tagHumor & SatireLST3K Ep. 01: The Tale of Benjamin

LST3K Ep. 01: The Tale of Benjamin


The author of the original story has given me permission to spoof his story, The Tale of Benjamin Royson. The story is unaltered from how it appears on Lit, except for the addition of my commentary. Check out Sean Renaud's work here on Lit, and be sure to thank him for kindly donating this tale for me to slice and dice mercilessly!

Be warned that the original story is a father/daughter taboo tale.

Now, without further ado, welcome to Literotica Sexual Theatre 3000!

Turn down your lights

(Where applicable)

* * LST3K * * * * * * *

I remember this story because it includes one of my favorite little sluts, Trish the Dish on her second outing.

Trish the Dish? This isn't starting out well at all. Something goofy this way comes.

This tale isn't about her though, it is about her father. Poor, unfortunate, sex starved Benjamin Paul Royson.


There is a man that I have always pitied. No man ever deserves to be put through a life nearly devoid of sex. I guess I could commend him on his strength. Most men wouldn't have had the will power to remain true to his vows but he only broke his vows twice in twenty-two years of marriage, both on the same day.

Benjamin Paul Royson,

A pretentious name so great, it deserves a second mention!

Benny had been the popular jock in school. He was on both the football and basketball teams from his sophomore year through to graduation. He dated all the most popular girls and worked at the gas station.

That's how he got through all the popular girls. As soon as they found out he worked at the gas station, they dumped him!

In his junior year he bought his first car, a '67 Chevy Impala Super Sport off white with tan leather interior.

In his senior year, he bought his first inflate-a-date with an off-centered mouth that looked a great deal like granny from The Beverly Hillbillies.

After high school he'd gone to the University of Southern California to play football for the Trojans. He'd been majoring in Nutrition planning to return to Mobile Alabama and coach football at his old high school one day.

Because we all know nutritionists make the best football coaches!

During those years he'd met Victoria Laura Hamner, the proverbial girl next door.

I'm kinda starting to like this, from now on I shall be known as Jonathon Whizza Lott!

The first time he saw her she was up on a pedestal with the debate team. She was the only woman fighting against the feminist movement of her classmates. (God made woman to accompany and serve man, it wasn't their place to question his will.) He couldn't believe his ears, (he said much the same thing as did his father before him)

And his father, and his father's father, and his father's father's father, twice removed.

but more so he couldn't believe his eyes.

Speaking of eyes, are all the parentheses starting to make anybody else's go crossed?

Victoria was a stunning woman at twenty-three. She still wore the long plain skirts and loose blouses like her mother and many of the teachers did, shunning the miniskirt and the tight tops that many of her peers wore. She didn't perm or die her hair, she didn't paint her nails or wear make up. (God had given her an appearance that was pleasing to His eye and she needed please no other.)

Danger, Danger, Will Fastidious Robinson!

It didn't matter. Plain clothing and simple hairstyles only enhanced her natural beauty giving her a homely look that Benny couldn't resist. (Not that I blame him. God has been amongst my favorite artists for sometime now.)

Aaaaatack, of the killer parentheses! Aaaatack, of the killer parentheses!

Benny had been with a handful of girls before Victoria, and though he'd never gotten serious (he was a technically still a virgin, (a few hand and blow jobs non-withstanding.)

We go back to the gas station job for an explanation of this

The parentheses are nesting now! They're mating! Run away!

he was impure in the eyes of the Lord according to Victoria. It took him six months to convince her that he had atoned for his sins enough for her to seriously speak to him again. Their first date had been to the Church of the Holy Cross where they had shared Communion.

Administered by Father Simon Belmont

He couldn't get enough of her proposed to her that evening.

All the parentheses, and we can't get an and or a comma?

(Any normal man would have run, Benny wasn't the sharpest knife I grant you.)

Speaking of sharp knife, does anyone have one?

She accepted and they were married.

Frigid zealot for sale, any offer accepted!

