May to December Ch. 04

Scott turned her face up to his and kissed her. It was a tender kiss, not asking for or demanding anything from her, but giving her comfort and reassurance...and love. Dawn kissed him back, knowing he wouldn't take advantage of the situation to make love to her now. And part of her was glad he understood, while the part of her that he had awakened was aching for him again. He took any choice she thought she had away from her when he said, releasing her mouth,

"I think maybe I need to take you home now. I'll be working doubles for the next few days, so you'll have lots of time to get used to missing me till we meet again. Is that okay with you?" He smiled down at her as he spoke, and she smiled back at him.

"It's fine with me," she answered, and kissed him lightly. "I'll just get my things."

He let her go and stood with her, following her up the stairs to his bedroom where she retrieved her purse, and looked around for her panties. When she couldn't find them, she turned to him with the question already spilling from her lips.

"Have you seen my underwear?"

"Yes."

She looked at him and saw he was fighting a smile. "Where is it?"

"In here." He was grinning now, and Dawn marched over to him. "So, may I please get it?"

"No." He chuckled at the outraged expression on her face.

"I can't go around with no underwear on!" she exclaimed irritably.

"You won't be going around. You'll be going home. And no underwear might be a good thing, if you decide you want to play." He waggled his eyebrows at her, and added, "I want to keep it. Do you mind?"

She subsided, smiling faintly at the hopeful look on his face. "Okay, but if I'm going commando, so are you, mister!"

"Done, ma'am!" he said, and opened the button fly of his jeans so she could see the dark bush that nestled at the root of his cock.

Dawn felt a rush of heat that colored her cheeks and dampened her sex, and she hastily looked away.

"Ready?" he asked, as the phone rang. He went to answer it, and when he was done, she said, "Yes, I'm ready."

"You have great timing, love," he said with a rueful grin. "That was the hospital. I need to go in. I'll drop you off as soon as I've changed." He turned back to smile at her as he added, "I'll go commando next time, I promise!"

Dawn beat a hasty retreat, not sure, despite the intimacies she had shared with him all weekend, that she could stand to watch him dress. She went to sit in the living room and when he came down, dressed slightly less casually than before, she had to smile.

"Nice shirt," she commented, taking in the button-down white cotton shirt he had tucked into the waistband of dark blue jeans.

"Thanks," he replied, smiling. "Let's go."

The drive back home was quiet. Scott seemed preoccupied, and Dawn was grateful that he was not focused on her for a change. It would take a lot to settle her mind after all that she had done with him over the last two nights. Aside from Hunter, she had only spent the night with a man one other time. But that was where any comparison ended. Scott was the consummate lover, and she found herself overwhelmed by her desire for him, a desire so absolute that it frightened her. She was relieved when they got to her house that he couldn't do more than kiss her lips quickly and promise to call. She watched him drive away, and went indoors.

Scott did not call. Dawn called and left a message on his machine after waiting a week for him to call. She made it short, and did not say any of the accusing things that were on the tip of her tongue. He did not return her call. She had manuscripts to edit and chapters to add to her novel, and the following two weeks were full with work. But still, beneath the busyness of her days, the ache to hear from him again grew deeper. She argued with herself, calling her self all kinds of a fool for imagining that a man so much younger than she would want to hang around, especially now that he knew the baggage she carried, not just on her body but in her heart and soul. She berated herself every time she left another message on his answering machine, knowing she would get no response.

He called one day while she was out, two weeks after their tryst, and left a long message apologizing for not having answered before.

"Hi, gorgeous lady! Sorry I haven't gotten in touch before now. Work has been crazy. I hardly get any rest these days, honey. I miss you so much. I wish I could kiss you right now, hold you in my arms, show you how I'm feeling. I'll try to call again soon, okay? Take care, baby." His voice made her ache, and she waited anxiously for his next call. A few days later, as she was walking into the house, she missed the phone and her answering machine picked up another message from him, saying he was out of town and would call when he returned.

He never called again. She resisted the urge to go to the hospital to find him. She would not be seen as a stalker, though the many messages she was leaving might be construed as such. She didn't want him to think she was desperate for him. She would not humiliate herself. She was fifty years old. She didn't need anyone.

