Mike & Savy Ch. 07

Note to readers: As with all previous odd numbered chapters, this is from Mike's point of view.

*****

I hadn't seen Savy in a year and a half.

I was completely frozen physically, but my mind was racing. Twenty-four hours ago, I had been in Spain. Now, Savy was standing before me.

She was staring at me.

"You left me."

She spoke quietly and her words hit me with incredible force. I was ashamed of myself.

"I shouldn't have."

She stepped further into the kitchen and her hands were gripping the edge of the island's counter.

"You left me."

I felt sick. Her eyes were boring into me. This wasn't where we were supposed to be. I had been as shocked as she was when mom had told us what she did, that Savy wasn't just my adopted sister, she was my half-sister. Yet, it hadn't changed how I felt about her.

And then I saw her ring on my bed. I had given it to her maybe twelve hours before. She was hurting. Why did I leave? Decisions didn't have to be made and final in those hours.

Why was I so stupid? I had gone back to her. Had it been too late? I still wanted to marry her. I still loved her more than life itself.

I had gone back to her. When she had opened the door, she was so frail. She let me hold her. I had her in my arms again and then she was gone. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have expected her to get over what she'd learned about herself, and about us, in such a short period of time? Why did I leave?

I had lost her, because of my own stupidity.

I spent a year and a half avoiding thinking about any of this. I had shut down and then I had flown halfway around the world. I had run away from all of it. I had run away from her.

She was staring at me.

I took a step towards her. She didn't move, but her eyes followed me.

Another step and I was within arm's reach of her.

I rested my hand on top of hers. I watched as her eyes dropped to our hands. She pulled her hand away from me. I could see tears running down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry."

She slapped me. My head jerked to the side under the sting of her hand.

"You don't get to say you're sorry."

Her voice carried a powerful anger that hit with far more force than her hand.

"I blamed myself for you leaving. Now you want to come back and say you're sorry?"

She moved, putting the island between us. I stepped back and leaned heavily on the counter to support myself.

"Savy... I was an idiot. I have no excuses. Can we sit down and talk?"

"What is there to say? What do you want from me? You want to come back and be my brother again? You want me to fall into your arms? You. Left. Me."

I had nothing to say in the face of that truth. I had told her that as soon as she wanted me, I'd be there for her, but I'd failed at that. I had pushed everything onto her. It was a completely unfair thing to do. I had sulked in my own sadness instead of focusing on her and healing... us.

She was shaking her head at me. She turned and was gone.

I listened as she went upstairs and then her door shut.

I went into the living room and slumped onto the sofa, my head in my hands. This is where everything had started, really, that night after graduation when I had come back and we sat up talking until we both fell asleep. This is where everything had crashed to a halt, when mom told us the truth about our family.

I awoke with a start.

It was still dim out, but the sun was slowly rising. I was now working on sporadic sleep during the flight and on the sofa, plus jet lag. I struggled to get to my feet through a dull headache behind my eyes. I shuffled into the kitchen and set about making a pot of coffee. In a few minutes, it was finished brewing. I poured a cup and stepped out onto the sun porch.

The sun was poking through the trees of the backyard now. I went into the yard and sat at the patio table. I was home and yet...

I heard the porch door open behind me and I turned. Mom walked out and sat at the table with me, a cup of coffee in hand. She set down her coffee and rested her hand on mine on the table.

"I'm glad you're home."

"Hi mom."

"Savannah is here. She's not up yet, but she will be soon."

"She came downstairs when I got home last night."

"Oh..."

She obviously wanted to ask me about it, but she just sat quietly.

I sighed. "She hates me."

"Oh, honey. She doesn't hate you. You both had your hearts broken. I'm so sorry about that. And you both did the best you could with what happened. It's just... you haven't seen each other in over a year. You've both had what must feel like an entire lifetime of experiences since then."

"I don't know how to fix this."

"I know. Neither do I. You have to be patient, learn who she has become and let her learn who you have become."

