Man nor Beast

"Why didn't you?" said Andrea. She licked her dry lips. She'd left her drink back at her table but now did not want to go back for it.

"I just can't think of him as anything except a customer. Like, it feels like he's trying to pay me off, no matter what he does." She sat back in her seat. "It's too bad, because I think he's really nice. But it doesn't matter. There's no getting around customers."

Leila started a little, realizing what she was saying. "Oh, but I don't mean all customers. You're different." She smiled, too big.

"I used to do that," said Andrea. "Pay off women, you know? For 'dates.'"

Leila choked.

"I was young and I couldn't accept that I was attracted to women, so I figured that if I made it a business thing then it didn't count. Does that make sense?"

"A little," said Leila, tilting her head.

"It was a mistake," said Andrea. "If you put off what you want it does bad things to you inside. I learned that too late. I'm still trying to get over it. I have bad nights still. Really bad nights."

Leila looked into her empty cup, saying nothing.

"Anyway," said Andrea, "that was a long time ago. It's not the same as what you're talking about, really."

"It is, a little," said Leila. "That's what gets to me. I feel like—"

Andrea kissed her.

It just happened, like a lightning strike or a heart attack. One minute everything was normal and the next minute it happened, and only when she leaned back did Andrea realize what she'd done. The people at the next table were staring. Leila looked stunned. Andrea wiped her mouth without thinking about it.

"I'm sorry!" she said. "I didn't...I'm sorry." She got up and went to the door, leaving Leila, amazed, behind. Outside, she stepped off the curb and almost got run over by the 38 bus. Stumbling back, she felt someone grab her hand.

"I've got you," said Leila. "It's all right."

Andrea waited for heart rate to slow. Inside she was screaming. Was It about to happen? She couldn't tell. Leila petted her hand and eventually her breathing slowed to normal. She swallowed. "Thank you," Andrea said.

"You're welcome," said Leila. Then: "Do you want to get out of here?"

Andrea tried to talk, but she was speechless.

"I do," said Leila. "Let's get out of here. Come on. My place isn't far."

Andrea allowed herself to be led. They walked several blocks through the dark. Glass and steel buildings reflected the blackness and each other as the two women passed below, and everything was quiet and still. Leila unlocked a door and brought Andrea inside. The apartment was small and looked as if it had been decorated by a girl rather than a grown woman living on her own. Andrea lurked around the closed door, unsure of what to do. Leila pulled her in further. They both sat on the apartment's only couch. Leila still held Andrea's hands; hers were cold.

lips brushed one another's softly at first, but then Leila leaned more into Andrea, and soon they were in each other's arms, lips parted, tongues tangled. The humid night air clung to them. They started fast and before Andrea could catch her breath Leila pushed Andrea's hand between her legs and pulled Andrea on top of her, guiding Andrea's other hand along the lines of her body. Her skin was hot under the thin fabric of her dress. Their lips met again, dancing, and then Leila pulled back, teasing a little, nipping her lower lip.

Is this really happening, thought Andrea? She felt Leila's perky breasts under her dress; she had seen them many times, of course, but somehow it was different now, with them barely concealed by the lacey black neckline. Leila growled a little and at her encouragement Andrea's touch became harder, more insistent, and eventually even rough. Their bodies ground against one another.

Leila pushed Andrea's hand lower, between her legs, glancing against the inside of her thighs. Leila whispered in her ear: "I have a confession to make: I was planning to do a lot more than just have dinner with that guy. No underwear, see?" Andrea felt wetness. Her pulse go into overdrive and for a moment she was worried about what might happen, but after only a second she realized there wasn't any danger. Everything she wanted was right here. There was no need to go hunting for it.

Andrea kissed Leila's neck, her tongue lapping at the soft curves of flesh while her fingers moved up, rubbing the inside of Leila's thighs and then touching her in the spot that made Leila gasp and tremble. She wriggled her ass against the seat and bit her lip, moaning under her breath: "More, please..." Leila's arms wrapped around Andrea's waist, hands caressing her hips and then grabbing her ass with both hands, pulling them into one another. "More, please," she said again.