They had skipped the honeymoon at Victoria's request, insisting that the tradition was just a barbaric ritual men had invented. She could find nothing in the Bible that insisted on a weekend being spent consummating the marriage. They had been married an entire month before they had even attempted to procreate (Victoria didn't allow dirty language in her home insisting it "sex" be referred to as procreation, or knowing each other. Dick, pussy, cock, and tits were also forbidden words. Penis, vagina and breast (Breasts by the way have nothing to do with "knowing" each other and thus were not to receive special attention during the act)

Hey we lost one closing parentheses there, maybe we're getting somewhere!

were the only acceptable ways to refer to these organs while in her presence. She refused to give him hand or blow jobs or to even think about the forbidden act of anal as there was no way to get pregnant from any of these acts. (She did promise to suck him as often as he liked if the scientific community found cases of girls getting pregnant through the act.)

Thank heavens religious zealots are so accepting of scientific findings, or this would be completely unbelievable

Their first experience together had taken almost two hours. Most of it was showering, cleansing the mind and body and praying for God to bless their union. The actual act had lasted less than five mundane minutes of Benjamin atop his wife knowing her. They repeated the act less than a dozen times before conceiving the bundle of joy that would become Patricia.

DING! Kid's done!

Victoria only wanted one child so her pregnancy marked the end of what sex life Benjamin had.

He spent the next twenty years buried in his work trying his best not to think about the things he was missing in life. The idea of cheating on his wife was constantly on his mind though he would never admit it. Every girl that passed by him, or magazine cover with some scantily clad woman caught his attention for hours thoughts of sex would dance in his mind.

Sex probably did the riverdance in this guy's head, or maybe the Hokey Pokey

Most recently and disturbing though was Patricia whom he found himself staring at as she passed by him in the home.

Ouch! Mangling the language like a berserker on angel dust here!

She was his daughter and he knew he would go to Hell just for the thoughts he had of his daughter.

Have we mentioned that she's his daughter?

He had been certain he was going to Hell for sometime though.

What kind of sin is sometime? Other than really bad editing...

It somehow made it ok and he found himself stealing more than just glances at his daughter as she walked through their home.

He also started stealing glances at shiny objects.

Somehow the fact that he was already damned made it ok to notice his daughter's toned thighs and sparkling eyes. If he was headed to Hell already then why not notice his daughter's perky nipples through the fabric of her modest dress?

Today he was taking Patricia to his office at Jacob & Kelly, the local Real Estate Company.

Because we all know, nutritionists make great real estate agents!

Benjamin was one of three managers so he was safely certain he could get Victoria a part-time job as a secretary.

So, he's taking Patricia to his office to get a job for Victoria? I'm so confused!

Hey, wait a minute! What's Patricia's middle name! This isn't right!

He didn't agree with Victoria's reasons for Patricia getting a job, she was already going to college with a full schedule but that only took four hours a day and her weekends were completely free. Patricia spent most of her time studying (she had straight A's) but she was managing to find time to read romance novels and watch television. Her mother could already see Satan digging his claws into her life and certain her daughter was just days away from being a street walker strung out on PCP

AND! For the love of all this is holy!

had ordered Benjamin to get her a job. She ran the house, he didn't dare argue.

He sat in the front seat of their dark blue Honda Accord adjusting his black tie on his maroon shirt in the mirror.

Wait a minute! What color is the interior! This is an outrage! We're in the car here, what color is the interior!

It was a treat not to have to wear a white shirt, but his wife thought that dressing up was a sign of pride. He was waiting for Patricia who came running out of the house quickly waving back to her mother.

She was dressed in a black skirt indecently short (by her mother's terms, if she sat down it wouldn't cover her knees, it also clung to her hips) and a white blouse tucked into her skirt. Her hair was pulled to the back of her head in a tight bun but most notably her cheeks were blushed slightly and her lips were slightly red.

Was the bun so tight that it was trapping all the blood in her cheeks and lips? Quick, get the Jaws of Life!

It was the first time he'd seen his daughter in make-up. (Accept Halloween

Accept Halloween! Baal commands it!

where she had invariably been nuns or angels.

Wow, that costume must have taken forever to make, for her to look like a gaggle of nuns or angels

One should only dress up as things they wish they were. Princesses were slothful, lustful, prideful gluttonous beasts that no good Christian could possibly want to emulate.)

And, of course, the fact that it was an evil pagan holiday, and an evil pagan tradition somehow slipped Victoria's mind. Just don't dress up as a lustful princess!

The look of her took his breath away.

If only... If only...

"Come on Daddy. Let's go." She was breathing deeply, her chest rising and falling with each breath. He quickly suppressed the idea of making her pant.

