Majgen Ch. 006

Baglian narrowed his eyes at this unnecessary recital of facts of the mentarion ways.

Majgen stopped talking and forgot her contemplations, when she sensed mild hostility in his emanations. Even mild hostility made her fear him. Majgen tried to sense him again with the clarity she had a few moments ago, but found herself unable to. She could no longer follow his line of thought.

The certainty of knowing what he was thinking had kept her anxiety at bay. Now that she was suddenly deprived of that certainty, Majgen's anxiety returned.

"Do you understand what you just did wrong, Student Majgen?" Baglian inquired.

"No, Femaron Baglian."

Majgen's anxiety rose some notches.

'Should I tell him my ability to perceive more than others is failing me right now?' Majgen could not sense if he would want her to - or not.

"I know," Baglian started out, "that in your time in the Mentariata. You have developed your verbal skills extensively, to learn to sneak around questions diplomatically - for the purpose of not enraging mentarions of higher rank than yourself: Especially Femarons."

Majgen's heart skipped a beat, at the way he said 'Femarons'. It was impossible to ignore that Baglian himself was of Femaron rank.

"However you are not in the Mentariata anymore, Student Majgen."

Majgen listened intently, desperate to learn to adapt to Femaron Baglian's demands.

"You are my personal student. If you ever try to manipulate me again; you will suffer dearly." Baglian paused to let that point sink in.

'Fear.' Baglian clearly sensed the strong emotion in his student.

His next words were served slowly and directly, he wanted to make sure their meaning would not drown in her fear.

"Unlike certain other Femarons, I will not punish you for unintended insults. Not if they come from words I forced from you myself, Student."

In spite of her fear Majgen was surprised to hear a high ranked mentarion put that connection into words. She had experienced that specific scenario countless times, but she had never put it into words, and had never before heard anyone else do so either.

'I've never heard a Femaron imply that another Femaron's actions were inappropriate, not even indirectly,' Majgen thought.

She had learned of his disapproval of how Femarons had treated her in the Mentariata, already in the cab. However, she had not thought he would ever verbalize such things to her.

"Make sure to absorb this little piece of information to your cowardly head, Student Majgen. If you, ever again, try to change an answer away from the full truth when speaking to me; I will punish you much harder than I would ever do from the insulting content of the truth."

Baglian stared into his student's slightly widened brown eyes.

"Since you are a coward, Student Majgen, the wiser choice for you is to always serve me the untainted truth."

Baglian reached for his own empty glass, and fetched a new drink: Thus giving his now terrified student a moment to think about his words. He paused his speech until he was back in his seat.

"I had planned to inform you of my policy on truth, as well as evasion of same, earlier than now. However, the GED's decision to shoot you with an electric-pulse gun - rather distorted my plans for the remainder of the day."

Majgen's perceptive abilities were still not fully functional, but any empath would have been able to feel Baglian's irritation regarding that nuisance.

"Did you know that the GED shot you today, Student Majgen?" Baglian asked.

"Yes, Femaron Baglian."

"From my emanations?"

"Yes, Femaron Baglian."

"Very well. Do you have any questions regarding that topic?"

"No, Femaron Baglian."

Baglian nodded and poured his drink into his glass.

'Expertly,' Majgen noticed.

"Now, to return to the matter of not attempting to hide the truth from me," Baglian said, returning fully to his normal dispassionate tone of voice.

"Today, at the tailor design shop, you disobeyed me. When I asked you why you did it; you rewrote the truth so extensively, that it would take either you or a local politician to call it anything but a blatant lie."

As he paused to taste his drink, Majgen perceived the taste-sensations from him, and wished she could perceive something more useful than that.

"I want you to practice informing me truthfully by giving me the true answer to that question," Baglian stated.

"I resorted to thought techniques, to avoid perceiving information from you, Femaron Baglian."

"Yes," Baglian responded, "that answer is fully true, and leaves it up to me to ask further. Or to leave the topic."

Baglian swirled the drink in his cup. Majgen's thirst grew at the sight, her own drink was still untouched. She had not had the nerve to appear inattentive, not even for the few seconds it would take to down a single gulp.

"Why did you want to avoid perceiving information from me?" Baglian asked.

