Meeting Cameron

Abigail sighed as she sat down at the computer. It had been sitting, untouched and carefully covered, for nearly a year. It had been a constant reminder of Ken, and she didn't want any more reminders tearing at her heart. Now, it seemed she should use it, at least for information and communication with her far-flung family. The basics only. She knew her workmates and friends used the computer daily, for all sorts of reasons. She just felt she was above needing a technological device to make her life more complete.

For the longest time, she had not understood the allure of the keyboard and the constantly shifting screens. One day, she confronted herself and flinched from her discovery. She was not better than everyone else, as she liked to think. Rather she was unsure of herself and the new technology and afraid to learn. So that became her new mission in life. She settled down to learn basic computer knowledge. It was slow at first, but she bought the little books for "dummies" and read articles online and slowly became less frightened of the computer and more comfortable using it.

She started with Email, sending notes and jokes to friends and family. That was fun and easy and she enjoyed finding Email waiting when she came home from work. Then she looked into Bulletin Boards about her favorite hobbies. She found incredibly interesting people all over the country willing to share ideas and thoughts about books and authors, even cross-stitching. She would post a thought and come back the next day and find all the responses, delighting in the variety. Soon, she found herself coming home for lunch, just to see if anyone had posted a reply.

Frequently, there was a note from Cameron, who seemed to enjoy her favorite author as much as she did. They had both read all of her works and posted almost daily about this book or that. Cameron was funny and witty. Abby found herself looking forward to his comments and worried they would run out of ideas to share.

She posted a new comment, this time about a female mystery writer. To her delight, Cameron was the first to respond, with a vast knowledge of her works and her style. Abby smiled as she read the Board, happy to have found someone with the same taste.

One day, she was just signing on and reading her Email when she heard a pleasant little briiiiiing. Not sure what it meant, Abby just kept on reading the note from her mom, imagining the antics of her two-year old niece. Then again, briiiiiing! And again. She closed the Email and saw a small white box in the corner of her screen.

"Nice profile!", she read. It was from someone called BookLover. She stared at the line, wondering what it meant, when the next line appeared, preceded by the briiiing. "You sound like a wonderful person!" she read. Abby tentatively typed, "Thank you."

Now one line after another appeared on the screen as Booklover began chatting with her. He seemed to know her and was quite friendly. Abby typed short replies, not at all sure of this new phase of her education.

Suddenly, as if noticing his error, BookLover began again. "Hi, I'm Cameron," he typed. Abby was confused, then grinned. Now, it made sense to her. This was chatting. This was the evil she had been warned of by so many bulletin board friends. It didn't seem evil. It seemed like a wonderful invention, allowing her to actually exchange ideas with her new friends, like Cameron.

She began typing to him, explaining that she wasn't up on the new technology, but was glad for an opportunity to chat. He responded with LOL, which made Abby frown.

Cameron immediately sensed his mistake and quickly typed, "Let me explain." He followed it with a list of letters and what they meant, including LOL. It was a whole new world and Abby was delighted. It reminded her of when, as kids, they had learned Pig Latin and spent whole days using it exclusively.

It seemed easy to chat with Cameron. The first thing he did was teach her about her Buddy List, making sure he was on it. As she typed in his name, she heard a door open creakily and then saw his name on her list, her first buddy. He chatted about comfortable subjects and kept the chat flowing smoothly. It seemed like minutes later that Abby noticed it was lunchtime and felt she should get some things accomplished with her day. "I have to go now," she typed. Immediately a sad yellow face popped up on her computer screen, making her smile.

"I hope to see you again soon. This was delightful," he typed. Then a door slammed and he was gone.

Abby sat before the computer for a few more minutes, looking at their chat and even rereading parts of it. She chuckled again at his wittiness and charm. She signed off the computer and went about her day, doing errands and getting supper started, but often thinking of Cameron.

When her husband had died a year ago, she thought her life had ended too. He was everything to her. They had been friends and a couple as far back as high school. After college, it seemed natural to marry him and settle down together, making their dreams a reality. Both wanted kids and decided to start a family right away.

They loved each other so much and wanted to share the love with children. Months went by without a pregnancy. Then it was years passing fleetingly. After 4 years, they decided to join the pregnancy brigade and submit to tests and probing enquiries. At first, everything looked fine. But then more sophisticated tests were performed. They did not find a reason for no pregnancy, but they revealed a problem with Ken's blood.

It seemed the leukemia was barely diagnosed when he died. Caught too late for treatment, he was gone from her life, leaving a huge hole where he had once been part of her.

She hid at home for months. Eating became her friend. When she missed Ken, which was often, she reached for ice cream or chips or big, bready sandwiches. She really didn't care. She knew she would never want to be with a man again, never feel love again, so it made no difference if she was pretty or trim.

Finally, she had to return to work. She sensed the shock of her co-workers as they saw her. But Abby didn't really care. She just wanted to get through the day and return to the haven of her house, THEIR home. Once home, she didn't answer the phone or communicate with the outside world. She crawled into bed in one of Ken's shirts and mindlessly watched tv or slept. She could sleep for hours, days. She bought stacks of novels from Amazon.Com and read them voraciously.

She resisted the efforts of her colleagues to get her out of the house. She declined invitations to dinners or lunches. She always had a reason she couldn't attend a party or gathering. For her family, living far away, she made up a social life full of close and caring friends. They had no idea of her real life, her real mindset.

Grief was numbing. Everything reminded her of Ken. So she kept her eyes straight ahead, as if wearing blinders, and moved along with the current of her days.

