Lynn and Leif Forevermore Ch. 23

"You heard the conversation going back and forth, so please clarify, because I don't know what the hell you are talking about," said Lynne.

"Okay, I'll put it to you crystal clear. I thought, I thought we were serious as hell Lynne. But lately, lately you've said a few things that are putting your seriousness about me, and us, and this relationship in doubt. I don't...I don't understand how you could tell your parents that we aren't serious in there," said Leif.

He was angry but his voice was husky with emotion.

"Oh Leif that's, that's what got you so upset? Oh baby that was nothing in there I just....I...I'm very serious about you..I just said what they needed to hear. It could be really bad for them if I....If they thought I was having a relationship outside of being married, and stuff like that. So rather than let them think I've strayed too far form the path, I let them believe what they want to believe, which is that you are just a casual friend. Just like how I never let them know that I drink, or that I smoke grass, or even about some of the Lyrics in the songs that I sing," said Lynne.

"Oh woman, do you have any idea how crazy you sound! I am mad that I am so much as compared to as a dutchie, or a fucking Little Wayne record, or any other little thing that taints you with their church, that you can just casually dispose of! And hell, you don't even go to their church anymore! You were looking for another church last I checked. I'm a human being, I am a person with feelings, I am not like a glass of beer, and accessory you can hide under your bed or sweep under the rug when your parents come to visit because you are scared of what they, and the churchy idiots might think," said Leif as he merged out onto the freeway with dangerous speed.

"You're driving like a Maniac! Look Leif, you don't know what it's like to grow up in a restrictive, cult of a religion. You just really have no fucking idea what it's like. In order to have a life, I had to pretend, I had to be like two people. I could never let them know why I was so popular with my classmates. That I ignored every edict of the church as soon as I stepped away from the stoop. But then I was always able to become that perfect little girl when I got back on the stoop, because I'm an only child, I'm the only daughter that they have, and I just cannot...I can't hurt and disappoint them like that. I don't want their lifestyle but I'm not like you. I can't throw that in their faces...it's just easier to do what I want, and when I have to be around them, just pretend I'm still their little church girl," said Lynne.

"Well you are just a coward then. I believe in being honest, meaning what you say, and saying what you mean. You need to grow up, and stop being a little girl, and stop lying to your parents. No wonder you didn't believe that my intentions were honest when I first stated being interested in you. You are surrounded by people who are a dishonest bunch of fucks because they are trying to project onto a phony, man made image of what it means to be holy. Everyone you know is probably a fucking Liar, you just don't know it. Covering up shit that they want to do, but know that the church will not approve of. I don't think that's what God wants Lynne. And he certainly doesn't want you to lie about the seriousness of a relationship with a man,"

"Leif, you don't understand. If I get thrown out of that church, crazy stuff will happen. I mean, right now they don't have grounds to throw me out but-"

"Enough! Enough! I'm tired of this shit! Lynne you warned me that day when I saved your ass from the mouse that you had a ton of baggage and a ton of things to work through. And you were so damn pretty, and sexy, and funny, and innocent that I didn't care. Even though you kept blowing me off and kept me chasing after you, wagging my tongue like a stupid assed dog I thought it was worth it. And I've been patient, working through you with the sex issue, and that seems like it was working out well. And after taking my sweet time to be gentle with you through that and always patient, loving and kind, now here we go with the religion shit. And I'm going to have to coddle you through that as well. Just tell your parents you are in love with me and shit. They'll get over it," said Leif

"Oh you think it's so easy do you! You make me sick! Not everyone has a fucking, hippie, Brady bunch family like you. You had it so easy and you don't even know what it's like to struggle! You have no idea what it's like to have parents who only love you with conditions attached!" shouted Lynne.

They were in front of the house now and she flung open the car door, buzzed herself into the apartment and stomped up all of the steps.

"I know what it's like to struggle, what it's like to love someone like mad, from the second you lay eyes on them, and have them continuously disrespect you!" he called walking up the steps behind her.

"Disrespect you? Disrespect you? You told me to grow up? You think I'm an immature freak. You do not understand. My God Leif....I couldn't...I couldn't even talk about sex with my mother...couldn't even let her know I was scared and needed help. I couldn't even tell her that someone I trusted raped me! And if I did, she probably would have told my daddy and he would have turned me into the church for having sex, and I-"

"So, so what if you get turned in? You have your own life to live I told you about it before, but god damn it woman, you have to start living life offstage, stop worrying about what everyone else thinks for Christ sake! I...I didn't know how crazy they were. I'm sorry I pushed you into letting me meet them. But this needed to happen," said Leif.

"Why? Why did it need to happen? It's spoiled everything. I'm tired. Let's go to bed and cuddle. I...I've got something that I want to kiss. And suck, and tease. Make it up to you," she murmured licking her lips.

He looked down at her tenderly. He loved her so seriously, but if she didn't want to work this out with her parents, she was not yet ready to love him as seriously as he loved her.

It hurt like hell. And it was going to hurt even more like hell to do this. But it had to be done.

"I'm...I'm not going to bed Lynne," he said.

It was a struggle not to call her Lynney, as he'd taken to calling her affectionately.

"Fine, stay up, be mad and brood. We can talk over breakfast. I'll make you some blueberry muffins. That always makes you more cheerful," said Lynne.

"I...I won't be here for breakfast," said Leif.

He quietly walked over to the corner of the living room, picked up his guitar and sat it by the door.

"What...I don't understand what you are saying Leif," said Lynne.

"I'm saying...that...I'm not staying here another night. You see to me, when a man stays with a woman week after week, and then, she comes to his house and stays with him week after week, it says that they are serious. Cuddling you in bed, and you baking me blueberry muffins for breakfast...I...that was pretty damn serious to me. I can't see how you let Mr. and Ms. Miller think we were only just casually dating," said Leif.

"That was to save my hide! Leif, you can't possibly talk about shit you don't understand. I would lose everything!" said Lynne.

"You sure are. You sure are. What really are you losing? I thought that I'd become almost your life. Well besides your music. How wrong was I?" said Leif.

"That's not even fair! You get to keep your family. Everything is easy for you. And nothing has to change, not one thing. I just tell them what they need to hear so they get off my back...but not enough so that we have to stop communicating. Why isn't that clear," said Lynne.

She was sobbing and grabbing at her hair.

"Lynne, because you can't have a serious relationship if you aren't even honest with your family about it. My god, that was when I knew it was super serious. When I told Linda about you. Lynne, I can't do this anymore sweetheart. You need to grow up," said Leif.

"You're leaving me," said Lynne.

"I don't want to. But you keep breaking my heart Lynne. You keep smashing it in this vice. Because first you're not ready, and then you are ready, but be patient before we have sex, and then, you're scared to tell everyone else how ready you are, because of some dumb ass church you don't even go to. And as beautiful as you are, and as much as I love you, and I do love you, it's just getting to be too much shit. Maybe I wasn't really ready for a serious relationship after all," said Leif.

"No, no, you can't do this! I am serious. I never want to spend another second without you. I love being with you, I love you being the first thing I see when I get up in the morning, the last person I talk to at night. I love the foreplay, I love the secret things we say to each other. Chasing each other around the house and being silly. Debating about the newspaper. You can't take that away from me, you can't do that to us. You can't do that to you," said Lynne.

"Well, you should have told them that then sweetie," said Leif.

He collected his duffle bags of stuff, his dreadlock maintenance kit, and everything he could get in one haul.

"I'll be back to get the rest of my stuff later," he said, and quietly shut the door.

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