Marian Grows Up

But what kind of husband would Clarence be? What kind of father? He was a Geek!

But Marian remembered him reading stories to children in the library. And she had watched him as he taught children how to use the computer. He had infinite patience, even for the dumbest questions.

Clarence might be a geek. But he would be a *good* father!

"I want to marry you and I want to make love with you!" he reiterated. "And I want to kiss you!" He leaned into her and gently, but possessively kissed her. Marian barely had the presence of mind to close her lips before his lips met hers, but just barely made it. As he kissed her, she stiffened, but she didn't pull away.

Neither did he. This was the first time he had ever kissed her. For all he knew, it might be the last as well, so he enclosed her in his arms and kissed her for all he was worth.

After a moment, she gave a long, deep moan and melted into his arms, yielding to his kiss.

Marian felt limp when their lips finally separated and she looked into his eyes. If looking into someone's eyes is looking into his soul, then she couldn't see the bottom.

Marian gazed at the man who had just kissed her. And there seemed to be a beauty there that she had never seen before. He hadn't changed. Maybe she was just seeing him differently.

"Will you accept me, even though I'm ... soiled merchandise?" she asked. "I might be pregnant with his child."

Clarence nodded. "I loveyou! I will accept you *any* way you are." Then, with a smile, he added, "Of course, if you and I made love now and you got pregnant, it might be my child and not his."

Embarrassed, Marian dropped her eyes. Marian didn't want to be pregnant with Peter's baby. But it was silly and irrational to think that screwing Clarence would reduce her chances of being pregnant from Peter. But somehow, the idea of being married to Clarence seemed natural to her. And even if they weren't married, being held by Clarence, sharing her life with Clarence, maybe even *sharing her bed* with Clarence, appealed to her tremendously at that moment.

She certainly knew she could *trust* him. Did she *love* him? Or rather, was she *in love* with him?

The ridiculousness of this thought embarrassed Marian. She had just gone to a hotel room with Peter, a man she didn't even know and had met only hours before, and let him *fuck* her! Yes, Peter had *fucked* her! It wasn't love making! There wasn't any kind of love involved! It was pure and simple *fucking*!

And now, in her very next breath, she was worrying about Clarence and if she loved him!

Love hadn't made any difference with Peter. Why should it with Clarence?

But it *did* make a difference with Clarence! Was that because she cared him?

Marian smiled to herself. Her connection with Clarence was so strong that she really didn't even have to ask herself that question.She loved him like a family member, like a brother, like an intimate colleague. But she didn't love him with passion. Passion with Clarence had never entered her mind. But she realized that he was not simply being noble, offering to marry her to give her baby a name. He *REALLY*was in love with her. But now that he had declared that he loved her and wanted to marry her, there was something stirring inside of her. Something that she didn't recognize.

Did she want to make love with Clarence? Now? Did she want to go to bed with *anyone* right now? No! She didn't! She felt dirty, used, abused. And even a little sore, if truth be told. But there was always that old axiom: If you're learning to ride a bicycle and you fall off . . .

Crudely, she thought that making love with Clarence might somehow wash away the experience, the humiliation, the *stain* of . . . *fucking* Peter.

"I don't want sex right now," she whispered. "Just hold me. Please!"

He held her, firmly but gently. His scratchy cheek pressed against hers.

"If we lie down together, will you just keep on holding me?" she asked.

"If that's what you want" he answered.

Chapter 5. – Lying side by side

Wordlessly she drew back. Standing, she took him by the hand and led him to her bedroom. Nervously, they lay, side by side on the bed and he put his arms around her and drew her to him. They were facing each other, holding each other close. She nestled her face into his chest and he kissed the top of her head. Marian was enormously comforted at being held by Clarence!

Still holding her, he rolled to his back, one arm around her shoulders, the other hand resting on her breastbone. There was nothing stimulating about this hand, but it was awfully close to her breast. She was on her side facing him, one arm around him, hugging him to her. She lifted one knee over his to hug his leg with her heel. Her knee inadvertently brushed his groin and it registered on her that the lump she felt there was a very erect and very hard penis hidden beneath his pants. Quickly and (she hoped) unobtrusively, she moved her leg away from his groin.