She left one more message on Saturday, two weeks after his last message, and this time she did not try to censor herself. She told him off roundly, and hoped she never had to see him again. She accused him of using her to scratch his itch, and wondered when he had introduced his new lady friend to his children's books. Her pain and rage bled through the message, and when she hung up, she was shaking. When the doorbell rang, she had to take several calming breaths before she went to answer it, hoping her visitor did not notice how upset she was. Jeff and Dana stood outside, carrying two big flowerpots filled with geraniums.

"We're finally bringing them over, as we promised, love," Dana said as she stood aside to let them enter. "If you've nothing planned, how about we all go to the fair. We haven't hung out in a while, you've been so busy!"

Dawn moved mechanically, showing them where to put the pots, smiling in the right places, and eventually agreeing to go with them to the fair. She needed some time away from her thoughts, from her anger, from her hurt. By the time they got to the grounds, Dawn was sufficiently relaxed that her responses to Dana were genuine, and her smiles real. They wandered around, shooting for teddy bears, getting their portraits painted, and Dawn watched her friends enjoy the rides. She wasn't into rides herself, but it amused her to watch their faces and hear their exaggerated screams of delight.

"Ready to eat?" Jeff asked when they got off the last ride, his arm around his wife.

Dawn nodded, her eyes wandering around the grounds, enjoying the afternoon sunshine, and the simple pleasure of being outdoors. When she saw Scott with his arm around a young woman, it took her a full minute to register what she was seeing. He was smiling down at her, and her upturned face showed the depth of her feeling for him. Dawn felt a sharp pain in her gut, and the world spun around her. She felt dizzy, and grabbed the nearest thing to her, which happened to be a tent pole, and she passed out.

When she came to, she was lying on a cot in the first aid office, and Dana was sitting next to her, anxiety and worry plain on her face.

"Oh good, you're awake! What happened, Dawn?"

Dawn sat up, and rubbed her hand against a pain in the back of her head.

"I...I felt faint," she hedged, remembering immediately why she had felt as though her whole world were tilting on its axis. She would never tell anyone of her utter humiliation. She hadn't told Dana about her weekend in Scott's home, and now she was glad she had been silent on the matter. "I want to go home," she added. "Now."

"But Dawn, you need to get checked. You hit your head when you fell!" Dana objected.

"I'll go tomorrow. I want to leave now! Please!"

She could see the puzzlement on her friend's face, and she was sorry to frighten her, but she couldn't stay where she might see him again with his new fling a moment longer.

"Please, Dana!" she begged, panic rising inside her. She didn't want them to call for a doctor and risk him showing up.

"All right, calm down!" Dana said, and left to get Jeff, who came immediately and helped her to the car.

The ride home was silent. She kept her eyes closed, and when they asked if she wanted them to come in, she declined their offer, promising to see her doctor the next day. They left her reluctantly, and Dawn went into her home slowly, closing the door quietly behind her. She was hurting so badly, she could barely hold back the tears. The ache in her heart was driving her insane, the wound so deep she thought she would never recover. He had broken her heart, and it was her fault for being stupid enough to believe a man like him, in his prime, sought after by women his age and far more alluring and beautiful than she, would ever have more than a passing interest in her. She sagged against the door, and sank to the floor as her misery overwhelmed her. She cried out her love, her hurt, her fury, sobs wracking her frame until she was dry and sore and empty. And there was no one to comfort her.

Eventually, when the darkness of the room penetrated her inner gloom, she struggled to her feet and switched on a hall light. She stood there, feeling disoriented, out of sync, wishing she knew what to do next, or had someone to direct her. She hung up her coat and trailed upstairs to her bedroom where she changed and went to take a bath. Maybe a good long soak would revive her, and make her able to face the night, and the rest of her life, without the man who had made her fall in love with him.

She added bath salts and a bit of scented oil to the water, and turned on the jets. Then she sat in the bubbling flood and cried some more. Her throat was raw with weeping, her heart so heavy she had no strength left to fight the emotions that broke over her like storm-driven waves on the ocean. How could she have let him lead her on like this? How did she not guess that his long absence was significant? Why hadn't she suspected that he was cheating on her? How could she have been so stupid?

