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"Hi I'm Thea, Trenton's sister." My body visible relaxed, and I smiled at her.
"I'm Ella, you'd have to ask Trent what I am." Thea smiled and Trent started laughing. I turned my glare to him.
"You made me think she was something else besides your sister on purpose!"
"I did, had to know if you'd get jealous."
My anger flared, and my fist bunched up again, and I did something stupid, I punched a vampire. In the face no less, his shock was enough so he didn't dodge it, when my hand contacted his face I felt like my hand just shattered into pieces. I screamed and flew back onto my backside, landing there I clutched my right hand cradling it. The pain was intense, and I started crying. Trent dropped down next to me.
"Let me see." I shook my head tears flowing harder. He brushed my hair out of my face and wiped the tears from my eyes. I looked at him, sighing I gently let go of my hand giving it to Trent.
"Thea, can you heal her?" He asked, looking up at his sister hopefully.
"Of course I can." She turned my hand around and hovered her own hand, I felt warmth, healing warmth. Then I could feel my fingers, when she pulled away I opened and closed my hand. It felt fine like new.
"Thank you."
"Your welcome." I looked up to Trenton.
"I didn't hurt you did I?"
"Not really, so your okay?" I nodded, he held out his hand and helped me up.
I looked around then back at Trenton.
"Can we go where we're going I'm tired."
"Alright butterfly, night everyone."
"Night." Everyone said then went back to what they were doing. We walked out to the cold, and I held out my arms. He lifted me up and dashed down to his house. When he put me down again we were in front of a nice, house it was white with light blue shutters, it had two stories.
"Welcome to your new home Ella."
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 13 years agoWhat can I say..... You have rushed this. Also apart from the poor grammar and emoticons the story itself lacks credibility in certain areas. For example no sane woman irrelevant of pissed she is( drunk for you American readers) is going to willingly walk off with some vampire no matter how cute he is! I would suggest you inject your story with an element of realism.
Anonymousover 13 years agoPersonaly I like to read... Your story has plot and the beginings of interesting overall story line. Dont sweat the small stuff, a few little grammar mistakes thats nothing. Im not a fan of the emotioncans, but I dont think they detract from the story any. Please keep writing.
Anonymousover 13 years agoI read the stories for the story, not looking for small errors in grammar. She went with him because he was going to take her anyway, what choice was there? She was scared but then he put her at ease. It's a good story and I would be interested to hear more. Interesting ending but more interested in seeing how it turns out
Mega15over 13 years agoAuthorwell i've taken in to consideration to all your comments and I do agree on some, as the story progressed while i was writing it the emoticons became less frequent till they disappeared all together. I'm sorry about the way i've writen it, it's still in process i just need new ppl to read this story. but i will not put it into third person, it stays that way i like the first person you get a better grip of Ella that way, also it limits the readers view into the mind of Trent. And thats they way it is. I will edited it all the way through when i am done and change the * * for the thoughts to the real ones ' ' well glad you ppl like the story and im sorry for Ella being a bit unrelistic she should probably scream and freak out, I'll probably change that once i edit everything, thanks for reading. -Mega15
ZombieQueenover 13 years agoI'm glad you wanted to share your work with us, but I would focus on your writing a bit. The emoticons interrupt the flow of the story. Also I would work on flushing out the plot and the characters. If a strange man with fangs came up to you, would you go with him? This story isn't bad for a first start and you can obviously spell (so you are ahead of a lot of writers). Good luck!
