Magic Allie's Story

We both opened our eyes at the same time and if my face looked half as bad as his, I was a mess with all the tears that had been shed. As our eyes locked together I could see him suddenly look off to the side and when I quickly looked I saw my dad silently standing there at the bottom of the stairs. I guess he was checking up on us. He smiled and went back up the stairs and I locked eyes with Bill again.

I don't know when it happened, but we found ourselves cuddling like we used to. His arm was around my shoulders holding me close and my head was on his shoulder. I had both of my hands holding his free hand on my lap. I could feel a slight calmness of our emotions in the two of us and we were both not in panic mode anymore. After so many years we were back to feeling connected again, even if the two of our minds were still topsy turvy, and our thoughts were going off in all directions.

Bill then said to me, "Ok Allie, I think it's time to talk a bit. Mind you nothing serious... Just light general stuff, OK?" To set things up he said, "Have you heard they are going to stop sending more guys to the moon after these next few tries?" I could see he was trying to get both of us comfortable about talking with each other, so we talked about that for a while. Then it was my turn for a topic and said, "Have you heard the new Rolling Stones song?"

We talked about things like that for about a half hour, never once mentioning anything even remotely close to the topic that was weighing so heavily on our minds. There were still pauses as a new emotion would suddenly appear from one of us which would cause tears, but we continued with this because we both knew this was an act of reconciliation, and we were teaching ourselves to be together again.

We were still cuddled on the loveseat, reconnecting and just getting used to being around each other again when mom came downstairs with the biggest smile I have ever seen. She held a couple of damp washcloths in her hands. She looked at us apprehensively, and she stated, "Well at least this looks promising." As she gave us the washcloths she said, "Here wipe your faces you both look like hell." I could only surmise she had been watching us and knew we needed a break from all the wild emotions we were having. Being a mother she knew letting us clean up a bit was going to help us feel a bit better.

As we wiped the tear streaks off our faces mom said, "Do you two need more time? If not, could you join us in the dinning room? There are two empty chairs up there and a wonderful meal you are missing out on."

We started to follow her back upstairs, but at the bottom of the stairs, I couldn't help myself and frantically grabbed Bill in a desperate hug. I became conscious of just how much I had missed the feeling of contentment those arms of his always gave me when they were wrapped around me, and I could feel with the "magic he felt it too. We eventually settled down enough to go upstairs agreeing to seriously talk at a later date.

When we entered the dining room everyone was having dessert. Again the conversation stopped, turning the room silent as everyone looked at us. Mom jumped up, and told us, "Allison I put your dinner in the oven to stay warm." She looked at Bill and said, "Your mom also made you a plate too. It's also in the oven, come, come, you must be hungry."

We got our meals and I went back to my chair. Bill didn't go to the empty seat at the other end of the table but stood behind his dad who was sitting directly across from me and asked him, "Dad, could I take this chair please, and you move to the empty one by Jack." He explained, "Allie has that sparkle in those grey eyes of hers and I want to look into them. I also want to see that little smile I remember she used to have."

I'm sure Bill's dad had never moved faster in his life getting out of that chair and moving to the other end of the table. Slowly the conversation in the room resumed. Bill and I participated when asked a question, but as we ate we never spoke to each other. All communication was by looks and body language. Not once did we take our eyes off each other. We had our "magic," back and we let it do the talking for us.

We ate and Bill took my empty desert plate into the kitchen. When he came back to the dining room, instead of returning to his chair, he stood beside me and put one of his hands on my shoulder. Everyone stopped what they were doing and watched us again. He bent down and softly spoke to me. "Thanks Allie, this was a perfect day, even if our thoughts are totally scrambled right now." He paused and gently added, "I think I have to go now."

My mind screamed, "He just got here, he can't leave me again. I desperately grabbed his waist in an desperate hug. I found myself pleading, "No! No, don't leave me again, please don't!" I was absolutely terrified he was going to be walking out of my life again.

