Mike & Savy Ch. 05

My apartment was simple, with tile floors, a small living room and kitchen combination room, a bedroom, and a bathroom. Through the living room and bedroom windows, I could just make out the sea between other buildings, about a half mile away, with the sun setting to the side. It was actually quite an attractive view.

I slept early that night, tired from the travel and mental toll of where I was in life. As I lay in bed with my eyes closed, just before losing consciousness, I saw Savy.

I woke up early, thanks to my body being completely out of sorts from time zones. I decided to go out for a walk around my neighborhood before Andres, the secretary, would be coming to pick me up. I made my way toward the coast and found a cafe overlooking the beach. I sat and ordered a coffee and a pastry, which the waitress called a carquinyoli and said would be good. It was a bit dry for my liking, but wasn't bad in combination with coffee. The salty air smelled good to me and the waves gently crashing onto the beach were relaxing. For the first time in months, I felt like I'd regained just the tiniest amount of positivity in my life.

After meeting Andres in front of my apartment, we drove over to the college. The rest of the day was pretty much a blur. Introductions to department staff, other teachers, and my administrator. It was explained to me that for the rest of the week, I'd be observing classes with the more experienced teachers and studying the curriculum provided to me. My own classes would begin the following week with the start of summer courses, with a schedule that involved teaching from 11am to 1pm and 3pm to 5 pm.

In the late afternoon, Andres took me out to get a sim card for my phone and other various supplies for my apartment. He took me on a walking tour of my neighborhood to point out useful shops and good restaurants. We walked through an incredible market with local produce and I grabbed a few items to have around the apartment.

By the time the sun was setting, I was sitting back at the same cafe. I watched little birds scampering in front of the waves and the small dots of fishing boats out on the sea. For the first time in, I guess it was six months now, I smiled.

__________

My first three months in Spain flew by a lot faster than I'd expected.

I settled into teaching pretty easily. My schedule was comfortable and I seemed to have a natural rapport with my students. I'd eat lunch at the cafeteria and had gotten to know a few teachers from outside of my department. Matteo was a 27 year old physics professor in his third year at the school and was fascinated that I'd worked at NASA. We hit it off pretty quickly, discussing various topics that he was covering in his class or that popped up in journals. I did turn down several invitations to hit nightclubs on the weekend. That hadn't really been my scene back home and I didn't think I'd much care for it here, either.

Near the end of August, I did accept an invitation to join Matteo, his wife Isabel, and several of their friends and colleagues for an outing to Calella, which has a more widely known and respected beach than Mataró. I rode with Matteo and his wife, while our little convoy made its way up the coast. The drive was spectacular.

At the beach, we set up. One of Matteo's buddies had a small grill for cooking lunch. We carried a veritable store's worth of blankets and chairs out. Matteo and I dug out a fire pit in the sand. We had enough coolers full of drinks to last until winter.

It was a gorgeous day, with a cloudless sky overhead and the temperature hovering around 80. After we'd brought everything from the cars, I stripped to just my board shorts and stood with my feet in the surf, feeling the warm water pulling the sand out from underneath me, staring out at the Mediterranean. With my exploration of Catalonian cuisine, I'd managed to put back on the weight that I'd lost, though daily runs through Mataró kept me lean. I actually felt... good.

I was snapped out of my trance by the jolt of a soccer ball hitting my ass. I turned around and Matteo was cracking up while Isabel held her hands in the air and yelled "Goal!". I quickly collected the ball and sent it flying back towards them. Well, I tried anyway. I wasn't close. I wasn't much of a soccer player.

That was a damn good afternoon. We played beach soccer before settling in to barbeque. After stuffing ourselves, we lounged on the beach before heading into the water to swim or generally mess around in the low waves.

As the sun started to set, Matteo and I got a fire going in the pit we'd dug earlier. Everyone else dragged chairs and blankets around to enjoy the warmth as the temperature cooled from a soft breeze off of the water. We'd all added a few more layers to stay warm. I stayed in my board shorts, but put on my favorite Maryland sweatshirt.

I ended up sitting between Isabel and another woman. Isabel introduced her to me as Ana, who worked with Isabel at a bank in Mataró. They chatted a bit in Spanish, which I could only understand a small fraction of, before Isabel switched to English and suddenly turned the conversation to me.

