Mary and Alvin Ch. 22

The Teammates

Once upon a time in Maine...

As soon as her Econ 101 class was dismissed, Jennifer Faulkner bounded out of her seat, rushed down the hall, took the stairs in leaps, bolted out the door and ran as fast as she could across campus. The team roster had been posted since nine o'clock, but she didn't want to skip class so early in her first semester. Might as well have, she thought, I couldn't concentrate on anything that old dubber said anyhow.

She reached the fieldhouse in a matter of minutes.

"No running in the athletic building," a receptionist snapped as she passed through the lobby. She slowed her pace to a fast walk. "No fast walking, either." She found the bulletin board outside the door of Coach Blanchard's office. She closed her eyes tight, swallowed hard, then looked at the list.

Her eyes ran down the names. Allen, Darlene. Cote, Martha. Davidson, Sheila.

Faulkner, Jennifer.

"Jeezum crow," she said aloud. She scanned the rest of the roster. She was one of only two first years to make the cut. The other was that big power forward from Rhode Island, Ortega. She doubted she'd get much playing time, at least not this year, but she had made the goddamn squad, and that was an achievement. She fished her phone out of her pocket.

Her father picked it up on the third ring.

"Daddy, I made the team!" she shouted excitedly into the phone.

She could barely hear his reply. It sounded as if the wind were blowing directly into the other end of the phone. She did make out the words "great" and "proud," but not much else.

"Daddy, I can hardly hear you. Where are you?"

The wind subsided. "Is this better," Alvin said clearly.

"Yeah, I can hear you now. You out on the boat?"

"I'm doing a test on the new rigging I put on Jim Cyr's catamaran. Rounding Turtle Head right now. When's the first game?"

"I'll email you a schedule. I don't think I'll get much floor time this season, though."

"Don't matter. I'll pay to see my girl sit the bench if need be."

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you, honey. And I'm wicked proud of you."

She hung up and turned to leave, but another notice, printed on bright green paper, drew her eyes back to the bulletin board. In big cursive letters, the header read "G.A.A. Gay Athletes Alliance." She read the text underneath. It announced that the Alliance would be throwing a start of the semester party on Saturday. It gave an address just off campus.

Just what I've been looking for, Jennifer thought. Although she had understood that she was a lesbian since her early teens, there was little that she could do about it. There had been other girls who were interesting in experimenting; some kissing, a little bit of furtive touching, but she was the only student in her school who was openly gay. Dating any of her classmates was out of the question. There were summer girls though, girls from Boston or New York who were more open. She was pretty, had a nice figure and made no secret of her interest, so she had gained some small bit of sexual experience. But she wanted more than secretive groping in the dark, or fleeting summer flings. She wanted to be in love.

Now she was at a big university. There were almost ten thousand students here; that number had to include a lot of lesbians. Who knows, she thought, maybe it includes the right lesbian. I am going to that fuckin' party.

***

Danielle Ortega pulled the green flyer from the back pocket of her jeans and unfolded it. She checked the address and slipped it back in her pocket. She walked up the driveway to a big Victorian house. There were two men on the porch. They stopped talking and looked at her as she mounted the steps.

"G.A.A?" she asked.

One of the men held out his hand and nodded. "You're in the right place. Keith Mullins."

"Hi. Danielle Ortega," she said, shaking his hand.

"You're new here, aren't you."

"Yeah. I just made the basketball team."

"Wow, congrats." He raised his hand for a high five, then added, "Martha's inside, so you've got at least one teammate here."

"Great," Danni said, but she felt her chest tighten a little. Martha Cote was a junior, and the starting power forward. She was directly above Danni on the depth chart. They were teammates, but they were natural rivals as well.

Danni went into the house. She felt socially awkward, and was glad to see that the house was crowded. She wouldn't stand out so much in a crowd. After squeezing her way through the living room and into the dining room, she found a table of hors d'oeuvres. She picked up a celery stick stuffed with cream cheese and munched on it as she wandered into the kitchen.

A small group of women were standing around a beer keg. The one nearest turned and looked at Danni. It was Martha Cote.

"Well, if it isn't the bitch who wants to take my place," she said, then laughed. She held out her hand and Danni shook it. "Just fuckin' with you, girl," Martha continued, "Welcome to the team, glad to see you here."

