Lust, Hate and Paradise Ch. 01

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Author's Note: This story tries for both the "lit" and the "erotica" if that doesn't sound good to you, you might want to take a pass on this one.

Also though it feels at times it might seem the story is straying towards a different category topic, take my word this is a story smack dab in erotic couplings. Please have patience.

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As a child I was always afraid of the dark. Unlike most people it never really went away, but it became unimportant and after a while I stopped thinking about it. Waking up in the middle of the night, there was always a cordless phone's charging light or a clock's big LCD numbers to provide just enough light to keep the feelings quiet. But for the first time in years, it was truly dark and the fear came at me full blown.

There was nothing out there that hadn't been there in the light, but I had told myself that too many times to believe it anymore. I thought of it as a nervous response, just a number between one and ten and nothing more. Forget imagination. Imagination made the darkness a mist slipping inside me with each breath, filtering through my lungs and threading my arteries, trailing dark streamers behind each blood cell, spreading from blood to flesh, the filaments threading me and moving through me. I could see it in my mind. I could feel it happening inside me. But that was the past scaring me. That was imagination.

What was happening was a nervous response that was nothing more than a soft seven.

I tried to breathe slowly and go through visualization exercises, but my breath came in quick shallow waves and picturing myself in a sunny mountain meadow was a bunch of crap. I just pictured myself floundering in the dark ocean, struggling in icy water. I could feel the fear as a presence below me before I was flung upward in an massive upswell of thick darker water. My past was resurfacing and that fear was now a hard eight.

But this wasn't the past and the room smelled nothing like a cool moldy cellar. There was no locked door and no creaking stairway and no moldy wooden shelves stacked with rusted cans of paint thinner and broken bicycle chains. This was a feeling that was nothing more than a nine or a nine and a half. But it wasn't the same. I wasn't alone. Even if I couldn't see or hear her, I knew Sarah was out there in the darkness.

This wasn't bondage, it was really just a game. Just kinky not hardcore, because there was nothing real about the restraints. A flimsy blindfold was over my eyes. My mouth was covered by nothing more than a strip of strapping tape and two pieces of string kept my hands tied to the bed frame.

This was a game Sarah arranged, a long slow tease where she got me hot and left me waiting. It had been working because after 24 conscious hours of forced celibacy, I was ready to burst. Now all it took was Sarah's quiet breathing to keep me hard for minutes. When my erection went soft, Sarah's robe swished and the bed shifted. My body tensed even before her warm breath tickled my foot. Just the thought of what she was going to do was making me hard. It was amazing. Having felt nothing in so long, my nerves were on a hair trigger. Her tongue licked my ankle, swirling around it like a lollipop. I felt her amusement in the playfulness of the kisses she trailed down toward my toes. God, I was ready to go off now. My foot had become my body's pleasure center and that was before Sarah's mouth surrounded my big toe.

Her tongue tickled against the cuticle and then polished the head as if seeking precum. I never thought feet were sexy, but picturing my little toes curling against Sarah's cheek was getting me even more excited. My cock pulsed and strained upward. Just as it felt like my foot would burst, the suction disappeared and the bed shifted. Now it was just anticipation with Sarah's breathing and her cooling tickle of her saliva enough to keep me hard for another five minutes.

When this game of stop and go began, the pauses had lasted a minute or less. Sarah started off licking against my neck, silly sloppy licks, changing to shorter ones, moving slower and stopping, coming back and settling into a magic spot just below my ears. She kissed it and sucked hard, marking me, her tongue tracing aching swirls around the spot until she kissed hard against the bulls eye she created. It was death by pleasure to be so excited and unable to do anything about it. Even if I couldn't see her face, I sensed the satisfied smirk that said she had taken possession of my body. I felt her pleasure as she nuzzled against my neck and pressed her lips to it, letting her tongue play and then leaving a trail of soft mincing kisses up the right side of my neck.

I almost flinched as her chin brushed my cheek and she huffed warmly into my ear. God, Sarah was driving me crazy. Her tongue touched my ear tip curled into a U-shape that she licked around the edge with the delicacy like that of sucking cream from a pastry. Her tongue toyed with my earlobe for a moment. After one last lick, Sarah skipped phantom kisses across my cheek.

