Ludy's Kink Cafe Ch. 01

The "dicks" and "janes" rooms were in a small shadowy hall past the jukebox. He went in. The bathroom smelled like citrus and lysol. He bolted the stall door shut. It was clean. He sat down. Read the graffiti. It sayeth, "Make the Hula Girl Dance". He felt a long way from Hawaii. He didn't have to crap. He had to think.

Weird things happen in small towns. Maybe the whole town of Noplaceville was a bunch of inbred pervs. Tut tut. Who was he to judge?

Maybe he should stay the night at a motel and ask Cass to show him around. With any luck he might not need the motel room. He was ahead of schedule. He could afford himself a little fun.

Noplaceville. It was peculiar that he was unable to find the town on his road map. Rand & McNally did not officially acknowledge the existence of Noplaceville. He rather relished the idea of being in unchartered territory. Unless of course he'd drove into the twilight zone and this place didn't really exist. The queerness of its name did not escape him.

"O.k... so I'm in 'Noplaceville' and none of this is really happening," the cold porcelain under his thighs gave contrary testimony. The burger waiting on his plate protested his ludicrous hypothesis. Cass's kiss objected to his theory. His jitterbugging hormones were as real as can be.

He crushed his trusty one hitter into the box and sizzled up a pinch of hairy marijuana. A few hits of the green amped up his thoughts and sent him drifting in a zen haze.

"o.k... so aside from the weird name of the town, horny waitresses and the lunch-punch-jerk-off club, have I noticed anything else strange? Yes... the weird buzzing ticking roaring noise in my head. Radiation? Mind control? It could be psychic warfare. Is somebody trying to crack my brain-case?"

Ziggy sifted through his mind.

He smoked more pot.

He thought he remembered something in the Dischordia about time-energy transmutation being similar to a deep sea diver or mountain climber; something about the psychic adjustment to the time-space altitude. He should have studied harder. blah blah blah.

"Nobody seems to be leaving or coming or going. Nobody except that kid on the bike but he just keeps circling the diner like a little vulture... Wait a minute," behold a light-bulb, "time-loop. It's gotta be a time loop. Oh Ziggy-man, just what jar of cookies did you open? And even if you have stumbled into a quantum shit-storm, what's with the sleazy honies? Are these babes a manifestation of my own desires? Or is somebody else behind all this?"

He heard the centipedes start their march. A collapsing squeezing headache seized him. He was being sucked into the tunnel. He bent over and put his head between his legs to keep from passing out. Maybe the weed was making it worse.

"aaaaagggghhh.... What IS thiiiis!!?" He groaned against the deafening sonic rumble.

And then the tunnel collapsed in his brain and left the magic ringing sound.

"uuugghhhh..." Ziggy muttered miserably as he felt the blood pressure equalize in his skull.

"OH Fuck it! Fuck'n time-loops! Give me a freak'n break. The herb's got me paranoid. Maybe I should just lighten up and stop being such a paranoid whack-attack. Maybe this little wonderland is some kind of karmic pay out. I mean, I could wake up dead tomorrow. I'm probably having a fucking brain aneurysm," he thought as he stood up and reached down for his pants.

That's when he saw the little saddle shoed feet under the door.

"Well," Cass's voice echoed around the dimly lit men's room. "You gonna stay in there and play with that big dick of yours all day or are you gonna get a little lunch while it's still hot?" her sultry voice made him melt.

The stall door shrieked as he swung it open. Kahkis around his ankles. Warm dangling dong in hand. "o.k... you wanna play with Ziggy," he thought wickedly to himself, "come on and get it."

"WHAAA!!!" Ziggy jumped back in alarm and almost fell into the toilet.

Cass was not alone! There were three naked guys standing behind her! But they all had their backs turned to her. He couldn't see their faces since they were turned around but it only took a millisecond to realize that the three dudes were identical clones... of himself! Their little white hairy butts clenching and unclenching as they thrust their hips into their fists. The sound of their floggings making a whacka-whacka-whackatorium in the men's room.

"Ha ha. Not cool! Who's your friends?" he asked Cass nervously. His penis shriveled in his palm.

"Oh them. Don't worry about THEM. I mean, it's kinda sad, don't you think? Pretty good look'n girl right here. All they have to do is turn around and notice me. But they don't. So there they go...jerk'n off again. They must be happy I guess *sigh* Actually... it kinda makes me horny... I mean look at 'em. Pulling those big hard dicks. mmmmm..." Cass closed her eyes dreamily and shrugged her soft shoulders.

"How did you do that? Who are these guys? What's going on?" Ziggy was confused and becoming upset.

Cass giggled. "Hey, I don't know babe. It's YOUR fantasy."

