Mary and Alvin Ch. 16

Shapes of Hearts

Mary stepped out of the candy store into bright sunshine. Main Street was a slushy mess after five straight days of snow, but the sky had cleared to a crystalline blue. One of the surprises of a Maine winter was the number of beautiful sunny days there were. She had expected months of dreary gray weather. Even Alvin remarked at how snowy it had been, but between each period of snow there has been spectacular days when the light was so intense that objects seemed to come into sharper focus.

She slogged her way up the street to her car and got inside. She looked inside her shopping bag. She had bought two dozen foil wrapped chocolate hearts, enough to give a small Valentine gift to everyone in her department. More than she needed actually, so she unwrapped and ate one.

She pulled out of her parking space carefully. At the corner, the snow was piled higher than the roof of her car, and she moved forward with caution. She was getting used to winter driving, and managed to steer into the plowed center of the street with only a minimum of wheel spinning and crawled up the hill, slow and steady. She had always wondered why cars still had low gear, now she knew.

She turned into the parking lot at the bank. It was well plowed, but the mounds of snow filled some parking spaces and she had to park farther from the building than usual. As she walked to the main door, she noticed a car with California plates parked in the second row. She smiled to think that some other exile might also be experiencing their first Maine winter. As she passed the car, she saw a figure slumped down in the driver's seat, huddled under a plaid lap blanket. She stopped and thought about knocking on the window to make sure that the person inside was alright. But she still had the instincts of a big city girl. You can't be too careful, she thought. She went into the building and crossed the lobby to the security desk.

"Hi, Roy," she said to the guard on duty, "There's a blue car in the second row with California plates. It looks like someone is sleeping in it."

"They didn't give you any trouble, did they, Miss Winslow?" Roy asked in his thick Down East accent.

"No, I'm just concerned, with it being so cold out."
 "Oh, it's up to about thirty five, ma'am, but I'll take a gander. Move them off if they don't belong."

Mary thanked him and went in to her department. She stashed the candy in the bottom desk drawer. It was two days until St. Valentine's Day. She'd stop on her way home and pick up a box of Valentines to go with the candy hearts. Something friendly, not too flowery. She enjoyed making such small gestures to her co-workers.

Small gestures, though, were not Alvin's style and she had been giving a lot of thought to what to do to make Valentine's Day special for him. She had no doubt that he was planning something grandiose for her. She couldn't match his imagination for big romantic gestures, but there were always ways to express affection in a quieter but no less heartfelt manner. Two weeks earlier, for his birthday, she had invited him to her apartment for supper, and greeted him at the door wearing nothing but a large bow tied around her waist. All day, as she worked, she found herself doodling heart shapes on a note pad and trying to think of ideas.

At the end of her day she called Alvin while walking to her car, but got no answer. She stopped at Rite Aid and bought Valentine cards and a few other items, then drove home. She pulled into the small parking area behind her building, only to see that drifting snow had filled it a foot deep. She backed out on to the street, and pulled into a space half a block down from her door. As she shut off the engine, her phone rang. She looked at the screen and saw that it was Alvin.

"Hey, sweetie, where are you?" she asked.

"Just got off the turnpike at Augusta," he replied.

"So you'll be home in an hour or so?"

"Maybe a bit more. There's a few squalls out this way, and traffic is a mite slow."

"How's Charlotte?"

"She's fine. Just a bit shook. Fender was stove in, but wasn't much damage otherwise."

"Good. You think you want me to come over? Or are you too tired?"

"I expect I'll eat something and most likely fall asleep."

"Alright, love, I'll let you rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I love you, Miss Mary."

"Love you, baby."

She got out of the car, gathered her things and began to step gingerly through the slush. She heard a car door shut behind her, but thought nothing of it. When she reached her door, she already had her keys in her hand and was about to put them in the lock when she sensed someone near her. She turned and saw a figure in a hooded sweatshirt moving toward her. She stepped back and nearly fell on the slippery pavement, clutching the doorjamb to steady herself.

"Mary! Be careful!" a familiar voice cried. The figure stepped into the dim light emanating from the hardware window.

Mary stared in disbelief. "Wyatt?"

Wyatt raised his arms as if to offer an embrace, then dropped them and slid his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

"You look good, Mary, how you been?" His voice was low, hesitant.

