Magic

What was to become our fateful summer came, and Allison graduated. I was working on one advanced summer class still, and only needed two points to have enough to graduate. I guess that's what happens when you change to many classes in mid stream because you want to change the career path you are taking.

All of my friends graduated except Shane who never even came close, so he was back full time for summer school, as were his buddies he hung out with. He had also slipped so much in his attitude about school if he ever wanted to graduate he was going to have to go back to regular school to redo his last year too.

Allison found herself a job at a bank and I had a part time job plus the school. Having that schedule we couldn't get together to many times during the week and had to settle for evenings on the weekend.

So, my birthday came and went and was celebrated with a nice party with friends and family. Having my birthday meant Allison's was coming up a month afterwards. That was the big one we had been waiting for. There were a lot of loving looks back and forth between us knowing our time was coming to consummate our relationship. Our parents knew about our promise to each other and we could see they were of a mixed opinion about that. On the one hand they knew we would do it even if we weren't married, but on the other they knew that when we did do it we would both be adults and they had no real say in the matter. We still had our talks with the parents, which was to be expected I guess.

4)The "MAGIC" is Gone

Between Allison's work and my hectic schedule the "MAGIC" seemed to be sporadic at best and because of our schedules we never noticed the "MAGIC" slipping away and had all but disappeared. I guess that's what happens when you take something for granted thinking it would always be there.

Two weeks before her birthday, like I normally did I called Allison one night. Nancy said Allison went with Shane to pick up Sarah like they had been doing every Wednesday.

That was the first I heard about her going out every Wednesday, so I phoned Sarah's house. When I got her on the phone I was shocked when I was informed Sarah and Shane had broken up two months ago. I had some questions because that was about the time Allison told her mother she was helping Sarah with Shane's relationship and he was picking her up first instead of picking up Sarah first like a normal guy would do on a date.

Sarah also informed me she was so pissed off at Shane that there wasn't a hope in hell of her ever talking to him again.

I told Sarah I thought Allison would be with her because she went out every Wednesday after Shane came and picked her up, to go with her and Shane, acting as a third wheel to help them. Me saying Shane had been picking up Allison every Wednesday was when Sarah exclaimed, "So that's who that bastard was fooling around with." She added, "I broke it off with him two months ago because I knew he was screwing around on me with someone, but I didn't know who, but I guess I do now, and that bitch was supposed to be my best friend."

That's when my world exploded. My mind went into overdrive then. I was questioning everything. Just why was Allison going out alone with Shane? Why was she lying to everyone, especially me about what she was doing? Is this why she had been calling me earlier than we usual connected these last few Wednesdays? I had to stop because I was questioning every little thing.

I tried to feel her with the "MAGIC", trying to get a feel for what was happening. There was only the odd feeling of excitement that came and went. I couldn't make any sense out of that so I gave up trying. I wasn't too worried, after all I believed I could trust her.

The next day when I did finally talk with Allison she blew it off, telling me she was just trying to get Shane and Sarah back together. I told her what Sarah had said about not getting back with him but Allison said she was still trying and was going to continue to try.

That weekend when I finally got to talk face to face with her, she reassured me that she was doing exactly what she said she was doing. Like a fool, I loved her, so I believed her.

The next week in school was when my life fell down a well. I happened to overhear the guys in Shane's group boisterously laughing and carrying on. I stayed around the corner and listened as they were discussing Shane and his latest conquest. It seems he had been bragging to anyone that would listen that he hooked up with a sexy friend of his old girlfriend. He had bragged that he was banging her once a week for a month and a half now, while her boyfriend was at home. He really bragged how he managed to manipulate her to get her virginity.

No names were mentioned but I was ready to blow my top when I realized they could be talking about Shane and Allison.

