Meant To Be Ch. 06

"I wanted them to know how I felt about you, that it wasn't some kind of passing fancy...that I had cared about you. That it had meant something to me," he continued, his eyes traveling over my face.

"Your father asked if I had loved you," Nick said after a pause. He smirked. "And once I recovered from shock, I told him I still did. He said and I quote, 'Well, don't be an idiot; tell her that.'" He smiled brightly at me.

I chuckled. "And were you planning to? If I hadn't texted you?"

"Yes. I didn't want to disrupt your life...it had been so long and I was certain you had moved on," Nick admitted. "But I had to try." He squeezed me. "You didn't give me the chance to be the hero and tell you first."

I giggled, giving him a kiss then leaning my head against his.

"You're so brave," he said tenderly, stroking my back.

"Brave?" I repeated in disbelief.

"After the way I behaved...even when you came round last summer, trying to get me to explain why I had done what I'd done. Do you remember what you said?" he asked unnecessarily. "You told me I was wrong."

I nodded, remembering.

"You were so certain about it; I felt like I'd had the wind knocked out of me. I think I fell in love with you all over again in that moment. I kept trying to convince myself that what I was doing was the proper thing, but you were right, of course," he added self-deprecatingly.

I smiled faintly, the questions hovering on my lips. It was pointless to voice them, I knew. As empty as the past ten months without him had been, if it was what was needed to get him to realize that our ages didn't matter, then asking him anything - why he hadn't come after me, told me he loved me, fought for us - was futile. Maybe it had been necessary, for both of us. After all, I wasn't the same woman I was when we were first together. Maybe it was the journey we both had to go through to find our way back to each other.

"And now...coming here, telling me you love me and not expecting anything - you were ready to just say goodbye and walk out," Nick said in amazement. "Brave," he confirmed.

"It's not like I was happy about walking out," I joked, hugging him. "It certainly wouldn't have been easy."

He shifted his legs and I touched his thigh lightly.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked worriedly.

"I feel like I'll never feel pain again, love," he said, chuckling.

I sighed blissfully, running my hand across his chest and then tickling his beard.

"How much longer can we keep this?" I said playfully.

He grinned. "They're letting me telecommute for a while longer. Actually -" He stopped and shifted himself up slightly. "Actually, I need to return to London in a few weeks and check on my mum. Once I'm back in New York I'll be going into the office again."

"Is she okay?"

"She is - she's recovering nicely. My sister is there now, getting Mum settled into her new flat, which is what allowed me to come back to the States for a bit. But she can't stay long." He combed his fingers through my hair. "Would you come with me?"

"To London?" I said excitedly.

He nodded. "I'm only planning to stay for a week or so, just to make sure things are squared away with the house. And...I'd like you to meet my mum," he added shyly.

I smiled warmly and hugged him, speechless.

"Is it too soon?" he said tentatively. "I don't want to rush you."

"I'd love to go with you," I said, stroking his mouth.

He gripped my hand, moving it away from his mouth so he could kiss me deeply.

"Will you let me take you out to dinner?" he asked. "To Palma?"

My eyes lit up and he grinned.

We took a long shower together, then I sat on his bed and watched him get dressed, my eyes following his hands as his clothes covered his magnificent body. Our eyes met and he gave me a slow smile, leaning over me until I was on my back. He ran a finger along the towel I had wrapped around me, nudging it open. My back arched, my body instantly responding to his touch. His eyes trailed down my body slowly before returning to mine. We stared at each other for several minutes before he forced himself to stand up.

"You'd better get dressed, love," he said quietly.

I smiled, only partly disappointed. I was nowhere near satiated, but it was a quiet hum of arousal. I wanted him again, but I wasn't impatient. I felt a satisfaction that I hadn't felt before, content with the knowledge that he loved me and we would have plenty of time together.

We stopped by my apartment so I could change for dinner. During the subway ride and as we walked, we hadn't been able to stop touching each other. Either lacing our fingers together or an arm around each other, even just our shoulders touching; our bodies seemed to be drawn together like two magnets. Nick wrapped his arms around me from behind as I unlocked the door and we walked in, laughing softly. I called out to Gwen, not sure if she was home.

"Cassie?" she called frantically from her room.

We could hear her rushing down the hall.

"Where the hell have you been?" she demanded, stopping short at the sight of us.

"Nick!" she exclaimed.

Her eyes moved from my face to Nick's and back again, taking in our happy smiles and our joined hands with her mouth open in surprise.

"Oh, my God!" she cried happily.