Finally, when the water grew cold around her, she got out of the bath and dried herself. Tossing on the old robe hanging on the hook behind the door, she walked into her bedroom and threw herself across the bed. If she never got up again, it would be too soon, she thought wildly for a second, and then she sat up. This would never do. He hadn't made a commitment to her, nor she to him. They had had sex – phenomenal, true, but just a physical act – and she would miss it, but she would not die for lack of more. She was a strong woman who had been through a great deal of grief. If she could overcome rape and divorce, she could overcome this.

The tears trickling down her cheeks caught her by surprise. She had thought her pep talk would stiffen her spine, but apparently it would take more than a stern talking-to to get her out of the funk she was in. It didn't help that she was humiliated to have been so bowled over by his charm and sexiness. She had believed him when he had said it wasn't lust he was feeling, because if it had been, it would have fizzled out by now. She supposed bitterly that it had fizzled out, finally.

She called her doctor and made an appointment for the next day, and threw herself into her work. She had a mild concussion, she was told when she went in, and she needed to take it easy for a few days and not drive anywhere on her own. Back at home, Dawn found she was restless, unable to settle her mind to any one thing. Finally, in despair, she gave up and went to bed. She woke up at midnight to see the light flashing on her answering machine. That was probably what woke her up. She reached over to press the button to listen, and Scott's voice broke the silence.

"Dawn, honey, you have every right to be furious with me, but there's no one else, baby. I know you won't believe me, but things have been exceptionally busy at the hospital, and I've been too tired when I get home to do more than fall into bed. I want to come by tomorrow, because I've finally got a couple of days off in a row. I promise I won't try anything, but I have to talk to you."

Her hands were trembling as she pressed delete, fresh tears tracking down her cheeks. Another message was there, and she pressed Play.

"Please pick up, Dawn. Please!"

She deleted that one, too. And she wouldn't be around when he came by later. She decided it was time she went to visit her cousin who lived two states away. She'd spend a few days there, soaking up the sea air, and regaining her composure. Her mind made up, she rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. It took her an hour to fall into a fitful doze. She woke up a few hours later to the doorbell ringing. Scott!

She pulled the sheet over her head, as though she could hide in bed forever. He kept ringing, and finally she was so angry she threw the bedclothes aside, fixed her robe, and marched downstairs. Flinging open the door, she began to berate him immediately.

"You have got some bloody nerve coming here at this time of the morning! I didn't invite you here! Go away!"

She planted herself in the doorway, daring him to touch her, and waiting for him to leave. He didn't move. She looked at him, and noted that his face was drawn, his eyes bloodshot.

"And you have the cheek to show up here drunk as well? How dare you! I'm not some floozy you can come to work your lust off on just whenever you please! Get the hell off my front porch!"

She moved back and prepared to slam the door in his face, but he put his foot in the door, and stopped it with his hand.

"You may have the right to be angry with me, Dawn, but you don't have the right to be rude. I'm not drunk, just tired. I'm coming directly from work."

Her rage grew as he spoke, because she knew he was right, and the last thing she wanted was for him to be right.

"If you don't remove your foot from my door, I'm going to call the police!" she threatened.

"Do what you have to do, but by the time they get here, I will have said what I came to say," he answered coolly, only the tightening of his jaw showing that he was not as calm as he appeared.

Dawn watched him, not letting him move past the door. "Say what you have to say, and then go. It won't make a difference!"

"You've never wanted us to succeed, have you, Dawn?" he accused her. At the mutinous set of her mouth, he began again. "I told you I've fallen in love with you. I have. I've been so lonely without you, and so frustrated that I couldn't spend time with you. I was either away from home, or so exhausted I couldn't even stay awake to answer your messages."

"You weren't too tired to show up at the fair with a new woman on your arm, though, were you? A new, younger woman who's besotted with you. Another one you 'care' about!" She threw the accusation at him, her head high, her cheeks red, her eyes defiant. "I'm not buying your bullshit, Scott! Just let it go. You won! I'm a stupid middle-aged fart who let a younger guy play her for a fool. I'm lonely, and you needed your itch scratched. It wasn't too hard for you to get what you wanted while seeming to give me what I wanted, too. You knew all the right words to say to make me believe you gave a fig for my feelings. You seduced me, knowing you were going to discard me like week-old leftovers as soon as fresh meat came along. Well, I hope she's tasty, because this meat plant is closed!"

