MidLife in Crisis: Joyce's Awakening

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Myhands316
Myhands316
1,179 Followers

My head spun out of control as all these new thoughts ran rampant. Bernie, knowing how close to the edge I was, held my hand and pulled me back from the abyss.

"Nothing will happen to you that you don't allow. Margret can help you there too. You need some healthy boundaries. All I can do is what I've always done. Be your best friend and be there for you." She smiled warmly. "You need a safe place. I am willing to give you that safe place. But you had to know what it means first. I have faith in you Joy-Joy."

She sat with me as I called Margret, and urged me to make my first appointment. What surprised me was that she made room for me in less than a week. She also sat next to me when I called the home office. It seemed that since I took vacation, Richard had been giving them false information.

According to what they had heard. Richard had removed me from my employment due to stress issues. And, since I was no longer employed by them, they didn't have to honor their commitment to my retirement since my husband was still employed by them.

"Did you receive a two week notice? Did I say I wanted to end my employment when I asked for vacation? Have you ever had a negative work report during the twenty years of my employment?" I asked them bitterly. "I split away from my husband for biblical reasons and you are terminating my employment?"

"Joyce, he is the senior Minister. We have to go by his..." He tried again.

"Not when he is in the wrong. Look, I don't want it to come to this, but I will be talking to an attorney in the near future, I hope I won't have to bring this to their attention."

"Well Joyce, you can use our legal department..." He offered hoping I would take it and give them control.

"Right, they represent you. I will be getting someone who represents me. I have earned my benefits. Has he told you why I left?" I demanded, getting irritated.

"No, he just said you were under stress and needed to leave our employment. Your employment has always been voluntary." I know they were trying to protect themselves, but that didn't mean I was going to put up with it any longer.

"Like hell it has. I didn't have a choice. I never applied or asked for over half of the work I have done for the church. Let's not forget all the free labor I've given you. I never volunteered for any of this. Richard might have volunteered me, but never have I done so."

"Now Joyce, there is no need...." He was back to stammering.

"Have Richard explain it to you. He is the reason I am leaving. I have made a promise that as long as I can leave in peace, I will not cause any harm to the ministry. If not, I can raise a stink that will destroy it. It will be up to him to justify why he has to file for the divorce and the actions that caused it. I fully expect the church to support me in this and that is all I will say at this time. Oh, and you might want to reassign his assistant. She is also involved in this affair." I know I shouldn't have said that, but Joy had had enough of their crap.

"We will take that under ad...." I shut my phone and let him finish his words to the empty air. I knew I had to talk to Richard, but I wasn't ready yet. It might been cowardly, but something told me to wait until I spoke to Margret. Over the next two days, Bernie gave me my space as I muddled through each day. Again the only bright spot was waiting one of my daughters to call.

That Thursday, I went to see Margret for the first time and started learning about myself. The great thing about Margret, is that what we talk about is private. Bernie and the girls agreed wholeheartedly, and for the first time ever, I didn't have to answer to anyone if I was in a bad mood.

I chose to confront Richard on Sunday between services for many reasons. Some were good, some were not. The end result would have been the same no matter when it happened. No, even here will I ever go over the hurtful, hate filled, things he said to me. I did make my point when I showed him a news article about another Minister of a large church, that had had brought the church down when his misdeeds came to light.

"When you find legal representation, let me know so I can give you the name of my attorney. We can do this easy, where I fade into the distance, Or...." I pointed to the paper I put on his desk. "The choice is yours. No more calls to the home office. In due time I will tender my retirement. Until then, I expect to be kept on the payroll." I let him sputter for a minute. After I knew he had nothing to say that I wanted to hear, I left him standing there.

"Who is going to pay the bills?" He shouted as I was about to open the door.

"Not me. I don't live there I will not pay the bills there. I have enough to worry about trying to find a place to live and a different job, without worrying about a place I no longer live." I was proud that I didn't slam the door as I left. I smiled at the people who were there, trying to figure out what was going on. I expected Mrs. Little to come up to me. My old jobs now fell to her shoulders.

"Joyce, what is going on? First I hear you left Richard, then you disappear and now it is said they have fired you. I need some help. I don't know what I am doing. I'm in over my head."