She darted over to give me a big hug and then hugged Nick, who was chuckling. She turned to me, a mixture of glee and reproach on her face.

"I have been worried sick," she told me accusingly. "Ian called and said you guys had a half day - neither of us knew where you were! And you weren't answering your phone!"

"Shit, I'm sorry," I said, digging my phone out of my pocket. "I forgot it was turned off."

"Jesus Christ," Gwen said, dropping into a chair as if exhausted. "We were freaking out that Jason had done something. Don't do that to me again, Cass."

"I'm so sorry," I said, giving her a hug. "I really am. This was - well, unexpected."

I turned to Nick, unable to stop a smile despite my guilt at worrying my friends. Nick returned my smile but looked confused.

"Who is Jason?" he asked quietly.

I glanced at Gwen, who bit her lip.

"I'm going to call Ian and let him know you're okay," she said before hurrying out of the room.

I took a deep breath and tugged gently on Nick's arm.

"Come on," I said, leading him to my room.

"He's a guy I dated for a little while," I began cautiously while looking through my closet. "He - well, he didn't take it well when we broke up."

"What happened?"

I turned to face Nick, who was sitting on my bed, clearly trying to quell his anger. His hands were formed into fists and his jaw was clenched.

"Nothing really happened," I said slowly. "But he keeps calling, sometimes he shows up at work or I see him around the neighborhood. That's all."

Nick stood and tried to pace, hampered by his cane. He tossed it on the bed in frustration.

"I don't talk to him," I said quickly. "I delete his messages and don't speak to him if I happen to see him around."

"Is he dangerous?" Nick asked gravely.

I hesitated, thinking about the night Jason and I had broke up. Nick seemed to intuit what my pause meant.

"Did he hurt you?" he said fiercely.

"No," I said.

"Cassandra?" Nick prompted, knowing I wasn't being completely forthcoming.

"He didn't hurt me...he - frightened me a little," I told him. "But I'm fine. It's nothing to worry about."

"What did he do?" Nick asked.

His voice was calm but he was looking at me with pain in his eyes. I turned back to the closet, quickly picked out an outfit, and faced him again.

"Are you sure you want to talk about this now? I don't want to spoil our night. I can tell you another time - even though it's really nothing," I added.

Nick studied me, his struggle evident on his face. He sat down again, sighing.

"If you had any idea the scenarios that are running through my head...I think it's best you tell me, pet."

I bit my lip, nodding. Closing my bedroom door, I sat next to him on the bed without looking at him. I took a few deep breaths, trying to choose my words. I still hadn't told anyone the specifics of what happened and I absolutely did not want to get detailed now.

"It was over the summer," I started. "We didn't go out for very long. He became - possessive. I tried to end it but he promised to try - to change - whatever..." I shook my head. "Anyway, I agreed to stay, to keep trying, and he expected us - he thought we would...you know."

I snuck a glance at Nick. He was watching me intently. I could feel the tension humming through his body.

"I said no and tried to leave, and he grabbed me and -" I stopped when Nick gripped the edge of my bed. "He tried to force himself on me but I got away. And that's it."

I pressed my lips together, staring at the floor. Nick exhaled slowly. I could feel him watching me closely.

"You never went to the police?" he asked quietly.

"No. He never does anything but call or sometimes show up in the neighborhood. He hasn't touched me since that night." My head jerked up as I remembered. "Except for when -" I began without thinking.

Nick's hands tightened on the bedspread, his knuckles turning white. "Except for what?"

I shut my eyes briefly, shuddering involuntarily.

"I had gone to your building - it was about a month ago, when you were still in London. I think he followed me there," I told him.

Nick sucked in a sharp breath.

"He just grabbed my arm - George was there," I went on quickly. "He scared him off."

"Why haven't you reported him?" Nick demanded.

I sighed. "Because, he never does anything. He hasn't hurt me -" I stopped when Nick made a derisive noise. "I just feel like ignoring him is the best way to go."

"Right. Because it's been months and that's clearly working," Nick said in frustration.

I stood and picked up my clothes, changing quickly in my closet. It was pointless; it was a small closet and I knew Nick could still see me.

"This is why I didn't want to discuss it tonight," I said, trying to keep my voice calm.

I sat on the floor to put on my boots, looking at him after I'd zipped them up.

"It's been almost a year, Nick. This is the first chance we've had to be together again in almost a year. I don't want to think about anything else."

Nick stood, holding his hands out to me. I let him help me up and he folded me in his arms.

"I know, pet - but now that I have you in my arms again..." He paused, burying his face in my hair. He leaned back to meet my eyes, holding my cheeks. "The thought of anyone hurting you is more than I can bear."