I also realized there was no proof, and it could all be bull shit. Thinking the worst was not productive and the more I thought about it the more I got depressed. Allison even picked up on my feelings at her work with the odd "MAGIC" feelings we were getting about each other. As soon as I walked in the house she was on the phone to find out what had got me upset. At least she sounded worried. By then I had calmed down so hoping she wouldn't pick up on it with the "MAGIC" I lied. God I felt like shit telling her I didn't get the expected mark on a test. Somehow she believed that and we talked for our usual hour. Mom was in the room when this happened and picked up that something was wrong. I could see she was going to ask about it, so as too not have to lie again I told her not to ask. Shit two lies in less than a couple of hours to people I loved, this was not a good day.

In my mind I was sure what I heard from that group of Shane's hangers on was all bullshit, but I just had to check. Come Wednesday night I was waiting down the road from Allison's to see if he showed up to pick her up, and then see just where they went afterwards. Just as Shane pulled into her yard the "MAGIC" gave me a brief feeling of excitement then went out as fast as it came. I couldn't feel a thing from her after that.

I followed them. Wouldn't you know it, my worst fears were confirmed. They went to the old Smiths place and parked behind the old rickety barn. The place had been abandoned for years and all the kids in the area used it for a parking spot to make out in.

I took five minutes to hide my Honda in some bushes and walk to a better vantage point. I just about died right there when I saw them in action. I froze and fell to the ground. I didn't even realize how long I was there crying. I don't know how Allison never picked up on my grief because I must have been broadcasting with a megaphone over our "MAGIC". When I came too my senses, they were dressing getting ready to leave. They had been together like that for over an hour. I spent the rest of the night just sitting there in the grass, totally lost in all the hurt, pain and wild thoughts I had.

5)I Run Away.

That all happened on Wednesday, and Saturday was the day of her Birthday party. I was expected to show up at her party, and had been looking forward to it, but after what I saw there was no way I could face her. All I could think of was the deception, and lies, realizing all our plans we made for the future were worthless.

On Thursday and Friday I begged off talking to her by being out of the house until late. I did call her mom Friday while Allison was at work and told her I would be there for the party, although I would be a few hours late.

I had no intention of ever seeing her again and if I could, I wouldn't even talk to her. I was too embarrassed and mad about the way she hurt me. I never even told my parents what was happening even if they could see something wasn't right with me and kept asking me if I was OK.

My family had all been invited to Allison's birthday party. That was expected because both families were close friends now. When they left for the party, I told them I was going later, I got my brother to take this special birthday card I spent a lot of time finding. He was told to secretly put it in with all the other cards she was sure to get.

I still remember that card. Allison for some reason liked balloons. Hell she always had one in her room just to bat around to kill time. So I found a card that on face of it had some balloons surrounded by hearts, and on each of the balloons there was a word. The message the words on the balloons said was, To A Very Special Person, On Her Very Special Birthday.

The inside of the card had more balloons with smiley faces on them and the printed message underneath read. Happy birthday, I hope all your dreams and wishes for the future all come true on this your eighteenth.

Under that I wrote in a heavy hand. It would have been nice to enjoy your birthday like we planed to do, but I guess you didn't want what I wanted. All our past together and all our plans for the future meant nothing to you. Enjoy your time with Shane. Good bye. I'm out of here!

After my parents left home to go to the party I did a dumb thing. Like someone too afraid to face what was going to happen, which I was, I just packed up what I could carry in a backpack and left on my Honda. I was almost seventy five miles away when I felt a blast of terror from the "MAGIC" but I kept on traveling down the highway.

That day by running away made me a high school drop out, which meant after that I lived from menial job to menial job living day to day.

I went far enough away from home not to feel anything from "MAGIC" or word of mouth that was going on there.

It took me six sad years to finally come back home. Mom and Dad were happy to see me and once the excitement of the homecoming died down, they asked me if I wanted to talk.

Dad told me the day of Allison's party was something out of a horror movie. Everyone could see Allison was concerned I hadn't arrived. She was anxiously looking for me. She had even told her mother that she could feel there was something wrong with me.