Silkiness rubbed against my knee and pulled back. Something soft brushed my nipples. Then I only felt that phantom touch, a prickle of skin touching the hair on my leg. A couple seconds passed and her cheek brushed my thigh. Her lips snuggled up to my erection. I groaned and she pulled away. Sixty seconds later, Sarah began again. This time I was silent and motionless except for a muffled sigh and a slight shudder. Again she ended it.

Finally I realized any reaction would cause her to stop. On her next trip, I was motionless even as her kisses became warmer and her teasing more devious. Her lips trailed wetly down to my cock passing over my balls before she suddenly sucked one into her mouth. When I still hadn't reacted, she pushed her lips against my shaft and whispered, "Good."

Then the real test began. It was the same as before except there was ten minutes of lonely erection time -- kept up by her breathing and the infrequent toejob -- before the drawn out tease began. Maybe the purpose of this was just torture, but Sarah seemed to be trying to get me to hold out a certain length of time. This was a game, wasn't it? But I was not sure there was even a way to win because each tease was weakening my willpower not strengthening it.

Even the smallest movement brought the end to a teasing cycle and when once I tried to complain Sarah stayed silent and left me erect for twenty minutes before putting me to the test again. My frustration built higher and during the still times my back shivered with repressed sensation. Two hours of hovering on the brink of orgasm was making me a nervous wreck. Sarah had to let me off the hook soon. The last two tests I had used every drop of willpower to keep still and then involuntary twitches in my over strained arms had caused her to stop. Each time I'd twitched, the bed shifted and the only thing I had to keep me going was her soft breathing in the darkness.

Except now I heard nothing.

The only sound was my breathing and though I had no absolute sense of time, it had to have been at least forty minutes since I had heard Sarah's breathing, much less felt her tongue. Before this endless pause the sheets hadn't been damp with sweat, my skin hadn't felt clammy, and my penis hadn't been curled up into a wet vee shape.

Without Sarah I was rattled. Each second took me backwards to that time when I had been small and helpless in the dark. I had been scared then, getting freaked out by weird shadows and echoing noises; It was the curse of fear and imagination that made all the terrible things my brother told me come to life. But those were just stories. There was nothing horrible out there. Only Sarah was out there in the darkness.

This was just a new tease. Or maybe Sarah had fallen asleep out there. I tried to believe this, but my mind was running circles. I was so scared I couldn't move or speak and my breath came in short hard puffs.

This feeling was one I thought I had forgotten.

My brother had locked me in the cellar. He put me down in the dark any time he could lay hands on me when my mom and my sister were out. It didn't matter how much I yelled, no-one could hear me. Still each time was never more than a couple hours at most.

The truth was my brother had been getting bored with the game. If I hadn't done anything, he would have probably stopped on his own. But I had been pissing him off by screwing with the game, staying out of the house or making sure that whenever I had to be inside there was always a witness around. So when my Mom told us that she was taking my sister to a cheerleading competition, I knew the weekend was going to be a nightmare. The time alone down there would have been bad enough, but what made it worse was the night before my brother had watchedRaiders of The Lost Ark on television.

I was ten and very scared. Quiet and dark, there was nothing to focus on but my breathing and the clanks of rusting water pipes. The more I tried to keep calm the worse it got. The smell was damp earth, mold, and a whiff of sewer gas from a backed up drain in the floor.

My brother dropped an old canvas bag at the foot of the stairs. A second after it hit the ground, the bag moved and hissed. Then my brother pushed me over, went up the stairs and locked the door.

In the past talking to myself had helped, but I didn't want to speak or move now. I pushed myself as far away from the bag as possible. Then it was just me in the darkness trying to not think about the bag. The only sounds were the clanking pipes, but it seemed like there was a whispery noise that was concealed under the clanking. The sound could have been all in my head, but it sounded like rope being pulled, a rough surface slowly moving over a smoother one, a slithering noise. It must have been hours that I sat listening to nothing before I heard a hiss and felt a cool leathery something move against my thigh. After that my memory was blank.

My mom and sister came in late Sunday evening and found my brother drunk and dead to the world on the sofa. My Mom was just pissed off in a general way until she saw the chair wedging the cellar door shut.