We sat and finished our coffees before she went inside. She came back carrying a tray with two more coffees and a plate with pumpkin bread.

"Tell me about Spain."

Of course I had emailed her while I was there, but I was always scant on details. I asked her to wait for a minute and I went inside to grab my tablet out of my bag before going back out and sitting next to her. I started telling her more of the complete story, walking her through pictures of my university, Matteo and Isabel, my trip to France, and various pictures I'd taken around Mataro.

At one point, there was a picture of a number of us around a table at the pub. Mom immediately noticed that I was next to a woman. Mom noted how beautiful she was and asked me who she was. I sighed and told her it was Ana and that we had been "quite close." She didn't ask any more questions about Ana.

After we finished talking about Spain, it was well into the morning now. I was sure that Savy would be awake. I told mom that I needed to return my rental car and asked if she'd drive with me. She went inside to get ready to go while I grabbed my remaining bags out of the trunk. As I was taking one upstairs, Savy came out of her bedroom. She quickly put her head down and went into the bathroom. I dragged the rest of my things into my bedroom.

Mom and I took my rental car back, chatting casually. I asked her what she had been doing and she filled me in on various work and family friend news. When we got back, it was almost lunch time and she asked me if I'd fire up the grill.

While I was making hamburgers, mom set out various sides and drinks on the table. When I'd finished, mom poked her head inside and yelled, "Savannah, lunch!"

Savy came down and fixed her lunch in silence.

Mom spoke first, "Are you going to sit with us?"

Savy responded, "I'm talking with Josh," and disappeared back inside.

I stared at mom.

"Honey, Josh is Savannah's... boyfriend."

I couldn't breathe. I had absolutely no right to say anything or even feel anything about this news, not after I'd left her and certainly not knowing that just a few days ago, I had been sitting watching the sunrise with Ana. Yet, it still felt like a knife had just been shoved into my side. While I had been avoiding everything, she had... moved on.

All I could say was, "Oh."

I finished eating and told mom I'd mow the grass for her. This time of year, the temperature warms rapidly through the day, especially in the sun. Before long I was sweating profusely. After I'd finished mowing, I grabbed the weed whacker and set to doing trim work.

By mid afternoon, I was done with that. I couldn't stop. I had to keep busy. I started grabbing various branches and debris that had gathered up against the fence, dragging it into a pile near our fire pit. By the time the sun was setting, I was exhausted and covered with various nicks and bruises.

I was taking a brief rest, but intended on continuing, when mom walked up next to me. She had a look of sadness on her face that hurt me.

"Honey, it's going to be okay. Come eat."

I threw one last branch onto the pile and walked back towards the house. I sat outside to eat, partly because I smelled absolutely horrendous, but mostly because I knew Savy didn't want me around. After I finished eating, I went inside. Savy and mom were sitting in the living room watching the Orioles. I went in and kissed mom on the forehead, then said I'd be going upstairs to shower and take care of some emails about possibly going back to my old company. I said goodnight to nobody in particular, but only mom responded.

The following day, I was in the kitchen when I heard Savy say goodbye to mom and that she'd be back from the beach in the evening. I just put my head down and prepared for the day.

Since I'd sold my old Toyota before moving to Spain, I needed to get a car. Mom and I drove into town and went to the same used car dealership we'd gotten my Toyota at years ago. Without too much hassle, I settled on a price with the salesman for a six year old pickup. I'd always wanted something a little more rugged and I was okay on money, so it wasn't a stretch of my budget.

I was going to follow mom home, but I stopped on the way and bought some supplies. Mom had wanted a walkway from the garage to the back patio for years. I loaded up my truck with stone pavers and sand before going back to the house.

I told mom my plan and she smiled, but looked concerned. I set to work. It took the rest of the day to strip the grass and dig down a few inches for the base. By the time it was too dark to keep working, I was exhausted again.

