Merry Little Christmas

"No, but I would be hurt that you hadn't mentioned it before now." She reached down and rubbed Papi between his ears. "He sure is a cutie, how is it a bruiser like you has a pup like him?"

"Someone dropped him in my yard several months ago. I made posters and no one claimed him, so he became my little buddy."

I offered her a drink. She had a strange look in her eye, a look that said she wanted me. I fought hard to contain my excitement as I didn't want to blow this. I was so in love with her already that I would have thrown myself on a live grenade for her.

"I don't need a drink Marty, I just need you. I want you. Show me your bedroom baby."

I led her to my bed. What followed can only be described as magic. I had been with my share of women before, but never had I been so thoroughly drained when the lovemaking was done. The last thought that went through my mind as I drifted off to sleep was "I have got to marry this woman."

Two months later we were walking through some galleries in Taos. One of us was almost always at the other's house; we both had two of every crucial item, one at each house. She hadn't even hinted at changing our living situation so I came to reason that this move was mine to make. "Josie, we've been together now for the better part of four months. I can't even stand the minutes we are away from each other, especially the nights when we are apart."

"OK, so you can count time, and I love you too baby. More than I ever thought I could love someone."

I blushed. It always made me feel so great when she told me she loved me. "Have you given any thought to you and I moving in together? We could move me to your place, or you could move to mine. Or, I could sell my Vette and we could buy a house together."

My heart sank as she gave me one of those "Are you fucking crazy?" looks. "Well I see some things wrong with your idea. One, I don't want to live together unless we are married," she touched my face gently as she could see the devastation hitting me. She hadn't really turned me down, but I felt like my world was coming apart. She had once said that marriage was an archaic and outdated concept and it was for foolish people that didn't trust one another to keep faithful. I staggered a bit and had to sit.

"Oh no baby, please don't take it the wrong way. It's just," she paused for a moment as she collected her thoughts, "It's just that I promised my father, after my last boyfriend and I split up that I would never again cohabitate with a man I wasn't married to. I know what I told you I felt about marriage. I look at you, I think of the times that we've had, as well as the things you do for me, and to me, and that shakes my convictions at the foundations."

"I love you more than I have ever thought possible, so please don't think I am dumping you. I'd sooner die than ever see that look on your face again." She held me tightly as the tears came. "It's ok sweetheart. We're fine. But I can't move you into my cousin's apartment with me, your house suits me just fine, and I'd kick your ass if you sold your car. I'm elated that you want to move in together, but I promised my father. I hope you understand."

I collected myself and told her I understood. I knew exactly what I was going to do now. We spent the rest of the day seeing all that Taos had to offer, then spent the night wearing ourselves out in a motel room.

A month later we were sitting around her cousin's living room after Thanksgiving dinner and chatting. Aaron brought up the annual company Christmas party and began reminiscing about past parties. He asked me if I remembered some drunken harlot wanting to blow all of the single guys at last year's party.

"In the time I have been out there, I have never attended a company function. And judging by your tale right there, I can see why I don't."

Josie was sitting on my lap giving me a hard on to beat all hard ons. She loved doing shit like that. "Are we going to the party babe?" she asked, "My company party is the following weekend so we could do them both." The idea of over-dressing to hang with a bunch of fucksticks from my job was depressing enough. But over-dressing to hang with the broker douche bags she worked with just seemed like torture. But I loved her and this was just one of the land mines I threw myself on for her.

"Sure, why not? Hell I might even have fun." She kissed me deeply and I knew I had made the right choice.

I drank just enough at each party to enjoy. I don't know if she noticed how badly I wanted to leave after just an hour or so. I hoped not since I wanted her to have a good time. I am unable to dance due to an ankle injury I sustained when I was working at the shipyards in Long Beach. I didn't mind if she danced with a few other guys though. I know I made each of them uncomfortable, not a one even tried to pull her close. I did manage to hobble through a slow dance with her though.

Christmas Day got here and we found ourselves celebrating our first Christmas together. My mom had come from Fresno, and hers had come from Spokane. My parent hadn't lived together since I was two. Dad lived in Dallas with some woman he'd hooked up with and knocked up. Mom never understood why he stuck with Charlene and not her. Aaron and Jessie came over with their two girls.