I saw the light at the top of the stairs and heard my mother's voice, but I was nearly catatonic. At some point the two cold blooded snakes had moved toward my warm body and that was how my mom found me, sitting on the floor with the snakes curled around my legs.

Since then I had never thought about the cellar, had barely thought of anything that happened before college. Now I was back. I hadn't heard hissing or felt anything move against me, but after a second I heard something moving out against the floor. The bed shifted. My breath came in shallow waves and my body grew rigid.

Something touched my thigh. It was warm and soft and a moment later I felt a hand on my chest.

Another hand pulled the blindfold off, but still the room was dark lit only by a slit of red light coming through the bathroom door. All I could see was a white mask floating above my face. As the mask got closer I saw Sarah's face under a geisha coating of white powder. Seeing her face I picked out the outline of her body around her black hair and the black body suit she wore.

Sarah quickly pulled the tape off my mouth. "I'm so sorry, John. I can't believe that I left you out here for all this time." Sarah pulled at the slipknots on the strings to release my arms. "I'm so, so sorry ... John... "

Once I sat up in bed, I hugged her hard, a hug that could have lasted forever as far as I cared.

Sarah shivered and her face scrunched up. "God, you feel like a popsicle. John tell me, you're okay."

I tried to speak, but it came out as a raspy cough. Instead I pulled my head back and nodded. Then I moved back into her arms and was quiet, looking at the red light, and feeling Sarah's body wrapped around mine, hearing her, but not listening as she apologized again and again and said other words to which I payed no attention.

Finally, I pulled pack and looked at her. Her brown eyes looked so concerned, her pupils swelled to the size of dinner platters. "Are you okay?"

"Yaaayyy --" I cleared my throat. "Muhhcch... uhmm... much, much better than I was about five minutes ago," I said, my voice a collection of scraping chalk noises. "Could do with a glass of water, though."

Sarah jumped off me and took off toward the bathroom, stopping only to move the lights switch up to its dimmest setting. I sat up and took a look around the room. The fear was gone, but something lingered in the room.

Sarah rushed back and handed me a glass. All the time I drank, her hands stroked my arm.

"Are you okay?"

"Never better." My smile must have come out odd because Sarah looked less than reassured by it face. "So, what happened to you?"

Sarah shook her head and even under the white powder I could see her flush. "You don't want to know..."

I rubbed her shoulder. "No, I'm pretty sure that I do. Call me curious."

She couldn't meet my eyes. "It's... You'll just get angrier. I can't believe I could be so clumsy. I was so stupid..."

"It's okay..." I kissed her softly.

"You know I would never try to hurt you." She was staring at a point just above my forehead. "My head was one place and my thoughts were another... I was so excited about this. I went to the bathroom and I was in such a rush to get back, I slipped on the tile." She took hold of my hand and moved it to the bump on the back of her head.

"Well that explains that."

Sarah kissed me softly and pulled back. "How long was knocked out?"

"It seemed pretty long. More than long enough for my tastes." I brushed my hand over the bump but stopped when she winced.

"You should have stopped playing the game ..." She stopped. "You must have thought I was doing this to you on purpose. You were sitting there in the dark, thinking I was doing this to you, that I..."

"I didn't think anything like that." I hesitated. "And besides it wasn't so bad."

Now I couldn't look in her eyes.

"John, when I came back in your body was a board and you felt so cold and when I took the blindfold off, your eyes were glassy and your face, you looked so scared..."

"Shhhh..."

"You knew I was mad at you before. And you must have thought I was doing this on purpose."

"Sarah."

"Maybe part of this was me trying to get back at you. But it wasn't supposed to be like this." Her hands cupped my face, rubbing warmth into my cheeks. "You treated me a little rough but this wasn't supposed to be a payback. Or maybe one smidge of payback with one cup of pleasure. It was stupid, so stupid, God, it was so dumb and I just had to. I should have known or I should have at least asked..."

"Shhh. It's over and I'm okay. It was just a childhood fear and it's gone now. Nothing to worry about..."

"John..."

"Let's not talk about it now."

We held each other tighter and I soaked in the heat from her body. We stared into each other's face, but after a moment we lay down and she nestled her head against my shoulder.