"I'm sorry Pamela, but the issues Richard and I are facing are between us and God, and they will stay there. You have as much training as I did when I took the jobs and I wish you God's speed. Tell the women that I am sorry, but I can't be there anymore. I wish you and Allen the best of luck, but I have to go." I hugged her and left her standing there with a shell shocked expression on her face.

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Blog number four:

Losing and then finding myself again:

If it wasn't for the girls, Margret and Bernie, I know I would have lost my mind. It was odd to have Bernie at the end of that list, but unfortunately, she was part of the issue. It took Richard two months to finally realize that I wasn't coming back. Then he tried to find fault in anything I was doing, through our sons.

I actually had to hang up on the boys when they started with the woman is supposed to submit to their husbands lecture that learned at their father's knee. It is funny how they always forget that husbands are to respect and submit to their wives. I mean it is only in the next scripture. Yes, I know I'm avoiding again, but I have a good reason.

Over the last few months, I have to make many adjustments. The one I'm trying to avoid is one of the biggest. It also only happed only a few days ago. I know Bernie warned me, but I was still not prepared. I came home from seeing Margret. We had a short talk that day and I guess Bernie expected me to be longer.

I unlocked the front door and came in. It was almost surreal. The situation was so familiar. Only this time it was Bernie on her knees. But, there wasn't a man. Mary, Ted's wife, was naked on the couch, holding Bernie's hair. She was saying.

"Oh Bern, I wish Ted would learn how to eat my pussy like you do... oh yeah right there sweetie. OH, oh, eat me... make me cum again. Oh, lick meeeeee!" She stiffened up as I stood there watching. I was and am so confused. I slowly walked to my room to give them the privacy to finish what they were doing. It didn't seem that much longer when I heard Bernie moan in pleasure. If they saw me I didn't know. What confused me was my reaction.

I wasn't repulsed by what I saw. Somewhere deep down, it looked very natural to have Bernie's wet face giving Mary pleasure. There was no indecency, only a sense of sharing. What really confused me was my body's reaction. I had no urge to throw up. But my underwear was moist for some reason. My breasts ached like when I knew one of the children were hungry. I found looking at the two naked women to be beautiful, not nasty or obscene.

I could see the tenderness as Mary held Bernie's head against her sex. I could smell the scent of her from across the room. I even noticed the wetness on Bernie's chin. It didn't bother me that Mary was massaging her own breast with her free hand. Or that Bernie had her hand between her legs, obviously using it on her own sex.

I was brought out of my stupor by the sound of the front door closing. All I could do was stand and breathe as I heard Bernie's footsteps.

"Joy-Joy, are you home?" She asked timidly.

"Yeah Bernie, I got home a bit ago. I'm sorry if I interrupted." I blushed.

"No... we're sorry we weren't done before you got home. Are you okay? Can I come in?" She asked next to my door.

"Yeah sure Bernie, it is your house." I opened the door and saw her standing there in a thin robe. I could smell them on her and my groin clutched.

Bernie looked at me a second before asking. "Are you okay with what happened?" I think she saw what I couldn't realize. I was sexually excited, but didn't know what to do about it.

"Yeah, it is okay." I blushed again as flashes of the scene flipped in my brain.

"How was your time with Margret?" She knew to change the subject as I looked at her as a sexual being for the first time.

"It was good, but short. Um, not to be rude, but what is for dinner?" I had to find some stable ground for my own sanity.

Bernie smiled. "Whatever we fix after my shower." We were okay again. Yes, I had a lot to think and talk to Margret about, but we were fine.

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Blog Five:

I am NOT a Lesbian!

I can't be a lesbian, I have children. I was married for over twenty years. I am too old to be a lesbian. I refuse to be a lesbian. Lesbians are women who never even thought of being with a man. They didn't need penetration to find sexual release. I am none of those things.

Okay, first I'm sorry it has taken so long to post another blog. But so much has happened that I don't know where to start. If we go back to my last entry, afterward, Bernie and I became more comfortable around each other.

