Maternal Girl

Annabella replaced the paw holding Jessie's hand with her other, and put the first on Jessie's shoulder.

"Now, Jessica Rae..."

Jessie turned back her way.

"Jessica Rae?"

"...That is your middle name, isn't it?"

"Yes...but I can't remember the last time anyone addressed me with it. Much less all three syllables of my first name."

"Well, I am now. Jessie Rae...I cannot force you to go downstairs and talk to your madre."

Jessie gazed at her.

"Buuuuut...you'll make my life a living hell if I don't?"

"Assolutamente no. But may I say something, and ask you in all seriousness to give real consideration to it?"

Sigh. Jessie turned to her, growing exasperated.

"Look, Anna Serafina, if you're gonna try to manipulate me into fe—"

Annabella grabbed her—gently—by the upper arms, and kissed her. Jessie's expression went through a couple of metamorphoses at this unexpected turn. She first launched into displeased surprise, followed gradually by mild shock, curious intrigue, subdued comfort...and finally serene tranquility. They settled horizontally into the mattress. As Annabella held on, she slipped her arms around and hugged Jessie extra tight to feel her heart beat. She kept the affection on like pressure, until she felt the heart rate decrease, and could tell Jessie was calmed back down. She released her from the liplock. Jessie opened her mouth with a deep, deep breath, as they now lay together facing one another. Annabella tenderly brushed aside some wayward strands of her hair.

"Everything's okay, cara mia. Ti amo."

"...I know that."

"Honey bear...my mother and I didn't have a perfect relationship. It was okay, but we fought kinda often too. One time she made me cry, and I told her I hated her. When I was bad, she'd ground me and send me to my room. But the rest of the time, we were a pretty normal Mom and daughter. The point is, sometimes we really didn't get along. Sometimes I didn't think she loved me. Sometimes I wasn't even sure if I loved her. Sometimes I got tired of her."

"Okay..."

"Things...got complicated. I was a teenager, so, y'know...I thought I knew everything, and at the same time, I was just trying to figure it all out. A lot of times I couldn't decide how I felt about stuff. Like her. It took me a long time to sort out those feelings, Jess. ...Dad was easy. He took me fishing, to a ball game, played little games with me, that was all fine. But...even though Mom did stuff with me too...I dunno. For some reason, it was tough for us to exchange affection. But after a while, I...guess I matured a little more, and..."

A shrug. "...I realized, she was my mother, and...I did love her. Even though she drank way too much. And there was still a lot to be said between us besides that. Lotsa loose ends to tie up. A lotta closure. I wanted to help her with her alcoholism. And I wanted her to help me with things too. And I took for granted that...that..."

Annabella started blinking rapidly, feeling sniffles come on.

"...That there'd always be another day. I couldn't figure out how to express myself to her, but I had plenty of time to—I thought. She wasn't going anywhere, y'know? Only..."

Jessie nodded. "...I think I can fill in the blanks from there."

Annabella gave way to one quiet, closed-mouth sob.

"I didn't get to say goodbye, Jessie. I didn't get to say another word. I said 'em at the funeral, I said I was sorry for all the crap I gave her...but I never got to hear her say it was okay. It finally sank in that I was never gonna talk to her again, for the rest of my life."

Dropping her eyelids, Jessie exhaled through the nose, seeing exactly where this was going.

"Darling...you have an opportunity right now with your mother that I never got to have with mine. Please, please, pleeeeease...

"...Don't throw it away."

Jess moaned, eyes shut. Several seconds passed in which neither spoke. Annabella began to think she'd fallen asleep, till at last—

"Fine...I'll talk to her."

*****

Thicker Than H2O

Sunday, May 11th, 2014, 3:23 p.m.

Annabella returned downstairs first. Following her small prancing steps, a series of reluctant stomps next descended the staircase. Once Jessie reached the floor, she stood still a moment, then approached and embraced Gretchen, audibly kissing her.

"Happy Mother's Day, Mom!" she stated, loud and proud. Turning her blood mother's way, she added, "And hello to you, Margaret."

"Jessie..." Annabella scolded her, as the guilty-feeling Margaret dropped her eyes to her lap. "Be nice."

"That was not part of our agreement upstairs, and I don't agree to it now."

"Okay," Margaret raised a hand. "Now, Jess...I...I don't expect you to understand why...um...what happened...y'know, happened."