Again, he rolled toward her, facing her, but the hand on her breastbone didn't move. They kissed and held each other for a long time. His hand was still close to her breast. It would only take a slight movement for him to enclose her mound in his hand. But he didn't move.

Marian rolled to her back, putting her free hand behind her head. Clarence nuzzled her neck, tickling her cheek with his hair. His bristly beard scratched her collarbone. Marian knew he was looking down over the mounds of her breasts, and she could feel that the lower portion of her robe had separated so that some of her leg was exposed. She didn't know if the separation extended up enough to reveal her panties, but the peaceful feeling of being held by Clarence was so pleasant that she didn't want to do anything that might break the mood. If he could see her panties, then that was okay with her. But at this thought, her heart began beating more rapidly, and her breathing became shallower.

His hand moved from her breastbone. It only moved four inches and softly, gently settled on her breast. Marian gasped and drew her knees together, but made no effort to remove his hand. Clarence nuzzled her neck some more and kissed her shoulder as his fingers tightened around her breast and began a slow exploration. He made no effort to put his hand *inside* her robe.

He was breaking the rules, but it didn't bother Marian. It excited her! Her breathing was shallow and rapid. He wasn't groping her like Peter had. He was . . . *petting* her . . . *caressing* her. It felt nice. She liked it! It was turning her on, even though she still didn't want to make love right now because of what Peter . . . .

Peter was history! He had no place in her bed now. Now, the only person in her bed with her was Clarence, and Marian consciously banished Peter from her mind and her bedroom!

Clarence found her nipple and rolled it between his fingers sending chills of excitement through her.

With painstaking slowness, Clarence's hand left her breast and moved downward. Marian closed her eyes and held her breath until his fingertips *actually* reached her panties. With a loud exhalation, she knew that her panties WERE visible, and he had just found them. Again, he softly and gently stroked her.

Her point of view:

Clarence!

She had known Clarence for a *long* time.

Clarence had always been there for here, no matter what!

He had always listened to her! And supported her.

He had never pressured her.

And never, before today, had he mentioned sex.

++

And now, although the subject of sex was on the table and he had obviously stated he wanted to have sex with her, he wasn't really pressuring her. If he had, she would have thrown him out! But Clarence respected her too much for that! She knew that! He had treated her with respect since the day they had met.

It felt good to be so close to Clarence!

Marian suspected she would be carrying scars of her encounter with Peter for years to come. But she was thankful she had Clarence with her. He was better than a doctor! If anyone could heal her hurts, it was Clarence!

Once more, she thought of the child falling off of the bicycle.

She took his hand in hers and drew it away from her pubis, bringing it to her face, pressing its palm to her lips. She paused to look at his long, slender fingers and his large palm. Suddenly, she remembered his shoes. They were enormous! Gigantic! Huge! She stole a quick glance at him and made a mental connection: 'big hands, big feet, . . . . b i g . . . .shoes (?) . . . . . . . . . . . . .'

After a long hesitation,she kissed his hand again. "I think the next time I make love, I want it to be with someone who I care for, and who cares for me." She noticed Clarence took a slight intake of breath. After only the slightest hesitation, she added, "Clarence, do you want to make love to me? Now?"

"I've already told you that I do!" There was no hesitation in Clarence's voice.

Pressing his hand to her cheek, she continued, "You don't have to do this just for me . . ."

A heavy sadness crossed Clarence's face. "It would be because I want to!" he reassured her.

He wanted sex with her, and she wanted sex with him! Even though she felt rotten and turned off at the very thought of sex right now

"Maybe we shouldn't," Marian stated on second thought. "I don't think I'll be very good . . . "

"I think you spend too much time arguing!" Clarence observed and held her close. "Nobody's keeping score! I love you. Do you love me enough to make love with me?" Clarence drew her into a deep kiss. Ending the kiss he whispered in her ear, "Because I love you enough to want to make love with you for the rest of my life! I want to marry you, and make love with you and have children with you!"

