Mathematical

He did not remember anything about the bus ride.

The next thing he knew, he was laying on her couch with her trying to get him to sit up.

"C'mon, you lazy ass. Don't go passing out on me now. You gotta chug some gatorade and eat something, or you're gonna have a fuckugly hangover tomorrow."

"Leave me here to die," he whined back. "I probably deserve a hangover."

She pushed him again, frowning. "Okay, sure, that's the traditional first morning as a newly-legal drinker, but have you considered the fact that I'm making pizza rolls?"

He sat bolt upright, lost his balance, and promptly fell off the couch with all the grace of a newborn deer. Alyssa laughed uproariously.

"Christ, Mark, you're fucking trashed. You seriously only had one fucking drink?"

"No, I've been holding out on you with my flask of rum. Shut up, not all of us have hairy chests."

That got her laughing again, which made him feel stupidly tingly inside, which made him feel really fucking confused. He was not making his case as a gay man very well, here.

"C'mon, then. Maybe some food will change things."

He stumbled his way into her kitchen behind her. "Wow, this looks way better than my apartment."

"For what I'm paying, it fucking better. No, this is a really good complex. Grandpa's trust fund at work."

He scoffed. "Oh, no. We can't be friends if you're bourges- borugh- bousgh- fuck it, you know what I mean, you capitalist pig."

She rolled her eyes at him. "I can't believe you can't speak french when you're drunk. And no, Gramps just won the lottery or something. Wanted his grandkids to have a good future, except all he got was the one."

She offered him a bottle from the fridge, which he took and opened. "So, Gatorade?"

"Yeah, it's the electrolytes and the water. I dunno, maybe it's placebo. You gotta drink something, may as well taste as fruity as you."

"Wow, rude. Just for that I'm not sharing."

"Oh, the horror."

He sniffed in mock offense, and then chugged half the bottle.

A timer to their left chimed, and then began screaming death metal. Mark about jumped out of his skin.

"Jesusfuckshitwhatthehellisthat?"

She almost fell over laughing, then reached out to shut off the timer.

"I found it online. The internet's a crazy place. Fuck out of the way, the pizza rolls are ready."

Alyssa pulled the tray from the oven, and quickly divvied out the rolls onto a pair of plates. Handing one to him, she reached into the fridge to pull out what looked like a beer bottle.

"Holy shit, you're not seriously gonna keep drinking, are you?"

"Nah, it's for you. Of course I'm drinking, it's my house. Amscray, let's watch a movie to keep you awake."

He wandered back out into her living room, and carefully set down his meal while she did something weird to the TV.

"So, uh, do you have any roommates?"

"Nah. It's just you, me, and Harrison Ford's chiseled jawline tonight."

She sat back down and twisted the top off her beer.

"Here, take a sip of this. Just a sip. I don't want you any more drunk, but I want you to know this exists."

He gingerly took the beer and took a sip.

It tasted like... apple juice? He almost took a second, but thought better of it and handed it back.

"It's hard cider. Maybe you should get that at the bar next time, might get you less trashed."

"Wait, that's alcoholic?"

"I <i>know,</i> right?"

They munched away at their rolls while on-screen Mr. Ford got himself into and out of perilous situations, and by the time the movie ended Mark felt more sober.

Not that it was a good thing, though. As they finished eating, Alyssa had taken it upon herself to lay her head in his lap, giving him an amazing view of her breasts down her shirt. He tried not to look, but the way they jiggled when she laughed— and she laughed often— was painfully distracting. Eventually, it became painful in a different way, as his cock grew hard and tight in his jeans with nowhere to go.

"Hey, uh, where's your bathroom?"

From his lap, she chuckled. "What, gotta fix your dick? I can feel that. I guess you have a thing for Indiana Jones?"

He gulped nervously. "Uh, yeah. Sorry, I didn't think-"

She twisted, leaning now on her elbows and looking up at him.

"Here, lemme just give you a hand," she started, reaching over and starting to unzip his jeans.

"Whoa, hey! Hands off the goods, man!"

She held up her hands, grinning. "What's the big deal? It's not the first dick I've ever seen, Mark. And besides. It's your birthday. You should never wake up wearing clothes when it's your birthday."

"But I don't swing that way," he protested weakly. Was she seriously trying to get him out of his pants?

