Marginal Life Ch. 01

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Panting, exhausted, he collapses. Arms flung to either side, drifting towards sleep. Spent, I join him. Riding the waves of his breathing, the rise and fall slowing gradually. Relaxing incrementally, I twitch bonelessly with aftershocks. Exhilarated, wanting more, unable to imagine ever moving again.

Sleep reaches out to wrap my mind in its gentle embrace, lowering me into the warm, welcoming darkness. A single candle left to light my way home.

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3 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Great beginning!

I love how you have displayed the major characters. The love making scene was very well done. I think you've begun to lay the ground work for a very good story. Like the other poster, I'm looking forward to a more in depth discussion of your world. You have given us glimpses of it that want us to know more about it. I eagerly await the next chapters!

DJ

MachExAnimaMachExAnimaalmost 8 years agoAuthor
World Details

Thanks for your comment.

I tried to limit the scope of the first chapter, to avoid huge exposition dumps. Airships, Markers, mechanica, magic. Just a surface glance to start, I tried to focus on Jaya, on trying to make a believable character.

So, I would ask, as someone on the outside of the story, what details do you find critical? What helps draw you into the story?

I ask this of everyone who stops to glance at the comments. What would make it better?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 8 years ago

Need to know a lot more of the landscape/world this story is set in to make sense of it.

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