Mr. Royson nodded and pulled out of the driveway. "You look nice today honey."

Would you be mine, could you be mine, won't you be my neighbor!

"Thank you Daddy. Mommy let me put on a little make up, do you like it?" She turned toward him holding onto the armrest as with a sexy pout.

As with a sexy pout, but really just a bad case of indigestion.

Benjamin felt his cock stir with the first glance thoughts of her lipstick leaving a ring around his. . .he quickly pushed the idea away concentrating on the road. Her breasts were pushed forward between her arms and her eyes

She's a contortionist?

"Yes Patricia, its beautiful." Patricia smiled crossed her legs and reclined the seat. She looked just like one of those models he saw on the covers of magazines, blonde hair forming a halo around her head. (She was no longer innocent enough to claim one however) and hard nipples pointing straight upward.

Maybe if the cover of the magazine had a Picasso on it. Nipples pointing straight up?

"Daddy. Am I beautiful?" Her eyes were closed when he looked at her with a smile.

Who is looking at who? Who is smiling? This is harder to follow than a map in Sanskrit...

"Of course." He answered adjusting his mirror to watch her. "Why do you ask?" Benjamin turned slightly trying his best to conceal his excitement from his daughter. He could never look at her this way, but he was.

"I don't know Daddy. It's just that no boys try to talk to me at school." She propped herself up on her elbows turning slightly toward him. "If you were a boy would you talk to me Daddy?"

Propped herself up on her elbows? She is a contortionist!

A hot blush flooded up over his face as he turned to her again. "Yes."

"Would you take me on a date?" The tone of her voice took on a husky tone. By this point Benjamin was painfully hard, his cock straining against his boxers.

Tone! Tone! C'mon now, three's a charm!

"Yes of course." Benjamin turned slightly reaching down from the steering wheel to quickly adjust his manhood. Patricia was watching him, staring at him as he slipped his had over his crotch. She kept her gaze low for a moment then tilted her gaze up to meet his eyes. "Patricia?"

Yes, your name is Patricia. Loosen the bun in your hair, it's cutting circulation off to your brain. Oh, wait, that's him again.

The return key must stick or something. A keyboard condom might be in order. I really wish I hadn't thought about that just now.

"Hmm?" Her eyes darting back down to his pants tented over his manhood.

Is she a cyborg? Her eyes whirr when she moves them! Neato!

"What is it?" Benjamin locked his eyes on the road pretending he didn't know what his daughter was staring at.

"It's just so big Daddy." Patricia reached out and gripped his shaft through his pants kneading his member steadily. "Is it because of me?"

No, it's the cause of you. Didn't you pay any attention in Biology, Trish the Dish?

"Stop that Patricia." His voice had no conviction and he didn't try to pull her away.

"Is there something you would rather I did Daddy?" Patricia purred as she leaned close to him.


"What? I know you want this Daddy. You've been watching me for a long time and Mommy doesn't let you touch her." She undid his belt and opened his fly slipping her hand against his flesh. The warmth of her fingers tight around his hard meat was almost enough right then.

"Patricia, you're"

"I'm your daughter and I want to make my Daddy happy." She lowered her head into his lap and laid a gentle kiss his cock head.

Maybe all those parentheses are eating up the missing words, like Pac-Man

He wanted to say something to her but he couldn't think anymore. Patricia traced the underside of his cock with her warm tongue. "Daddy?"

He was nearly hyperventilating and struggling to keep his eyes on the road. Benjamin's eyes kept moving between his daughter and the road, swerving through the traffic.

Are Benjamin's eyes, or the road swerving through traffic?

"What is it?" He managed to gasp between breaths.

"I'm not sure," Patricia groaned exponentially, "It looks like half a bratwurst with a mushroom on top, and it smells funny."

"Talk to me Daddy." She cupped his balls in one hand wrapping her lips around the underside of his shaft. Tracing the thick vein she slowly worked her way slowly up towards the tip

I wonder if she was doing it slowly?

stopping every so often to tug on his flesh. He shook his head and swerved hard to avoid a truck. "It's so yummy."

The truck? Must have been an ice cream truck...

That was too much for Benjamin to take. Twenty years without sex and now this girl, his own daughter sucking his cock. She felt him pulse, just like the tentacle the night before.