He gently unwrapped my arms from his waist and kneeled down so he could look in my eyes and said, "Allie dear, I just have to spend some time sorting out this day. I'm completely exhausted from all these wild emotions and I'm on my last legs right now. I can feel you are feeling the same way and you're as burnt out as I am. This "magic" gets hard on a guy when there are so many emotions running wild."

I was looking at him and realized he was telling me something I should have realized on my own, because I was indeed thoroughly beat.

He gave me his number and told me "Wait a week and then call me. We will get together to talk. We do need to talk and I can promise you that we will. Our "magic" is back and we should be settled enough by then to not get carried away and say something rash. When the time is right that's when we will start talking about everything that needs to be talked about." He then gave me a soft kiss on the cheek and turned and walked to the door where he turned and looked at me and blew me a kiss. Then he was gone.

Aftermath.

I don't remember anything for about a half hour. All I could think about was my Bill had actually been here, and the two of us had more or less started reconnecting with each other.

I slowly became aware of things when I found myself in my old room laying on the bed with the remnants of tears in my eyes. My mind was still churning when mom peeked in the door and saw me. She came in and sat beside me. I still couldn't talk very coherently, but she told me after Bill had left I sat there for a minute staring at the door not moving a muscle. Then I suddenly jumped up squealing, and ran to my old bed room crying. Mom and dad had thought the worst had happened and had come to console me. They found no consoling was needed because my tears were tears of joy. I guess I grabbed both of them in a hug and excitedly exclaimed, "DID YOU HEAR HIM, did you hear him, he called me dear, oh god he called me dear." He also called me Allie. He remembered that was the name he always used for me... I guess that's when I slumped down and in a sad crushed voice told mom, "He was here, and like the dummy I am I never apologized and told him what an ass I was... I so need to do that... Do you think he can ever forgive me?"

Dad being a father and seeing things logically then told me, "After watching Bill I think he is feeling the same way you are right now. Today wasn't the day for anything serious. The way I see it, today set the groundwork for later, and from the sounds of it there is going to be many chances to say everything you want to each other, so just look to the future."

After dad's comment my mind wandered off again and I remembered thinking all sorts of wild thoughts when Bill had gone out the door. Hearing mom talk about what had happened, I again started to cry some more. Those tears were tears of hope. I was desperately hoping Bill was going to be back in my life.

We meet, we reconnect.

For seven days all I felt with the "magic" was anxious feelings from Bill and when those feelings calmed down I knew it was time to call him. Then I thought of something better. On eighth day since Easter, I was hiding in the shadows waiting for him in his apartment building. I had left work a bit early so I could be here when he got home. When he arrived I could feel him feeling depressed and puzzled. I guess he was wondering why I never phoned him.

As he unlocked and opened his door I rushed towards him and pushed past him and walked to the center of the room. As I took off my coat I turned back and stated in a firm voice, "You're not getting away this time until I get to at least talk a bit more. The way you ambushed me at Easter had me so flabbergasted I couldn't think straight. I was so tongue tied I never got to say hardly anything to you."

I paused as I thought about that day then added, "Mind you I think you were right, if we would have talked about the things we wanted to talk about, we wouldn't be here." I then vehemently emphasized, "And I do want to be here!!" That made me feel good. At least with me telling him that, he would know where I stood and what I felt towards him.

I then admitted to him, "The "magic" felt like I should call yesterday, but I thought me surprising you would be better, so I talked to your dad and he told me where you live. I thought me showing up like this would have you just as surprised as you had me at Easter. Easter day I was totally off balance so I'm hoping things are reversed this time and I have time to say what I want; plus, say the things I must say to you."

Bill just smiled as he closed the door and sat down on the sofa and motioned me to sit as well. He then said, "I'm glad you want to be here. I would like you to be here too... Even if after us seriously talking, and we can't come to terms with things, I would still like being friends with you. Only time will tell just where things will go and how we do though."