There's that "MAGIC" again. She tried to call me, but by then I out the door. The time came to open some presents. She was disappointed and visibly sad I wasn't there to share in her special day.

So in front of friends and especially her relatives when she came to my card she read it silently and gave out a bloodthirsty scream scaring the hell out of everybody. She cried out "NO NO, NO." She jumped up with a dazed look on her face spinning around hoping to get some answers from what the "MAGIC" might give her.

She again cried out, "No, Oh god I can't feel him any more. Where is he? No... He's really gone." She then ran frantically to her room. The door slammed and she locked the door. All they could hear through the door was her crying out repeatedly, "No, no. He can't leave. What have I done? What have I done?" I guess they tried for an hour talking through the door trying to get her out of there. It sounded like she was getting more frantic so they smashed down the door. I guess with all that hullabaloo the party was pretty much over at that point and everyone was leaving.

The card was lying on the floor and her mother saw it there. She read it and realized her daughter had just destroyed something very precious. Nancy was soon crying along side Allison trying to ease the pain in her grief-stricken daughter.

After that tale my mom told me, a couple of months after that dreadful day Allison did call looking for me, and left a short message. All she said was to tell me she was sorry.

6)Back to the Wedding.

That brings me back to walking across the dance floor at a friends wedding.

Nancy, Allison's mom saw me coming, she covered her mouth with a hand as if she didn't know what to do, but she didn't move and just waited for me to approach.

"Hi Bill, "she said. "I heard you were back... You are looking good." She paused looking at me as if she could read my mind and added, "I hope you are better. Your mom says you had a rough time of it."

As if to answer the puzzled look on my face she added, "Yeah we are still friends with your parents and know what you have been up to."

That surprised me because mom and dad never even hinted they were still friends with Allison's parents, but trying to be polite to her, because she was always nice to me I found myself saying with a snippy voice, "To answer your question, yeah I'm better I guess. I don't know better than what though. Where's Jack" Nancy pointed towards the front of the hall. "Oh right I forgot, he's a photographer, I never noticed him. So how did Duncan and Jamie select you guys to do this wedding?"

"Luck of the draw I guess."

I noticed a couple of my friends hovering close by and waved them away. I knew they were watching out for me but no matter how this turned out I didn't need an audience.

She paused and said, "Look, if you can handle it now, could we please sit somewhere private and talk? There's a lot that needs to be said." All I could do is nod in acceptance. I figured that I would have to do this sometime, and might as well get it over with now.

She led me to an unused table and we sat. Nancy just looked at me for a while hoping I would say something. There was just silence from me and then she decided to start things off and said, "Your parents might have told you this, but here it is anyway. After Allison opened that card and realized what her actions had done she was shattered. So shattered she had a breakdown and it took a while before she was functional. We had a rough time with her for a while and were always checking on her because she was suicidal. That note really hurt her."

I said, "Sounds like she was doing the same as I was, I guess it's the thing to do when your heart gets ripped out."

It was my turn to apologize then. "Look I'm sorry about the card, I grew to love you and Jack, and I considered you to be my mom and dad as much as my real parents. I didn't want you to be hurt, but, I just couldn't face her... All that sharing of plans, and dreaming of our future and all those happy times we shared was gone in the blink of an eye. It just hurt so much. I had to get away."

"I don't want to sound condescending and sounding like my daughter could do no wrong but your running away was a cowardly thing to do," she said. "If you wanted to break it off you could have told her to her face, or maybe talked it over with her. She screwed up causing you pain and you did too by being to afraid to face her. It's both your faults you both have been feeling like shit since then by not being adult enough to face each other."

I humbly said, "The last couple of months I have been realizing that, but I don't know how to fix it. Maybe one day I can figure it out."

"It would be nice if you could. At least maybe the two of you could get on with your lives."