At this point Majgen perceived less from his emanations, than a normal empath would have. She no longer saw an individual named Baglian, who had Femaron rank; what she saw was just yet another Femaron.

'I don't trust his words,' Majgen realized,'For once I want to be able to perceive well, why can't I sense his intentions?'

Terror diminished the functionality of her conscious mind too. If not for the fear - Majgen would have been able to deduct; his words were reliable. However, in her state of increased anxiety she relied more on semiconscious processes. Those informed her that this scenario was very similar to countless incidents from her past. A multitude of memories of being forced down paths of words, pushed inevitably into verbal ventures, which could only lead to offenses against higher ranking mentarions.

She felt like she was yet again being cornered by a Femaron.

"There were several reasons, Femaron Baglian," Majgen said, "My primary reason was that I thought you would get angry, if I found out too much."

'Her fear is rising, not diminishing.' Baglian was puzzled.'With her extreme sensitivity, she should have realized by now that I have no intentions of beating her tonight - if only she obeys me fully right now.' Femaron Baglian decided to test his student's perceptive abilities again.

"I am considering spicing this drink," Baglian said and held up his glass. "What might I add to it?"

"I don't know, Femaron Baglian," Majgen replied truthfully.

"Try to perceive it from me," Baglian commanded.

Majgen had attempted to sense him several times already. She tried again when he commanded, and failed.

"I can't, Femaron Baglian," Majgen admitted.

Baglian scrutinized her face and emanations. He reached out with his empathic senses, to feel her mind too.

'Fear of pain has taken full domination of her emotional spectrum,' Baglian noted to himself,'Her conscious thought processes are a mess.'

Fragments of memories of frightening and painful situations, were swarming through Majgen's conscious mind.

'She is not just afraid, she is in a state of panic,' Baglian realized,'No wonder she can't perceive.'

An urge to curse internally rose in Femaron Baglian, but he suppressed it.

'In her current state she will interpret any anger in me to be aimed at her.' Baglian got up and stepped towards Majgen. He noticed yet another surge of fear in her in response to his proximity.

"Think of green," he said, and transmitted an image of soothing leaf-green to her mind.

Majgen did not immediately accept the sedation. She did not fight him, she was just too confused by fear to focus as ordered. Baglian intensified the image till it became irresistible. Majgen's fear finally dissipated as her conscious mind got completely absorbed by fascination with green.

----=(Students and panic)=----

'I'm so tired of cleaning up after idiots, who should never have been allowed to teach,' Baglian thought, while locating at which point her panic had been triggered.

'I'll need to keep this scan brief.'

He had spent too much time scanning her earlier in the day, his mental stamina was still low. The six minutes Baglian allowed himself in her mind - was plenty time to make all traces of panic abate. It was also plenty time for him to see; the trigger of the panic had been an emanation of slight hostility from himself. His threatening emotion had started associations to a multitude of memories each providing small trauma-effects.

'It's amazing how well she can function while in a state of panic,' Baglian thought.'Too bad her empathic senses nearly shut down at the first onset of panic. Otherwise, with her perceptive abilities, she would always be able to sense when a situation was safe, and I would only need to teach her to handle panic in situations of danger.'

Baglian withdrew the image of green, slowly and gently.

'At least slightly hostile emanations is only an occasional and not a universal trigger of panic for her.'

One of his past personal students had been a rank 2 student, with at least Syvaron potential, to whom small emanations of hostility had become a universal trigger of panic. The cause of the phobia had been repeated abuse from other mentarions.

Other high ranking mentarions had recommended the young man be transferred to the Empaticon, but Baglian had not given up. He had requested to have the student transferred to his own charge.

Not for the student's sake.

Baglian agreed with the estimate that the student could live a fairly pleasant life - if freed of a mentarion's duties. Baglian motives had been duty to society and a desire to display and push his own abilities as a teacher and as a therapist. It had taken years, as well as an inhuman amount of self-discipline and self-control from Baglian's side, but in the end he had turned the broken young man into a useable mentarion.

Now, sixteen years after he had first accepted that student, Student Ojas Krawiec, the broken young man had transformed into the insecure, yet stable, Seksaron Krawiec. One rank above Femaron Baglian himself, but still one rank below Ojas Krawiec's empathic potential.

