Meaning of Man Talk

What men say isn’t always what they mean; and I should know, I am one! The list that follows gives you an insight into the mind of us sex crazed beings known simply as…men!

We say: I love you.

We mean: Get your knickers off; I’ve just got time for a quick one!

We say: Sorry about that, I got a little over excited.

We mean: I came, that’s all I’m worried about!

We say: Can I buy you a drink!

We mean: If I can get you drunk I’ll have better chance of fucking you!

We say: I’ll ring you.

We mean: Nice knowing you, now fuck off!

We say: I had a meeting that ran late.

We mean: I just fucked my secretary!

We say: No, thanks. I’ve got to be up early.

We mean: I fucked my secretary again!

We say: I really do love you.

We mean: I’m drunk!

We say: I really, really do love you.

We mean: I’m out of my face on crack!

We say: I’m just nipping out for half an hour.

We mean: I’m off down the pub to get pissed. I’ll see you tomorrow!

We say: Will you marry me?

We mean: Please suck my cock!

We say: I can’t see you tonight. I’m going out with my mates.

We mean: Fuck off, you’re dumped!

We say: Of course I remembered.

We mean: Oh shit, I forgot!

We say: Would you like to dance?

We mean: You’ve got a massive pair of tits and I want to see them wobble!

We say: You look gorgeous.

We mean: Fancy a fuck?

We say: Of course I’ll respect you in the morning.

We mean: Get your kit off, will you? I’m desperate!

We say: Yes, I’m single.

We mean: I’ve got a wife and three kids at home!

We say: I’m a brain surgeon.

We mean: I’ve just escaped from an asylum!

We say: My dick is huge.

We mean: I bet you’ve never seen one this small before!

We say: You’ve got a great personality.

We mean: You’re an ugly cow!

We say: I used to be a porn star.

We mean: I once videoed myself masturbating!

We say: I love the opera, too.

We mean: I’ll agree to anything if there’s a chance I might get laid!

We say: I used to be a professional footballer.

We mean: I had a trial for Accrington Stanley…and failed!

We say: Football’s on the telly.

We mean: Shut your gob and get me another beer!

We say: Of course I like your mother.

We mean: I hope the old bitch dies horribly in a horrific lawnmower accident!

We say: Of course I like your father.

We mean: He’s bigger than me and owns a shotgun!

We say: I care about you a lot.

We mean: I’m fucking someone else!

We say: I’ve always wondered what a threesome’s like.

We mean: I want to fuck your best mate!

We say: I’m sorry. I just don’t like her.

We mean: I’ve fucked your best mate!

We say: Honey, I’m home.

We mean: Get ‘em off; I’m as stiff as a board!

We say: Are you watching this?

We mean: This is crap. Fancy a quick one?

We say: That was the best sex ever.

We mean: I’m a vain, arrogant twat!

We say: How was it for you?

We mean: Am I the greatest or what?

We say: I’m sorry.

We mean: Shut your face, you moaning old bag!

We say: Really? That’s nice.

We mean: What the fuck are you talking about?

We say: You’re a very nice person.

We mean: You’re so damn ugly I’d be too embarrassed to be seen in public with you…now fuck off!

We say: It’s not you, it’s me.

We mean: It’s me!

We say: I’m not ready to commit to a serious relationship.

We mean: You’re a great fuck with massive tits, but you’ve got a face like a well-smacked arse!

We say: I’ve been hurt in the past.

We mean: I sleep around a lot and usually get caught!

And finally, the cherry on top.

We say: I do.

We mean: Not a fucking chance in hell!

So, to all you ladies out there (and men, if you swing that way!) don’t just accept what we say…look for the hidden meanings, they’re always there!