"MY fantasy? MINE? I don't recall THIS fantasy? This is some kinda fuck'n trip. You put somthing in my coffee?" Ziggy stammered.

"yeah... sugar and innuendo... like you asked," Cass said innocently.

She dropped down to her knees on the tile floor and wove little magic spells in the air with her hands. Looking up at him with her mischievous big brown eyes, "Tell me you don't like strange things. C'mon. Don't be like that. So what are you gonna do Mr. Mumbo-Jumbo? You wanna turn around and jerk off like your friends here, or do you wanna take a big step forward and stick that cock in my mouth?"

This was too weird. Ziggy was certain he must be dreaming. Dream or not... this chic was hot and she was on her knees. Damn the jerky clones! Polish the knob!

He had very rapidly lost his erection when he saw the Ziggy clones. He wilted. They still made him a little uneasy so he tried not to look at them. He was scared to look at their faces. Afraid of getting in a staring contest with one of them. Uugghhhh... It creeped him out to think about it.

"Forget about them, they're hopeless, you're not like them at all," she reassured him as she grazed her fingernails over his tight scrotum. His exposed cock dangled in front of her pretty face.

"Actually I think we're quite similar," was he attempting a joke?

"Well, if you can get them to turn around and stop being so selfish, I'd suck you ALL off," she whispered as her mouth brushed his penis.

"holy Mumbo-Jumbowski... a party girl," Ziggy sighed and managed a little nervous laugh. He was still very wary of his identical twin brothers who pulled and twisted their cocks about her.

It was a very strange situation. But Ziggy closed his eyes and gave himself readily to Cass's coaxing mouth.

She wrapped her lips around his soft dong and sucked on it. She popped it out of her juicy mouth and collared it with her fingers. She waggled it over her lips.

"mmmm...yeaaahh...you like that. Don't you?" she loaded his meat fully in her mouth and began to make rhythmic throat gulps.

"whoooa..." Ziggy closed his eyes and imagined all four Ziggy cocks slapping her in the face. North. South. East. West.

Ziggy began to get hard. His member throbbed at her tugging. It swelled with her sucking and it pulsed with her generous licking. It grew in her mouth as she gulped and slobbered. Her pretty face buried between his hairy thighs. Her hands wrapped around the flanks of his ass.

The other Ziggy's gasped and huffed as they jerked themselves off.

She cruised over his stiffening dick. His veiny warm shaft, snuggled into the palm of her pulling hand. His balls rocked to her stroking rhythm.

"I love sucking dick. I'm such a little slut," she whispered from somewhere in his scrotum where she attempted and succeeded in sucking a nut into her horny slut mouth.

Ziggy handled his pulsing erection. It was slick with her spit. He pulled it away from her. A long drool stream connected her lower lip to his glistening pumped prick.

"Is this what you want?" he lowered it to her mouth and teased her with it. She nodded 'yes' with baby doll eyes.

"Want me to FEED it to you?" he suggested as he glided his cushy head over her luscious lips like it was some kind of man-stick lip balm.

"ooo..mmm-hmmm... pleeeeease, feed it to me," she gasped excitedly.

"Open wide....." he guided his cock between her lips. He felt Cass's warm mouth seal around his member.

"oh *gasp* your cock tastes sooooooo good," Cass moaned. She tongued his damp balls and kept going all the way up, up, up the underbelly of his shaft until she got to the top, whereupon she flickered her tongue menacingly over his sensitive purpley head.

The naked, masturbating look alikes spanked away.

He groaned as her yearning lips kissed and plucked at his hot meaty shaft.

The Ziggy clones fantasized about getting sucked off in a men's room. Their arms pumped with gusto. Their shoulders hunched. Knees bent.

Cass bathed Ziggy's erection with her mouth. She was a skilled and eager little hummingbird. She HAD said she loved hummingbirds. His throbbing cock was wet and glistening with her drool. Her head bobbed up and down on his prick.

She sucked him to the hilt. Her hot little mouth worked him over. Wrapping her lips around the base and skinning her mean little teeth against his thick shaft, wet glossy lips trailing in tow. She used her tongue to flick and jab at his bobbing wet weenie. She swirled her tongue over his pulsing head.

Cass was a cock sucking slut. She loved to pull guys off inside her mouth. Feel them cumming down her throat.

She began to jerk him off while her mouth sealed around the head of his cock and suuuuuucked. Her throat made little gulping noises. Faster and faster she pulled his dog! The loose skin wrinkled forward and stretched back along the length of his shaft. Throating it! Twisting it! Sucking it! Beating his cock into a frenzy with her eager little mouth sucking and begging at the end of his nozzle.

*smack* *smack* *suck* *smack* *gulp* *suck* *suck* sounds echoed around the little bathroom.