Marian was still ambivalent. But she consciously made her decision. Breaking out in an enormous smile, Marian burst out, "Oh, I love you, and . . . ." After a moment's hesitation, she added impulsively, "Yes! I love you! . . . And I want to make love with you! Even though we're not married!"

"Will you marry me?" was Clarence's unhesitating response. "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to make love with you. If you like, we can wait until we're married. We can even get married today."

"No, not ready to get married right now," she replied. "I need some time. But even though we're not married, I love you. I'll do whatever you want."

Clarence drew back. "No. I won't demand anything of you. I'll ask you to marry me, but I won't demand sex or anything that you're not willing to give."

"It's not like I'm a virgin, anymore," Marian countered. "I don't need to wait until my wedding night . . . not any more." (There were tears forming in her eyes.)

"Then let today be your wedding night. With me."

Marian gazed deeply into his eyes. After only the slightest hesitation, she added, "Clarence, will you make love to me, now?

"But I want you to use a condom. And I want you to treat me like a virgin, because . . . emotionally, I am."

Clarence dropped his eyes and said, "I'm afraid I don't have a condom," he apologized.

A 'cat-ate-the-canary' looks spread across Marians face. Kissing him, she sat up saying, "I think we can work something out".

Clarence sat up also, and Marian whispered, conspiratorially in his ear, "I have a box." Seeing the astonished look on Clarence's face, she frowned and asked, "Are you sure you want to?"

"I do!" Clarence exclaimed. "I really do!"

"Then what's the problem?" Marian asked.

"It's my first time . . . " Now it was Marian's turn to look astonished! Clarence was older than she was, not much, but he was older. Seeing her reaction, Clarence stammered, "But, I . . . I'll . . . I . . ." Clarence swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "I'll try to treat you like a virgin, but I really don't know how." Again embarrassed, he dropped his eyes. "I'm a virgin, too! For real!"

How could a man in his thirties still be a virgin, Marian wondered. And suddenly, it dawned on her that of all people, *she* should know the answer to that question. She took his head between her hands and smiled. "That's sweet!" she whispered and gently kissed him on the lips. Her heart fluttered. She *really* wanted to make love with him! "It's okay." Seeing doubt and worry in his eyes, she assured him, "It really is!"

She moved to the dresser, opened a drawer, took out a box of condoms and tossed it to a very startled Clarence. Marian fumbled in her medicine cabinet and in a moment, she returned handing him a razor and some shave cream. "You shave in the kitchen while I get ready. I'll meet you back here. Don't get lost." Then she took a box from a bottom drawer marked "VS", she stole a glance at Clarence who was watching her avidly. She stepped into the bathroom, pantomimed a kiss in his direction and closed the door behind her.

She put on the Victoria Secret lingerie: a black wrap-around teddy with three satin bows a satin belt and matching black satin panties. It was somehow both modest but provocative, both shy but sexy. She had carefully chosen it to avoid the 'sex for sale' image that so often comes with Victoria's Secret items.

Her tongue flickered across her lips.

<<<Editor: If it is necessary to break the story into smaller pieces, this is a good place for such a break>>>

Chapter 6. – Love grows . . . and fumbles

In keeping with her innate modesty, Marian resisted the temptation to throw open the door and present herself with a fanfare. Instead, she put on her white, terrycloth robe, cinched it at the waist, but carelessly left the top loose to reveal the teddy beneath. Quietly, she reentered the bedroom.

There was a very nervous Clarence sitting on the bed. His shiny face was freshly shaved, but he had nicked his chin. His shirt was unbuttoned and his shoes off, but otherwise, he was fully clothed.

"It looks like one of us is overdressed," Marian observed with an understanding smile. Stepping up to him, she gently lifted the shirt from his shoulders and slid it down his arms. Leaving his t-shirt in place, she knelt before him and started to unbuckle his belt. Snapping out of his trance, Clarence took over the job, while Marian removed his stockings.

When Clarence was reduced to his t-shirt and boxers (which sported an enormous bulge), Marian slipped the robe from her shoulders and let it fall to the floor, enjoying the wide-eyed scrutiny she received from Clarence as he was subjected to the full impact of the teddy. Marian was pleased! She liked the look on his face.And she was amazed that her appearance could have such an impact on a man!