Jessie glared at her, shooting the harshest, most piercing dagger she could manage.

"I hope that's not all you don't expect."

Annabella wandered over to the sofa where Margaret sat by herself, perched beside her, and clasped her hand. From their spots on the love seat, William and Gretchen looked on with curiosity.

"Annabella?" asked Gretchen. "What're you doing?"

"Yeah, what are you doing?" William repeated.

"Um...please pardon me, you guys. I know this whole thing isn't exactly my business. But if I may, I think it's important we have the lines of communication as comfy open as possible," Annabella told them. "Circumstances aside, we'll communicate most effectively when everyone feels as free as they can to express themselves. Right now, Margaret probably feels unwelcome, intimidated, and...I'm guessing, if nothing else, she wants to make amends. Am I on the right track there, Maggie?"

"Well...yes," she sheepishly nodded. "And actually, I kinda like and prefer 'Maggie.'"

Jessie threw her a sharp nod, arms crossed, still frowning. "Good to know, Margaret."

"Sweetheart, please," Maggie implored. "I loved you and your father so so much. I still do!"

Jessie snapped.

"Then WHY the FUCK did you LEAVE US?!!"

Annabella rose from her place on the couch, as Margaret abashedly covered her face in her hands.

"Jessie, take it easy," Annabella whispered, placing her paws on her shoulders. "Just calm down. If we're gonna give her a chance to explain herself to you, you're gonna have to make this a safe environment for her."

"She bailed on us!" Jessie answered back at normal volume. "Why should she deserve the right to explain anything?!"

"Because you told us why you did what you did to Gretchen, and she forgave you."

That hushed Jessie up. Her lips said nil, but her eyes said, ...You're right, and I hate you for it. Annabella returned to the couch.

"Now, I am not defending what she did to you guys. I'm not on anyone's 'side' here," she explained, finger-quoting. "I may be Jessie's girlfriend, but in the name of family harmony, I'm impartial. I just want everyone to be able to get along. But I'm not gonna force it if it won't happen. I'm just trying to make Maggie feel encouraged enough to say anything and everything on her mind."

"Well, thank you...um..."

"Anna's good for short."

"Right; Anna."

"So Maggie, if I may...I'd presume it's easiest for you to try and explain things to me directly. So, why don't'cha tell me kinda what happened, like a conversation between the two of us. Just, y'know, at a normal volume so everyone hears. So what's up, buttercup?"

Jessie retired to the big reclining armchair and took a seat. Maggie folded her hands, cleared her throat, and—a bit aimlessly—began.

"Okay, eh...I'll try. For, uh...for a long time in my life, having my own family was the most important thing I could imagine. And when I met Bill, it was...love at first sight. And then when Jess came along...well, it was...it was like I found heaven without dying. The first time I held her...instant love all over again. That's, um...that's the other reason I wanted to see her before too much more time passed. I wanted to be with her for her birthday this year. Assuming she let me. It seemed like a good idea to me that if I was gonna come back, it should be close to the...anniversary of her birth. After all, I was there when she was born."

"Well, no one can argue with that," chuckled Annabella. "Do go on."

"Well...for the longest time, it really was wonderful. I thought, I have a fantastic husband and a lovely daughter. A family! And sure, it had its challenges, but I knew that going in. And I honestly believed I was up to all of them, I really really did. And for nineteen beautiful years with my family...I did my best. The problem was, that...I was weaker than I thought."

"I'm sorry."

"So was I. But, just a little more than five years ago, my biggest challenge was...the evaporation of my little angel. The last thing I want's for her to think I 'blame' her, but...my longing for family had a fatal flaw. I was married...um, no pun intended...to the idea of that perfect Norman Rockwell-ish picture forever. It's-it's not that I didn't expect problems. Or that Jessie wouldn't grow up one day. ...I made a mistake, Anna. It was my fault. I went into this situation for the wrong reasons. And when things went wrong, I..."

She shrugged with a sniffle.

"...I-I just wasn't strong enough to handle it. I shouldn't have done it. Don't get me wrong. Bill and Jess certainly weren't any kind of...'mistake.' The mistake was mine. I felt that past a point, I couldn't give them what they needed from me as a wife and mother. Before I knew it, Jessie was all grown up. She...wasn't my little girl anymore. She was about to go off to college. And at the same time, I felt so...frail, and...small, and...like dead weight. Like I wasn't any good for them. It really started to eat me up inside."