Mary struggled to think of something to say. She was shocked to see her ex-husband standing in front of her building, a continent away from where she'd seen him last, at the Los Angeles County courthouse on the day they had signed their divorce papers.

"Wyatt, what the...what are you doing here?"

He was shivering as he answered her. "I just wanted to see you again, just to, I don't know, just wanted to talk."

Mary put her hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. She tried to think about how to handle the situation, but her thoughts and feelings were so jumbled that she couldn't focus. She looked at Wyatt. He seemed a pitiful figure, cold, shivering, his shoulders drooping.

"Oh Christ, Wyatt, come inside and get warm." She opened the door and gestured for him to follow her up the stairs.

"Hey, this is kind of nice," Wyatt said as he stepped into Mary's apartment.

Mary went to the kitchen and turned on the coffee maker. She leaned against the sink while Wyatt pulled out a chair and sat at the table. "Man, I can't believe this snow," he said, "I had to stop in Massachusetts and wait two days for it to quit."

"You drove all the way here?"

"Yeah. It took....uh, what day is this?"

"Thursday."

"Eight days. I thought I could make it in five, but I didn't think about snow."

"When I moved I did it in seven, but I wasn't hurrying," Mary said, then realized how absurd it was that the two of them were making small talk. She poured Wyatt a cup of coffee and put it down in front of him.

"Uh, Mary, are you going to take your coat off?"

She had not realized that she still had it on. She took it off, draped it over the back of the other kitchen chair and sat down across the table from him. For a long moment they just looked at each other.

Wyatt took a long slurp of coffee. "Mary, I just wanted to make sure that you were okay, I mean, that you were doing the right thing."

Mary scowled. "You mean getting married?"

"Well, yeah," he shrugged, "I'm sorry, but I still care about you."

"You could have called me instead of driving all the way across the country."

"I don't have your new number."

"Send an email."

"Aw, Mary, I don't want you to get mad."

Mary sat back and crossed her arms. "How did you expect me to react? You scared the shit out of me for one thing."

"Yeah, sorry about that. Is it darker here?"

"You hung out in the parking lot and watched for me to come out of work, didn't you? I saw your car."

"Yeah, but they made me leave, so I had to park out on the road."

"They call that stalking, Wyatt."

"This is not what I wanted," Wyatt moaned, putting his head in his hands.

"What did you want? You thought that I'd rush into your arms when I saw you?"

"No, but..."

"You thought we might reconcile? Wyatt, I am getting married in three months."

"Yeah, see, I ran into your sister-in-law Cindy in Whole Foods. She didn't seem like she wanted to talk to me. I think she told me you were getting married just to get rid of me."

"Seems like a plan," Mary snapped.

"Mary, we meant a lot to each other. I'd like to at least meet this guy."

Mary shook her head and let out a bitter chuckle. "No, really, I don't think you do."

"What? You think he'd beat me up or something?"

Mary realized that she didn't know. Alvin might beat up Wyatt, it was hard to say. She'd never seen him really lose his temper, but under extraordinary conditions, she didn't know what he would do.

"He might," she shrugged.

"What is he, some kind of tough guy?"

"No, he's kind and gentle, but I think that if he thought I was in danger, he'd do anything to protect me."

"You aren't in any danger from me!"

"Well, he might see it otherwise."

"Jesus, Mary."

They sat quietly, neither of them knowing what to say.

"How's your Mom and Dad?" Mary asked, to break the ice.

"They are good. They miss you."

"Wyatt, have you been seeing anyone? Are you dating?"

He shrugged, "I went on a couple of dates, but...it just..." He looked up at her with tears in his eyes. "I love you, Mary, I don't want anyone else."

Mary fought to keep from crying herself. "Wyatt, I'm sorry you're still hurting. It just didn't work. We tried, but it didn't work. I moved on, you have to move on, too."

He wiped his eyes and nodded. "I had to try."

"I don't have any hard feelings, Wyatt, but Alvin and I are in love, and this is my home now."

"You really like it here?"

"I do."

Wyatt finished his coffee. "Do you think that maybe tomorrow, before I head back, we could have dinner or something? Just, you know, to say goodbye?"

Mary sighed. "Let me think about it, okay?"

He stood up and looked around. "This really is a nice little apartment."

