Lynn and Leif Forevermore Ch. 38

"Oh this is ridiculous. This boyfriend, not even her husband yet, thinks he can give me permission to have five minutes alone with my daughter?" said her father incredulously.

"it's not ridiculous at all. Actually, Leif is the man in my life now. He's my hero and protector now. And he's my hero and protector because I chose to make him so. And if he feels like I might be harmed in any way, he has a right to speak on it, even if he thinks the harm might come from you. He's allowed to protect what he loves, and I thought that was what you wanted for me growing up anyway anyway, a husband who cared about me. I thought you didn't like Leif because you felt he only cared about one thing, just sex, while completely ignoring the kindness and respect he's shown for me, even today. Leif, I'm brave enough to go back there alone. I never thought I'd be saying and doing these things, but I feel just fine. I know you are right outside if I need, you, and if I need you, I'll be right out," said Lynne.

"Okay baby. And if it takes longer than a few minutes, or I hear you crying, I'm getting you out of there, and we're going right home," said Leif authoritatively.

Lynne and her father got up to go into the study.

***

He closed the door behind the two of them.

"Would you like a peppermint Lynne? You always liked them when you were smaller," said his father pushing the candy dish towards her.

Lynne was not in the mood to eat anything.

"No daddy. I'm fine, what's, what's so important you can't say in front of mama and Leif?" asked Lynne.

"I just want to talk to you about, well, more about what your mother was saying earlier. About marriage being hard and difficult, and especially when you have two people from two different backgrounds," said her father.

"Daddy, if you're talking about color, I hardly think about the difference in our races anymore, and neither does Leif. It's not really a lot different than a hair color, or an eye color that you think is beautiful. It took a little getting used to at first, but, the color isn't a big difference," said Lynne.

"Oh Lynne, you're making this hard for me. I know your mom talked to you about passion. Marrying the boy because he makes you feel passion is not a good idea. In the long run, compatibility counts for more than simple passion, and sexual feelings," said her father.

"But we are compatible. We do like a lot of the same stuff dad. Music, and books and, being with nature, playing games, movies, we do have lots in common, and I learn a lot from our differences too, the ways that he's different than me. We are friends. He's actually my best friend. One of the first things we loved was that we were physically attracted to each other, but also felt like great friends. Like we've known each other our whole lives, even though it's just a short while that we've know one another. There's more than just what I feel for him physically, I promise you!" cried Lynne.

"Sure, you might think that now, but how long have you known this boy," said her father.

"About five months. Five months in about a week. And I know, I know you are against us living together before marriage, but we've been living together that long almost, so I think I know a lot more about him than if he was just taking me out to the movies every Thursday," said Lynne.

"I'm sure you think you do. But people grow older. Things change. Priorities shift. You are only twenty-three years old, in two years, you won't even recognize yourself, you'll be so different. Is getting tied down with someone so different than you really wise? I mean, even if religion wasn't a factor, and it is a big factor...I mean, you are dating that boy, and as far as I can tell, a redneck, heavy metal singer with dreadlocks, and no education. You don't come from that Lynne, you just don't, and after a while, it will wear on you Lynne until it eats you alive," said her father.

"You don't believe any of that stuff you preach from the pulpit do you, about Jesus loving everyone? Leif is not a redneck! And, even if he was, he loves me. His race doesn't matter, and neither should his pedigree. And not that it matters, but he came from humble circumstances, but his family has gone on to do quite nicely for themselves financially. Probably better than us, so I wouldn't be quick to judge what's in their wallets either! And his family is kind, and welcomed me with open arms like their daughter. They don't care that I'm black, and I don't care that they are white! So what if Leif didn't go to college? Not everyone can be like how you want me to be. Not everyone can hide behind books," said Lynne.