No longer did she feel the need to be covered just to knock around the house. I got used to seeing her nude. I even went into the hot tub one night without a suit. Yes, I have to admit it feels divine. I also learned what Bernie meant by loving, without being in love. I loved her, but I knew I could never share what she did with Mary. Mary also said that I was good looking, but she didn't find me sexually attractive.

I took this with a grain of salt. But, they did start inviting me to a gathering of women. It reminded me of the all girl sleep over's when we were kids. There was a lot of girl talk and giggling. I was amazed by the openness they all showed each other. It was nothing to share a hug or a caring caress. Even a few soft kisses were exchanged.

I stayed on the outskirts for a long time. I was still in the middle of my divorce. Margret and I had slowed down my visits, and I was feeling much better about myself. No longer did it bother me to be called Joyce. Joy and Joyce had become one again. Mary and Bernie still called me Joy-Joy, and that was fine too.

Yes, I admitted that I was attracted to the form of a woman. I also no longer got physically ill seeing the male organ. It didn't affect me at all, as a matter of fact. I think that breakthrough help me close the gap between my sons and I. At least they were talking to me.

I spent a few weekends with the girls. It is amazing how they went from being two women to this single entity I call the girls. To me it is one and the same. It doesn't matter who picks up the phone when I call. I'm still talking to my daughter. I no longer wait, if I need to talk, I call. Yes, I have woken them up, but they understand.

We were at a mixed gathering. I don't know who set it up, but, Bernie and Mary begged me to go. It was going to be held at one of those spa places. It was hard for me to admit at forty five, I had never been to a spa, so I didn't know what to expect.

What I didn't know, was that everyone there, except me, was a woman who loved other women. Some were like Bernie and Marry, and others were like Amy and Elspeth. I just thought it was another woman's group. Sure, I drank some of the wine, but not enough to get drunk. Yes, I enjoyed the massages and the pampering. Every woman does.

What I didn't expect was Jeannette. She wasn't Jean, or Jennie, she was Jeannette. To me she was a cross between Princes Grace and June Cleaver. Even in her robe she always looked totally put together. When we went to dinner, I knew I had her in the correct category. Her clothes were understated, but expensive. She looked like she just came out of a salon.

Jeannette had a seventies hourglass figure, with medium length reddish, colored, hair. What captivated me most were her deep green eyes. Every time I looked at them, they seemed to have this sparkle. I almost gasped when she sat next to me at dinner. Her voice was smooth as silk but just a touch of a Southern Drawl. Her lips were the perfect rose/peach and her perfume was subtle but intoxicating.

You see these kind women and know they have a way about them. I knew for some reason my heart was beating faster than normal as she politely asked for the salt and pepper. They way she touched my hand made me think of soft silk gloves and butterfly wings. I wanted to lean in to hear whatever she said. No one has ever affected me this way before. She had natural warmth about her and my pulse would skip every time her leg or arm would brush against me.

I didn't know she had kept my wine glass topped off while we chatted at dinner. I thought I only had two, but if you count all the refills when I wasn't looking, I was feeling warm and tingly. When she asked if I would like to get some air, I agreed instantly.

She walked me though the secluded garden, telling me about her garden at home. She would stop to smell the flowers and then ask me if I liked the scent. My lips itched every time her silk blouse would part and show me just a hint of lace and cleavage. Stunning is the only way I could describe her and not feel like I had insulted her.

"Shall we go in for a night cap?" She caught me looking at her again.

"That would be nice." I felt gauche standing next to her.

"Bernice tells me you are getting a divorce." She said, as she walked just inches from me.

"Yes, it was final a couple of weeks ago." I shrugged in indifference. In my mind we were divorced the instant I walked in on him.

"Who filed?" She asked unobtrusively.

"He committed the adultery, so he had to file. I did what I could to keep my promise, so the court said irreconcilable differences. As long as I am free of it, I don't care." I told her calmly.

"I hear your daughter is graduating soon." I know she was subtly directing the conversation.

"Elspeth is. Her wife Amy, should graduate next year. They make the perfect couple." I smiled.

"Oh, I see. So, you've accepted their marriage?" She looked at me intently.

"Not at first, but now, I just call them my girls. They helped me so much when I first split from Richard." Once I started talking about the girls, I couldn't stop. My love and pride in them showed in everything I said. Before I knew it, we were at the door to her room.