"Ana, did Matteo tell you that Mike worked at NASA before moving here?"

Ana responded, "Oh no, he didn't." She looked at me, "What made you leave to come and teach here? Surely that was a very respectable job..." Spain was still feeling the effects of a prolonged economic downturn and unemployment was high. Leaving a job at a place like NASA probably did seem a little odd.

"Oh, well... I guess I was just looking for a change."

I looked at Ana closely for the first time. She was quite attractive, with jet black hair, large dark eyes, and smooth olive skin. Her face had long features, but was very pleasing. She appeared to be a few years older than me, maybe closer to Matteo and Isabel's 27 and 26, respectively, than my own 23. I couldn't remember if I'd seen her in a swimsuit earlier, but now she wore khaki shorts and and a long sleeve shirt.

She looked at Isabel and gave a knowing nod. "Ohhhh... a girl." Which was followed by rapid Spanish that I couldn't follow, though it was pretty clear that they were saying something about me. Matteo turned around and listened in on them, but didn't interrupt.

The two women focused on me again. "Oh Mike, you have to tell us what happened," Isabel instructed.

At that, Matteo did chime in, "Come on ladies, leave him alone."

"No, no... it's okay," I said.

Ana and Isabel shifted around so that we were sitting more facing each other in a triangle. Matteo shrugged his shoulders at me.

"Well... last year, a girl that I had known for a very long time and I finally figured out that we had feelings for each other. We dated for awhile and eventually, I asked her to marry me. But, it didn't work out and it hit me really hard. I was in a bad place for a long time and I guess I felt like the only way to get out of it was to get away from it. I started looking for jobs away from home and at one point, I saw a posting to be an English teacher. It seemed like a pretty quick and easy way to make the move, so I did it."

Isabel looked pensive for a moment and then said, "Oh, I see. But Mike, you never really know what path you have for your life until after you are already on it... and now, your path has brought you to Spain. I guess it has many more things in store for you."

"That seems like a pretty reasonable way of looking at it, I guess."

Things had gotten way too serious and Matteo wasn't having any part of that. He thrust beers at each of us and held his up, then yelled, "Salud!" The rest of the group responded in kind, as did Isabel, Ana, and I.

Before long, we were in the car and headed back to Mataró. This time, Ana rode with us and she and Isabel sat in the back seat chatting in Spanish while Matteo drove and I rode in the passenger seat, mostly in silence.

I laid in bed that night and asked out loud, "So, what've you got in store for me, Path?"

After getting no response, I drifted off to sleep.

The next week of work went well. It was the last week of the summer session classes and I was pretty busy every day grading final exams and papers. On Friday, there was a large outing planned at a restaurant off campus for the several dozen teachers from a variety of departments that had done summer classes. Still, Matteo asked if I wanted to grab a beer at our regular pub after work on Thursday. With my grading done, I said sure.

We pulled up stools at the bar and ordered beers. After catching up on the week, Matteo started.

"Mike, you and I, we're friends, yes?"

"Ha, yeah man. Definitely."

"Okay, I want to ask, but please don't be offended. What do you think of Ana?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Ana? Ah... she seems like a pretty nice lady. Why?"

"I just want to give you a heads up. I know my wife and she has ideas for you. She likes you, always says you're a good boy, handsome and smart. And sometimes, maybe she gets a little ahead of herself. I'm just saying, after knowing why you come here, if you want time or are not ready, I tell Isabel to leave you alone, even if I get in trouble for doing so."

The realization of what he was saying dawned on me. Isabel wanted to set me up with Ana. I've always been slow at picking up on those things.

"Ah, hell man... I don't know."

I furrowed my brow and stared into my beer.

I really didn't know. Ana seemed perfectly lovely, but why had I really come here? Was I waiting for something? Was I getting myself through what had happened? Was I... trying to get over it? Get... past it? The impact of those last two questions to myself were immense. I'd spent so long just trying to get from one day to the next that I hadn't thought about what "tomorrow" actually involved.

"Okay, okay, Mike. I can see you are not ready. That is okay. I will talk to Isabel."

"No... it's just... I... hadn't really thought about that sort of thing for a long time. Just... uh... you don't have to say anything."

A small grin crept onto Matteo's face. Oh shit, what had I gotten myself into?