"Hiding behind books? Is that what you think? I'm not hiding behind a book. I wasn't lucky enough to get any books to hide behind, like I gave you. I gave you an education so you could be better off than me, and you repay me by wasting your degrees and going off and shacking up with a man. Okay Lynne, you've forced my hand. I'll give it to you straight. I never loved your mother, okay? That's why I wanted to bring you in here alone. I never loved your mother. I just liked sleeping with your mother, to be quite honest. And you were the result of sleeping with your mother. And when she was carrying you, I said that I'd do the right thing, and so that's what I did. But I didn't love her. But unlike your Leif in there, I wasn't foolish enough to feel like the sexual feelings I was feeling for her were love. You were just the consequence of that relationship, and I tried to do my best by you, and your mother, but it was not easy. And, you probably don't remember this, but, before I was saved, I used to be an alcoholic," said her father.

"Oh, Oh daddy, I remember. I might have been little, but I remember-" said Lynne.

Her father looked hurt.

"I...I didn't want you to remember, Lynne. I'm sorry for the man I was before I was saved. But I never loved your mother. I didn't. She an I are not....well, it's like the opposite of you and Leif. She's a country girl, she comes from backwards folks in Louisiana, and she and I have about as much in common as fire and ice. You're a city girl, and I don't know anything about Leif, but he sure does look like he's from a different planet than you. Just like your mother and I...like how we were, when we were young. I was young, and stationed in Louisiana, and I had no intentions whatsoever, of ever marrying your mother! But when you came along, it was just too late. I...I wanted to do right by you. I didn't want to be like my own father, leaving behind my seeds. I only saw my own daddy once or twice. So, even though I messed up with your mom, when she fell pregnant, I married her, because I wanted to be different than my own dad. I wanted to raise you. But you're young and you still have time Lynne. Take your time, and find a real love, a true love, that's based, not so much on passion, but on common interests, and life goals. If you find a young man who has faith in his heart, and love for God, and similar background like you have, you can work on that passion part. You can build a passion as strong as whatever it is that you think you share with Leif, the passion feelings can come later. But a good match is first, and it can set you up for life," said her father.

Lynne reeled with shock. She knew there were tense moments where her mother and father did not get along, and she often noticed that in the house they busied themselves with various chores her mom with her bible studies, her dad with his own, and all their various church functions, but she had no idea that they never felt true love for each other. Lynne already knew what tenderness was. Leif had shown her, and she couldn't imagine not feeling this way for someone you'd spent twenty some years with. At the same time, this was a reflection of her own father's poor marriage, not a reflection of the love she felt for Leif. She actually felt sorry for her father that he didn't feel that all consuming, soul nourishing love, but it was definitely not something that you could develop simply based on common interests, he was ridiculous and wrong if he thought that. She and Leif had common interests, but they also had passion. Lynne thought you needed both for a happy relationship. But there was also no law that they needed to be a cookie cutter carbon copy of each other to be happy. She and Leif were different in as many ways as they were alike, but that enhanced the love.

"I can't believe you daddy! This can't be still about Martin is it? Is it? You can't still be upset that I'm not seeing him anymore. You can't still think that he's the perfect knight and shining armor? He is not a knight and shining armor! He is not. You don't know jack about him! Leif's a total gentleman. Martin is not," shouted Lynne.

"It's not about Martin. I think I've well figured out you don't have feelings for him anymore. I thinking about a young, clean cut, respectable church going boy! Someone who shares your faith. Someone who is not going to wake up one morning one year from now, and decide he enjoyed his seven minutes of difference, but now, he's tired of dabbling around with some young upper middle class black woman he really doesn't have anything in common with. Lynne I'm trying to save you. I'm trying to help you here. And I'm not talking about Martin, but I want you to think back with me for a minute. Think about how much you two had in common. You had your faith, you had your similar educational backgrounds, now you didn't have your music, but you two had cultural things in common, and so many things. So maybe you don't love him, but...realistically, you'd be such a better fit with someone more like him, than somebody like Leif. Okay, Martin is not the one, but if you can just, clean yourself up, get on the straight and narrow, and stop thinking about this ridiculous marriage, you can find someone you can be with for the long haul. I mean, not everything is about passion, I'm sure you know that, from when you were seeing a young, respectable man like Martin,"

