Messy Ch. 16

Sienna pulled back just far enough to speak before going back down. "Please...roughly..."

I could feel the need to cum building in my abdomen, feel the tightening in my testicles, but I couldn't feel the lust, the NEED to FUCK. I wouldn't have picked this if Sienna hadn't instigated. I needed sex less than exercise.

But I did it anyway, thrusting forcefully into her mouth, pushing the spongy head against the back of her throat, holding it there, moving her head back and forth with my hands to pleasure myself the way she wanted me to. I pulled her off to breathe, and she smiled up at me, stroked away the hanging strings of saliva connecting her lips and chin with my member. "I can tell you're close, don't hold back."

Back down she went, sucking and sliding all the way down to my balls, and it took only a few more thrusts before I exploded, a pulsing geyser of semen in her mouth so strong she choked and sputtered, cum leaking out from between her lips as she struggled to swallow the still-jetting flood. Eventually she backed off, wiped her mouth of spit and jizz. "Thank you for letting me do that."

Sienna licked and kissed her way back up my chest, and I drew her into a kiss, soft and familiar. The blonde goddess melted against me, relaxing as I held her. Then it was my turn, and I kissed down her body like she had done to me, paying extra attention to her sensitive nipples and navel, avoiding her vulva completely, tormenting her for a long while with my lips and tongue on her thighs before moving to their joining and down between her lower lips. I parted the fleshy petals slowly with my tongue, licking her juicing box slowly and deliberately before working my way up to her clit and applying hard suction.

She grabbed at her tits as I pleasured her, squeezing them roughly, pulling and twisting the hard tips as her orgasm built and built. She shrieked as she climaxed, staggering backwards into the tile wall, her movements uncoordinated as her whole body shook from the assault of my tongue on her most sensitive flesh. I kept it up, eating her out, pressing her hips to the wall with my hands, trapping her in place as I brought her to orgasm again and again until she ran out of breath to shout. I stood and pulled her close as she shuddered, her red-flushed chest heaving as she fought to get back her breath.

"Thank you," Sienna said weakly as she leaned into me. Despite her height, the way she clung to my body made her seem small, and I held her tightly. She looked up at me innocently, eyes slightly glassy, the lack of makeup and wet blonde hair making her look younger than her twenty years. "I needed that."

We slept together that night, the exhausted Sienna curling up with her back to my front, a fetal ball trapped in my arms, breathing quickly deepening and slowing as sleep claimed her.

I took a lot longer drifting off.

I felt like an imposter. A liar.

Sienna wanted a sexual relationship with me right now. She wanted to go back to the way things were. I didn't give a shit, I just wanted my best friend to come back from the depths of despair. Despite my erection to the contrary, I wasn't interested right now.

I was sad, and angry.

"Sorry, I wish I did." I sent the text to Deirdre and sighed. She wanted to find a place to practice with me when the dojo was closed, and I knew of no other martial arts academies that were open for random stranger use at the odd hours she kept.

I was just about to go to bed, and the redhead had texted me to ask if I knew of any place to go and train. Seriously, who wants to work up a sweat at ten thirty on a Thursday?

Sienna knocked on the door frame and I looked up from checking the nightly news. "What's up?"

Just out of the shower and ready for bed, she was dressed in a tank top and boxer shorts, and she fidgeted as she leaned against the wall, clasping and unclasping her hands. "I have something to tell you. Two things actually."

I set the phone down on the nightstand. "What?"

"I'm gonna go see my parents this weekend. I got off from working the school bookstore and they haven't seen me since Christmas, so I thought I'd head down to see them. If you don't mind."

"Why would I mind? Go. Have fun. Spend time with your family. We'll be fine."

"Ok. Cool. Thanks." She stood there, still fidgeting.

"And..."

"And...and... I've been bad."

"What?"

She stepped forward, seemingly having picked up a bit of courage. "One of the last days we were up north, you told me I couldn't play with myself anymore, and that if I wanted to, I needed to ask your permission and do it in front of you. I've... I've been disobeying you ever since we got back. Every day."

I felt awful. I knew what she wanted. Why she wanted it. I just... Didn't care. Not enough to want it myself.

"Please." she whispered, stepping up in front of me. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I was about eye level with the crotch of her boxers. Another time, another me, I might've pulled them down, licked my way up that shaved bare pussy, pushed my fingers into her tight little tunnel just to watch her squirm.

Now... Now I wanted to sleep.

But I also wanted to make her feel wanted. Wanted to make her feel like she belonged in my life, in Tori's life, that we were still "together," whatever the hell that was.