Then she found the computer. She found people who wanted to share ideas about books and stories and hobbies, people who didn't expect more than she could comfortably give. This was enough for her.

When Cameron entered her life via chatting, Abby felt herself actually feeling a little bit alive. Not much, not enough to care about herself, but enough to give her a reason to make it to the next morning.

Every day they chatted. He would leave her a nice email in the morning, telling her to have a good day or do well with her presentation, always something caring. She began leaving him a short message each morning too, just so he had some personal email when he went online.

Evenings, they generally signed online about the same time and would begin chatting and sharing their day. Abby found herself giggling at him, enjoying his stories of work or his life. She told him about her family, regaling him with tales of her nieces and her siblings. He slowly became her friend and she began to depend on him to be there for her.

One thing that happened to Abigail was an amazing disinterest in food. Instead of spending evenings eating, she now sat at the computer, chatting with Cam and feeling herself tingling back to life. She found that smiling wasn't as hurtful as before, that her laugh, though rusty, was still available.

Cam was very careful with Abigail. He moved slowly, sensing that she was fragile and not like the usual women online. So he chatted easily, softly, gently. But he felt himself becoming involved with her, caring what happened, worried if the day at work would be a good one. She didn't tell him about Ken right away, and he didn't ask. For some reason, she was special, and he was willing to wait for her to share with him.

One night, after sharing the embarassing debacle of his engagement, there was a pause. He waited. Usually their chat flowed smoothly, quickly. Now, he sensed Abby wanted to confide in him, and he knew it was important, so he waited.

"I am here," he typed.

"I know," she responded.

She began typing the story of Ken and Abigail, young people who had found love so miraculously. She typed quickly, not wanting to lose her nerve or break down. As Cam read her story, tears came to his eyes.

"Tell me your phone number, please," he asked. As he copied down the number, he typed that he would call now and said goodbye.

Minutes later, Abby's phone rang. She heard Cameron's voice for the first time. It was deep and very pleasant. It was also full of concern for her. They began talking as if they had always done so. He had questions, insightful comments and most importantly, he listened. He listened to her share her guilt and horror and hurt. He listened while she cried and he comforted her. Their conversation went on deep into the night and Abby found herself feeling comforted and safe.

When they finally said goodnight, she knew her initial assessment of him was correct. He was a good man.

After that, they talked many times a week. They had so much in common. They worked in the same field. They both came from big families and wanted one of their own. It seemed natural to tell him her day and her thoughts and listen to his. Abby responded to his caring voice, almost feeling again. She treasured her friendship with Cam.

Then, came the day she dreaded. He invited her to lunch. He wanted to meet the woman he spent so much time thinking about. Abby had known he lived in the nearby town, but had pushed that thought back in her mind, not wanting to imagine the eventual meeting.

For the first time in nearly a year, Abigail looked into the mirror. Really looked. What she saw horrified her. She had let herself go. Her hair needed cutting, she wore no makeup and, the absolute worse, she had gained weight. Although she had been dropping pounds since she started chatting, it wasn't enough. She couldn't meet Cameron like this. There was no chance she could remain the woman he seemed to like once he saw her. So she stalled him. Then she began to work on getting back in control of her life.

She had her hair trimmed and shaped. She went to a professional for a makeover, buying many of the products. She couldn't wear many of her nice clothes and had to shop for something to wear, and then she hated the way she looked in the dress. In the mirror, she saw a matronly-looking woman, short and pudgy. She knew that Cam would be disappointed.

Finally, she told herself that she was being silly and set the date with Cam. If he didn't like her, she would just accept it and go on with her life. This was her, and she couldn't change anything before her lunch meeting on Friday.

She arrived early, so she wouldn't have to walk into the restaurant with him watching. She was seated at the table, trying to still her shaking hands, when she heard his voice, his dear voice, beside her. She looked up and saw the face of the man who had become so important to her.

He was tall, with dark hair and hazel eyes. There were laugh lines, which pleased her. He had a lovely smile, with white, even teeth. His hand reached out for hers, warm and soft. He sat beside her, still holding her hand, looking into the face of his friend for the first time. He saw a lovely woman, looking terrified and about to cry.

"Are you disappointed?" she asked tremulously.

Cameron looked into her warm brown eyes and smiled. "Aren't you Abigail?" he asked. "Then how could I be disappointed in you? You are the woman I like and enjoy."

After Abby relaxed, she found Cameron as enjoyable in person. They talked and laughed. She was still too nervous to eat very much, but suddenly food didn't seem to matter. He was wonderful. Before the afternoon was over, Cam had arranged to spend Saturday with her, just looking around her town and being together.

Both of them had been lonely. Now they had found each other and the friendship thrived. They kept it light, seeing each other in the daylight and in public. Abby wanted to invite him to her home, but that seemed to push the relationship further than either of them wanted. They enjoyed each other so much, the weeks passed quickly as they grew closer. Being with Cam made Abby forget about the comforts of food, and she began to live again. They took walks and hikes and went skating. Eating became unimportant. She never even noticed the excess weight falling off, just that it felt good to smile again. She began looking forward to each day, especially the ones that had Cameron in them.

Then one day, everything changed. They were hiking on a trail, up a steep hill. Cam was behind her, lecturing her on the flora of the area, when she tripped. She lost her footing and began to fall. Cameron reached for her, catching her neatly in his arms, holding her close. Both reacted at the same time. Their faces moved together. Their lips met and opened. Their tongues reached out to make contact. And nothing would ever be the same.

TO BE CONTINUED....