The bones in Scott's jaw tightened, and Dawn watched it, fascinated despite herself. "Let me in, Dawn, before I do something we'll both regret!"

His voice was low, a growl of sound that told her he was on the verge of something she would rather have nothing to do with. But she didn't want to give in to him. She wanted to resist, to hold her rage to her bosom like a cherished friend. She caught his eyes as they took in her appearance, and suddenly she recalled that she was naked under the robe. Color flooded her cheeks as his eyes took in the way the lapels fell away from the luscious curves of her breasts, the way the robe hugged her hips.

"Let me in, Dawn!" He repeated his demand, and she glared at him.

"Why?" The bald question hung between them, waiting.

"Because I need you. Because you need me." His voice was hoarse. "Because we need each other."

Tears shone in his eyes, shocking Dawn out of the fury she had been giving free rein.

"Scott..."

"Please, baby, let me in!"

Dawn moved aside, and Scott walked in, waiting for her to close the door and usher him into the living room. He remained standing till she offered him a seat, and he didn't speak till she sat down herself, as far from him as she could.

"The woman you saw me with is my cousin, here for a fortnight's visit. She was leaving the next day to visit relatives out of state."

"How could you find time to spend with her at the fair, and not have time even to call me?

"She came by the hospital. I went to the fair with her, then went home and fell into bed."

"And the other twenty-seven days?"

"What?" Scott's confusion showed on his face.

"The other four weeks when you chose to ignore my repeated messages? What's your excuse for those days?"

"I have no excuse, Dawn, other than what I've told you. And..." He hesitated.

"And?" Dawn felt her heart trip over itself.

He stood up and paced away to the window. "I knew you didn't trust me, Dawn, even after all we'd done together. I knew I had rushed you into my bed. I knew I had come on strong, and you weren't ready for me. I wanted to give you time to miss me, to realize that what we had shared was more than sex."

He turned back to face her, his face serious. "I'm sorry I hurt you, honey. I was wrong. I should have come by much sooner. I just wanted to say that. I'll go now."

Dawn watched him go back to her front door. His shoulders sagged, and she realized, as she watched him open the door, that he was exhausted.

"Have you just come off another double, Scott?" she asked.

"Yes." His answer was curt. "I'm off now."

His voice cracked, much like her heart seemed to be doing. He had come to her on empty, and she couldn't let him go knowing he had might fall asleep at the wheel and be seriously hurt or killed, like Hunter had been. The next words out of her mouth shocked them both.

"Why don't you get some sleep, first? You're obviously exhausted. You can use the spare bedroom...the bed's already made up. You shouldn't drive when you're this fatigued."

"What?" His jaw dropped in astonishment. "You're asking me to stay in your house, even though you're angry with me?"

"I'm not inviting you into my bed, Scott! When you wake up, you can leave!" She steeled herself to say the words, and added, "Up the stairs, first bedroom on the left."

Scott hesitated, considering her offer. He wanted more than anything to collapse onto a bed, any bed, and sleep for a week, but he knew if he stayed he would want more than he saw she was prepared to give him. He had his own bed...he would get to it somehow and sleep there.

"Thanks, but I'll be fine," he said, declining the offer, and adding, when he saw the look that crossed her face before she squashed it, "I'm not rejecting you, Dawn. I'm not rushing home to another woman. I dream only of you. You have a good day, okay?"

He looked at her for one more long moment, needing to kiss her so much he trembled. But he saw she was conflicted, and the anger had not completely left her. He chose not to add to the black marks against him by trying to suck her into his mouth, though that was all he wanted to do. He couldn't even smile at her. He raised a hand in farewell. "Bye."

He could feel her eyes on him as he got back into his car and drove off. His heart was heavy, as were his eyes, but he managed to make it home without mishap and barely managed to make it up the stairs to his bedroom. He toed off his shoes and threw himself onto the bed, certain he would be asleep before he knew it. He wasn't. The scene at Dawn's house played over and over in his head. He saw her angry face, he saw the hurt in her eyes, he saw her voluptuous body beneath the robe...he saw her, and he wanted her and he knew he would never have her again unless something happened to make her change her mind about him. He couldn't think what he could do to make that happen...