"Thanks." She stood and ushered him to the door.

"I'm at a place called the Sea Breeze Motel. It's really a shit hole, but I'm getting low on cash. You can call me, I guess. My number didn't change."

"I'll think about it, Wyatt."

He stood in the open doorway and looked at her. She started to feel a tingle of apprehension. What if he decided not to leave?

After a moment, he raised his hand, gave a weak wave and turned away.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Mary felt her composure slip. She began to tremble. She rushed to the front window and looked down to see Wyatt getting into his car. As soon as his tail lights disappeared up the street, she grabbed her coat, threw it on, and bounded down the stairs.

***

Alvin nearly tripped over Angus as he set his bowl of venison stew on the kitchen table.

"Alright, you furry bastard, I'll get you some." He took down a saucer from the cupboard and dabbed a ladleful of the stew on to it. The cat stood up on his hind legs, reaching for the food, and almost knocked the dish out of Alvin's hand as he put it on the floor.

"Folks would think I starve you," Alvin muttered, sitting down to his own stew. His Uncle Harry had brought by twenty pounds of venison, claiming that he had hit a deer with his pick up truck. Alvin was sure he had shot it out of season. It was wicked savory in either case.

It had been a long day, he had left the house before dawn. He had only a handful of customers for his informal snow plowing business, and last night's snow had been light compared to the previous storms, but he was diligent about giving them good service. Besides, he got antsy in the winter if he didn't have some kind of work to keep himself busy.

He had figured he'd catch a nap when he finished, but as he was clearing the last driveway, Charlotte called, panicked because her car had skidded on a snowy street and banged into a fire hydrant.

He quickly ascertained that she was not hurt and that the hydrant had not gone off, but she had scared herself, and he couldn't bare the sound of his daughter crying, so he agreed that he would drive the two hours to Portland and examine the damage to her car.

There wasn't much. The fender on the passenger side was dented in, but it could easily be bumped out, and the paint touched up. The headlight lens was cracked, but the light was functional. He assured her that the car was drivable, and that he could do the repairs himself.

After checking the car, Alvin took her to get burgers at The Great Lost Bear, and they arranged for her to drive up to Londonderry the following weekend.

Alvin was finishing his stew when he saw the shine of headlights turning into the dooryard. He got up and crossed to the kitchen window and saw Mary getting out of her car. He smiled at the sight of her, but as she stepped into the illumination of his porch light, he saw the distressed look on her face.

He rushed to the mud room door and got there just as she opened it.

"What's wrong?" he asked as she rushed into his arms.

"I'm okay," she said, her voice muffled against his chest, "I think I might be having an anxiety attack."

"Come in, sit down," he said, turning her towards the table.

"Angus is eating your supper," Mary said.

The cat looked up from Alvin's bowl, then hopped off the table and retreated into the living room. Mary sat down and Alvin went to the stove and turned on the tea kettle. He came back to the table and sat next to her.

"Just take it easy and tell me what's the matter," he said, taking her hand.

"Wyatt came to see me."

"Wyatt?"

"My ex-husband."

"I know who he is, but what the hell? He's here?"

Mary closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before replying. "He drove all the way from California to try to talk me out of marrying you."

"Well, if it worked, I should be the one having the panic attack."

"Don't joke, honey, he scared me."

Alvin straightened his back. "Did he hurt you, Mary? Did he threaten you?"

"No, no, nothing like that," she said, shaking her head, "but just the idea of it, the obsessiveness of driving for a week to get here, it's extreme behavior."

"Where is he now?"

"He is staying at the Sea Breeze." As soon as she said it, she wondered if it would be better if Alvin didn't know. "He wants to have a goodbye dinner tomorrow before he goes home."

"And what do you think of that?"

Mary dropped her eyes. "I don't know, Alvin. I feel like I owe him at least that much."

"Why do you owe him anything?"

"Alvin, he was the first man I loved." Her hands twisted together on the table. "He brought me alive again after my Dad died. And we were together all through college."

"I understand all that," Alvin said, reaching across the table and resting his hand on hers. Mary looked up at him, tears in her eyes.

"Alvin, I didn't want to hurt him, but I did. I broke his heart."

"You can't undo that."

"No, but maybe if he gets some closure, he can move on."