Lynne was now seething inside. She couldn't believe her father had the nerve to try to tell her how she was feeling about Leif, and who she would have more in common with. Leif was her soulmate, and she knew it already, knew it almost instantly, and some things could not be explained or described. That was certainly how she felt for Leif. But the final straw was when her father called Martin a young, respectable man. There was noting respectable at all about Martin. Martin was a master manipulator. He'd bullied her into a sexual relationship, before she was comfortable, by threatening to tell her embarrassing secret about masturbation, and her vibrators to church elders, and then, raped her because he couldn't penetrate her deeply because he degraded and humiliated her when they were intimate and she was frightened of him.

And when she thought about how frightened she'd been of sex because of the horrors that Martin exposed her to, the way he painfully groped her, no kissing, and then immediately tried to penetrate her, contrasted with the sweet, and patient way that Leif was, when they were intimate. He was so careful with her, patient with her. He taught her about warmth and gentleness during intimacy. He taught her that being close to a man physically, and emotionally could mean warmth and pleasure. And even now, he was still patient with her, and not pressuring her to do anything rougher until their marriage.

She had to set the record straight. She was not going to leave that study with her father thinking that Martin was an innocent prince charming who never hurt a hair on her head, while Leif was a lusty manipulator when it was really the total opposite.

"Daddy, I think you should know, before you counsel me on whom I should, and should not be seeing, that Martin is not the young respectable man that you think he is. He's a rapist! He forced me to do a lot of things before I was ready and comfortable to do it. I know it is awkward, and uncomfortable to tell you this, but he is not who you think he is and he-"

"Lynne, I...we shouldn't even be discussing this in this room together about Martin, and the other elders! You're the one who's on spiritual thin ice and had to have a committee called on them. Martin has a clean standing before God, unlike yourself. That' a serious accusation you are levying against him, and this is the first that I've heard of it," said her father.

Even in the midst of her relaying her painful secret, her father was concerned about church affairs and false, legalistic, religious order.

"I know....I know that it's the first you heard of it. I was scared, scared to tell you, and I blamed myself and I-"

"Scared to tell it? That doesn't sound right to me. Maybe you were carrying on with Martin too and things got out of control. I'd hoped that Leif was the first one you really carried on with like that, so now I see I didn't raise you with the virtues that I thought I did, at all, but lying on Martin is not-"

"You are such an Asshole! You've been an asshole my whole life! I swear to god I always thought you hated me, and now I know it for sure! You hated me, and you hated my mother. You didn't want to be burdened down with us. That's why you used to drink yourself to death before those damn bible thumpers came to your door! Well guess what, I am not a liar. I'm not lying to you about Martin, or anything else! Why would I lie about something as embarrassing as being raped by my first boyfriend. But you're a liar, because you pretend everyday that you love me, and my mother, but you never loved us, you just said it! Leif was right, I shouldn't have come in here with you alone. And I'm going home with him right now. Leif loves me. He'd never call me a liar. When I tell him the truth he believes me. And Leif loves me! No one's forcing him to be with me, keep me, or marry me. I know you can't believe that, because you've been forced to do that your whole life, forced to keep me and my mother, or so you claim, and there's no god in heaven, bible, or church that would stop Leif from ever loving me, no matter what I do or believe! You're ready to throw me out on in the cold, your own daughter, over some scriptures and church doctrine. You're just an asshole!" shouted Lynne.

"Lynne you must be losing your mind cursing at me like a common dog in my own house!" her father stood up from the table, and stood over Lynne, as though he was about to hit her.

"You go ahead and hit me damn it! Go ahead and do it! You were good at that when I was smaller. But you better hope and pray, you better hope and pray to every god in heaven you don't leave a mark on me, because if that man out there, if my Leif sees anything red on my face or body, all the Gods in heaven you think are on your side won't be able to save you from him. I am precious to him! And I know it too!" said Lynne.

And she stood up as tall and proud as she could.

Her eyes streamed with tears.