"Would you like to come in for a bit?" She asked me, her eyes going a bit smoky.

"Yes. I am enjoying our talk." I let her lead me into her suite and close and lock the door. It didn't bother me that she locked the door, it made me feel safe.

We sat on the divan and continued out chat while taking slow sips of wine. She sat close to me and would gently touch my arm. I was shaking and spilled a bit of wine. Before I could grab a napkin, she said.

"I'll get that." Before I could react, she was kissing and licking the small drop of liquid of the corner of my mouth. I turned to look at her and out lips met fully. Joy was screaming in excitement that she was kissing us. I just moaned as something clicked inside of me.

"I have never done this." I whispered, light headed.

"Neither have I. I have always known someone a long time before...."

"No, I have never... done any of this. I haven't even ever enjoyed physical relations." I don't know why it was important for me to tell her that, but it was.

"Oh, Darling, then you are long overdue. But I don't have sex with anyone. I only make love to the woman who holds my heart. Tonight for some reason, that is you. Do you want me to stop?" Her green eyes held mine.

"No, I don't think I do." Joyce was screaming yes, but Joy won the argument.

"Then let us get more comfortable." She smiled and gently pulled me up. She walked us to the bed and slowly started undressing me. She knew I was frightened and guided my hands as I undressed her. Before I knew it, we were standing there naked.

"Oh, you are just too gorgeous. Can I taste?" from that moment on, she was in complete control. She did things to me that I cannot describe. She moved my hands so they were cupping her breasts. Of their own volition, my fingers curved and found her hardening buds. She spent so much time just stroking me as she nibbled my flesh, causing it to rise.

"Do you want me to make love to you?" She asked as her hand cupped my sex.

"Yesssss...." I hissed out, completely under her spell. I saw in her eyes the same look as when Amy looked at Elspeth.

She directed our lovemaking for over an hour. She gave me my first orgasm and then took me to my first climax. She taught me how to kiss and nibble her breasts as she teased my sex with her fingers. She guided my head and mouth as I learned how to give her sex pleasure. It was so natural and soothing.

I was so involved; I didn't know when to stop as her juice flowed into my mouth. I continued sucking and lapping, thinking that there had to be an end. I made her growl as she flipped around and consumed me in return.

I lay there twitching, when thought returned. She was kissing and licking the moisture off my face and I was copying her every move. "You are so sweet, but we need sleep Darling. We will do more of this later." She promised as she held me and my eyes closed.

The next morning, well almost afternoon, I woke up with a sense of wonderment. I was in soft cotton sheets and I felt truly relaxed. I wondered about the dream I had the night before, thinking it had to be the wine. Then she moved. Jeannette stretched and cupped my breast from behind, causing red flashes behind my eye lids.

"Good morning Darling. I was wondering if you were going to sleep the day away. I woke up earlier, but fell back asleep looking at you." Her smooth voice had a husky quality to it as she spoke into my ear, her hands never stopping their exploration of my breasts and nipples.

"So, it wasn't a dream?" I asked and turned my head.

"A dream come true maybe. But no Darling, we loved long into the night." I could hear the contentment in her voice. "If I have my way, we will be doing this for a long time, maybe even forever."

"Oh...!" I gasped as her lips captured mine in a soft, loving, good morning kiss.

"Yes, Oh...! As in, oh my, I never expected that." She sat up smiling, and looked deep into my eyes. "Darling, we need to have a long talk. But, if you keep laying there looking so delectable, we will never get out of this bed. Check out is in three hours. Come let me wash you and then we can talk over brunch." It made so much sense when she said it, I had to comply.

It was with complete silence, as she washed me from head to toe. I had never felt so pampered or cared for. She sat me down and tended to my hair and face as I just sat there in stunned silence. I couldn't take my eyes off her naked form as she ministered to me. I had flutters in my center as I watched her dress so exactly.

My hands itched with desire as she put on her lace bra. I licked my lips as she covered her moist, trimmed, neither region. Part of me wanted to catch the small pearl of moisture I saw on her lips. I was entranced. I was breathless as she turned and looked at my face.

Myhands316
Myhands316
1,179 Followers