As we all sat around the tree opening gifts I noticed Josie looking a little out of sorts. I had deliberately hidden her gift from me. Just when she was about to say something I played the fool. "Oh shit. Josie I forgot to bring your gift in from the garage. Aaron can you give me a hand?" Her face lifted greatly as Aaron and I went into the garage. I told him to act as if the box was heavy, not just large and cumbersome. We got it inside and she really had a puzzled look on her face. She had been telling me for days that she figured out what I had got her.

We plopped the large cumbersome box down and feigned exhaustion. Her eyes lit up and she began opening the box. I had spent literally four and a half hours two days ago wrapping NOTHING! Her true gift was actually in my pocket at the moment. She got through the wrapping on the box and got it open only to discover another wrapped box, just slightly smaller than the first.

Twenty minutes later she had finally reached the eighth and smallest box. She teared up when she realized it was the size of a jewelry box. She tore into it. I moved around to her side as she finally got the wrapping off and opened it. I thought she was going to scream when she discovered it was empty.

She turned to me with a glare, to find me on one knee, with a sapphire engagement ring in hand, "Josephine Renee McCoy, will you make my Christmas wish come true and be my wife?" Never had I seen a facial expression go from pure evil to elation in a flash, but I saw it that day.

"I suppose I ought to tell you that I am seeing a really terrific guy right now."

My heart sunk. Looking around at everyone, only my mom seemed as taken aback as I was. How could she have led me on all this time? I could feel pure unadulterated rage building up in me.

She continued on, "He's a big gorgeous hunk of a biker guy, has long hair and a beard, and a Chihuahua named Papi." Now it was dawning on me that she was fucking with me. I suppose I deserved it since I had fucked with her.

"Well I guess if you don't want this..."

"Yes baby. Yes! Yes! Nothing could stop me from marrying you baby. Now you're stuck with me." She knocked me over when she jumped on me to hug me, so we rolled on the floor locked in a lover's embrace. Our family applauded and there was someone that said "Get a room."

We were married in late April. As a surprise to her, I disappeared the night of my bachelor party, two days before the wedding. When she walked up the aisle that Sunday afternoon, she had a hard time believing it was me at the altar. I had donated my hair to "Locks of Love" a charity that takes donated hair to make wigs for cancer patients. I had also shaved my face clean. She had hinted on and off that she wondered what I looked like without my hair and beard. Funny thing was, as much as she liked my face without the beard, she forbade me to cut my hair short again.

We spent two weeks in Cancun for our honeymoon. As soon as we got back I put my house on the market and we began looking for a house. Within a month we had closed on a house in a nice neighborhood and had moved in. The kitchen and patio were selling points to her. The oversized four car garage sealed the deal for me.

It's the most wonderful time of the year There be much miseltoeing

And hearts will be glowing When loved ones are near

It's the most wonderful time of the year

There be parties for hosting Marshmallows for toasting

And caroling out in the snow There be scary ghost stories

And tales of the glories of Christmases long long ago!

Movement below caught my eye. An elderly couple was outside the front door of the hotel. I looked at them through the optics. "Damn these are well worth what I paid for them." I thought to myself. I could see the layers of her make-up from my secluded spot and could see the greenish flecks in her blue eyes. I wasn't going to need any extra lighting for this.

I looked at my watch. Moving slowly and deliberately to minimize movement catching anyone's eye. 10:15, I'd been sitting out here since a little before nine. My eyes teared up as I thought back to the first few years of our marriage. I fell more deeply in love with her every day. Not a single workday went by that I wasn't anticipating quitting time so I could get home to see her. Working overtime was pure torture to me. Any minute spent away was like tearing my soul out. So to make extra money, I started buying and restoring classic Corvette's. Josie hadn't been too thrilled at my new found hobby, but when I cleared $5000.00 profit on the first one she relented a bit.

One evening, two years after we were married, I got home to find she had cooked my favorite meal. She met me at the door, wearing her nicest negligee, a pair of red fuck me pumps and the diamond choker I got her for Christmas last year. We talked as we usually did through dinner, while in the back of my head I was running through every possible reason she'd make tonight so special. I drew a blank at every turn.