The teddy had been a good choice! The diaphanous material was almost transparent, veiling everything, but also revealing everything. There was a flower appliqué pattern embroidered into the material that obscured all the strategic places.

Again she took his face between her hands and gently kissed him before lifting the covers for him to slide into her bed. Immediately she followed, lying on her back with her hands primly folded over her waist.

Tentatively, Clarence caressed her cheek and she closed her eyes, enjoying his touch. He bent over her, kissing her as his hand slowly, tentatively found her breast and stroked it.

Clumsily Clarence untied the bows and belt on the teddy and pushed the black satin material to the side exposing one bare breast. Marian held her breath. This was a moment she had dreaded! One of her nipples was malformed. It looked like a bite had been taken out of it, making it lopsided. She had always been extremely self-conscious about this, and, in fact, this had been one of the reasons she had been so 'old maidenly'. She had always been afraid that when a man saw her nipple he would either laugh at her, or turn away in disgust or . . . . or . . . or something!

Clarence drew the black satin back exposing the other breast. And, indeed, after surveying both of her breasts appreciatively, Clarence's eyes focused on the irregularly shaped nipple. With trepidation, Marian was afraid to move, fearfully awaiting his judgment as he studied her deformity, the import of which was growing exponentially as she waited for his reaction. She had held her breath for so long, she was sure she was turning blue when, finally, he cast his verdict.

He bent down and kissed the nipple! A great gasp of relief escaped from Marian!

And he kissed the nipple again, and began nibbling on it sending astonishing sensations flashing through Marian.

And he began to suck on the nipple! Then he moved to the other nipple as Marian raised her hands to steady her breasts, presenting them to him.

He kissed his way down her belly and hooked a finger within her panties, pulling them downward. Marian cooperatively lifted her hips to aid him as her panties slid downwards and the cool air gently caressed her private parts.

She allowed him to slide her panties over her heel and watched as Clarence threw them to the side.

Once her panties were gone, there was a pause, and Marian glanced down to see what was the delay. Quickly she averted her eyes. Clarence had removed his boxers and was rolling a condom over his large, pulsing male organ. Moments later, he moved up beside her, gazing at her.

Marian expected Clarence to roll on top of her and quickly take her like Peter had. After all, that was the way it happened, wasn't it? When it didn't happen, she looked at him. His eyes were infinitely gentle, gazing at her. He wasn't touching her, and indeed wore a worried expression. Why was she beginning to feel wet . . . down . . . there . . .?

Poor Clarence! He was living his fantasy of the past ten years. It had been that long since he had fallen in love with Marian. He had dreamed of taking her in his arms. More than once, he had masturbated, recreating a fantasy of his winning Marian, or conquering her, or Marian willingly yielding herself to him.

And then, last night he had been in the same bathroom with her, prepared the applicator of contraceptive foam for her, knowing what she did with it (from the pictures on the box). He had helped her undress, watched her through the frosted shower door and had sat up all night cradling her fitful head in his lap. This morning, he had seen her naked as she dried off from her shower, had held her and comforted her as she cried. They had kissed and he had lain beside her and had touched her, and now, she was his for the taking.

But everything leading up to this moment had raised him to a constantly higher state of excitement, and his body would not wait for fulfillment, his is body would not delay it's culmination, it would not be forestalled! It simply refused to postpone its release any longer. He was poised on the cusp of orgasm, and he feared that his body simply wouldn't wait for any sort of satisfactory union with Marian!

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked,

"I'm afraid," she admitted. "But, no, I don't want you to stop."

He had almost been praying she would tell him to stop or wait before he disgraced himself! He was using everything he could imagine, every thought game to try to dampen his body's ardor. But she didn't tell him to stop!

Clarence was trembling! Trembling all over!

Manfully trying to fulfill his masculine obligations, he moved on top of her and began pressing toward her. But somehow he wasn't lined up right. He was at the very entrance of her sex, but he couldn't get in!

Marian felt like she was the older, the more experienced of the two of them. Well, maybe she was! After all, she had had sex once, that made her one to Clarence's zero. Marian most certainly did not want to take the lead! But she was willing to help!