They sat in silence for awhile. Angus strolled back into the kitchen and hopped up in Mary's lap. He nuzzled her chin as she hugged him to her chest.

"He always knows when you need comfort," Alvin said. "Speaking of which, did you have any supper? I can heat up the stew."

"That's the deer your uncle killed?"

"Yes."

"I'll try some, as long as it isn't Donner or Blitzen."

Alvin laughed as he got up to heat the stew.

"There isn't anything else strange in it, is there?" Mary asked.

"No, just meat and onions and potatoes and parsnip."

"Honey, outside of New England, parsnips are considered strange."

Mary sipped a cup of tea while he stood at the stove warming the stew. She watched him and reflected on how different Alvin and Wyatt were. After ascertaining that she was alright, Alvin had put on the kettle, to make tea as a comfort to her. He hadn't given it any thought, he just knew what to do.

The hot stew and tea, along with Alvin's presence, had a calming effect on Mary. When she finished eating, she set the bowl on the floor for Angus to lick, and she and Alvin went to the living room.

They cuddled on the couch and pretended to watch a movie. But neither of them paid it much attention. Alvin's thoughts veered from notions of confronting Wyatt to sorrow at seeing Mary so distraught. He knew, though, that the matter was in her hands, not his, and he would have to support whatever she decided to do.

Mary drifted off to sleep before the movie was over, curled up tight, her head resting in Alvin's lap. He stroked her hair and softly woke her.

"Come on, sweetheart, let's go up to bed."

Mary sat up and yawned. Alvin kissed the side of her head and she rose, stumbling to the stairs.

"I can carry you if need be," Alvin chuckled.

"I'm okay, just tired," Mary said, clumping up the steps. She went into the bathroom and shut the door.

Alvin went to the bedroom and straightened the covers. He set the alarm clock a little earlier than usual so Mary would have time to go home and prepare for work in the morning. When she came in, he was already undressed and waiting for her under the covers.

Mary had taken to wearing Alvin's old Boston Bruins t-shirt as a night shirt when she stayed over. She crawled into bed and snuggled close to Alvin. "It's cold," she mumbled.

"Said to be getting colder in the morning, too, sweetheart."

"All Wyatt had was a hoodie. Not even a coat."

"Well, that will be a lesson to him, then," Alvin said, reaching to turn off the lamp. He wrapped his arms around Mary and settled in for the night.

He thought she was already asleep when she spoke.

"Alvin, you know I won't ever break your heart, don't you?"

"I do know that, sweetheart." He realized that she was crying. "And I will never, ever break yours."

Mary sniffled. "I am not the kind of person who does that, but I did. I hurt him terribly."

"Honey, at some point, you have to do what is best for yourself. Don't beat yourself up over it now."


"I feel like I ought to see him. I should give him that."

"Whatever you think best, sweetheart. Just close your eyes and sleep, it will all be alright."

In a few minutes, Mary was sound asleep, but Alvin lay awake for hours.

***

Mary was up early, and barely touched the french toast and sausage that Alvin prepared for breakfast. Her outward mood was cheery, but to Alvin, she seemed brittle.

"You going to be alright today?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she replied, gulping down her coffee, "I just have things to do before work." "Well, alright then. I'll be around if you need me. Tim's coming by and we are going ice fishing down to the stream."

"Sounds like fun." She put on her coat and kissed him goodbye.

She rushed home to shower and change her clothes, then headed straight to work. She had the Valentines to give out, and she intended to add a short personal message to each. When she pulled into the parking lot, there were only a few cars already there. She couldn't help looking for one with California plates.

The heart shaped cards were all signed before the other employees had all arrived. When she was done she took her phone from her purse. Wyatt's number was still in her contacts, and for a minute she wondered why she had never removed it. Had there been some part of her that still wanted him in her life? If there had been it was long gone now, so why was she so conflicted about seeing him? She thought about what she had told Alvin, that she was not the sort of person who hurt people. But she had hurt him deeply, and she could not be at peace with that thought.

She stared at his number for a while, then tapped the screen. He answered on the first ring.

"Hey," he asked after they exchanged greetings, "Where can you get Mexican food around here?"

"Bangor."

"How far is that?"

"About forty miles."

"You're shitting me? Damn."

"The seafood here is great, you should have that while you're here."