When I had finished my dinner, I got up to rinse my plate and clear the table. "Just leave the table baby. It can be dealt with later. Let's go out into the front room and relax."

We walked out of the dining room into the front room. "Sit here." She said, indicating a spot directly in front of the couch. I sat where she pointed and she sat on the couch behind me. She began massaging my scalp and then my shoulders. "I have some news baby."

"Oh yeah? Are you leaving me for the mailman? Relaxing me to the point I am putty for you, and then announcing shit news?"

"I always want you to be putty in my hands babe. I would never dream of leaving you. But you have to get used to the idea of sharing me."

"Hmmm, kinky."

"Not really kinky. You're going to be a daddy."

"Hmmm, OK ...WHAT?" I spun around and looked at her beautiful face. "You mean you and me? We made a baby?"

She smiled and tears were forming in her eyes. "I know we wanted to wait, but I think the anti-biotics I was on for that sinus infection a couple of months ago negated my pills and, well I hope you're not mad, but I am about two months pregnant."

"Oh baby. I could never get mad about that. So our plans change a bit. I know you're going to be the best mother on the planet."

We made love, well not exactly made love. It was more like she fucked my brains loose. I'd heard how hot and bothered other guys'pregnant wives could get, but I always thought that was later on. Needless to say my ass drug the next day but I didn't care. At no time in my life have I ever been happier. I just didn't see the other shoe poised to drop.

About two months later we were just hanging out on a Sunday afternoon, enjoying each other's company when Josie began to not feel so well. She'd had spells like this. On minute she'd be as horny as a goat, and ten minutes later she'd be feeling close to dead. Our sex life ran hot and cold, but I'd been told to expect that.

A couple hours later I was grilling us some chicken when she came out onto the deck and told me she needed to go to the hospital. She was bleeding a little and thought we should go get it checked out.

Three or four different doctors poked and prodded her for three hours. Around ten that night her OB/GYN came in and told us that everything appeared to be fine, it was just a little spotting and it wasn't all that unusual, and we need not worry.

Exhausted and hungry we went home. Josie wasn't hungry and I had packed on a few pounds recently so I opted just to go to bed. We lay in bed, lightly making out, but mainly just holding each other and snuggling as we fell asleep.

At some point in the night I heard Josie moan and get off the bed. I had resumed lightly dozing when I heard her scream from the bathroom. A glance at the clock showed it to be 1:30 AM. I bolted out of bed and rushed in almost falling on my ass when I skidded on the bathroom rug. Josie was white as a sheet and there was blood everywhere.

I decided instantly not to bother with the ambulance. I picked her up and carried her out to the Corvette and rushed to the ER. She was admitted immediately and her OB/GYN was called. They put her in an exam room. When the doctors came in, I was asked to wait in the waiting room. I didn't understand why I was being kicked out. I paced the waiting room for three hours before anyone came and told me anything.

Finally her OB/GYN Dr. Tanner came out. She was an attractive older lady, even as early in the morning as it was. "Mr. Fischer? I'm Dr. Tanner. Would you please sit with me for a moment?"

An eerie feeling hit me. A voice in the back of my brain screamed that Josie was dying. I tried to push my fears out but I was losing the battle.

"Mr. Fischer, your wife has had a miscarriage. We don't know for sure why, but she is fine and resting. We did a DNC; which is an operation to clean her uterus out. There will be some scarring and it could possibly make it harder for her to conceive again."

I felt like I had been punched in the gut with an iron glove. As hard as I tried I could not stop the tears. Dr. Tanner put a reassuring hand on my shoulder and told me not to lose hope. She would do an exam in a few months and Josie and I could try again.

Josie stayed in the hospital for three days. Everyone told me that I had to be strong for Josie, to keep her from going into depression. I made sure Josie never saw anything but hope in my face. I'd get home at night and not know what to do. I'd cry, I'd curse, and I'd drink. On the morning that Josie was supposed to come home I found myself at a liquor store as soon as they had opened. I had to replace a few bottles that we kept around the house for social events. I was sure that if she knew how much vodka I had put away, she'd see through my courageous façade.