The partially neurotic Seksaron still called Femaron Baglian four times a year. His calls almost always exact on the date, three months apart. Almost once a year, Baglian would let a call lead to a follow up meeting.

He had given up on the possibility of Seksaron Krawiec ever gaining the confidence needed to reach Syvaron rank. A working Seksaron was still a strong contribution to society though. Personally Baglian was bored with the therapeutic needs of Ojas Krawiec, but as long as Baglian deemed it was needed for Krawiec to remain a functional Seksaron, he was willing to perform the task.

----=(Mirrors and memories)=----

Without the fear, Majgen's sensitivity had become fully uninhibited. Even sooner than the image of green left her, Majgen's empathic senses informed her Baglian was neither angry nor vindictive - hence her fear did not return when the image left.

Baglian continued his scan after retrieving the sedation, he was taking a last look at some of his student's subconscious processes. In the meanwhile, Majgen perceived Baglian's memories of Ojas Krawiec. As Student Ojas, as Seksaron Krawiec, as Trearon Krawiec, as a broken student, and as a partly functional Etaron.

'Wounded soul,' Majgen thought,'Not a commodity. A person.' Her heart objected to Baglian's cold and detached observations, and analysis of Ojas Krawiec.

Baglian turned his attention to Majgen's conscious mind and saw his own memories of Ojas Krawiec. Which made him think consciously of Ojas Krawiec. Femaron Baglian's mind shield was up but Majgen perceived his considerations from his emanations. Baglian saw Majgen think of - Baglian thinking of Ojas, while looking into Majgen, who was thinking of Ojas. But also sensing Baglian, thinking of Majgen, while sensing Majgen who was thinking of Ojas, while also thinking of Ojas. And thinking of...

'Mirrors,' Baglian thought and shut off his empathic senses. He let go of Majgen, and straightened himself. He had a slight nausea.

'Full blown mirror effect, even though I kept my mind shield up.' He went to his chair and sat down again. Grabbed his drink, and took a few small sips to wash away the nausea. He wasn't displeased though.

'Full blown mirror effect, through a raised mind shield. Amazing,' he thought.

Majgen was dizzy. She knew about mirror effects, in theory. But she had never experienced one of this scale. In her five years at the Mentariata, she had done less mentarion exercises than most students did in one year. The effect ceased for her too, when Baglian closed his senses. She could still sense him, but there was no feedback-flow; he no longer sensed her.

With his eyes only - Baglian studied his student,.

"If you sip from your drink the nausea will dissipate faster," he informed her.

Majgen followed his advice. The first sip, reminded her how thirsty she was. She swiftly emptied her glass. She was too thirsty to notice the savor the delicately composed aroma and taste of the expensive drink. When the glass was empty, she was still thirsty.

"Fetch yourself another drink, Student," Baglian said.

He still kept his senses shut, but she appeared thirsty to the naked eye too. Majgen rose.

"Don't pick a Floosah however," Baglian ordered, "I'm wealthy, but giving Floosah to you seems comparable to using diamonds to clear a sewer clog."

Majgen was not offended by his words, she could sense he had not intended to compare her throat to a sewer. His opinion was simply that downing a Floosah in seconds, was a waste of cash.

At the drink cabinet Majgen closed her eyes before opening it, she did not want to see the first class brand beverages again.

'Femaron Baglian called me a coward,' she remembered,'He is probably right, but being afraid of bottles is ridiculous.'

She opened her eyes and faced the inanimate objects. They still reminded her of that particular day - five years back, but she held on to her decision; she would no longer allow fear of harmless bottles to control her. Her eyes scanned the cabinet for brands she knew. She made sure to take the time to briefly notice every bottle in the cabinet.

The cheapest drink in the cabinet was an apple-juice. It would have been a logical choice, especially after her first expensive drink. That particular drink had not been present that dreaded day, so it wouldn't wake bad memories to drink it. However, Majgen couldn't stand the taste of apple-juice. Neither fresh nor fermented. If she choose the apple-juice she would be giving in to her fear of memories again.

There was another cheap drink in the cabinet, almost as cheap as the apple-juice. This one she knew she had once liked: Laplap with pineapple flavor and a taint of unsaline salt.

Pineapple Laplap had been present that day.

'I sensed one of them drinking one, sensed how it tasted to him while he looked at me.'