I leaned into him. "Nothing is going to happen to me," I said. "Look, we can figure out how to handle it later. Not tonight, okay? Please?"

He stared at me for a few minutes. I held my tongue, watching his face reflect his internal struggle. Finally he smiled and kissed me.

"I do like it when you say please," he murmured against my lips. "What would I have to do to keep hearing you beg?"

His hands became insistent as they stroked my back, moving down my body to cup my bottom and press me to him. I giggled, then felt him, hard against my stomach and my humor faded. He was wearing a somewhat smug expression and I narrowed my eyes.

"That sounds like a challenge. I think you're going to be the one begging," I told him, running a finger down his thigh. "But first you've promised me a nice dinner."

He chuckled. "I think regardless of which one of us is begging, I'll still feel like I've won," he said, growing serious.

I smiled in silent agreement as he lifted my hand to his lips.

---

As cliché as it sounds, from that day it felt like the world brightened: food tasted more delicious than I remembered; music seeped in and spoke to me as if sharing a closely kept secret that only a lucky few could understand; the city seemed more vibrant than ever, sparkling with color and sound and life. Even the chilly, damp fall weather seemed charming and romantic.

I spent that week at Nick's, aside from going to work. We cooked together, wandered around the neighborhood, and spent many delightful hours naked and rediscovering each other. I told my family the news while Nick spoke to Daniel. We made our plans to visit London once I got the time off from work, scheduling it over Thanksgiving and after Gwen's birthday party, which Drew and I were still planning as a surprise.

Nick's childhood friend, Declan, visited from Dublin the following weekend and since my birthday was coming up, we decided to have a small party. I was excited to finally meet one of his friends. Impossibly tall with auburn hair and bright green eyes, Declan was physically Nick's opposite, but their personalities were almost identical: easygoing, charming, and witty. They had grown up in the same neighborhood, had gone to university together, and were so close they finished each other's sentences.

I ruthlessly badgered Declan for stories from their childhood, ignoring Nick's protests, until people started to arrive. I was chatting with Nick's co-workers, James and Marco, when I noticed Nick and Ian in the kitchen. Resisting the urge to join them so I could eavesdrop, I forced myself to pay attention to the conversation I was actually a part of.

"So, how long have you and Nick been together?" Marco asked.

"Um, which time?" I joked. "We broke up almost a year ago and just got back together last week."

They were both nodding. I looked between them curiously.

"That sounds about right," James said with a teasing grin.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Oh, he's just been impossible for the past year. That's all," James scoffed, giving me a wink.

"Impossible?" I repeated.

"Grouchy," Marco confirmed.

I didn't ask them to elaborate but I couldn't help a smile. Nick joined us and the discussion shifted to work, so I excused myself after a few minutes. I ran into Ian as he was leaving the kitchen.

"Are you having a good time?" I asked, looking at him closely.

"Yeah," he said, glancing at Nick before returning his focus to me.

I wrinkled my brow quizzically and he gave me a small smile.

"Nick was just thanking me for looking out for you - in general but mostly about Jason," Ian said.

I looked at Nick and could feel the smile growing on my face. As usual, he looked fantastic even wearing simple jeans and a button-down shirt. As if he felt my gaze, he met my eyes and returned the smile, raising his glass slightly in my direction before taking a sip. Warmth rushed through me and I let out a small sigh.

"I told him you were pretty much my savior," I said to Ian.

He shrugged self-consciously. "I just did what any friend would do." He glanced at Nick again before continuing. "Cass, he's pretty upset about it."

I nodded. This wasn't news to me. We had only touched on the subject a few times during the week, both of us enjoying getting reacquainted so much that we focused on that rather than anything unpleasant like Jason.

"I know," I said. "And it's not that I'm not taking it seriously," I added. "I just want to put off thinking about it for a few more days."

Ian watched me closely. "I think he might be more upset about it than you realize. Like he's beating himself up about it."

"He's not responsible," I said, frowning.

"Well, I'm sure he knows that logically. But logic doesn't matter when someone you care about is in trouble," Ian said meaningfully.

I bit my lip, fearing Ian was speaking for himself as well as Nick.

"Just something you need to be aware of," Ian told me, smiling reassuringly.

I studied Nick as he walked across the room toward Gwen and Drew. I felt like I knew him so well, especially after this past week. It was unnerving that he hadn't fully shared his fears with me, though I understood exactly why he didn't. Turning back to Ian, I noticed his wistful expression.

"It's good to see you so happy again," Ian said simply.

"Thanks," I said softly.