"Awww...Maggie, that's too bad."

"Yeah...so, much as it pains and shames me to say it...my best wasn't good enough. I was frustrated with myself, and...I took the coward's way out. Semi-literally. I had a hard time explaining to them, but...one day I just threw together a few suitcases, said goodbye, and...that was it. I hated myself and still do for it, and yet...somehow, it was just something I had to do."

"'Had' to do..." Jessie mockingly uttered under her breath. "Something she fucking 'had' to do."

"I...I kind of felt by then that my mate and daughter deserved better," Margaret lamented. "One part of me wanted to feel less guilty and rationalize, and that part said they'd eventually find someone better, who'd be those things they needed. And..."

She paused, looked up, and hesitantly gestured towards Gretchen.

"...Looks like they have."

Quiet settled. Gretchen modestly trifled with her newly obtained wedding ring, unsure how she was "supposed" to feel about what Maggie'd said. But she noticed something as she looked to the two of them. Just as a bit of a silence-breaker, she voiced it.

"Y'know, it almost looks like you two could be mother and daughter, in those cute dresses. You'll have to tell me where you got 'em."

"Aw..." Annabella turned back to Maggie and asked her next question.

"So...what made you decide to come back?"

"Oh, that's..." Margaret looked up, and took a deep, regretful breath.

"...That's an excellent question, Anna. Four years...four Mother's Days and four anniversaries went by, and...each was more painful than the last. Every one reminded me and made me feel so horrible for it. I left because I couldn't handle all the pressure and strain anymore, but...I didn't know what I had until it was gone. Like breaking up with your boyfriend or girlfriend and then wanting them back. Finally, by the time Mother's Day came around again this year, I knew I had to see them. And y'know, Jessie's birthday's coming up too, on the 31st. And, I...I just couldn't bear letting another May go by without letting her and Bill know that..."

She took a pause, and ceased addressing only Annabella, to turn and face the center of the room.

"I'm just so terribly sorry...to both of you. Jess and Bill. I don't expect you to forgive me, and I'm not saying that as a setup for some kind of manipulation or guilt trip or anything either. I'm the guilty one."

The four ladies and one gentleman sat through another uneasy silence. William broke this one, clearing his throat.

"Well, Margaret...Maggie...for my own part..." He folded his hands with a shrug. "...I forgive you. Of course, me now having fallen in love and married a new woman...maybe my feelings're kinda detached, and it's a little easier for me to say. But yes, I forgive you."

Maggie worked up a small smile. "...Thanks, Bill."

Jessica now knew where this was going: directly her way. In the direction eight eyes slowly, uncertainly floated.

"...Jessie?" her girlfriend gently prompted.

Jessie thought. And thought. And then thought some more. Her eyebrows arched.

"Guys, um...would it be a lot to ask to give me and, eh...Maggie a couple hours alone? Maybe you could...all catch a flick together?"

Gretchen, William and Annabella looked about to one another, seeming hopeful Jessie would come around.

"That sounds okay to me," opined her Dad, motioning to rise from his seat.

"And, eh...feel free to make it a long one," Jessie added.

"I know!" said Annabella, popping up. "Let's see a movie at the mall and do some shopping too first, before the stores close. It's Sunday, but we still got awhile. We could get some Mom's Day stuff for Gretchen and Maggie. That should give them plenty of time."

"That's such a sweet idea!" Gretchen agreed, standing as well with her purse. "Billy? Whaddaya say?"

"I say is it any wonder Jessie adores this girl?" William started off to collect his keys, cell and wallet.

"Ladies?...Shall we?"

*****

No, I Would Not Give You False Hope...

Sunday, May 11th, 2014, 3:59 p.m.

Jessie stood at a front window, watching the car disappear from her line of sight. Once it was gone, she wandered back into the living room where Margaret waited. Her mother felt a bit nervous Jessie'd sent everyone away, but supposed it was a good thing the girl was willing to talk to her. Her hands rested idly on her knees. She figured she'd let Jessie go ahead.

"Come up to my room with me, please...Maggie."

Well, that was one step closer. While unsure why they couldn't keep talking down here, Maggie wanted to honor her wishes. So she followed. Jessie gestured her in, entered herself and shut the door. While perhaps least necessary of steps, she wanted to establish an atmosphere of solitude. The next thing she did was point to a spot on the bed.

