Lynn and Leif Forevermore Ch. 06

But her parents needn't have worried. Although she was shy and quiet, she had a knack for organizing the girls in the class in impromptu harmonies, a quick sense of humor, was down to earth, and she was downright pretty, exotically so, and her classmates flocked to her.

Since the white girls in her class liked her, she started compromising her faith early, starting first with swearing like a sailor, smoking cigarettes on the sly (she quickly gave these up thinking they were affecting the quality of her voice). Later on, in college, she enjoyed pot smoking sessions with some of the girls she'd befriended in college even though she didn't live on campus. Janelle had been one such friend.

When she could she spent the night in her college friend's dorms. It was the beginning of an escape for her. An inkling that if she left home, and that dogmatic church, she could have a different life. A normal life. One where she could do what she loved for a living. Singing.

While she lived at home she skirted her parents rules as best she could, still seeming like their little angel, but once she left home, she really felt the freedom to do what she wanted.

So, without even giving so much as a warning, she quit working in the graduate assistantship that would have put her on the fast track to being a tenured history professor. That was the life her parents wanted for her, solidly upper middle class, involved in white collar work, and the pursuit of the mind, married to a prestigious man, like Martin, who was also positioning himself to have a part time leadership role in their church.

That was not the life that Lynne wanted, though.

So, she went around answering classifieds for bands, looking for a lead r&b and rock singer. It didn't take her long to find her current band, and she'd been playing clubs for a year. Her profile had risen higher and higher, a stunning voice coupled with a sex kittenish vibe. Her parents were very displeased but she was happy at last.

She knew she needed to reconcile that sex kitten image, with her personal life, and allow herself a little more freedom and liberties with affairs of the heart, but the stage was where she truly felt free, and alive, and even safe to see herself as a beautiful, sexual woman. She didn't feel this safety yet in her "real" flesh and blood life. That was for the stage.

But now, this Leif dude was trying to make her change the way she viewed herself off the stage as well. Trying to make her feel like that sexy creature, on and off the stage.

Quite frankly she was scared as hell. She had so much baggage, so much scarring, so much damage, and on some level she didn't think it was fair to bring him into her space. And, she felt like a freak. She was certainly sexually inexperienced to be twenty-three years old. She'd only known Martin and his rough fumbling ways.

And then there was masturbation. Martin was probably right, she probably masturbated entirely too much, and no man would be able to please her. She did it almost everyday, sometimes twice a day, it was almost like a compulsion for her. It gave her relief, joy, lots of pleasure, and frankly after experiencing Martin, she didn't believe that men knew how to give a woman relief, and joy.

She looked at the phone again.

"My place or yours," said the text message.

If they were alone together, in one of their homes, she really couldn't hide her inexperience or nervousness anymore. He would be able to see right through her, would probably know that she hadn't been kissed that much, and only by Martin, and was terrified of being alone with Leif.

Even worse, what if he was like Martin. Martin had forced himself on her at least once, and probably other times he almost could have, but she acquiesced and gave in, wanting to make him happy. Now he made her skin crawl, but there had been good things about him. He was smart, good looking, protective (which had a dark possessive side), and generous to a fault with his longstanding family wealth...the problem was that money didn't matter to her...it mattered to her parents.

She lay with him even though she didn't really like it because she thought he loved her, and that was what women did with the men they loved, even if it was uncomfortable.

Even if it wasn't fun like it was with her toys or her fingers.

After the psychological manipulation with Martin, was it any wonder that she was terrified to respond to that text message.

Instead of responding to Leif's text right away, she called her best friend Janelle. She always helped her decide how to respond.

"Girl. Jesus. It is seven AM. What are you doing calling so early," said Janelle.

"I'm sorry sis. But I got an emergency. Please help me," said Lynne.

"What's cracking," said Janelle.

"Remember that white boy I met after my show? Leif? Well...well last night we went out...or...or he came to the club where I was, because I never texted him back, and we went out on this impromptu date-"

"I was wondering why you never texted me to meet you out back and walk you home. I figured you met him after the show. Well did you have fun?" asked Janelle.

"I....I never had so much fun on a date. Not ever. Of course, I haven't really dated much, but...I had so much fun. We drank beer and played pool, and frogger too," she added softly.

"That white boy likes videogames too? Oh my. Sounds like a match made in heaven to me. Set a date yet? You need to register at Target," teased Janelle.

"You're so crazy. But listen. I need some advice. I don't know shit about dating anyone. I know nothing. I...I'm so sheltered. He asked...He asked my place, or his. He wants to get together again tonight. Do you think it's too soon...should I be worried? What if he's crazy," asked Lynne.

"Well, what were you doing during the date last night, just staring at him like a dofus? Instead of thinking about how fine his ass is, you should have been investigating him, and trying to figure out his character to see if it would be safe to spend time alone at his place or yours. Go with your gut sis, does he seem crazy?" asked Janelle.

"NO...No, he seems really sweet," said Lynne.

"Sometimes people are what they seem. Not everyone will be like that ex, who, if he is at all slightly the way you describe him, is an asshole. This boy seemed nice when I met him. He's a little flakey, and sounds like he just flew in on a surfboard, but he seemed really nice, and very into you. I'd trust him, based on what I saw at the coffee house. Sometimes Lynne you have to trust folks, as hard as it is for you to do. You didn't trust me at first, and now I'm your best friend," she teased.

"Should I say my place or his?" said Lynne.

"It's up to you. But I'd do it at my place. That way you have control. If the date is lame you can make an excuse and say you have something to do. You can decide the pace of things. And send him home. And, if you like him, you're comfortable and snuggly in your own bed, and...if he wasn't a good lay you can send him home," said Janelle.

Lynne giggled.

"But what if he's crazy," added Lynne.

"How will you ever meet Mr. Right if you are afraid to invite the boy to your apartment. Are you going to never invite any men to your place because you think they are all nut jobs out to rape you? You're going to be an old woman, alone, with a bunch of cats," chided Janelle.

"No...no, you're right. I like him too much. Sooo much it's scary. So...so I'll invite him over to my place. And I'm going to come up with a safe word. If I text you Lilac, it means that he's crazy and call the police," said Lynne.

Janelle cracked up laughing.

"I don't think the boy wants to hurt you, he just wants to spend some time getting to know you alone, because that's what normal folks do when they like someone. I know your background and upbringing was a little different, but I think he's safe," said Janelle.

Lynne smiled. Janelle was so kind, and a lifeline to helping her reason things out. Janelle was one of the only people who knew the truth about her sheltered upbringing, and her crazy relationship with Martin.

"Thanks for talking to me so early," added Lynne.

"Girl, what are friends for? I'm the maid of honor. That's love. I saw what was happening at that coffee house. Shit. Does he have any brothers....I just wont let those other black activist bloggers know that I've joined you playing in the snow," said Janelle.

Lynne was now the one cracking up laughing when she hung up the phone.

Lynne was a good cook, and she saw a good reason to put it to use now...Leif probably did not get a lot of good meals as a bachelor.

"My House. I'll fix you my homemade pizza, bring the Pabst,"

And so the date was set.

***