"You don't have to swing any way! I was just saying that you should get comfortable. I'm not gonna get weird about you taking off your jeans to be comfy."

"I... I guess. Okay. Maybe it's the booze but that sounds okay I guess."

"Good. That'll make it easier to suck your dick."

He flushed bright red.

"You're so easy to pick on. Come on, just take them off. You can hide under a blanket if you want to protect your chastity."

They both stood, her stepping away to grab a blanket from across the room and him unbuttoning his jeans nervously. This was really weird, but maybe she was being honest? Maybe she saw him as just another girlfriend. Did girls take their pants off with eachother? Maybe. It seemed kinda like a sleepover sort of thing now that he thought about it.

She returned with the promised blanket, which he took.

"Damn, Mark. You've got some nice legs! Turn around, lemme see the rest of you."

If it was possible for him to get redder, he did. But he did as she asked, turning slowly around and then sitting down with the blanket covering his legs.

"Wow, you've got a great butt, too! I'm kind of jealous!"

"Yeah, well. It might do you more good than it's done me."

She cocked her head to the side. "Oh dear. How long's it been?"

"Three years. Well. Since I was with another person at least. Online shopping helps a little."

Alyssa made a sad face. "That's terrible!"

She sat next to him and leaned on his shoulder in commiseration. "Well... y'know..."

He leaned away a little. "I'm not sure I'm here for whatever you're thinking."

She squinted at him. "Oh, come on. I was just gonna say, I, uh. I might have a harness in my room. Like... I'm not trying to push you or anything but like. You could pretend I was a boy if you wanted."

He thought about it for a bit. Sure, she was a girl, and he wasn't into girls. But maybe she was right, maybe he wasn't as turned off by them as he'd thought? Here he was, cock as hard as it'd ever been, entirely because of her. And she was offering to fix his dry spell for him, and even do it in the way he preferred?

Maybe he ought to take her up on it?

"I... I guess I could do that. Maybe if you blindfolded me. And turned out the lights."

She grinned at him. "See! I called it a week ago. You're totally into that bdsm shit."

"Hey! It's not like that. I mean, I've never done anything like that before. Don't make it weird."

She leaned back in on him. "Ooh, Mark, you've never been with a girl like me before."

"Oh stop. Girls use strap-ons all the time. It's not a big deal, you weirdo."

She pouted a little even as her hand slid up his thigh, stopping just short of his cock.

"Mhm, not a big deal. And I suppose this," she murmured as she gripped his cock at last, "this is just normally this hard, right?"

He gasped sharply as her fingers squeezed him. "I, yeah. Totally. I just walk around with a hard cock all day. My friends— ah!" he gasped again, as she pulled the sheet down, "my friends all call me the Walking Cock because my boner never goes away."

She nodded, as she caressed him through his boxers. "Uh-huh. Go on, Walking Cock."

"It's The Walking Cock, thank you very much," he mumbled as she very carefully pulled his cock through the front slip.

"I can see why. Pretty impressive, keeping this up all day and still being able to talk. How long are you?"

He inhaled a bit, her touch electric. "Uh, I think I measured about six inches."

"I'll say. Why, I could just eat you up."

She seemed to be waiting for him to respond. He swallowed in anticipation.

"Please do."

She grinned, tightened her grip, and brought her face down to his cock.

He jumped a little as her tongue traced a soft line up the underside of his shaft, and her lips gently pecked the head of cock. She licked lightly back down the side, and then pressed the full width of her tongue back against the bottom of it as she pulled up and off. He realized his eyes were clenched shut as she waited a moment and giggled, and when he opened his eye to look down he found her staring up at him as she angled his cock to slide into her mouth without breaking eye contact. She took it inside all the way to its base, squeezing his balls through his boxers gently as she pulled it back out.

"Thought you needed a blindfold, Mark?"

He blushed and slammed his eyes back shut, partly from embarrassment and partly because she wrapped her fingers back around his shaft. She stroked the length of him slowly, her lips following her fingers almost exactly. A wave of pleasure washed through him as her grip tightened and movements quickened briefly, before she pulled back off. This damn tease!

He opened his eyes again to find that she wasn't stopping, but was pulling insistently at the blanket and his boxers.

"C'mon, get these out of the way. How am I supposed to give you a proper birthday blowjob with clothes in the way?"