Danni sighed with relief. Martha drew a red cup of beer and handed it to her. "You're twenty one, right? Of course you are," she said with a wink. Danni took the beer and sipped. The other women, members of the soccer team, introduced themselves, then returned to the conversation they had been engaged in before she had entered the room.

As soon as she thought she wouldn't be noticed, Danni slipped out of the kitchen. She lingered in the dining room, nursing her beer and exchanging a few words of small talk here and there. She had always felt like an outsider. Even as a little girl, even in temple, where they were the lone Sephardic family in the congregation. By the time she was in the fifth grade she was already taller than all but a few of the boys, and her shyness only worsened. It was only in middle school, when, at the insistence of her brothers, she tried out for the basketball team, that she found a comfortable space. But even there, she was not entirely at ease. While she enjoyed the camaraderie of her teammates, there remained a lingering sense that something wasn't right. Even when she led the team to a near win in the state finals, she somehow felt apart from them.

It wasn't until her senior year that she began to understand the source of her uneasiness. There was no epiphany; no incident that triggered the revelation. Somehow, one stray thought at a time, she began to realize just why she felt so different from everyone around her.

She'd had a few dates with boys from school, but her parents were very protective. They did not want her dating gentiles, and there were few Jewish boys her age available. But when she thought about rebelling, dating who she pleased, with or without parental permission, she understood that she didn't really care about dating boys. As she thought about it, she realized that whenever she watched a movie or television program, it was always the actresses, not the leading men, who drew her attention.

On the day she received notification that she had been accepted to the University of Maine on an athletic scholarship, a thousand thoughts tumbled through her mind. For the first time in her life she would be on her own, free of her parent's control, free of the gaze of the community in which she'd grown up. Free to be who she was. That night, as she prepared for bed, she put her toothbrush back in the rack, looked deeply into the bathroom mirror, and in a very quiet voice, said to herself, "My name is Danielle Ortega. I am a lesbian."

Having accepted her sexuality, she had no idea what to do about it. But then she travelled to Orono for freshman orientation.

She wondered afterwards what had made Angela single her out for attention. Was she sending out some sort of gay signal? Had she been sending it out all along? Whatever it was, Angela, one of the seniors helping with the orientation of the new students, seemed to give her special attention as she led a tour of the campus. In the dining hall that evening, they sat together. Angela somehow made Danni feel comfortable, so when it became obvious that she was flirting with her, and then suggested they go to her room, Danni agreed. In the morning, she looked at herself in Angela's bathroom mirror and grinned. "See," she whispered to herself, "I told you I was a lesbian."

They exchanged numbers and talked on the phone a few times, and Danni fantasized that they would date when September came, but late in the summer, Angela told her that she had become engaged to a guy from her home town. This is all more complicated than I expected, Danni thought.

***

After an hour or so of mingling among the other G.A.A. students, Danni figured she could make a discreet exit. She had taken a small first step into actually living as an out gay person, now she wanted nothing more than to retreat into privacy until she was ready to take another. She decided that she had better go to the bathroom before she began the long walk back to her dorm. After a search, she found it, down a hallway off the living room. When she tried the door, it was locked. She leaned on the wall and patiently awaited her turn.

Jennifer strode up the driveway. She heard music and the murmur of voices from inside and knew she was in the right place. She opened the front door and stepped inside. A woman with a crewcut and a Black Bears sweatshirt handed her a beer. Oh yeah, she thought, this is definitely the place. She meandered through the crowded rooms, nodding and smiling at the other guests and sipping her beer.

"God damn," someone said. She turned around and saw Martha Cote, standing over the buffet table, loading a plate with shrimp. "Looks like Coach recruited nothing but baby dykes this year."

Jennifer was puzzled but smiled. "You're Martha Cote, right?"

"Yeah, and you're...is it Jessica?"

"Jennifer."

"Right. Work on your footwork. You've got good speed, but you don't know how to use it yet."

"Okay."

Martha held out her hand. "Welcome to the team."

Jennifer shook with her. "Thanks," she said, then added, "Hey, do you know where the bathroom is?"

Martha gave her directions. Jennifer thanked her and found the hallway. There was a tall, slender woman leaning on the wall across from the bathroom door. Jennifer stopped and looked at her. She seemed kind of exotic, with olive skin and thick dark hair. She looked up and Jennifer recognized her.

