Man of War Ch. 04

"And you believe my vows prevent me from what? Being courted? Wanting marriage and a family?"

"But I thought..."

"I have taken vows to serve the faith, Shepard. I have not taken vows of chastity nor am I as innocent as you are likely to believe because I currently wear the white robes of faith. The Five do not expect nor demand that sort of commitment. We are men and women, of flesh and blood, most of us desiring the company of someone, a life companion, a husband or wife, while also serving the faith."

"Oh..." I trailed off, trying very hard to ensure the smile I could feel approaching didn't form. "I didn't know my... I didn't think I was being that obvious."

She giggled. "Shepard, it was obvious within five minutes of meeting you." She stopped giggling, clearing her throat and sighed. "But we also have the mission, and for the moment, neither of us can be distracted. Not at the moment."

"I agree." My mind did, my heart didn't.

She took my hands in hers, stood on tiptoes and kissed my cheeks again before standing flat on her feet. "Goodnight, my captain."

"Goodnight, Sister."

I let go of her hands and watched her turn and walk towards her front door. She turned as she opened it, returning another heart-warming smile, before she disappeared inside. Placing my hat back in place, I put my hands in my pockets and strolled along, whistling a tune.

It was only when I walked inside the front door of my house that I knew I wasn't just in deep trouble. No, I knew I was either going to have to make a choice or... somehow make it all work out in the end. Jane and Serana were sitting in the front room, a bottle of opened wine on the long table, each with a glass in hand as they looked up as I walked in. Jane just smiled while Serana... I couldn't quite tell what she was thinking, to be honest. Jane asked me what I was up to, and it didn't take her long to figure out what was going on in my life.

"So you're attracted to her?" Jane asked.

I glanced at Serana before nodding. "Yes, I am. And she has asked if I'm willing to court her."

"And how did you reply?"

"I said yes, I was willing to court her."

"So where does that leave us?" Serana finally asked.

I could only shrug, feeling rather helpless. "I honestly don't know. It will depend on her viewpoint regarding any sort of relationship that forms."

"I can't quite place her accent. Where is she from?" Jane wondered.

"Somewhere in Trois-Riveries."

"And what are her expectations of you?"

Again, I could only shrug. "Again, I have no idea as we haven't discussed that in detail." I finally looked at Serana, meeting her eyes. "What are your thoughts right now?"

"I'm here for a reason, Shepard, and it's not to drink wine with your sister."

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose with thumb and finger. Thankfully, my sister knew she'd probably put her foot in it slightly, meeting her eyes as she rather quickly bid goodnight to us both, kissing my cheek and near apologising before I heard her bound upstairs. I took a seat next to Serana, who now appeared just as embarrassed as my sister. I grabbed both her hands, meeting her eyes. "There is no doubt I'm attracted to you," I said as honestly as possible, "But... I am also very attracted to Leliana, and she had made it quite clear what she wants from me."

"I want you too," Serana stated confidently. I couldn't help smile, leaning forward to give her a soft kiss.

"Trust me, it is talking all the self-control in my body not to simply pick you up and carry you upstairs."

That made her briefly smile. "But...?"

I sighed again. "Can you handle the fact I'm attracted to more than one person?" She nodded, again quite confidently. "I'm not sure if Leliana thinks or feels the same, and until I know what she thinks, I don't... I feel I have her trust now, and I don't want to do anything to break it. If we are intimate tonight, I will feel obliged to tell her, and I don't want to end things with her before they even begin."

"One question, Shepard."

"Of course."

"Would you like to be intimate with me right now?"

I leaned forward, placing my lips at her ear. "More than anything," I whispered, before I held her close, "But I can only hope you can understand why I can't for now."

She returned the embrace, her voice breaking slightly. "Of course, Shepard," she replied quietly, "But I hope you don't make me wait too long for whatever you decide."

"I know I'm being unkind here..."

She caressed my cheek. "No, Shepard. Matters of the heart are sometimes unfair to even those who own said heart." She kissed me softly on the lips. "Just don't wait too long to tell me."

"I won't," I promised, rising to my feet, offering my arm as I escorted her to the door. I looked to see if there was a carriage, and not seeing one, I quickly grabbed my hat, and didn't even have to say a word as she took my arm and I walked her to the medical barracks. We managed to converse without a problem all the way, and at the door, we shared quite a nice kiss. She then offered a sweet goodnight before disappearing inside, and I found myself with a reason to whistle a tune as I walked back home.

*****

Hope those of you following this will show patience. As warned as early as the first chapter, this will not be a full on smut-a-thon. At least, it isn't for now. I'm still deciding on certain elements before really getting down to business.