Makin' Pagans

"Thank you my dear, but you needn't be so formal. Call me Zeusie."

"Wow, I just feel so full of ."

"'Zeus juice'" the god replied proudly.

"This must be what that funny captive god was talking about a few week ago. Does this mean . I'm ...

"No, no, my dear. That's the reason I was licking you so intently, to be sure you were NOT fertile right now. The last thing we need is more dimi-gods. They tend to set up their own cults, split the worshiper base even more. Some, like the ungrateful son of mine, Hercules, even get their own TV shows, movie contracts, and web pages!"

"So, I don't understand."

"Drucilla, this is not the time for a talk about the aves et apes. Now if you'd like to find another handsome steer next week, why don't you be a good girl and take Queen Hypolyte a nice fresh pitcher of water from the spring where you girls drink during practice."

"Anything for you, Zeusie, baby!" the horny young Amazon squealed and pounced on the bemused god, delaying his departure for Mt. Olympus by another half day. When she awoke the next time she was alone but there was note lying on a folded garment.

Dru, my huggable heifer,

I won't be needing this again; keep it to remember me by until our next tryst. Be sure to wear it when you visit Hypolyte.

Love, Zeus the Bruce

"No! He is sooo sweet!" the happy girl exclaimed, "Just what I wanted," she exclaimed as she held the gift up admiringly. "A Chicago Bulls play jersey." Even as she examined her divine lover's keepsake, her eyes grew large and an idea dawned. "Of course! Anybody should have know Michael Jordan wasn't really mortal!"

**** "OK, Aphrodite. I pulled the old heifer-in-the-pasture routine on her. Amazing, how even after Europa, women keep falling for that one! I understand telling her to take the pitcher of water, but what's with the play jersey.

"Daddy, don't you remember back in the Trojan War when Hera wanted to distract you so she could help the Trojans. She came on to you that night all tarted up and got your so hot all you could do was fuck her for days?"

"Don't I? While she was fucking my brains out, the Greeks almost lost the damn war. And it was all because of that damned magic .."

"That's right, Daddy. The play jersey is really my magic girdle that makes the wearer irresistibly attractive."

"So when Drucilla visits Hypolyte ."

"She'll be very persuasive."

****

"No, Dru, baby. Don't do this to Mommy. Noooo!

"Why not, Mommy?" Dru asked slyly looking up from between the Queen's plump legs "You like it don't you?" she asked resuming her careful eating of the royal snatch.

"Oh, yes, baby, but we shouldn't .Oohhh. I just . just . want"

"Want to come, Mommy?"

"Yessss! Please, baby"

"And you promise to invite Mr. Hermes back?"

"No, Dru. He'll . NO don't just stop like that!"

"When you say he can come, you can"

"No! . Nooooo, . YESSSSSSS!"

For the next few hours Paradise Island was filled with the sounds of a Bacchanalia of lezzie love.

****

A smiling and unbound Hermes was standing before the assembled Amazons. "Queen Hypolyte, Princesses, Strategeons, Amazon Warriors, Ladies. I am delighted to accept this kind return invitation from you, gracious Queen Hypolyte, to allow me to renew the petition from our Father Zeus. The scarves are a token of our esteem; they are from my own shop," Hermes pointed out proudly. A titter of ohhs and ahhs rippled trough the gathering.

"We are indeed at a turning point in the relations between gods and men. You Amazons are now called upon to step forward, to go into the world of men and willingly to submit, to give your selves. This will not be easy, we know. You will have to leave aside your armor and doll yourselves up like the babymakers you are to become ."

Hermes realized that something was not going right with is speech. The women who had seemed receptive at first had begun to scowl. Nervously he continued. "Only in seeming weakness can you find true strength. Only by lowering yourselves ." The buzz angry whispers and the ominous pounding of the floor with Amazon spears interrupted the god.