The Ziggy clones picked up the pace and slapped themselves silly. Their hairy balls bouncing up and down.

Ziggy's hands prowled through Cass's tangled brunette hair. He clenched a fist of it. He bucked his white-boy hips. He fucked her face.

"yeahhh. get ready... here... it... CUUUHHHMMMZZZ!!!!"

The Ziggies all drew in an enormous breath of citrus lysol funk. Then all the Ziggies in the house cummed. They shuddered and let loose with groans and panting. They shot white ribbons of semen on the floor. The spurts landed in heavy splats on the cold tile.

But one happy Ziggy unloaded a spewing fountain of white jiz into Cassandra Lynn Clark's mouth. He crumpled and collapsed in on Cass's tugging and sucking. He shot white gobs of semen into Cass's moaning mouth. She shut her eyes as the first spurts began to hit the back of her throat. She gulped down wads of it. His balls pumped as she sucked, milking him like she was trying to suck an extra thick vanilla-malt through a straw.

Just as he thought his balls had heaved up their last spooge, she would suck out another wave as her throat opened to gulp down the load.

Ziggy's body shuddered. He was finally spent. The jerking Ziggy clones had vanished.

She popped his sucked-off sausage from her lips.

"ooooo holy fellatio," he wheezed "that was amazing."

She fixed herself in the mirror.

"Your lunch is getting cold," she left the door swinging behind her.

"Damn," Ziggy thought as he put himself back in his pants and washed his hands, "I didn't even need to buy five lunches for that."

He accidentally stepped in a puddle of Ziggy clone cum. He didn't know what to make of it. He had just received some of the best head of his up-until-now life. He could accept weirdness. He didn't need an explanation for everything. Embrace chaos. Embrace mystery. Embrace psychedelic kink. There was somthing bizarre going on here and he liked it. It excited him.

He splashed some water on his face and straightened his mojotastic fez hat in the mirror. Although his spirits were soaring and reeling with wonder and amazement, there was a twinge of self-preserving caution. (Fear? NAAAH!!! He would never admit to being afraid.)

"O.K. bigshot, just remember what a mess there was in New Orleans. That started out with some bawl'n good fun but then that voodoo priestess got vengeful and the organization felt compelled to call in that very unsavory fellow, Mr. Zaggy Ordinary, just to set shit straight. *tsk tsk* What a shame. Keep your wits about you Mr. Mumbo," he advised the handsome devil in the mirror.

--------------------------

PART 3

He assessed the situation as he swaggered from the men's room, "Current plan of action... go with the flow and milk this hoochie-coochie hot dog stand for all it's worth. Who knows, perhaps it's your very good fortune that you have fallen into the sluttiest cosmic wurm-hole in this space-time continuum. Embrace chaos. Fuck like it's Armageddon. Adventure calls to those who make the journey to Noplaceville."

He returned to his seat at the busy counter.

The mountain of cheeseburger was waiting for him. It was the biggest, juiciest, most vibrant cheeseburger he'd ever seen in his life. His tummy growled.

He wrapped his fingers around it's girth and sunk his teeth into it.

Cheezy greasy goodness! It dripped from his lips; tingling tastebud bliss coursed through his senses. Cheeseburgers from heaven. Let the bubbles fly! Let the waitresses bend over! Hail Mumbo Jumbo!

An old man at the front door rustled his newspaper and looked around wildly.

"Day poot a widdle naykid gur el onna cheese booga! Day poot it onna yer cheezey booga!" he shouted wildly. His tongue snaked around his wrinkled lips in a lewd way. His eyes were buggy. The man was shaking a gnarled fist and yelling at Ziggy.

"WHAT?!" Ziggy exclaimed half-laughing.

"I SAYED... day put a widdle naked gurl on yer cheeeeeeese burga. heh heh hehaa," his laugh was evil.

Ziggy lifted the bun. "What are you talking about?" Sure enough. There was a "widdle", tiny, naked girl sliding out from under a pickle. Her tiny thighs were smeared with ketchup and mustard. Her curly hair matted. Her little girl boobs were (quite literally) the size of mosquito bites. Her face was twisted in terror. She crab walked backward and slipped, falling on her butt in the melted cheese. *splat* She stretched out her tiny arms and flailed them. Ziggy observed the curious impulse to pick her up and suck the mustard from her dainty legs. A teeny-bopper appetizer.

"Don't eat me! Please! Please don't eat me!" her voice was so tiny he could barely hear it.

"Don't worry! I won't eat you... I won't eat you!" Ziggy stammered in awe as he pushed away his plate. Bewilderment! Astonishment!

"Wazza matter? You don't like it?!!" hairy Boris loomed over him.

"You think cheeseburger no good?!!" Boris winced and flexed. He popped his meaty knuckles.