I then explained, "It's hard on me thinking about moving on. I'm sure you know how much I wanted to be married to her. That was before that horrible night when I saw what the two of them were doing. What she was doing with him was something that we promised to only share with each other for all of our lives." I got tears in my eyes and whispered, "Shit I even had a real diamond ring to replace my school ring for her birthday... I think it's in some ravine south of here... Can't really remember where it got to, but I think that's where I threw it as I drove by." I took a deep breath and let it out and added, "But here I am, still a virgin, waiting for I don't know what, and trying to get by."

I almost chocked and just managed to blurt out, "I still miss her immensely you know."

She looked at me held my hands in hers then said, "Jack and I would have been proud to have you as a son in law, I can only hope the two of you can eventually move on."

I couldn't speak and had to whisper, "You know occasionally I can still feel her with the "MAGIC". It makes me feel depressed all the time realizing she feels as hurt as I do."

That brought a tear to her eye that matched the ones in mine.

7)Easter

"Ok enough talk of past mistakes," She said, "Easter is just a couple of weeks away, Could you find it in your heart to stop by for our regular family feast. Your mom, dad and brother will be there along with some of my sisters you have met."

"Will Alison be there?" I asked.

"Yeah she'll be there, I told her I was going to invite you if I got the chance."

"I don't know if I could handle that."

"You know Jack and I miss you being around. Those few years you were around you kind of grew on us, and then suddenly being gone so long, we missed you. So just come if you can, there will be a place set for you at the table." She paused for a bit then said, "Look, like I told Allison, if things get to strained she can go to her old bedroom, and as for you, if it gets to hard to handle you can just leave. We won't hold it against you."

She looked around uneasily as if she wanted to be anywhere but there, then she stood up, "I got to go and give Jack some more film. Please take care and I hope to see you at two o clock Easter day."

I couldn't spend anymore time at the wedding after having all that put in my lap, so I hugged Jamie and shook Duncan's hand wishing them the best and left the wedding.

What Nancy and I talked about was something I had to think over. Mom had said the same things but I guess I didn't listen to her because I wasn't ready to listen. Let me tell you I spent more than a few days thinking things over.

Easter day I stopped off at mom and dads. For some reason my small apartment was way too confining that day. All Easter morning mom and dad were watching me, but thank god not quizzing me. They headed out for their Easter meal giving me questioning looks. I was alone with my thoughts and made a last minute decision. Well maybe not last minute. I had been doing nothing but think for the last two weeks. The big question was, do I want her to be in my life, and if I do, how do I do that. I was pretty sure I did want her to want me in her life, so I had to figure out what to do, hoping with all my heart she felt like I did. I got cleaned up and headed out. I was going to be late, but so be it.

I found myself sitting in my car, on the driveway at Sarah's house. She saw me through the window and came out. I was lost thinking about if this was going to be a good idea or not. OK I admit it; I was scared shitless and working up the nerve to see Allison.

Sarah opened the car door, told me to get out and gave me a hug. I got the expected nice to see you etc, etc. and she asked why I was there. When I said I wanted to park in her parent's driveway so my car wouldn't get blocked in at Allison's parents place, she immediately understood the significance of that statement. Sarah wished me good luck as she told me to quit dawdling, and she gave me a push towards Allison's. She called after me, "She wants you back too you know." I then went through the two back yards to my destination.

I opened the kitchen door quietly and stepped in. There was nobody in the kitchen and I could hear laughing and joking in the dinning room. They were already eating. I guess I was later than I thought I was going to be. I took off my coat and hung it up and stood there a minute or two catching my breath. I looked across the kitchen into the dining room through the connecting archway. I could see Allison as she sat at the table with her back to me.

Just the sight of her got my heart racing, and made me realize that everything I wanted to say to her was going to have to wait. They just wouldn't work that day. They would have to wait for another time. Seeing her, even if it was just her back confirmed it for me, I had missed her so much I had to get her back in my life no matter what. With apprehension about how things could go I took a few steps so I was close to the archway into the dining room where I stopped just short of it. No one could see me from there and I still had to get my thoughts in order.