Fortunately, the rest of the night's conversation was much lighter, but a massive shadow sat in the back of my mind.

I had the next week off before the regular fall semester started. I'd arranged to take a train to Marseille, after an overnight stay in Barcelona, and then onto Paris. I figured since I was in Europe, I should see more than just Spain.

The trip was, as could be expected, incredible.

In Marseille, I was intent on getting lost every day. I would sit at a cafe in the morning overlooking the sea and by lunch, had wandered along various side streets until I had no idea where I was. I marveled at the similarities and differences with what I had seen in Barcelona and Mataró. I knew there were a million favorite places for tourists to visit in the city, but I just wanted to be lost in the city. Some of my favorite pictures from Marseille are of tiny alleys well away from the crowded streets and boulevards, just sitting back, little hidden treasures.

In Paris, I played a bit more of the tourist. I felt like I had to see the Eiffel Tower and Louvre. I did spend one afternoon doing absolutely nothing but sitting along the edge of the Seine and watching people. In between the families, with backpacks and kids, fumbling with maps, I would notice the couples, both young and old, just strolling by the river holding hands. I could only watch, not partake in that experience.

The week was far, far too short. It felt like I'd only been away a day when I was back in my apartment in Mataró. Oddly, it felt almost like I was returning to my home. Even more oddly, I was comfortable with that feeling.

The day after I got back, Matteo dropped by. I answered somewhere in the vicinity of seventeen million questions about my trip and we perused the numerous pictures I'd taken, both on my phone and with my better camera. He noted, with a laugh, that the only picture I had of myself from the trip was a quick selfie I'd taken with my back to the coast of Marseille. He got on my case a bit for not taking more pictures of beautiful French women, too.

When I was back in the classroom, I felt more comfortable than I had during my summer sessions. I was more confident as a teacher and for the first time felt like I wasn't just getting by at my job, that I was excelling. I tried to think of the last time I'd felt like that and it must have been a year or so.

Classes were going well as my routine took hold again. I really am a creature of habit, I suppose. Classes Monday to Friday. Friday night at the cafe with friends. Saturday at the pub with friends. Sunday brunch with Matteo and Isabel. Rinse. Repeat.

Fortunately, Matteo wasn't going to let me do that forever. On a Saturday in late September, he insisted that a group of us go out for karaoke, rather than just sit at the pub.

The place we went to was actually pretty cool. There was a large open bar with karaoke for the adventurous and also private rooms for parties. Now, I'm not much of a singer, but after a few glasses of sangria, I was up on the stage.

Our group started to thin out after an hour, as the younger single teachers decided to hit up a club. Matteo got us a private room for the rest of the evening. Before long it was just Matteo, Isabel, Ana, and I.

I had seen Ana a few times since the day we met on the beach. Invariably, whenever Isabel joined Matteo for a night out with us, Ana was with her.

We had talked about various things. It turned out that she was actually 30 and divorced. She had married young and left college at her husband's insistence. She had been studying economics. When her husband lost his job, he became angry at the world and took it out on her, so she left. She'd asked me about working at NASA and what my university was like. She was very pleasant to be around.

I was halfway through butchering a Spanish pop hit that I could somewhat recognize from its endless plays in small shops around town when I realized it was just Ana and I singing.

And her hand was resting on my arm.

I glanced behind me and Matteo shrugged and nodded at Isabel while she just grinned.

Well, okay, I guess.

The evening went on and I became more and more comfortable with Ana being next to me. When Matteo and Isabel belted out some love ballad, Ana and I would sit next to each other. It was loud enough that we really couldn't talk to one another, but I'll admit that it was pleasant when she would lean against me.

At the end of the evening, Isabel insisted that Ana's apartment was nearby and I should walk her home. Real subtle.

After saying goodbye to them, Ana and I set out walking along a maze of streets. She wasn't much shorter than me, 5'8", I'd guess. She wore a lovely forest green dress that was cut just below her knees.

When she wrapped her arm around mine, I made no objection.

We chatted a bit during the walk, about Matteo's awful singing or how nice that day at Calella was. Sometimes we simply walked in silence.

After some turns that I definitely couldn't keep track of, we were at her building.

She let go of my arm and faced me.