I couldn't believe it! He wanted me back in his life! I tried to talk but all I could stammer out was, "Oh God, thanks for saying that. At least I know you want to be friends with me. I'm so happy you are going to let me back in your life... Even if it's just being a friend. I felt my life was so meaningless after you walked out of it."

When I said that last sentence I saw the hurt look on his face and felt the feelings he gave off with the "magic". I thought, "Oh shit walking out on me was the wrong thing to say. I was the reason for him going away."

I then said to him, "Forgive me for saying that. That wasn't what I meant to say, my mouth is going faster than my mind. I know... I broke your heart. I still can't forgive myself for doing that... If we can only be friends I will be happy with that, but I have to tell you truthfully I'm hoping for a lot more."

He hesitated for a couple of minutes and I could see he was doing some serious thinking then he made my day when he said, "Me too. My life has had a big hole in it for to long." He then reached over and took my hand and I moved over to be closer to him. We sat there in quiet for a while. He was holding my hand and then lifted it up to look closer at it then said, "I see you still have my school ring. I thought that would have been gone a long time ago."

"No way! You gave that to me. I insulted what it represented once, but there is no way this ring is ever coming off my finger. I won't ever toss it away like I threw out what we had together. This ring still means a lot to me, even if I sullied the meaning of why it's there."

Bill smiled and replied, "It looks good there."

We ordered some pizza and, sat at the table and started to talk like we did in the old days about just about everything and spent a lot of time just talking about what we had been doing since that horrible day. After that, the main topic was how we were going to talk about our situation. We both knew that rushing in and talking about everything involved with our break up would be better done a bit at a time.

So we did things different and avoided the heavy stuff except for apologizing to each other. To end the night, we asked each other a single question. We stopped at that not getting the answer. That would come the next night and a lot of nights following that one.

Back to where we should be.

It took us a year and a bit to get all the questions answered and it seemed every time we answered one and worked through what the answer meant, it brought forward more questions, which also had to be answered. Through it all there were loads of tears, heartaches and hurt feelings on both sides, but the two of us weren't going to give up on us. We kept at it. Believe me, there were a lot of pauses just thinking about what was said and what we wanted to say.

We met and talked just about every day. Our parents checked up on us every now and then, and our friends heard about us, and did their bit to help us in any way they could. Mind you all of them sure helped a lot by listening to us and offering non Judgemental solutions.

Our "magic" was one thing that made sure we were truthful, but at the same time being able to feel what the other was feeling when something was said and how they reacted to it slowed things down as we had to get over those feelings and discuss them too. All in all, the "magic" is the one thing that we realized was helping us the most. It also was the number one thing that made our relationship so strong when we finally finished reconnecting.

Why did it take us so long to get back on an even keel? After all, the both of us wanted to connect with each other. I'm sure if we would have rushed into it, things would have been missed which would have festered and came up later and cause more problems. Plus, if any emotions were misinterpreted it would have been unproductive, so the two of us were very tentative and taking things slow so as not to get hurt again.

Yeah I know, we had hurt each other bad, but through it all we were still sitting around trying to work things out. If that isn't weird, I don't know what is. There were still some very troubled days and I think the worst one was when we got carried away one night and we were going to finally get intimate. Memories for both of us came back and ruined that night, and more than a few others. We even had to get a councillor to help us get over that part of things. Even after moving past it, we still see him every two months or so just to touch base. That's the reason I am writing all this down.

The biggest thing we decided was to never again take the "magic" for granted. Once we were solidly back to earth in our relationship, we dated for a year and then got a bigger apartment when we decided to move in together.

Everyone kept asking us if we were actually back on a firm enough footing to go that far. They wanted to know if we won the fight to reconnect and had got the answers to all our questions and worked them out? I would like to think we did all that, and a lot more. After all, here we are, and ten years have gone down the road since that Easter dinner.