He arched a little, hooking his thumbs into his waistband and pulling them down over his thighs. She grabbed them from there, leaning to yank them down past his knees to fall to his ankles, and then seized his cock again. Her thumb massaged the underside of his head, eliciting another gasp from him.

"Gosh, you're so noisy."

"I'm sorry, I'll shut-"

"No, I'm not complaining. It's, uh, it's turning me on."

She leaned back in to take his head between her lips, and he moaned automatically as her tongue started to flick across it again.

Unconsciously, his hips flexed up, and he felt her smile aimed at him when she pulled back, still stroking him. "Ah, someone likes that."

"Please don't stop."

She giggled even as she slid his cock back into her mouth, making him arch again. She clenched her fingers a little tighter and pushed down onto him, taking the stroke down to the base of his cock again and then pulling it as she came back up. She did this again twice, and on the third he arched unconsciously into it. She nodded sharply, doing it again and again, until he caught on that she wanted him to thrust up into her mouth.

He obliged, pushing his cock into her mouth again and again almost in a trance from how good it felt.

Her free hand broke him from his reverie, grabbing his and directing it to her ponytail. He quickly realized that she wanted him to actually fuck her mouth.

"I don't want to choke you," he moaned.

She pulled back briefly, looking up at him. "When I grip your cock like this it keeps it from gagging me. You can go as fast as you want. Please. I want you to do it."

She looked as though she was going to say more, but he gripped her ponytail tight and shoved her face down on his cock. His guess proved correct, as she audibly moaned around his cock.

Now given permission, he began sliding his cock into her mouth in earnest. She seemed incredibly aroused now, moaning and shifting he thrust harder and harder into her. As he went, he felt her release her fingers from his cock one by one, so that only the smallest of rings kept him from gagging her. A pressure was building deep inside of him, an insistent pressure that grew and grew as he fucked her face as hard as he could.

"I'm- I'm gonna," he started to gasp.

She responded by releasing him with her hand and shoving his cock completely into her throat, gripping his balls tightly as he grunted and then it washed over him.

It came in powerful waves, seeming to pull everything from inside of him as he shot over and over into her throat. Her fingers massaged and squeezed and worked his balls as they unloaded, until finally his spasms faded and he sank back into the couch, completely obliterated.

"That was... amazing," he mumbled between gasps. "I've never came like that before."

She pulled off his cock slowly, sucking him mostly clean as she came. She looked up at him, winking, before leaning back in to lick up anything she'd missed. This sent more soft waves of pleasure through him, and his head rocked back against the couch.

"Fuck, Lyss, that's almost so good it hurts."

Having finished, she gently kissed the tip of his cock and leaned back on her knees.

"So, having a good birthday?"

"The best."

"That's good. You're not passing out on me, are you?"

He made the effort to look at her, though he felt a little cross-eyed. "I think I might be. I'm sorry, I didn't do anything for you-"

"Hush, it's your birthday. I'll make you buy me ice-cream later. C'mon, my bed's big enough for two and it's gonna be cold tonight."

She stood, reaching out to offer him a hand. He took it, only to find himself quickly yanked to his feet. He stumbled into her, but she was braced and caught him.

"C'mon, birthday boy. Maybe I'll wake you up with a good pounding."

"I might like that," he mumbled. That orgasm had reduced him to this? Shit, he was going to have to start calling himself bi at this rate.

She led him up the stairs slowly, stopping at the landing.

"The right is my room, the left is the bathroom. The stairs are for falling."

"Got it," he said, and she opened her door.

If he was expecting anything, he wasn't sure, but it certainly wasn't half-empty bookcases and undecorated walls. She pushed him toward the bed and opened her closet, which turned out to be a walk-in that he couldn't see around the corner into.

"What's up?" he asked, unsure what to do, almost naked on her bed.

"I'm, uh, getting my harness," she said, sounding almost... nervous?

"In case you get a second wind or something."

"Oh, okay. You can sleep with that on?"

She laughed, though it seemed a little forced. "Yeah! They make them really comfy. I actually was wearing one when we first met. It, uh, I just like wearing it."

He was definitely too tired for this conversation.

"Okay. Thanks."

She came out of the closet, hesitantly, leaning against the doorframe. She'd changed from her jeans and blouse into a soft, baggy pair of trousers and a loose t-shirt which did almost nothing to conceal how hard her nipples were. He could see a definite bulge in the pants, and it sent a thrill through his tired body.