When I go to the hospital Josie was sitting in a chair talking to a waspish red headed woman. Josie introduced her as Melinda Wise. She worked at the brokerage with Josie. I reached to shake hands with her and felt conspicuous as my hand shook badly. If either one of them noticed they didn't let on. Mel and her husband Bob live just three blocks up from us. Mel told me that Bob always admired my Corvette when he drove by.

I always had two Corvettes. I had a 1964 that I was currently working on restoring plus my Candy Apple Blue 71 Sting Ray. I was on my third restore, well fourth actually. For Josie's birthday that year I had restored a'68 Camaro RS/SS for her. I had kept it lock in the paint booth I had built in the garage so she wouldn't see it. But other than that Camaro I had only done Corvettes. When a restoration was done I'd take the Corvette to Statler's Classic Rides owned by Harold and Gene Statler. The Statler Brothers dealt mainly in classic muscle cars and especially Corvettes. They sold my restored cars on consignment for me. Their lot was across the street from the brokerage house that Josie worked at. Sometimes I'd go down there to order parts and stick around to take her out to lunch.

"Josie will have invite you two over some evening, I'm sure Bob would get a kick out of it."

"That sounds like a plan, well as soon as Josie feels up to it."

"I already feel much better," said Josie. "Just knowing this hunk of man that I adore is here for me is the best medicine I can think of."

Josie fixed her gaze on me during the ride home. "When was the last time you ate something hon?" She had this knack for seeing into me. I'd have to do better to not show her my grief.

"Had to have been last night or this morning. I'm sure it was one or the other." She didn't ask me again so I figured we were past my eating habits. I thought about it and I wasn't sure I had eaten in the past few days. I'd eat when I got hungry.

We got to the house and Josie seemed trepidacious about going into our bedroom. "It's fine baby. I got it cleaned up and changed the sheets. You don't have to worry about anything. I have as much time off of work as I need to take care of you."

She turned and was crying. I pulled her into me and hugged her. "What would I ever do without you?"

"I don't think you'll ever have to find out baby. You are kinda stuck with me."

"But what if I can't give you a baby? What if my body is so fucked up that a child can't grow in me? I can't blame you if you leave me." She was crying even harder.

"Shhh." I said to her as I held her and stroked her hair and face. God I loved her so damn much. "That's stupid talk babe. What kind of man would I be if I left you over that? I'll never leave you unless you want me too. We can try to have a baby again, and if we fail we just keep on trying, if we have to try every night for the rest of our lives." This got a smile out of her.

We got home and I got her inside and put her in bed. She said she was tired but wanted me to wake her in time for dinner. I puttered around the house finding reasons not to open the new bottles of vodka I had purchased. Josie was the biggest reason I could come up with. I sat and fought of the dark despair that seemed to be trying to take me.

"Marty! Marty!" I could hear Josie from somewhere far away. "Marty!"

I was suddenly aware that I was being shaken. I awoke to see Josie standing over me with a worried look on her face. "Are you with me Marty?"

Confusion reigned in my brain. Wasn't I sitting on the couch a second ago? "I, yeah I'm here baby." I looked around and I was lying about halfway between the couch and bathroom.

"Jesus Marty you scared the shit out of me. Why are you in the middle of the floor?"

I could give no reason. "I think I was napping on the couch. I must have sleepwalked."

She sat down and hugged me to her. I think you need to see the doctor Marty. You don't look well and it took me too much effort to wake you just now."

The last thing I needed was her worried over me. "I'm fine baby. I just haven't been sleeping well and I think the exhaustion just got to me."

I got up and around and made us dinner. I had sat down around three in the afternoon and it was eight when she woke me. I was a bit scared that I could have something like that happen. I had to be strong for her. I kept the mood as light as I could during dinner. She kept watching me with a funny look on her face. We watched some TV and around ten she wanted to go to bed.

We spooned and she fell asleep almost immediately. I stared into space for the longest time. I felt lost for the first time in my life. How was I supposed to keep Josie upbeat and cheerful when all I wanted was to cry? I lay there silently crying, hoping Josie couldn't tell. Mercifully I drifted off to sleep sometime before the sun rose.