Andrea slid one finger inside, then two, and Leila went wild, thrashing her head back and forth and beating on the car door with one hand. "Oh God!" she said. Andrea pushed them all the way in and then twisted them, once, and Leila cried out "Oh God!" again.

"Do you want me to keep going?" said Andrea. Leila nodded. Andrea pushed up, and Leila's body jerked, and they writhed together, and then she did it again, and her other fingers splayed on the outside of Leila's sex and touched her at the most sensitive spot, and Andrea thought that Leila's body might break apart with shaking. Leila's lips found Andrea's again, and then they were on her neck. Leila's hands moved up Andrea's body, pushing her away just a little so that she could feel Andrea's small breasts through her shirt, thumbs glancing over erect nipples.

Leila's hands reached around and cupped Andrea's ass, squeezing. She gave Andrea a quick smack and giggled as she jumped. She was whispering over and over, "Take me. Take me." She was becoming wetter and wetter, and her own ever-insistent hands were now trying to slide between Andrea's legs even though the position of their bodies in the cramped car made this impossible. Andrea twisted her wrist, turning her hand over, twisting inside of Leila, and Leila screamed. "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck....again!" Andrea did it again and Leila screamed herself ragged.

They were sweating together now, and Andrea's head spun around and around. She had a feeling inside that she couldn't account for, except to think of it as the opposite if It. She kissed Leila in an attempt to smother the other woman's rising screams. Leila, out of control, clawed at her and bit her and, reaching a point where she couldn't speak, signaled to Andrea to stop by beating her on the shoulder with one little fist, over and over, as her body jerked and twitched, eyes rolling back, mouth open in a constant, silent scream. Andrea was sweating and panting as well, the vibrations of Leila's convulsing, orgasm-wracked body creating friction, until the inside of the tiny car was like a furnace and the two of them were roasting together in the heat of one another's bodies.

They lay together for a minute after Leila came back down, and then, awkwardly, they untangled themselves, straightening up. Leila looked away. Andrea sat back until she caught her breath. Leila stared at nothing, a strange expression on her face.

"You okay?" said Andrea.

"What? Yes, I'm fine. I just...don't know what to think," Leila said.

Andrea shifted on the couch to look at her and put a hand on Leila's shoulder. Leila flinched. "I've just never done...that. Before," Leila said.

"Oh," Andrea said. "I...didn't realize. If I'd known..."

"It's okay. You're okay. I just got carried away and now that it's over..."

She made an undefinable gesture. Andrea went numb. Leila wiped a hand across her eyes. "It's not you," she said, too fast. "I just don't know what came over me. I was thinking about what you said, about holding back the thing you want, and how I'd stood that guy up tonight, and I didn't want to let something just go by again and regret it later, but now I think..."

Her words ran out. A little lance of pain went through Andrea's heart. "I have to go," she said, mumbling.

"Hold on," Leila said. She put a hand on Andrea's leg but Andrea slapped it away.

"You don't understand," Andrea said. "I really have to..." She clutched her insides. It was happening again. Leila was saying something but Andrea couldn't hear it over the blood in her ears. She tasted adrenaline. She was running now. Somehow she was back outside, and she was running. She ran until her knees ached and her throat was raw, but no matter how far she ran she couldn't outrun herself. Everyone she passed stared, their eyes wide and glassy under the streetlamps. She didn't stop until her lungs were about to burst.

When she'd put a dozen blocks between herself and Leila's apartment. Now she was in the same neighborhood as the first "wild dog attack." She leaned against a fence, chain link with barbed wire at the top. Trash and empty bottles kicked in the gutters. Gargoyles showed their teeth on the nearest building. Across the way a marquee with flashing lights featured pictures of alluring women and the slogan: "Where the Wild Girls Are!" Without thinking she stumbled toward it, and the man at the door looked her up and down.

"Normally there's no cover for ladies," he said, "but I can't let you in looking like that."

I need to run, Andrea thought. I can't let anyone see me like this, not with what's about to happen. But instead she laughed and said, "But I belong here."

"Come on," said the bouncer, talking low. "Go home and sleep it off. You don't want to hurt yourself, do you?"