The question we get now is, are we happy together. Every time someone asks that I remember the happiest day of my life. It was Christmas day and our families were at Bill's parents for the day. After the big Christmas feast, and the clean up had been done, everyone else sat in the front room to rest and converse. Bill and I sat at the kitchen table and were talking.

Right in the middle of a sentence Bill got down on one knee and presented me with a small box with an engagement ring in it. I must have stared at it for two minutes. When it finally sunk in what he was presenting me with, I couldn't help myself and broke out in tears and at the same time I squealed and grabbed that box as if my life depended on it and held it against my heart as I collapsed on the floor.

I understood Bill and I had really, really, connected again and I was so happy I felt like I was living on cloud nine. That millstone I had been carrying around my neck for what seems like forever was finally gone.

Our parents must have heard me and came into the kitchen to see what was going on. They found me on the floor wrapped up in a bundle crying my eyes out. Bill was there comforting me but I couldn't stop crying. When my dad finally helped me up on a chair he saw I was gripping something and holding it over my heart. When he asked to see it I absolutely refused to give it up.

The only reason I stopped crying was Bill staring at me and asking, "I need an answer Allie, is it yes or no?" I launched myself out of that chair and into his arms knocking the two of us down on the floor and between sobs and hick-ups I loudly proclaimed, "yes, oh god yes, that's a definite, sob, yes." He untangled my arms and tried to take that little box from me. I growled at him and angrily said, "Mine". I spun away from him and still with a growl in my voice I proclaimed, "You gave it to me, it's mine. I've wanted one of these from you since a year after we first met. You finally gave it to me, so hands off." That's when I took the ring out of the box and slipped it on my finger.

As I held my hand up to the light to see the reflection, that was when the parents realized what was going on and then the party started.

I'm sure for the next week whenever I looked at that ring I broke out in tears. I was constantly thinking my actions in the past had almost ruined my whole life, and yet here was Bill, and he still wanted me. Yes, over the last few years we had been together enough to be called a couple, and I had thought I would be happy just being with him, but this was a wondrous step for us.

Yes, we did get married and are quite happy. Sure I still cry a fair bit since that day, but now all the tears are tears of happiness when I realise what we have together.

About the only disagreements around our place now is our daughter telling us to quit the mushy stuff, or trying to set a time to get her back from our parents. You would think our parents think of our daughter as their kid. Hell they are always picking her up, pampering her and monopolizing her time. We don't mind that because it gives us more time without interruptions.

Is our relationship stable? You betcha. For proof check out my hands. Bill's high school ring was resized but it's on my right hand now because the left hand has our engagement and wedding rings there and let me tell you there is no way in hell they are ever coming off.

Will this relationship last. I can guarantee that the two of us will do everything in our power to make sure of that.

Shane.

Oh yeah, about Shane.

We were at the mall one day about two years after we got back together. Near the end of our shopping Bill wanted to get some toffee for his mom. This one candy store in the mall hand made all the candy they sold, and was the only place in town that sold this particular toffee that mom loved. It was hand folded during the production phase, which for some reason mom said made it better. There was also a slight taste of raspberry in it to make it a special candy. Bill went into the store to get some and I went into the shop next door to check out the purses.

Yeah I bought a purse to add to my vast collection. I was standing in the mall waiting for Bill and wondering what he would say when he saw my new purchase when someone called my name and grabbed my arm and turned me around. My heart stopped when I recognized Shane as he excitedly said to me, "Allison nice seeing you. You're looking as sexy as ever. You used to be hot to trot; we've got to hook up again." All the thoughts and emotions from my involvement with him came back in a rush, and I responded.

The next thing I remember was Bill pulling me off Shane and handing me his parcels and telling me to stand back. Shane was laying on the floor a lot worse for wear, and Bill not knowing what was going on helped him up. When they came face to face I could see the shock on Bill's face as he realized who he had helped.