needed.

But they never do, do they? It wouldn't be a story, since nothing would happen! Where's the drama in that? I understand that, and I do tend to avoid the romance genre, because it is so predictable and boring.

So, as my obsession continued, I began to keep an eye on my wife. I also read self help books about relationships. About attraction, what triggers attraction for a woman, etc. I was adamant that I would never go through any of the pain that these husbands had experienced. I would be vigilant!

I noticed that my wife had multiple email accounts one day. She started having a habit of quickly closing browser windows and logging off her email as I entered our shared office. I would inquire as to what she was doing and when she told me nothing, I knew that she was not being entirely truthful.

Chat/IM programs were installed on her computer. She would hide those too when I was around. Based on the stories, I knew something was going on. She was communicating with people I didn't know about.

The cell phone texting came next. First she would tell me it was a friend who would was asking about getting coffee or something else. A vague and not detailed response but not lying. Then her responses to my curiosity of the buzzing cell phone text message were, "Oh, it's nothing dear."

What was going on?

We commuted daily together. Her work was a few miles away from mine. So mornings and evenings we would be together. Sometimes in separate rooms, but I made it a habit to be with her and go with her whenever she wanted to go somewhere. She seemed to enjoy my company, and on most occasions as we worked close to each other she would ask me to come have lunch with her. I thought that she loved me, and was devoted to me. I was the most important person in the world to her. She certainly was mine!

Sometimes, she would get phone calls. They were from her work mates. I would always ask her who it was. She seemed to have some online friends as well. A few she told me about. They mostly seemed to be men, a few women.

I started seeing parallels between the stories of loving wives and my wife. Was she stepping out on me? I was sure that she wasn't. But could she be planning to? There were many times were we wound up not having anything to say to each other. We would look at each other and just be silent. Were we loosing interest?

I turned on the romance. I professed my love to her all the time. I did cute things for her and to her! But still the sex life was dormant. I started asking her about her friends. She became defensive and accused me of grilling her. She became guarded and didn't want to tell me everything. That would frustrate me and I would get jealous and mad.

She would have to calm me down and tell me that I had nothing to be jealous of. A few times in an argument I would mention to her that if she ever cheated on me, I would fucking throw her ass out. She responded in anger.

"I have never cheated on you! And it's not like I haven't had the chance to. Plenty of times I could have had the opportunity!"

What was that? Plenty of times? Guys had been hitting and flirting on her? Had she flirted back? What the fuck?

This just added fuel to the fire of my obsession. I read more and more and then started doing research on divorce law. I wanted to be prepared.

There never was a time where she could have cheated on me, unless she did it during work hours. We were just together all the time. Her work is very important to her, so I doubted that anything was happening there, however...

I brought the cheating issue up a few more times and each time we ended up fighting. She cried. "Where is this coming from? What have I done that would make you mistrust me?"

I counted off the issues I had, the texts, the email, and the online chats. She just blinked at me.

I couldn't loose her. I just couldn't and I wouldn't! I would nip anything in the bud before it even got started! I would be vigilant!

She sighed. She got off the bed, and took me into the office. She turned on her computer and logged in. She opened up all of her email and chat logs. She flipped her cell phone open and opened up the history. She sat me down at the computer.

"Here. Read it. Go over it. Ask me questions." Her voice was cold.

I sat there and scanned it, all of it. The stuff was mundane, girl stuff, friend stuff, stuff that I had repeatedly shown no interest in. In short conversations that I had dissolved myself from, she would discuss with her friends. It was all innocent. I just couldn't even read any hidden subtext that might be there, because there wasn't.

"Well?" She asked me. "Are you happy now?"

I sheepishly nodded.

"Good," she said. "Because I have something to say to you. I will not be accused of being a cheat by you. I am perfectly innocent and it disturbs me that you cannot trust me. I trust you and I don't worry about you cheating. Are you? Do you have a guilty mind? Is that why you are so concerned?"

"No, no. Not at all!" I said. "It's just sometimes I worry, that's all."

She looked at me with an exasperated expression.

I continued. "When you get messages and stuff and then you don't tell me, it looks like you are hiding something from me."

She sighed.

"Listen to me," she said. "I love you, you idiot, but this has got to stop. We are together all the time. We do everything together and sometimes I need some down time from you. You have been very intense lately and hard to deal with. The subjects you show no interest in means I have to go to my friends to discuss. I wish you would discuss them with me, I wish I could share them with you. You are who I want to be always with. I'm always the one that begs you to come to lunch with me, but you yourself point out that if we see each other too often, we will have nothing to talk about!"

I nodded. It made sense but...

"But what about the sex? We haven't had any in so long?"

"Sex?" She said. "Sex? You want to know why we aren't doing it? It's because you've become a jealous insecure wimp of a husband that doesn't trust me. You want sex with me? Try turning back into the confident trusting man I married! He turned me on. This person you are now...he is not getting into my pants."

I was shocked. What had I become? I tried to avoid becoming the men in those stories, the ones that their wives had lost all respect for and I wound up becoming something worse. It was a jolt to my system

I dumbly nodded. My feelings were a bit hurt and she could see it on my face.

She placed a stroking hand on my thigh and said.

"And honey, please change back soon. It's been a long time, and I'm ever so horny!"

I laughed, grabbed her and with her yelping in surprise, I took her to bed and ravaged her.

So I guess I will put my relationship down to blind luck rather than my skill and studying. I have a wonderful wife that loves me, trusts me and respects me and my job is to make sure that I don't drop the ball...again!

Cheers!