"Go ahead daddy. Why don't you go ahead? You still have it in you. But you don't, because you know, that if I tell that young man out there that you smacked me, that young man that you think is such an ill match for me, that you hit me, I won't be able to pull him off of you. And that, right there, should more than let you know, that he is the man that I should be marrying, because he loves me, and wants to protect me with everything he has inside him. That's my confessional. Put that on your tape for your elders. I'm not a Liar! I've tried so hard to please you daddy, but I'm done, I never want to see you again. I excommunicate you from my life! I won't even wait on your elders to put me out of your church so we can't speak anymore! I excommunicate you!" said Lynne.

She turned around and slammed the door behind her.

"And I'm not a Liar!" shouted Lynne at the slammed door.

Instead of coming out after her, like Lynne thought he would, he barricaded himself inside. Hiding in his own house from Lynne, because he knew he was full of shit!

"Of course you aren't a liar sweetness. I never should have let you go in there," said Leif.

He got up from the table immediately and pulled her into his arms.

"What happened in there sweetness," said Leif.

He pulled her right down into his lap, and Lynne allowed herself to melt into his arms.

She shook her head back and forth against his neck.

"You didn't hear it?" asked Lynne.

"No, No I didn't baby, I'm sorry it went so awful. What happened?" asked Leif pulling her into his chest.

"Nothing. Nothing!" sobbed Lynne.

"Nothing, nothing? I heard something baby, I heard you two screaming back and forth, I just couldn't hear what was going on. I started to go in there, but I wanted to give you your space, to work it out with him. Damn it, I should have went in there. I should have protected you. Should have listened to my gut. And we never should have come here," said Leif softly.

"No, what happened in there needed to happen. Where's mama?" asked Lynne softly, sniffling.

"She went in the kitchen to make me a snack. But I don't want it. Not when you are crying like this," said Leif.

"I'm not surprised she's not here. She's never around when he goes on a terror like this. Shit. I am not a Liar," said Lynne wiping her tears.

"You sure aren't a Liar. You're the most honest woman I know. Pure and wholesome as can be, sure you might have stretched the truth a little bit growing up and bent your parents ears, but those are normal things that every teenager does. I hope he's not talking about those things, because that's ridiculous. As far as women go, I've never known a woman as pure and sweet as you. Come on, Let's go home, come on now, Leif is taking you home. I'm sorry you came. I'm sorry it was received so poorly, but you don't ever have to come back unless you want to," said Leif.

He hugged her in his arms, no need hiding their affection now, even if someone should appear in the empty dining room, her folks knew they were getting married, and she wasn't even sure she and her father would ever speak again. Leif dotingly kissed the crown of her hair.

He let her out of the house, and then she really started sobbing into Leif's neck.

The sobs wracked her body. It was so painful and raw, she couldn't even vocalize what she was feeling. To know that her father never loved her mother, didn't really want her, and thought she was lying about Martin raping her. It was all a lot to deal with. She just wanted to bathe in Leif's comfort, and she didn't feel like talking about why it hurt. She just wanted to let someone know it was hurting, like a small child, when they cried when they were hurting, but couldn't articulate the source of the pain.

"My sweet Lynney," murmured Leif affectionately kissing her forehead.

She couldn't answer him. But the comfort he provided her despite not knowing the source of her pain was a balm on her soul.

"What's got my girl so upset, huh? What did he say? You need me to talk to him, I will go back in there right now, and give him a piece of my mind, now, you hear?" asked Leif sweetly.

"No! I'm okay Leif. I want to go back to our home," she moaned through her sobs.

"Well okay then. You don't want me to talk to him, up you go. Let's go on back to the car. Put your arms around my neck. I've got you now. I don't mind babying you until you're ready to talk about it. I'm your man, that's my job. But, I won't be having you come back here for a good long while. I forbid it. It's not worth getting your heart all bruised and bashed in over this shit. You never have to come back if you don't want to. Shit Lynney I'm sorry I kept riding on you to woman up. I had no idea that he could be so mean. Whatever the shit he said to you in there, I'm real sorry for it. Sorry you had to go through this. It should be the happiest time of your life," he murmured.