Mike & Savy Ch. 02

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It wasn't much to look at. There was one sad loveseat in the middle of the living room. The TV appeared to be sitting on one of the end tables from a dorm lounge, which made me wonder if he had indeed stolen it from the dorm.

I gave a low whistle and said, "Nice place, bro."

"Hey, no dissing the digs unless you're paying the bills!"

I chuckled.

We decided that we'd do Thai takeout from a good place a few minutes away and he went off to pick it up. I looked around his apartment and clucked my tongue a bit before starting to explore.

I wandered into his bedroom, which was trashed. As sweet as Mike is, he really can be such a boy sometimes. There was even a pair of boxers hanging off of his computer monitor.

I spotted a small table in there and dragged it out to position as a coffee table in the living room. I went ahead and moved the TV and loveseat around, just to make the room a little nicer, too. When Mike got back, I was grabbing a lamp out of his bedroom to put in the living room.

"Making yourself at home already?"

"Sometimes you boys need a woman's touch in your life."

He raised an eyebrow at me and asked, "How much are you planning on touching?" I think he was as red the Maryland logo before he even finished the question. The double meaning wasn't lost on me, though that was an odd place for my mind to go. I chose to let him off easy, but not too easy.

"Oh, we'll see. You certainly do need a lot of things done in here."

I decided we'd watch "Braveheart" and we set up on the loveseat. It was really good Thai food. I'm was sure I'd end up eating there often. When we finished eating, Mike took everything into the kitchen and came back to sit next to me on the loveseat.

I very naturally cuddled up next to him to watch the rest of the movie and my heart nearly stopped when he put his arm around me.

I didn't look at him, but I mumbled out, "I missed you, Mike."

He responded, much more firmly and surely, "I missed you too, Savy."

I hoped time would freeze right there. In a way it did, because I'm sure I fell asleep soon after. I couldn't have been more comfortable.

I woke up the next morning and Mike was still asleep. We'd shifted during the night and I was curled up beside him, completely surrounded by him. He couldn't have been very comfortable; his feet were hanging well off the end of the loveseat. I didn't move because I didn't want either of us to have to wake up or go anywhere. I was just still for as long as I could, listening to his breathing.

After a little while, his breathing was a bit less regular and he started to shift around some. I moved just a tiny bit to keep as close to him as I could and then I could feel him... poking my thigh, but not with his hands, which were still wrapped around me.

I don't think I had any idea what to make of the situation, but he started to move. He was using his feet and his arms to shift his way up the back of the sofa. He was trying to be polite and not wake me up.

Next thing I know, I heard a very muffled "Oh shit!" and then a thunk.

I immediately popped up and leaned over the back of the sofa to see if he was okay. I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear and laugh when I saw him laying in a heap behind the loveseat.

"What exactly were you trying to accomplish there, Mike?"

With a perfect impression of Mel Gibson, he answered, "Uh... freeeeedoommmmmm!"

I lost it and fell back onto the sofa cracking up.

Mike didn't have anything in his place for breakfast, so he said he'd take me back to the dorm and I could go to the dining hall with my roommate. I didn't exactly want to leave him, but I agreed, since I was pretty hungry.

When we pulled up in front of my dorm, I turned to him and said, "Mike, I'm glad we're here together."

I leaned closer to him, planning to give him a hug.

Instead, my lips found his and I kissed him.

End of Chapter 2.

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sammy_kindsammy_kindover 9 years ago
Another perspective....

Your writing is really great as far as I'm concerned. Great for the site too.

I know negative feedback can be really disheartening but it strikes me that you're getting pretty constructive feedback about how you tell your story, grammar, etc. That's high end stuff!

Many stories get judged on how erotic they are: "Golly, writer! My wrist was just a blur!! More sex in the next chapter and less story, please!"

Your feedback's a level or two above that. Congrats. :D

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago

Hi. Loving this so far- really nice, gentle pace and getting to know the characters and why they're going the direction they're going. It's believable and that can't be said for much in this genre.

Well written too and not gratuitous. That impressed me lots.

rightbankrightbankover 9 years ago
please,

ignore the anons who choose to berate you for giving us the perspective of Savy.

It is very informative to view the (soon to be) relationship from her perspective.

Please, could you take a few paragraphs, and tell us how Savy came to be in the home with Mike and their "mother"? We know she is adopted, but what brought her to this broken home?

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Keep Writing!!

Please keep writing. I didn't mind that you retold events from both characters point of view. Perhaps if the chapters had been a bit longer and the story was advanced a bit more in the second chapter it would have been a bit better. But please do keep up the story. Thanks!

ChasBChasBover 9 years ago
I/me. etc.

The idea of showing one viewpoint, then the other is fine, but it might be better to switch back and forth in the same chapter, allowing the reader to more directly compare one with the other from memory. It makes things move a bit faster, and needs less explanation here and there. And when deciding on "I" or "me", try leaving the other person out of the sentence, then add the other person to the one that sounds correct. Something happens to me, or to Savy and me. I do something, or Mike and I do something. Inactive/active. Nit-picking, I know, though it's kind of a glaring nit. But keep going; you're basically good, so far, MD-er.

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