"For Crissake shut up, Hermes!" Aphrodite boomed striding onto the dais. "Stupid male!' she grumbled. "It isn't that way at all, girls. Yes, we want you to fuck, fuck like bunny rabbits. We need kids, lots of kids. Pop one out every year if you can. But don't take any of that `submit' crap. You've got the best, the tightest, the hottest pussies of any group of females on the planet. And you can say when, where, how often and by whom they get filled. Males will do anything to dip their wicks in your hot boxes. You can have all the sex you want, from as many men as you want, on your terms! Believe me, ladies, on Olympus, there isn't a thunderbolt hurled, a storm whipped up, or a foolish maiden turned into an oak tree that isn't cleared with ME. Gods think with the same organ men do. Fuck'em good enough and they'll do anything you say."

To cheers and shouts of "Alright!" and "Go get'em" the Amazons rushed to the APCs (Amorous Personnel Craft) Poseidon had standing by to take them to:

****

Bamini:

"Winter Meeting of the USSA (United States Superhero Association)" proclaimed the banner outside the luxury hotel. Inside a serious gathering was underway to discuss strategies against supervilians, workshops on protecting secret identities, a seminar on cooperation between DC and Marvel superheroes, etc. Serious, yes, but truth be told, at night some of the younger superheroes were out trolling for a little island poon tang.

Suddenly, in the middle of the keynote address, Superboy's paper "Red Kryptonite Mitigation and Recovery Strategies," all Hades broke loose. Scores of sex-crazed Amazons burst in and launched themselves on every poor unsuspecting superhero in sight {big crocodile tear} amid anguished cries!

"Look at that crotch!"

"I'm getting me one of those!"

"Oh my god, it's soooo big!"

"Let go of him you hussy! This one's mine. I saw him first!"

Soon red, blue yellow, and green spandex was flying through the air as the horny Amazons began fighting over the hapless superheroes. "Apollo, we have a problem," the god mused to himself. Trouble was, there were far more Amazons than superheroes. There weren't nearly enough men to go around {bigger crocodile tear}. Realizing if he didn't act fast, the overheated women would tear the superheroes limb from limb, Apollo signaled to Orpheus to touch his magic lyre. Instantly calm prevailed.

"Ladies, please! I appreciate that you are eager to get started on your, er, task, but there is no need for disorder," Athena injected. "Remember these are superheroes, so they do not suffer the . er, . , hum . limitations that ordinary mortal men do. I think you will find that with a little forbearance, you can work out a cooperative relationship that leaves everyone satisfied."

With some effort, the Goddess of Reason was able to convince the rambunctious Amazons that a group of four or five women could share a superhero. Queen Hypolyte and the more important members of her court chose Superman. Other senior Amazons were assigned old line heroes such as Captain Marvel. A cohort led by Wonder Woman got Batman. The more adventurous Amazons went for Green Lantern, Aquaman and the Hulk. A kinky bunch chose Plasticman. A clutch of horny young Amazons latched onto younger heroes - Drucilla's squadron, for example took home Superboy; others scarfed up Captain Marvel Jr. and Robin.

Needless to say, a gaggle of hot-to-trot Amazons soon reconciled its superhero to giving up his former life, as he discovered his domestic obligations to service his perpetually horny wives left him little energy for crimefighting and was a lot more fun, anyway. Wives? Of course! The confection of Lucinda's and Allison's wedding dresses had to be postponed as seamstresses all over the globe were deluged by orders for wedding gowns cut to 44-28-44 figures and up. Hephaestus was up for nights turning out thousands of wedding bands. The Rev. Sun Young Moon himself couldn't have been prouder than Zeus who presided over the mass ceremony in the packed Great Hall on Olympus. Surrounded by a group of eager brides, each quavering superhero swore an unbreakable oath by the River Stix, "I do, I do, I do, I do, ." before being taken home where a clutch of horny women made sure he did, and did, and did and did."

There was just one problem that not even Athena had considered. After living together for 3000 years all the Amazons' fertility cycles had become synchronized. About two months after the happy Amazons rushed home with their treasures, an epidemic of morning sickness swept over Paradise Island.

Soon every flat Amazon tummy on the island was bulging and bulging. Things only got cranked up a notch when the women discovered that the water spiked by Cupid's arrows had made them not only super horny, but super fertile, as well. Every happy mommy-to-be found she was going to give birth to three, or four, or even five babies. Fortunately, the superheros were Men of the Millennium. Lamaze classes gave way to hectic hours of coaching their wives in simultaneous labor. All too soon the joy of delivering their own babies was over and the costumed super-daddies were running ragged, changing diapers, burping infants, and trying to sing scores of little brats to sleep, while still having to satisfy the raging sexual appetites of their wives.

But, hey, what are super powers for, anyway, except to be used! Each superhero had to solve this problem in his on way. Superman, super-conscientious of course, rushed around at super speed from sprong to screaming sprong. Spiderman slung the babies on a kind of conveyor belt so he could swing each little bottom into place as soon as it needed freshening. Batman tried to hang his babies from the wall until his wives saw that he was hopeless and brought in Alfred to handle the chores. Aquaman suggested enlisting the help of several faithful octopi (hissuns could breath under water), but his wives were suspicious that he just wanted an excuse to get away with his less demanding mermaid ex-girlfriends. Anyway, they refused to separated from their quints.

With all it's superheroes out of commission, what will the world come to? Will the likes of Lex Luthor, Joker, and Savanna overrun the world? Fortunately, no. Cupid has been at work on the supervilianesses, too, who crashed the Supervillian's Annual Retreat and Workshop, so all the bad boys are also too busy being daddies to a new crop of evil henchmen to cause much trouble.

The End

Notes:

Apollo: Handsome (think museum statue) son of Zeus and Hera, god of the Sun. He drives the chariot of the Sun across the sky each day.

Zeus: Equivalent to the Roman Jupiter or Jove. Lots of stories about him chasing and knocking up mortal women. Hercules (Hercules) is one such demi-god.

Hermes: The messenger of the gods. (Roman name Mercury) Flies with winged sandals by Nike, goddess of victory (just kidding!). He carries the Caduceus, the serpent-entwined magic wand, symbol of prescription drugs.

Aphrodite: "Venus" Zeus's daughter (in one version). Goddess of Love (not marriage, not children just LOVE.)

Hera: Zeus's jealous wife. She is goddess of marriage and the home and rival of Aphrodite. Bears a grudge, as does Athena, agaist Aprhodite because the Trojan (not the brand of condom) Paris (not the city) chose Aphrodite over her in a celestial beauty contest. Paris's prize was Helen and when he took her home, the Trojan war broke out. Please see Homer's "Iliad" for more details.

Hephaestus: Ahphrodite's husband, equivalent of Vulcan. He is the blacksmith/weapon maker for the gods. He was punished for something by being made lame.

Selene: Goddess of the moon.

"Aves et apes" birds and bees (in Latin)

"Quod licit Jovi, not licit bovi." What is permissible for Jove is not permissible for the cow." (Latin saying.)

Delphic Oracle: The priestess of Apollo's shrine at Delphi went down into a cave (presumably smelling vapors coming up from the Underworld) and prophesied the future.

Hades: God of the Underworld, brother to Zeus. (Also the place) Both good and evil persons went to Hades. Good folks, especially heroes, go the Elysian Fields (Champs Elysees in French)

Cerberus: The three headed dog that guarded the gates of Hades

Demeter: Goddess of grain and harvests, equivalent to Ceres (cereals? Get it?) Her daughter Persephone was abducted by Hades and lives with him as his wife for six months of the year, making Demeter sad and so no crops grow in winter.

Asgard: Home of the Norse gods, like Olympus for the Greeks.

Athena: Goddess of reason. Patron of Athens

Poseidon: Another of Zeus's brother, God of the Sea.

Celeste: Goddess and former {sigh} reviewer of ASS stories.

Woden: (Oden) Equivalent of Zeus in Norse mythology. Wednesday (Woden's day) is derived from his name

Mars: Roman god of war. (Zeus slipped up)

Naiad: A water sprite.

Ovid: Latin poet, retold lots of gods and goddesses stories in Metamorphose

Virgil: Latin Poet, author of Aeneid, a "sequel" to Iliad and Oddessy telling of the flight of Aeneus from Troy and aided by Venus, founding of Rome.

Homer wrote Iliad the story of the Trojan war between the Greeks and Illium (Paris was a prince of Illium = Troy) and the Oddessy, the story of the journey home of Ulysses (Oddesses).

Ultima Thule: The far far north.

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