Majgen's mouth went dry. She did not feel like drinking pineapple Laplap, while thinking of the circumstances under which she perceived another mentarion's taste-impression of it.

'I'm a coward, but I refuse to fear harmless bottles!'

With new determination Majgen clenched her teeth and took the Laplap, and immediately opened the bottle. Hence making sure to cut her option of retreat. Baglian had his back to her; his empathic senses were still shut down. She was glad he couldn't sense her fear, she was embarrassed to fear a drink. She eyed the open bottle in her hand, still feeling uncertain.

'You can do it. It's just a beverage. Any coward can drink,' she encouraged herself.

She raised the intimidating bottle to her mouth and gurgled some sips. The pineapple Laplap tasted like she remembered it had tasted to her in the past. It did not taste, to her, like it had tasted to the rank 1 student in her memory.

She was relieved. Majgen had known her own taste bud chemistry would not change - by her knowledge of another person tasting something differently. Yet somehow she had feared and believed, that if she ever tasted pineapple Laplap again, it would taste like it had tasted to him: That somehow her taste experience of that drink had been tainted forever - by the actions of him and the other young men who were present that day.

'It wasn't his fault that he liked pineapple. It wasn't his fault it tasted different to him either.' Majgen thought to herself.

'Actually none of it was anybody's fault, not even mine.' With that thought she took a fresh glass and went back to her seat.

Once seated Majgen poured the Laplap into the glass, and sipped from it. She was not able to enjoy the sweet drink, as she had done long ago. However, she did not feel inclined to vomit either, and that made her feel victorious.

The two mentarions were quiet a while.

Baglian kept his empathic senses off until his nausea was completely gone.

----=(Nightmares, frights and believes)=----

"Who is Femaron Braygen?" Baglian asked.

Majgen had been lost in her own thoughts. It took her a moment to remember how she had mistaken Baglian for Femaron Braygen when she woke.

"He was a teacher at the Mentariata some years back, Femaron Baglian," Majgen replied.

"Why were you having nightmares about him?"

"I wasn't, Femaron Baglian."

"No?"

"No, I wasn't dreaming about Femaron Braygen at all, Femaron." She sensed Baglian's curiosity and volunteered more information:

"I was dreaming of Hawlun, Femaron Baglian."

"Hawlun," Baglian said, and paused to calculate before he continued: "You were four years old back then?"

"Five, Femaron. My birthday is in first month."

"I saw Hawlun after it happened." Baglian did not need to explain what he meant by 'it'. Noone did, when talking of Hawlun.

"I was in one of the later search and rescue teams," he explained.

'Not even his detached professional approach - was able to shield him from being affected by Hawlun,' Majgen perceived.

She also sensed something in him she had never sensed before.

Shame.

Baglian had requested to not be assigned to treating Hawlun-orphans for post-traumatic effects. Even though he had never admitted it to himself, he had been ashamed of it. He was still ashamed of it, but he never allowed himself to remember that shame.

'Not with his conscious mind,' Majgen realized.

The majority of human empaths had volunteered to temporarily leave their normal duties to aid the Hawlun-orphans, thus it had been easy for Baglian to dodge that duty.

"I am sorry for your loss," Baglian admitted, to both himself and her. Then he moved his thoughts away from his memories of Hawlun, and returned to the matter of Femaron Braygen.

"But you mistook me for this Femaron Braygen, didn't you?" Baglian asked.

"Yes, Femaron Baglian." Majgen replied calmly. She had no desire to talk of Femaron Braygen, but even Braygen would be an easier topic than Hawlun itself.

"Can you explain, why you would have wanted to attack me - had I been him, Student Majgen?" Baglian asked.

"I was not quite awake, Femaron Baglian. I would not try to attack Femaron Braygen if I met him on the street." Majgen only took a very short pause before continuing. She did not want Baglian think; she was trying to withhold information from him again.

"Femaron Braygen forced me to relive my memories of Hawlun, Femaron." She searched for words, and the ones she found seemed empty to her.

"It was very unpleasant," she finished.

"He made you relive memories of Hawlun as a therapeutic measure?"

Baglian was puzzled, he did not think much of the Mentariata's teachers at this point, but still had a hard time believing any Femaron would be sufficiently stupid to think - revival of Hawlun memories could benefit any Hawlun-orphan.