Savy came home a bit after sunset. I sat on the sun porch listening to the O's game while she and mom stayed inside. I closed my eyes and remembered back to that summer two years ago, when Savy and I barely spent a moment apart. I could still see her so clearly, smiling.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and mom was telling me the game was over. I went upstairs and took a quick shower before going to bed. When I walked past Savy's door, it was closed, but I could see light leaking out. I closed my eyes and sighed, then went into my room and closed my door.

Another day and I was back outside. This work was harder, laying the base and then carrying the stones. I was completely lost in my own world, when I heard Savy.

"Mike."

I stood up and faced her. That pain shot through me again. She was staring straight at me, but without the smile that I had lived for, or any emotion at all. Her face was completely blank.

"You need water."

She set a large plastic cup on the patio table.

"Thanks."

She was gone.

I took a long drink and then went back to work. By the end of the day, I was about 2/3 of the way done. Again, I ate dinner outside. Mom came out and sat with me, though. Savy didn't. After we ate, I helped mom clean up. She thanked me for everything I was doing around the house, but said I didn't have to kill myself. I told her that on the weekend, I'd be driving up to see Jeff and Mia, but I wanted to make sure the house was in good shape before I had to move back to the DC area.

When Saturday did roll around, I tossed an overnight bag into my truck and hit the road. A few hours later and I was pulling up to Jeff and Mia's new townhouse. I knocked on their door and Mia answered. She gave me a hug and welcomed me inside. Jeff was upstairs and gave me a quick hug, too.

After getting situated out on the back deck, Jeff started, "It's good to have you back, Mike."

Mia chipped in, "We really missed you. It just hasn't been the same."

And then I noticed it, Mia had a ring on her finger.

"You guys are engaged! Why didn't you tell me?"

Jeff laughed. "Well, it's pretty much a formality at this point, right?"

Mia taunted him. "It took you five damn years to propose!"

"When did this happen?"

Mia answered, "Earlier this spring. We wanted to tell you in person, especially because..."

Jeff finished, "... the wedding is in August and we want you to be my best man."

"Well... of course I will!"

This was great. I'd known Jeff and Mia would be together forever from the very first date. It just took 'em a while to make it official.

We stayed up half the night, them filling me in on various wedding details along with everything else they'd only covered superficially in emails. I gave them the full story of Spain.

Finally, Jeff asked, "Have you seen her?"

I knew exactly who he was talking about. "Yeah, she's at home for June with mom."

Mia quietly whispered, "What happened?"

I told them everything. Mia looked like she was about to cry. Jeff just sat in silence with a grim look on his face.

"It's my fault. I don't blame her for any of it." I sighed deeply. "It is what it is at this point. It's hard when you know you've let something get away..."

Jeff spoke up, "She'll forgive you some day. Before any of this happened, she was your sister and your friend. She's a good person and you two will get back to that."

It hurt to think that was the best case scenario.

We talked a bit longer before Mia showed me to the guest room and we turned in for the night. The next morning, Jeff and I were sitting around having coffee when he asked what I was going to do about work. I told him that it looked like I'd be able to go back to my old company and stay at Goddard, it would just be a more entry level position. Still, that was fine. I was grateful that I could do that much.

We hung out for the day before I took off to go back to Salisbury. The drive felt longer than any I had ever taken. I got back relatively late and after a quick chat with mom, I went to bed.

The next week was pretty much the same. I gave Savy space and mostly worked myself to exhaustion during the day before crashing and going to bed early. Still being on Spain time helped a bit. Savy mostly stayed inside or went out with her friends or mom. I would catch glimpses of her and my heart would break every time.

I got word from my company that, thanks to a contract mod, I could start in two weeks. I had to find a place to live, though Jeff said I was more than welcome to stay with them while I looked. I didn't want to intrude as they were getting closer to their wedding day, so I made several trips to the area to look for apartments. I eventually settled on a one bedroom in Bowie. It would still be a reasonable drive to work and prices were a bit cheaper than closer in to College Park.