"Oh. Um. Shit," he summarized eloquently.

"Like what you see, do you?"

"I, I have no comment," he mumbled quickly, though his hardening cock betrayed his words.

She sauntered over to the bed, his eyes darting between her breasts and her harness bulging at him.

"You look like you might have a second round in you after all," she purred, putting a knee on the bed and leaning over him.

"If you, uh, are the one doing most of the work then I could probably do it, yeah."

She grinned, taking him softly by the hip and pushing him to roll on his stomach. "Are you nervous?"

"A little. Okay, a lot. I've only bottomed for real a couple times before."

"It's not that different, sweetie. But you don't have to do it if you don't want to. We can go to bed if you'd like."

He hesitated, then shook his head. "No, let's do it. If I psyche myself out now I'm never going to have the balls to do it again."

She leaned down and hugged him, and he arched unconsciously against her. Her strap-on pressed between his cheeks, its warmth startling him.

"Holy shit, that thing's burning up! Is that normal?"

"Yeah, it's uh, reactive to body heat. It's made to be conductive so it feels real. Internet's something else, right?"

He considered this and shrugged. "Yeah, that's nuts. The things they think of these da- hey!"

The world went suddenly dark as she swept the blindfold over his eyes and quickly tied it. Before he could protest further, she gripped his wrists and swung them up to the headboard, where he quickly realized there were fabric strips tied to presumably lash his wrists.

"I wasn't kidding about the dom thing before, Mark. Do you want to give it a try?"

"I, uh, not this time I think. I mean, I guess it sounds hot but the blindfold is already kind of pushing it."

She chuckled, the motion rocking her against his rear and making him shudder a bit. "That's fair. I just ask that you stay on your stomach and keep your hands up there, then. I don't want you getting my bed any messier with lube than it has to be."

She pressed down again as he tried to answer, making him shudder again. "I'll do whatever you want if you'll hurry up and put that inside me."

She leaned back and swung her leg back over his, then stood. He heard a rustling as she presumably dropped her pants, and a few footsteps as she walked across the room.

He was just about to ask what she was up to when she returned with a clicking sound.

Suddenly something ice-cold and slimy dripped between his cheeks, and he jumped.

"Shh, calm down. Gotta get you good and lubed up before I rail you into next week."

"Okay, but couldn't you have at least warned me?"

"I could've, but then you wouldn't have gotten such cute goosebumps all over this fine rear of yours," she said with a grin he could almost hear. She slapped his ass lightly, making him jump again, and then started rubbing her fingers in the lube dripping down his crack.

He tensed at first when she stroked around his hole, but relaxed as she started to work the lube down and around it. As she felt him unclench, she started to softly work one of her fingers inside him, moving slowly as he began to gasp and squirm.

"Ooh, are you going to get vocal for me again? That was really fucking hot when I was sucking your cock."

He blushed, but continued to gasp. "It's not my fault," he whined softly.

She dripped more lube on her fingers, and then slipped a second inside him. Her fingers curled, reaching for his prostate, and he arched back and moaned loudly before twisting to the side and covering his face in embarrassment.

"Oh my god," she murmured, curling her fingers again before he could voice his protest. He clenched, visibly dripping precum again as he moaned a second time.

"You're even more reactive than that sorority girl I took home last week! Fuck, Mark, how are you not getting laid more?"

He shrugged helplessly, defenseless to the waves of pleasure she was giving him.

"Here, lie back down. I want to make you come again and I think I know just the ticket."

She pulled her fingers from inside him and let him get situated before straddling him again, the heat of her cock burning against the leftover chill of the lube. Whatever brand it was, he decided, he really needed to order one of his own. He heard a faint ripping sound, like a condom wrapper, and started to turn.

"Shh, relax. You, uh, you gotta use condoms with toys, too. The cracks and pores and stuff can transmit bacteria or whatever."

That seemed fair, he supposed. Or at least he started to, before she drew back, lined up with his ass, and sank a solid inch into him.

"Oh," he gasped, as she leaned down over him, her breasts pressing into his back as she drew slowly out and then pressed gently back into him. She repeated the process, slowly working herself deeper into him and past his sphincter with hardly any resistance at all.