Andrea tried to answer but instead collapsed into peals of hysterical laughter. She rolled on the filthy sidewalk, laughing and laughing, and inside her guts twisted and acid burned through her belly. She laughed at the pain. The bouncer looked away for a moment, disgusted, but then tried to help her up. She grabbed his hand and pulled him down with her, putting her face right up to his and laughed, showing her teeth. "Get off of me you fucking freak!" he said, pushing himself back up again.

Andrea tried to stand too, but couldn't. Her limbs were no longer shaped the right way. Her arms twisted and her elbows snapped back. She felt her spine stretch and her jaw protrude. It was too late to run now. Her clothes shredded as her body outgrew them and she tore at the sidewalk with her paws. The bouncer stared, eyes wide, face a sheen of sweat. "What in the...what in the fuck?" he said.

She rolled around, tossing away the ragged remains of her clothing. She was hot all over, and she knew that coarse hair covered her hide now. The beast bared her fangs at the large man and slouched toward him on all fours, smelling his fear. "This isn't happening," he said. His voice was very small. "This can't be happening. This isn't happening."

She prepared to pounce, but just then two drunks left the club, hitting the man with the door as they did and snapping him out of it. She lunged and he turned to run and the door slammed shut and she threw her body against it, howling. She felt the strain of three men pulling the door shut, trying to keep her out, but they were no match for her. Not when there was something she wanted.

Glass shattered and the door bent and the men fell in her wake and now she was inside. At first she was dazed by the bright lights, the loud music, the overlapping scents and the screams of the patrons as she loped into the lobby. The kid at the front desk looked up from his magazine, frozen in shock. She leapt onto the counter and snarled, and he ran. Rather than follow, she went after another scent. Someone had come this way just a minute ago, a woman...

She followed the trail to a private booth. The bouncer was still in the lobby, screaming into a phone. She poked her head through the curtain of the booth and as the beads rattled a voice said. "Get lost, this one is full!" She growled and a woman, naked except for thin blue panties, looked up and screamed, and a fat man with no pants on jumped, hitting his head on the ceiling. The booth was tiny and the beast filled the doorway. Nobody had anywhere to run. The air was stale with the scent of old sweat and fresh fear. It made her hungry.

The naked woman was frozen in place. The man huddled on the floor with his hands over his head. The beast pushed her muzzle forward, inhaling. It was not a scent she recognized. This was not the one she wanted. But she was hungry and neither of these people could get away. She was tired of never getting what she wanted, so now she would take whatever she could. She could already imagine the sticky flavor of blood filling her mouth. The fat man was crying and the naked woman joined him as the beast pulled her lips back over her teeth and advanced.

"Please," the dancer said. "Please don't hurt—" But the beast ignored her. She snarled. She lunged. She expected to catch her wriggling prey in her jaws with ease, but something else happened instead. There was a sound like a thunderclap, and she fell over without realizing why. When she tried to stand she found she could not.

There was another boom and she felt white-hot pain. Blood was in the air and realized that it was her own, and then she realized—

It was over. Andrea was herself again. But she still couldn't get up. She looked down at herself. "Oh my God," she said through bloody lips. "I've been shot. I've been shot." Her legs were limp and she felt nothing from the waist down. The dancer, frantic but unharmed, stared along with her. "I've been shot," Andrea said to her.

In the hall, the bouncer reloaded the shotgun, but it wasn't needed anymore. Andrea looked up at the lights in the ceiling. A crowd was gathering, but some were still too frightened to come close. Andrea counted each of her own individual heartbeats as they came slower and slower.

"It's all right," she told the people (or tried to). "Nobody got hurt. Nobody's hurt. Just me." She heard voices all around:

"What happened?"

"Call an ambulance!"

"Where did the dog go?"

"It wasn't a dog, it was—"

Andrea picked out one face in the crowd that was different. Was it Leila? No, it couldn't be. But maybe it looked like her? Andrea imagined that, perhaps, it really was her, and the pain was not so bad then. She imagined Leila smiling at her and taking her hand and comforting her. Perhaps she would even kiss her on the cheek and tell her that everything was going to be okay. Andrea nodded.

"Yes," she said. "Everything will be okay now. Everything will be okay."

She closed her eyes. The voices were fading. "I'm sorry Leila," she said, although no one could hear her. "I'm sorry everyone. I couldn't help it. I couldn't—"

And then nothing.