I rubbed my cheek against her hair. "Maybe we should get the doctor to take a look at that bump?"

"Not yet. It's just a little sore, the thing that's bothering me ... how could I be so stupid to trip on the floor? John, I'm so sorry about this. I wanted this to make you hot and instead here you are turned into an icicle."

I kissed the top of her head. "It's fine."

"We should have put a mat in the bathroom..."

"But it would spoil the look of the tile." It felt good to hold her. The fear was still there just behind my thoughts. They were just hiding behind the screen while Sarah was around, but honestly the strongest thing I felt was surprise. After spending the last three years doing my best to experience everything, I had smoked, toked, hit, banged, lubed, and shafted any woman or drug I could get my hands on living a life that was Larry Flint's version of Peter Pan. Sarah had kind of crept up on me. We had been together for three months and in the time I thought I was corrupting her, but now it felt like it had really been her domesticating me.

She kept her head down and spoke into my chest. "You looked so freaked out."

"Sarah, it's ... " Her tongue batted at my nipple. "I thought you were trying to apologize."

Her hands stroked my sides softly and I felt her lift up. "That's what I thought I was doing!" Her tongue licked my lips and she kissed me softly.

"You could have a concussion, Sarah."

"Later," she said.

My tongue slipped into her mouth and tasted her. Reluctantly, I pulled back. Before I could say anything, she put a finger over my lips.

"If I have a concussion the doctor's just going to tell me that I should stay awake for the next 24 hours. Does it really look like I'm about to fall asleep?"

Her kiss swallowed my objection. God, feeling her lips was like touching heaven. But I pulled back and grabbed the finger she tried to shush me with.

"This isn't anything to mess around with."

"Aren't you still supposed to be my bound and silent slave right now? John, please just shut-up, eat your woman and take your sex like a man." She giggled and I couldn't help smiling myself.

"I promise you can get the doctor as soon as we finish, okay?" Sarah said.

"See how little it takes to me happy?"

She kissed me passionately and I lost myself for a minute.

"Sarah, I'm really loving this, but I don't want to make any promises I can't keep. The problem... I don't know. It's just the mood's not right anymore."

She reached down and stroked my soft cock. "You're right, we do have a problem here." She tightened her grip and smirked. "But it's not really a big problem is it?"

At my shocked look, she just started laughing.

"You think the way to make me hard is to insult my penis? The smart thing to do now is be quiet, because if you say something about rising to the challenge I swear I'll throw you off the ship without a life preserver."

Even as she was laughing, she continued massaging my cock. As I finished speaking, she kissed me under one ear and then under the other.

"Sarah, did you hear me?"

"There's been enough talking. Now it's time to lay back and let me take care of you."

Her hands continued to work my cock, but still she was getting nowhere. Sarah murmured in frustration and shifted on the bed until her face was over my crotch. Slowly my cock hardened. Still Sarah was not satisfied and her tongue played tag with my scrotum. Air tickled around my cock. It stopped and wetness kissed my left leg. Oh God, Sarah's pussy. My cock was erect, but not stiff and this seemed to spur Sarah's efforts.

As wonderful as her hands and tongue were, it wasn't enough.

Sarah's breaths came faster and the bed shifted again as she lowered herself and twined her body against mine, her arms curling over my hips, her shoulders bonded to my inner thighs, the hair on her head tickling all around my crotch.

"You're all mine..." Sarah whispered, breathing warmly against my balls.

Sarah pushed herself even closer and I felt her hand rubbing my belly. She licked her finger and massaged my scrotum and the spot just under my ball sac as she playfully sucked my bellybutton before letting her tongue go to work on my shaft. When my cock finally reached full erection, Sarah grunted in satisfaction.

"Now that's better." She ran her finger over the head and then sucked in the finger like a naughty child. "Mmmm...."

She smiled and quickly swooped in and tongued the shaft. "Your cock is so delicate. Oh there you go again, that little clench at the base of the shaft, the tenseness of the testicles the calm before your semen will come bursting out."

She wrapped a hand around the shaft and jerked the shaft up and down for five strokes before stopping. "Why don't you give me it?" Her voice whispered directly to my cock.