"Oh, shit," muttered Ziggy. Note: Do not complain about the food.

He looked back at the burger. The little girl was gone. He lifted the burger. He searched the plate. Where did she go? He was losing it. Masturbating clones and now THIS?

"You better eat cheeseburger or you be in kitchen washing dishes with Boris! HA! HA! HA! HA!" his laugh was an eastern European gravel pit.

Ziggy felt dizzy. Partly because he was high. Partly because he didn't think his mojo was capable of producing a hallucination so vivid as a little naked cheeseburger girl, whom at that moment he was desperately trying to locate.

"o.k.... no problem here, Boris. I'll eat it. It's good. Damn good. see... mmmm...(he took a small baby bite, feeling it with his tongue for an arm or leg before he bit down. There BETTER fucking well NOT be ANY little naked people in this burger!) mmmmm... yummy..." Poor Ziggy. Wild eyed. Clammy hands. Cold sweat.

There was a crash. Ziggy flinched.

A waitress toppled out of the kitchen, dumping a tray of food all over the tile floor. It was Cass. She lay there for a dizzying moment in the spilled dishes.

She got to her knees. Food was splashed up and down her arm. Food smeared across her shirt, down her skirt and legs. A noodle dangled from her nose. She flung it away.

Everyone in the diner turned and laughed at her. They were pointing and chuckling and jarring each other with elbows. Woody-funk man slapped his hand on the counter and gafawed.

The jukebox was bumping and hopping with a mean saxophone solo.

Cass was fighting back tears as Boris rushed over and grabbed her roughly by the arm.

"Clumsy stupid bitch! Now I make food all again!" Boris hauled her to her feet.

"What do you see in that clumsy little slut, anyway?" asked Ragina from behind the counter. She twirled a straw in her mouth.

Ziggy gave her a confused stare, "there was a little naked girl crawling in my cheeseburger," Ziggy was becoming an unhappy customer.

"Oh really? How interesting. Cass probably just fucked up your order. Typical. You like her, don't you?" Ragina toyed with him.

"Great! Now I'm gunna have to clean up that fuck'n mess," Johnny Bow-Tie griped as he reached for a mop.

"Let the silly ditz clean it up herself. Johnny, Cum 'ere," said Ragina as she twisted a curling finger in the air. Johnny's eyes turned to fire and he grabbed Ragina's slender waist from behind.

She lifted her waves of golden-grahms hair. He began kissing and rolling his tongue over the back of Ragina's long bare neck. Inhaling her perfume.

The jukebox blistered *dah da daaa da da daaaaa*!!!

"What?! No! Don't make me..." Cass whined as Boris twisted her arm.

"Yes! Take off clothes. Take off clothes now!" Boris shouted at her.

*da daaa da daaaaaa*!!

"Don't you think I'm sexy to?" Ragina asked Ziggy.

Johnny's hands reached around the front and began squeezing Ragina's tits together.

"Wanna watch me get fucked?" asked Ragina.

Ziggy's cock twitched in his khakis.

**The song ripping out of the jukebox turned a wicked drum solo!**

Cass began to timidly peel herself out of her food stained shirt. The drums beat savagely.

"Eat your cheeseburger like a good little boy. Keep your lips wrapped around your lunch and you can watch Johnny Bow-Tie fuck me right here at the lunch counter. Just keep eating that cheeseburger... or else..." Ragina purred as Johnny squirmed his tongue in her ear.

"Or else WHAT?" Ziggy had to know.

**The sax screamed!**

*SLAP!* Boris administered a lazy backhand to Cass's cheek. Knocking her back a few steps. Her arms were crossed around her bare breasts.

"Now! Take off skirt! Do it!" shouted Boris. The customers were watching and smiling with wagging tongues as Boris bullied her. They gathered around like a pack of wild dogs.

"Teach that little slut a lesson!"shouted a gray haired little old lady. The booth of teenage hormones were yelling for her to "take it all off!" A mean looking man suggested Boris give it to her up the ass.

Ziggy immediately pressed the cheeseburger to his mouth.

"okay okay...jeez..." he muttered through the bun.

**The song swerved into a slamming piano solo!**

Johnny pushed up Ragina's shirt. Her heaving tits were strapped tight in a kinky black bra. The tan lines around her breasts threatened to show themselves around the bra's lacy edges.

Mmmm....her toned stomach undulated rhythmically, her dark slit of a belly button winked as Johnny made grinding gyrations against Ragina's pert little ass.

She lifted her slender arms above her head and reached back to grab Johnny by the ears as he nibbled hungrily at her neck. Ragina's eyes were locked on Ziggy. Her cocksucking mouth open like one of those plaqued stuffed fish that hung above the dining room.