She needed this to feel wanted.

I put my hands on her hips and gently tugged, guiding her down to lay across my lap. I slid my hand under her tank top, stroking her back, while I palmed and squeezed her firm breasts with the other, eventually bunching the shirt up above them. I tugged her boxers down, her hips wiggling as they cleared my knees, and I pulled them off her feet, tossed them to the corner of the room.

Instinctively, Sienna parted her thighs, arched her back, lifting her butt up slightly. She looked back at me and smiled sheepishly. "I still remember..."

She gasped at the first impact of my hand, turned her head so she wouldn't have to watch. I could see her tense up at the second, and rubbed her reddened flesh, gently squeezed it. "Relax."

Even with her back arched to present her ass for my hand, a few seconds of massage saw tension leave her shoulders. I began again, and this time she seemed more...into...it. She grunted at each slap, and after a dozen those grunts turned into little yips and cries, especially when my hand went lower, aiming for the lower area between the curve of her buttocks and her upper thighs.

When I took a break to slowly slip a finger inside her, I found that tunnel to be boiling hot, slippery with feminine excitement. She turned her head to look back at me. "Am I being good?"

I stroked her cheek, watched the pained expression on her face turn to one of lust as my thumb found the ridges of her g-spot. She gasped, wiggled on my lap, and I watched her facial ticks and reactions as I stimulated her.

I wished I could feel excitement. Lust. Need. I was going through the motions.

"Now you are."

Sienna smiled meekly, and I pulled my thumb from her pussy, reached across and brought it to her lips. She sucked it, tasting herself, moaning as I gently, suggestively pushed and pulled my finger in mouth. When I pulled it out she looked up at me with an expression of total lust and need. I stroked my hand down her back, and that expression turned sad and surprised when I brought my hand down on her bottom with another loud, stinging slap.

Another few smacks to her ass, and I stopped, holding her still on my lap and stroking her soft skin.

Another look back, and she smiled. "Thank you."

I traced designs on her cheek with my finger. "So you've been masturbating every day?"

Sienna blushed. "Yeah, most of them. I'm sorry."

I smiled. "It's ok. I've been - I am - in the wrong headspace for sex for a while. Consider this standing permission to play with yourself as much as you want. I'm not going to punish you for doing it."

"What if...what if I need to be punished? Disciplined? Like you did at the cabin? What if that's something I need more regularly? After our time up north, a vibrator just doesn't cut it anymore."

"Then yeah, come to me. I'm not exactly in the best place right now, but I'll do what I can for you. Or maybe... Maybe you should look at finding a boyfriend, someone who's your own age. I think I've given you the taste of this lifestyle that you wanted..."

She slid off my lap, turned and remounted, sitting on my knees facing me. I tried to be turned on, tried to summon up some of the old urge to hurt and pound and fuck but it was out of reach. The lithe blonde nympho on my lap deserved better. Especially when she took my face between her hands and kissed me. Softly. Lingeringly. Dare I say it, lovingly. When she pulled back, she met and held my gaze, and I think it told her something about my mindset that I was able to look her steadily in the eyes as opposed to looking hungrily up and down her mostly nude body. "What can I do for you?"

"You can't fix what's wrong. Every time I close my eyes, I see guys I had drinks with getting shot to rags or their faces getting stomped into an icy red puddle, or a woman I slept with and went hiking with getting tortured to death in the most horrific ways possible. And I lost my job because people think I did it. I'm barely sleeping, and I've got this insane drive in me to learn how to fight so I can find the fuckers who did this and kill them. I just need sleep, See. And I need Tori to be ok, because she's been my rock for like four years now, and I feel like I can't do anything to save her."

Sienna studied my face for a while. "And me?"

"I need you to be here. And to give me space when I need it. And if you don't want to be here, that's ok too. We don't belong to each other, I just want you to be where you're happy."

Her lips curled in a wry smirk. "I've gotta say, when I flashed you in your office, this is not the dom sub stuff I pictured you teaching me about."

"You can go if you want. I wouldn't blame you. This is a lot of shit to be close to before you can even legally drink."

She pushed me back to the bed, crawled over me and lay her head on the pillow. I moved up to lay next to her, and pulled her to me, back to front as she liked. She turned her head, caught me with the corner of her eye. "I'm right where I want to be. Don't ever doubt that."

I wrapped her up in my arms, holding her tight, almost crushing her arms to her, my grip on her body was so strong.

I did not deserve this. I didn't deserve her. Dammit.