"Hey, you're Ortega, right?"

Danni turned her head and saw a pretty blonde girl standing in the hall entrance. "Yeah, Danielle Ortega."

"I saw you at tryouts. Shit, you were shooting the lights out."

"Yeah, I guess I did pretty well."

"Oh, I'm Jennifer Faulkner. I guess we are teammates. Just barely, but still."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, we are the only two first years to make the cut, and you were a sure thing, so I figure that means I was the last pick."

"I guess that makes sense."

Jennifer laughed. "No, no, you're supposed to say, oh no, you had a killer tryout, I bet you are going to be a starter."

Danni blushed. "I guess I didn't see your tryout. I went back to the locker room after mine."

"Damn. Well, we'll see plenty of each other from now on, right?"

"I guess so."

Jennifer moved closer. "You guess a lot, babe, maybe you should start being more sure about shit."

The bathroom door opened and a big guy in a hockey jersey squeezed by them. "Excuse me," Danni said, going into the bathroom. She shut the door and let out a deep breath. She wasn't sure if Jennifer was coming on to her or just being friendly. This stuff really was complicated. She used the bathroom, washed her hands, and opened the door.

Jennifer was still there, leaning one shoulder against the door jamb.

"Okay, it's all yours," Danni said.

"I don't have to go to the bathroom."

"Oh." Danni looked at her. She really was pretty. "I um, I really..." I really want to kiss you, she thought. "I really was about to take off. I'm not a big party type."

"Shit. Did I scare you away?"

"No, I was planning to leave after I went to the bathroom."

"Then maybe it would be okay if I walked out with you?"

"Sure, I guess...I mean, yeah, that would be great."

"Cool. Hang on though. I was lying. I really do have to pee."

Danni waited by the front door until Jennifer came out of the bathroom.

"Let's go," Jennifer said, walking past her without stopping. They went out of the house and down the driveway. It was about a mile back to campus, and as they walked, Jennifer had to ask Danni to slow down. "You're legs are like a frickin' foot longer than mine," she said.

Passing through the quiet tree lined streets, they made the kind of small talk any two students make on first meeting.

"Where did you go to high school?" Jennifer asked.

"Providence Hope."

"Rhode Island, right?"

"Yep, same school that H.P. Lovecraft went to."

"Whoa, that must have been creepy. Why'd you come up here?"

"I was offered an athletic scholarship."

"Yeah, I can see why."

"I'm not that good. If I was, I'd be at U-Conn or North Carolina. Where are you from?"

"Londonderry. That's about an hour from here, right on the coast."

They reached the edge of campus and crossed the vast empty student parking lots.

"Not to be corny," Jennifer asked, "But what's your major?"

"Law enforcement."

"Seriously, you want to be a cop?"

"Yeah, seriously. What's yours?"

"Agriculture."

Danni grinned. "Seriously, you want to be a farmer?"

"Ha, touche. Yeah, My family owns a disused farm. I grew up there. It's my dream to bring it back to life."

Danni stopped and looked at Jennifer. "That's pretty cool," she said.

Jennifer kicked at the pavement and looked up at Danni, with a chagrined expression. "I wasn't making fun of you. About being a cop. I was just surprised."

"It's okay."

They started walking again. When they reached Androscoggin Hall, Danni stopped. "I live here," she said.

"Cool. Hey, can I come in and use the bathroom in the lobby?"

"Sure." Danni unlocked the door. "Where do you live?" she asked as they stepped inside.

"I live in Knox Hall," Jennifer replied as she disappeared into the bathroom.

That's right next door, Danni thought. She could have waited the two minutes it would have taken her to walk there. And didn't she just use the bathroom at the party? She grew anxious. How would she respond if Jennifer really was coming on to her?

Jennifer checked herself in the bathroom mirror. The wind had made a mess of her hair on the walk back from the party, but she ran her fingers through it a few times and it didn't look too bad. She went out into the lobby. She walked past Danni to the lounge area and flopped down on one of the couches, leaning back and throwing her legs over the arm.

Danni sat in a chair across from her.

"So," Jennifer asked, "Why do you want to be a cop?"

"Well, my father and my brothers are firemen, so it's something different."

"No. Come on, that's not a real reason."

Danni blushed. She'd never really talked about it with anyone. "I have always felt like an outsider. And, well, my sympathies have always gone to the outsiders, whether that's race or religion or anything like that."

"Like gay, for example."

"Yeah," Danni nodded.

"But cops are not outsiders."

"That's why outsiders should be cops."

Jennifer scratched her head. "That actually makes a lot of sense. I thought maybe you just liked handcuffing chicks or something."

Danni laughed. "I've never handcuffed anyone."

"So, you might like it, you just don't know yet."

"Maybe," Danni said, looking off into the distance. She felt flustered, on shaky ground. "What about you, why do you want to be farmer?"

Jennifer sat up and leaned forward, her arms on her knees. "When I was a kid, my Mom planted a big garden next to the house. And, like I said, it was an old fallow farm that no one had worked in decades. But she brought all this life into that little piece of land, and I thought it was the most wonderful thing. It was dirt and dead weeds and she turned it into food, tomatoes and beans and peppers, into all this amazing fucking... life, and I thought that was so awesome."

Danni was surprised to see tears welling in Jennifer's eyes.

"And then one day, she was out in her garden, and she just..." She stopped and hung her head.

Danni leaned closer. "It's okay, Jennifer."

"She died." Jennifer looked up and snapped her fingers. "Right in the middle of all the life she created, she just switched off like an old lightbulb."

"How old were you?"

"Twelve."

"Oh Jennifer, I'm sorry."

Jennifer straightened up, sniffling. "To this day, I don't think my Dad has set foot in that garden. He doesn't even look in that direction when he comes and goes. But I told myself that someday I would make that little garden grow again. In her memory, you know? And then I thought, why this little piece? I've got acres and acres that I can bring to life the way my Mom did that garden."

"That's beautiful," Danni muttered.

"Thank you," Jennifer said. Neither spoke again for a while. Jenifer didn't know why she had told all that to this girl she'd just met. She had talked about her mother's garden and what it meant to her with her sister Charlotte, but no one else, not even her father. She needed to process what was going on inside her. She stood up and stretched. "I guess I ought to get going."

"Oh, okay," Danni said. She stood up and the two of them faced each other, each experiencing the same awkward feeling.

"I guess I'll see you at practice," Jennifer said.

She's kicking the carpet again, Danni thought. "Okay, yeah, so it's good to have a friend on the team."

"Yeah," Jennifer smiled. "Alright, so I'll see you." She turned and walked away. Danni stood for a few minutes without moving. I should have kissed her, she thought, I should have taken the chance.

Over the next few weeks, Jennifer and Danni saw each other at practice nearly every day, but the awkwardness they felt after the party lingered. They would greet each other and exchange small talk; how their classes were going, the team's progress, the many little adjustments to college life. Jennifer had the impression that they were circling each other at arm's length. She looked for an opportunity to get closer to Danni, maybe just ask her if they wanted to study together, or go to one of the campus film series showings, but whenever she would strike up a more serious conversation, Danni seemed to shy away. She even had the impression that Danni was rushing to shower and get dressed after each practice in order to avoid any intimate encounters with her.

The basketball season opened with an away game at Vermont. Jennifer rode the bench, but Danni played the last two minutes of the first half, making two baskets in three attempts. She played a few more minutes in the second half, pulling down a couple of rebounds, and she drew a foul and sank both free throws. But Vermont went on a late scoring run and pulled off the victory in the final minutes.

The dejected Black Bears boarded the team bus for the long ride home. Jennifer took a window seat near the back. Danni got on a few minutes later and dropped on to one of the front benches. She was craning her neck toward the back of the bus when Martha Cote sat down beside her.

"Not a bad debut, Ortega," Martha said.

Danni thanked her and they talked about the game for a few minutes while the last stragglers took their seats.

"So, what's going on?" Martha asked, leaning closer.

"What do you mean?" Danni frowned.

"You and Faulkner. Why don't the two of you just hook up already?"

Danni blushed. Martha poked her with her elbow. Danni stared straight ahead for a minute, then got up and walked toward the back of the bus.

Jennifer plugged her earbuds into her phone and scrolled through her music. The bus lurched forward and the interior lights went out. She was still looking at the glowing screen when she sensed a presence near her. She looked up and saw Danni standing in the aisle. She plucked out her ear buds.