"Thanks for walking me home, Mike."

"It's not a problem at all, but you'll have to remind me of the way if I walk you home again."

Smooth, Mike. That was awfully presumptuous.

"I think we can figure that out," she responded.

I smiled at her and before I was even consciously aware of it, I leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. She gently turned her head and our lips met.

It was a brief kiss. We separated and she said softly, "Goodnight," before disappearing into her building. I hailed a cab and made my way home.

In my apartment, I sat on my sofa for several minutes, replaying the night in my head. I stood up and went into my bedroom and pulled out my large travel bag that is brought with me from the States.

I reached inside and pulled out a box. I flipped open the lid and stared at Savy's ring.

I closed the lid and gently put her ring back in my bag. I fell asleep with one question running through my mind, over and over.

Could I let her go?

__________

I didn't call Ana for three days. I felt like shit about it. She wasn't just some random girl I'd met in a bar. She was Isabel's friend and we'd gotten to know each other. She was a perfectly lovely woman... attractive, intelligent, fun.

After my last class of the day, I sat outside of my building on campus and made the call.

"Si?"

"Hey Ana, this is Mike."

"Hi! How are you?"

"I'm doin' alright. You interested in having lunch tomorrow?"

"Sure. One o'clock? The cafe you said you like?"

"Sounds good. I'll see ya then."

"Nos vemos."

I walked back to my apartment and made some quick pasta before camping in front of the TV and watching a movie.

The next day, after my morning classes, I took the relatively long walk to my cafe by the water. I got a table outside and watched boats bobbing in the water until Ana arrived. When she walked up, wearing a teal dress that was very flattering, I stood up and she gave me a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. The waitress took our orders and we chatted about work and classes while we waited for coffee and sandwiches.

After our lunch arrived, Ana spoke up.

"I was hoping you would call."

"Ah, yeah... sorry I waited so long."

"It's okay. I'm not the kind of woman that demands a man be at her service at all times. Just sometimes..." She grinned at me, letting me know that she was teasing.

I chuckled nervously.

"Are you okay, Mike?"

"I... uh... I don't know." Come on, Mike, spit it out. "I just... I hope I haven't lead you on or made you uncomfortable."

"No. Not at all. You're okay."

"Um... I just... I'm not sure that I'm... uh... ready for a... relationship." Smooth, dickhead.

She chuckled.

"Mike, I know..." She emphasized the 'know'. "... that you're not ready for a relationship. It's okay. I've been there. I'm not looking to get married. I enjoy spending time with you. I think you're a nice guy who's had his heart broken. I think you need friends and I'd be very happy to be your friend."

She paused and took a sip of coffee while I munched on my sandwich.

"And, if you wanted to walk me home at night, that'd be okay, too."

I looked up and she was smiling at me.

We sat quietly for a few minutes while we ate our lunches and watched the sea. There I was sitting at a table next to the Mediterranean Sea, across from a beautiful Spanish woman who had just told me that she enjoyed spending time with me and was completely cool with my fucked up emotional state.

Strange path this life had me on.

After I paid the check, we stood together and walked briefly along the road between the various shops and the beach before she had to catch the bus back to her bank. When she said goodbye to me, she gave me a kiss on the cheek, longer than the peck when we'd met at the cafe.

"You're okay, Mike."

I sighed and she was gone on the next bus.

The next time I saw Ana was Friday night, with Matteo and Isabel at the cafe. Ana sat next to me and scooted her chair closer to mine. I put my arm around the back of her chair.

Matteo grinned like a damn fool at me and Isabel was beaming. It was a good evening. Just friends sitting around, in a beautiful place, enjoying good company.

For several weeks, that was the path that life put me on. I was good, legitimately good at teaching. Matteo and Isabel, Ana and I spent evenings together. We explored Mataró, even though they had all lived there for years. We sought out new places to sit and watch the Mediterranean and when it became too chilly to sit outside, we looked for new pubs.

Ana and I were comfortable with each other and I was increasingly comfortable with that idea. When she wrapped her arm in mine, it felt more natural and when we sat, I draped my arm around her shoulders. Often, I'd walk her to a cab or sometimes to her building if we had only ventured to one of our more usual spots. We'd talk, we'd hug, and we'd say goodnight. She had been right that day. I was okay.