"Now would you sit right there...and why don't you take off your shoes, get a little more comfortable."

"Well...okay," chuckled Margaret, doing as told. It also seemed like a good thing Jessie wanted her to feel comfy and at home. Her daughter came forth and sat on the bed to her left. A short spell passed before Jessie spoke.

"...So. You wanna be in my life again."

Maggie nodded. "I do, Jess. More than anything. It killed me to leave you and your father. And I know things're a little different now. The situation's more sorta...'settled down' from five years ago. And there's still no excuse for what I did. But now, all I want is another chance, to at least try to make it up to ya. I won't come back to the house if it's not okay with you. Or Bill. Or Gretchen. But I'd love to have you visit me. I'd love to take you out, have us bond, do stuff together...like...what they're out doing right now."

Jessie nodded.

"Sounds logical...nice little speech. Well...I have been thinking about it since we were all downstairs. And...if you really mean it, I...have come up with a bit of a, shall we say...test, to see just how much you want us in each other's lives again, Maggie."

"Okay...well, I'm certainly up for it."

"Hold that thought. There's a couple things I should tell you about myself that've happened since. And I highly doubt you'll approve, or be very crazy about them. Even though your approval would've meant a helluva lot more to me five years ago."

"All right...I'm properly braced. Go ahead."

"Fine. You already know I'm a lesbian. What you don't know is that in the past year I've become an amateur dominatrix. Or that when Dad first introduced me to Gretchen back in August, she was so homophobic I had to teach her a lesson. ...So, I raped her."

Margaret was so startled she choked on her own saliva.

"...I'm...I'm sorry??"

"That's right, you heard me. I tricked her into coming into my room, handcuffed her to my dresser, strapped on my dildo an—"

Maggie raised her hands and spat a series of nonsense syllables.

"Th-that's okay; I...I-I certainly don't need the details. That's...my god, Jess, I...I just can't believe you could do something like that."

"Well, believe it; it happened. Dad and Annabella already know. I came clean with them about it a month later. But...I understand. Parents...do tend to have a hard time believing their kids can do any wrong."

Margaret gazed at her, stunned by this revelation but still hopeful.

"Does...that mean you think of me as a parent again?"

"We're getting there. D'you remember when I was little and fucked up, and you and Dad grounded me and sent me to this room?"

"Yeah?"

"D'you remember what else you did to me?"

"...Um..."

"...Spanked me, Maggie. You used to spank me."

"Oh. Well, yes, I...suppose I did. But that was a form of discipline, Jess."

"Exactly. Negative result to a negative action. I did something wrong, I got punished. And I learned to behave from it. Right?"

"Right."

Jessie arched her eyebrows at her.

"Remember that test I mentioned earlier?"

"Yyyyyyeah?..."

Jessie let her eyes dart, seeing if her mother could put it together for herself. She didn't seem able to.

"...Y'see where I'm going with this?"

Margaret furrowed her own brows in thought. "...No."

"All right, I'll spell it out. You did a very bad thing to me and Dad. Agreed?"

"Yes, Jessie, agreed. Again, I'm so so sorry."

"And now you want to be forgiven. Agreed?"

"I...yes, of course; I would love to."

"So the question is...how much do you want back in my life?"

"H—...how much?"

"That's the question on the bed. How much do you want me to call you Mom again..." Her voice softened to a near-whisper.

"...Mom?"

Maggie's heart melted. She suddenly felt so touched a tear came to her eye.

"Oh, sweetheart...that felt so good to hear you say. I'd...give anything to have our relationship back."

Jessie turned up a modest smile.

"You sure that's what you want...Mommy?"

Margaret clasped both hands to her chest. "Absolutely. Four hundred percent sure."

Jess nodded with her knowing smile. She hiked herself a bit higher on the bed so her feet left the floor.

"All righty then, birth-giver, time to test your devotion." She patted her thigh.

"Over my knees, on your belly. C'mon."

Something took a strange turn in Maggie's mind.

"...What's this now?"

"Think about it, Maggie. It makes sense. I did something bad, I had to learn my lesson, then I was forgiven and got to have fun again. Now you've done something bad too. Does it not seem right that you should serve your sentence for it?"

"B—...by spanking me?"