The tentacle? Did she sneak out to film some Hentai the night before? I'm so confused!

Patricia opened her mouth as her fingers continued to speed up and down his shaft while cum blasted her face and his shirt. A deliciously decadent grin pursed her lips as she leaned closer coaxing the last stubborn drops of his cum onto her tongue and sat up.

The parentheses must be eating the punctuation too. Editor! Code Blue! Stat!

"Thank you Daddy." Patricia purred. She gripped his cock and squeezed the last drops of cum out of his cock onto her tongue. She looked down at his shirt where a few more drops of his cum sat drying. "I'm sorry."

"What was that?" Benjamin asked.

How does this guy manage to sell houses? He can't manage to string more than three words together.

"I wanted to make my Daddy happy. I know Mommy hasn't been very good to you." Patricia grinned lustily, the fire still glowing in her eyes. She reached into the glove box baby wipe and cleaned his shirt.

Glove box/Baby Wipe, Honda thinks of everything!

"We can't."

"Sure we can Daddy, Mommy doesn't have to know what we do." Patricia gathered her skirt up around her waist, she was wearing no panties beneath. Her bare pussy glistened with her juices. (Just that morning she had shaved all of it but a tiny stripe.)

"Daddy. Tell me what a bad girl I am. Daddy please." The last word dragged out as a pleasured moan.

Oh, you're bad alright, soooo bad.

"You're a dirty girl." He sputtered uncomfortable with the request.

"Never mind Daddy, I'll talk, you just drive and enjoy." As she spoke she a Mack Truck pulled up alongside and the driver looked down at her. "No don't." She put her hand over her father's stopping him from pulling away.

Patricia turned to the driver and rolled the window down. "Hey there little lady."

I would think a truck driver would be offended by being called a little lady

"Hey." She flashed him. "You like?"

Hey, she flashed him, and then put away her signal lamp and said...

"Hell yeah!"

"My Daddy here can't seem to talk dirty to me." She undid her top and unfastened her bra baring her breasts to the biting winds of the freeway. "It just gets me so hot when a man tells me what a dirty slut I am. You think you can help me?"

"Hell yes I can help you, you dirty cock loving slut." He stole a look at the road then back down at her. "Show me your puss whore!"

"Only cus you talk so dirty." She moaned lying back in the seat. She rested one leg on the dashboard the other behind the seat and arched her back up toward the window. Her head was rested in her father's lap, her cheek up against his hard again cock.

Hard again - is that like born again? He needs to lay off the communion wafers.

"I hope you're taking notes Daddy. If you want me to help you with this" she kissed his dick "then you better learn how to talk to a girl."

There she goes with the contortionist bit again. Get a job with the circus already, it's your calling Patricia!

"I know a little tramp like you can do better than that!"

Patricia smiled at the driver's request pushing a pair of fingers into her puss pumping slowly into her shaved slit. "Is this what you like?" She parted her netherlips for him giving him a clear view of her pink pussy.

My Kingdom for a comma!

"That's exactly what I like. If you need more than just some words from this big dawg. I got eight inches of cock that a little whore is welcome to."

Patricia turned back to Benjamin. "Can you do that?"

"Call you a dirty slut?"

"Mhmm" He nodded. "Then do it and get us away from this pervert."

His head makes funny noises when he nods.

"Suck Daddy's dick my dirty little slut." Benjamin growled lustily. Patricia granted his wish wrapping her lips around the crown of his cock bobbing hungrily up and down on his cock.

Surely you can cram at least one more cock in that sentence, go for broke!

"That's how I like it, suck it." He hesitantly took one hand off the wheel and placed it on the back of her head pushing her down. Then he quickly pulled away. "I'm sorry."

Patricia surfaced briefly. "Do whatever you like Daddy. Pull my hair, call me a slut, push me down on your cock, spank me. I just wanna make you happy." She smiled up at him then slipped his cock into her mouth. With one hand she stroked his shaft, holding her pert ass high in the air so passersby hooted and hollered as they passed. Patricia paid no attention still sucking on his shaft until she felt him start pulsing. "Can I swallow?"

Report Story

byDarkniciad© 20 comments/ 21657 views/ 3 favorites

Share the love

Report a Bug

2 Pages:12

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar: