Making It Work Ch. 07bycassandraharper©
It's been ages since I've update. I haven't had the time and I won't have the time in the future because of work and life, I'm sorry; therefore, it is with regret that I inform you all, my loyal readers, that upon the completion of MIT and Unleashed I will no longer be writing for Literotica. Thank you so much for all of your support and for enjoying my works. I really appreciated the encouragement I received and even the negative comments. Everything has made me stronger.
Ananda: "And that's what happened. Murphy, I'm so sorry. Can you find it inside of your heart to forgive me?"
Really? I was expecting so much more. Out of all that I've said, not once did he make a retort or even show a lick of anger. Is it really that simple?
Ananda: "You don't have any questions about David and me?"
Murphy: "What's there to ask? You've told me everything, haven't you?"
Ananda: [nods head readily] "Of course."
Murphy: "And you're getting him out of your system, right?"
Ananda: [nods head once more] "Yes, I'm a hundred percent better and I want to make this work with you. So if you're angry or—"
Murphy: "Why would I be angry?"
What was that? It was strange, the look in his eyes. I felt a sliver of fear trickle throughout my limbs. Maybe I was imagining things. But I would have sworn that he was giving me a murderous look a second ago. My imagination must be overworking itself.
Murphy: "Are you hungry?"
Ananda: "Yeah, wanna grab a bite?"
Murphy: "I was thinking we could cook something together. How does that sound?"
Ananda: "Great. Murphy, are you sure that everything is fine?"
Murphy: [shakes head slowly in agreement] "Why wouldn't it be?"
I lift myself on tiptoes to kiss him, but he turns his head simultaneously. I'm not sure if it was planned or purely accidental since he's retreating for the remote to turn off the television. When he looks back at me I can hardly reach his eyes. I'm feeling ashamed of my prior actions and guilty for all that I've been putting him through. Murphy, I'm so sorry.
The rest of the night is awkward. Is it my guilt or am I the one holding back because I don't feel any intimacy between us right now? Our dinner is a silent one and afterwards we watched a movie. Normally, I would cuddle against him, but I barely even allowed my body hair to graze against him. Murphy seems all the more oblivious to it all. At one point I feel his eyes upon me and when I turn to smile, his own brown irises appeared to be black. I nearly pissed my pants, but he smiled at me and the look was gone. I ended up going home early and saying that I would let him know that I got home safely. I didn't call until the next day.
Love isn't supposed to be this complicated. At least it never is in the movies. I want a love like that: strong, passionate, never ending. Where must I go and who must I be with to find it? If it truly exists that is. A week has passed since my depression and I had to have the talk with Murphy. He was furious, to say the least, at least I'd like to think so, but we sort of worked it out. He even agreed to accompany me tonight with the fellows. I don't know. I expected him to say something, to ask questions, and to throw out accusations. The only thing he did was nod his head and remain silent. It was a slow, meticulous nod that made me wonder about what was going through his head at the time.
The look in his eyes however was much worse. It makes me shudder just thinking about it. It's as if they turned completely black with unexpressed rage. I was momentarily shaken, but just as quickly as I saw it, the look vanished. I don't think that I will ever forget though. It was such a violent regard. It made my blood run cold. Murphy isn't as expressive as I thought he would be. I've started to reconsider our relationship...not that I'm ready to call it quits. I just want to be able to accommodate him and be useful. So far everything has been one sided. I want to start pulling my own weight, but I don't know how.
Murphy: "Are you ready?"
Ananda: [nods head] "Yeah." I turn to him for a kiss and I get his jawline. I shouldn't have initiated it so unexpectedly. I'm embarrassed. Very embarrassed. Is there something about me that he doesn't like?
Murphy: "So, where are we going?"
Ananda: [lifts purse] "You'll see when we get there." [Starts walking to the door]
Murphy: [grabs her elbow] "Ananda, you know that I hate surprises. Where are we going?"
Ananda: "To a restaurant and a lounge afterwards to have some drinks and listen to poetry."
Murphy: [releases elbow] "Okay."
Our relationship has been painfully awkward since our Tuesday morning talk. I'm walking on egg shells mingled with shards of glass. I don't know whether he's holding it all in or if he's already forgiven me. How does one interpret a nod? [deep, heavy sigh], I drive even though it's Murphy's car and I park, sitting in the conductor's seat with my hands gripping the wheel. I can't ignore this tension between us anymore.
Ananda: "Murphy, I feel as if we have some unfinished business to discuss. Can we talk?"
Murphy: "Right now when we're getting ready to have dinner and drinks with your friends? Wouldn't it be rude to keep them waiting?"
Ananda: He's right, but I need us to clear the air. "Yes, but—"
Murphy: "Then it can wait."
He exits the car then opens my door. His big brown hand squeezes my right hand as he pulls me along after him and I'm somewhat relieved for the skin to skin contact. We enter into the restaurant to see that our group was just being seated. We greet them and I make the big introductions, but already I know someone who isn't happy. Tommy. He makes no qualms with expressing his dislike of Murphy off the bat. They shake hands cordially, but Tommy's beguiling eyes clearly state that he saw Murphy as an imposter trying to infringe upon David's place and property. I gave him a death stare and watched him grunt and walk off to our table.
Ananda: "It's been forever, guys."
Harry: "It wouldn't have seemed that way if you hadn't bailed on us last weekend."
Ananda: "I know, I'm sorry. A lot of stuff has been happening lately."
Tommy: "Oh yeah, like what?"
Ananda: "Well, for one...I turned in my resignation."
Michelle: "What?! You never told me that you were going to quit your firm? I thought you were happy?"
Ananda: "I was, but my boss kind of sort of asked me to go into business with her. We already have the perfect location. And before you all start to naysay, don't. I'm excited over this."
Mike: "Then that's all that matters. Let me know if you need any clients. I know a lot of people."
Ananda: "Thanks Mikey, I appreciate that."
We order drinks and appetizers and converse yet I had the feeling that Murphy wasn't enjoying himself. He participated in the dialogue and we made sure to always include him in the discussion even when it involved our inside jokes, but he wasn't there. The dinner was strained for me, just as strained as my nerves. Michelle, God bless her heart, is as bubbly as ever. She knows how to break an awkward mood. We all appreciated her presence.
We head for the lounge after dinner and by now it's practically impossible for me to ignore the pink elephant. It might as well be painted neon green, it was glowing so brightly between Murphy and me.
Ananda: "Talk to me." I took advantage of a moment of distraction to gain his attention and I hold onto his hand while the others listened intently to a vulgar, but very eloquently spoken poet. They were all jeering and jiving as his poem intricately wove a web of Mother Nature being whored out by humanity. His message was powerful, but I could only invest half of my attention.
Murphy: "What about?"
Murphy: "And if there's nothing?"
Ananda: "I never pegged you for a liar, Murphy."
Murphy: "Can't this wait?" He drinks water from his glass and sets it back down upon a coaster with careful precision. The guys hounded him for ordering water in a lounge, but it was only light teasing. I don't think that Murphy enjoyed it too much.
Ananda: "Till when?"
Tommy: "Leave him and let him pout. If it's attention that he's looking for, it's obviously not the right kind."
I don't know how Tommy heard our whispered conversation over such a lively crowd, nonetheless his remark brought the attention of our group back around.
Jason: "Tommy, man, don't start."
Tommy: "Don't start what? I'm ashamed that I'm the only one out of all of us who is willing to speak up for Ana. This guy comes in here with his three piece suit, his posh attitude, and his unwillingness to communicate and we should welcome him with open arms while kissing his ass? I don't think so."
Ananda: "Tommy, you never liked him from the moment we stepped foot inside of the restaurant. I think we all know why that is."
Tommy: "This has nothing to do with David, Ana."
Ananda: "Really now?"
Tommy: [downs his tonic] "Yeah."
Ananda: "Then what's it about?"
Michelle: "Guys should we really be getting into this right now?"
Harry: "I agree. This is a conversation that shouldn't even involve any of us."
Murphy: "Why not? You guys are so close and tight. Excuse me to think that I could infringe on such a close knit click."
Finally he speaks.
Murphy: "You remind me more of a bunch of high school brats than adults. I correct myself, middle school."
Tommy: "What the heck are you trying to say?"
Murphy: "Take it like you want to, I don't care."
Ananda: "Guys, let's just stop while we're all ahead."
Murphy: "Yeah, you've been on a roll since we started dating."
Ananda: "Excuse me?"
Jason: "Wow, you're not going to be sitting in front of us and disrespecting Ana that way."
Harry: "Hell no."
Mike: [cracks knuckles]
Tommy: "Didn't I tell you that he was looking down on us. Ana, you think I don't like him because he's not Davy, but this dick is a prick. He's pompous and you can do much better." [Turns to Murphy] "I saw the way you looked at all of us when Ana introduced us. You had already made up in your mind that we weren't worth it. How dare you snare at us as if we're some bottom feeders trying to suck the life out of you? You were disrespectful and I don't tolerate disrespect."
Murphy: [laughs humorlessly]. "I'll tell you what I see sitting in front of me: [points to Mike and Harry] two down low, wanabes ashamed to confess that they're screwing each other in the ass. [points to Jason] An idiot who only knows how to smile and has no real sense in his brain. [Points to Tommy] And a pompous asshole who doesn't know how to keep his nose out of other folk's business. [Points to Ana] And a lying, cheating woman still in love with her ex."
My heart drops. I was wrong. Murphy is more than expressive. Underneath his gentle mannerisms is one hell of a temper. I'm so stunned that I can't speak. Everyone is arguing now and I'm shell shocked. If he still felt this way, he should have said so the very day we discussed everything. I asked him and he denied it. Why is he bringing it back up?
Ananda: "I'm not in love with my ex."
Murphy: "So you say, but I saw the way you looked whenever his name was mentioned. Why would you still want to be with the bastard that abandoned you?"
That hurt. I threw my drink in his face and sat watching it drip down onto his clean white shirt turning it a dull red. I wish I could have felt some sort of satisfaction from this act, but I didn't. I wanted to hit him.
Ananda: "It's so easy to place the blame on someone else instead of where it really needs to be."
Murphy: "Don't act as if I've been neglecting you, Ananda. I do everything for you. I cater to you. I treat you the way you need to be treated."
Ananda: "You do, but tell me why you've never once attempted to kiss me? Why haven't you tried anything? Do you even have real feelings for me? Is this a joke to you because if it is we can end it here? But I'll remind you that you pursued me not the other way around."
Murphy: [rolls eyes] "You're upset because I wasn't shoving my tongue all down your throat? Are you that easy?" [Grabs Ananda and kisses her forcefully before Tommy snatches him off and punches him].
Michelle: "Tommy, no!"
Murphy: "Are you all upset because I'm giving her what she's been asking for like some loose trollop?" [Wipes blood from corner of mouth].
Jason: "You need to get the hell out of here before all four of us break our feet off in your ass."
I watch Murphy get up off of the ground and dust off his pants before eyeing me. I hand him his keys and he storms out of the lounge with several curious eyes staring after him. I wasn't expecting any of this to happen.
Tommy: "I'm sorry, Ana, but I'd like to say good riddance."
Harry: "Tommy, you and your mouth. You shouldn't have said anything. She would have figured it out on her own."
Ananda: "Figured what out?" My mind is so confused that I can barely follow the conversation.
Mike: "I'm not going to down talk him, but he is rude. His standards are way too high. What he's looking for is a Stepford wife just as ice cold and fake as he is. Smiling all the time like an idiot. You don't need that Ana."
Ananda: "But we were getting along so well."
Jason: "You saw how he just treated you. He called you a whore in so many words. I'm a good judge of character, Ananda, that type of guy is not the kind you want to be with. He's nice and sweet on the exterior, but on the inside he's malicious and a coward."
Michelle: "Does anyone want to order more drinks?"
Jason: "Baby, now is not the time to change the subject. We're telling Ana the truth because we love her and she's like family to us."
Ananda: "I knew that he was upset, but I figured we could work it out after we had an in depth discussion. He's not that bad of a guy. We just need to talk about David and he'll feel better."
Tommy: "Don't tell me that you're still going to give that dick a chance?"
Ananda: "We were all a little heated tonight. I'm going to give him time to calm down and when Murphy and I do speak, we'll figure out where things will go from here. I just...I've never seen him act like this before."
Tommy: "Whatever. Let him show his face around me and I'll give him another taste of my fist."
The night ended filled with tension. It was difficult to calm Tommy down. He's a nice guy, but his temper can be unruly. I went home after promising to make up tonight with everyone. They adamantly agreed and told me to leave Murphy at home. I figured it was a great idea since I didn't want to talk to him much less see him, but after the weekend passed and he didn't contact me, I took it upon myself to reach out to him. I called his phones on more than one occasion and when he never responded, I went by his office. He had taken the day off so I went to his house.
He didn't answer the door until I knocked incessantly and when he opened it, he wasn't too happy to see me. We stared at each other for several minutes before he finally stood back and allowed me entrance. I sat in his earth tone decorated kitchen, drawing circles on the once clean, transparent glass of his table now smudged with my finger prints. I had never seen Murphy in anything less than a suit. But his bare upper body made it impossible for me to keep my eyes focused upon his own. He was nicely toned. Not like David who was mixed with a blessing of natural genetics and an obsession with sports. Murphy had to put in work for his rips and cuts. He was still nice though.
Murphy: "Did you come to stare at me or will we talk?"
Ananda: "Hi Murphy, it's nice to see you too."
I watch him roll his brown eyes and fold his arms across his chest. I stand up and lean against the counter beside him staring at his bare feet. I didn't want to argue with him. I only wanted us to clear the air so that he would understand that I was serious when I told him that I have released David. Of course, there would always be a place for him in my heart. He was my best friend. But the love that is now in my heart is platonic. Right? I mean, of course it is. It's definitely platonic.
Ananda: "You said some very hurtful things the other night and I would like an apology."
Murphy: [snorts] "I was only telling the truth."
Ananda: "Fine, in that case, I guess I do owe you this." [turns and slaps Murphy in the face] "Goodbye."
Murphy: "You come to my house and assault me and think that you can just leave?"
Ananda: "Yes, because you earned that."
His eyes are doing it again, turning black and eerie. I never realized how big his hands are until he snatches me up. My heart skips a beat, but I'll be damned if I show him how shaken I am.
Ananda: "Get your hands off of me."
Murphy: "Get my hands off of you? Do you know how much I've put up with from you?"
Ananda: "I said to get your hands off of me!"
Murphy: "Why? You didn't like when I told you the truth? Why are you even trying to play house with me when you're feening after some other man?"
Ananda: "What are you talking about playing house? You're the one handling me with quarantine gloves and then you blame me? I've only been honest with you. I know that it was wrong of me to drag you into a relationship when I was still in love with my ex, but I told you the truth about everything. I never lied to you about David and me? You have no right to be angry—"
Murphy: "You still love him!"
Ananda: "No, I don't!"
Murphy: "Yes, you do Ananda. For heaven's sake, you call his name out every night in your sleep. Every time you come over to watch a movie and you fall asleep I have to hear you call for some other man; then you wonder why I won't touch you? I don't want David's sloppy seconds."
I don't know what to say. I know that consciously I've been making an effort to forget David and it has been working, but how do I handle it on a subconscious level? I can't tell myself to stop while I'm asleep. I can't control the dreams in my mind. How am I supposed to do it?
Murphy: "You don't want me."
I realized that his anger was stemming from hurt and rejection. No matter what he says, I do want him. I want to be closer to him. I want him to know how I feel, that in spite of our differences we can make this work. I want more with him.
Ananda: [gently touches his cheek] "Murphy, I do want you."
Murphy: "No, you don't."
Ananda: "Don't tell me what—"
His kiss was so sudden that I stumbled backwards. If it wasn't for his arms lifting me up against him, I would have fallen. His grip is so tight and unbreakable. I feel as if I'll be crush under the weight of his lips. He's forcing me to react to him, to accept his embrace and I can't fight him. I can't fight the gasp that escapes my lips when he drops me onto the kitchen table. The coolness of the glass infiltrates my thin blouse causing my back to arch up as Murphy's mouth trails down my neck. A part of me was afraid of what is taking place, but this is what I wanted. I would truly have to push David completely out of my life now. I would be Murphy's woman. Was I ready for that?
His hot mouth is on my stomach and I moan as tingles trickle up my belly. I bite my lip to suppress the tremors coursing through my body. I'm so afraid, of what will happen next, but this is natural. I just never expected it to be so sudden. He spreads my legs and they quake as I squeeze my eyes shut and release myself to feel the sensations he was evoking from me. I can do this. I know I can. Then why do I keep seeing David's changeling eyes smiling at me as he leaves hickeys on my inner thighs? No, I want Murphy. Murphy can give me something that David never could.