On the day I left home, mom sat down next to me outside and told me how much she loved me and how she knew everything would eventually work itself out. As I threw the last of my things in my truck, I saw Savy standing on the front porch. I watched as she slowly walked towards me. My heart started pounding against my chest.

When she reached me, her face softened for the first time since I'd been home. I wouldn't say there was an upturn of her mouth, certainly not a smile, but it softened just the tiniest amount.

"Good luck, Mike."

I wanted to cry, for everything I had lost and for everything that could have been.

"Thanks, Savy."

I got in my truck and crossed the bridge as the sun set in front of me.

It was dark when I got to my apartment and I unloaded my limited possessions. It was tremendously empty, the same way I'd lived before Savy and I got together. I said out loud to myself, "Fucking hell, Mike. You've gotta stop that." I couldn't keep comparing everything in my life to when we'd been together. It'd been a lot easier to distract myself from those thoughts when I was in Spain. Now, I had to learn to deal with it.

Over the next few days, I set about building my life anew again. I wasn't going to live without living, the way I had. I properly furnished my apartment with a bed, desk, sofa, coffee table, dining table, and various other things. That did put a bit of a dent in my finances, but I'd make it through until my first paycheck came in.

On my first day back, I spent the morning mostly getting introduced to the new team I'd be on. After lunch, a friendly and familiar face dropped by. Amy, my original civil servant, said that she'd heard I was back. We talked for a bit about how her program was going and how my year in Spain was. Before heading out the door, she said that she couldn't promise anything, but she'd do everything she could to get me back on her program. I was deeply appreciative that she kept that much faith in me, even after I'd left.

And that's how it was. Maybe I didn't get out of my apartment for things other than work as much as I should, but at least it wasn't because I was avoiding things. Still, I spent quite a bit of time with Jeff and Mia, as well as some of the guys as we planned Jeff's bachelor party. Of course, Jack Daniels wanted a stripper, telling Jeff, "You've been with Mia so long and are getting married, I don't want you forgetting what other women's tits look like!" Jeff firmly put a stop to that.

We ended up settling on a long weekend at the Outer Banks in a large house a block from the beach. It was a solid outing, with football on the beach during the day and bars at night. When we got back to Maryland, I dropped Jeff off at his townhouse with a simple, "Congrats, man. I'll see you on Friday."

After a short week of work, Jeff came over to spend the night before his wedding, away from Mia. We had a good conversation that night, reminiscing about a lot of times in college together. I made sure he got to sleep early enough that Mia wouldn't kill me for him having bags under his eyes on their wedding day.

We got up the next morning and had plenty of time to take it easy before having to get to the chapel on Maryland's campus. Before long, we were in our tuxedos and ready to step up for the ceremony. I gave him a handshake and a hug, then we walked out and waited at the altar, along with his two brothers.

I scanned the crowd and then... it was her.

I shouldn't have been surprised. Jeff and Mia had cared about Savy and had taken care of her. Of course she would be at their wedding. In fact, I guess I was a bit surprised that she wasn't one of Mia's bridesmaids. I could barely see her between the faces of other guests, as she sat in the third row.

She was so beautiful. Her hair was down, but pulled back with braids and clips. I'd be hard-pressed to describe it, other than to say it was complex and very attractive. And she was smiling, laughing even. I looked beside her and she was sitting next to a young man. That's who she was smiling and laughing with. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

And then she made eye contact with me. Her eyes focused on me and froze. Her smile left her face. I felt like my tie was strangling me and my mouth went dry.

And then music, "Canon in D".

I immediately snapped to. This day wasn't about me or anything I was going through. I turned and made eye contact with Jeff and nodded at him, smiling.

We turned to look down the aisle and after the flower girl started, Mia came into view. She was gorgeous and radiant, wearing a slim satin dress that flared around her feet. It was elegantly simple.

The ceremony wasn't long. Jeff and Mia's vows were written from their hearts and, of course, both of their mothers were crying. I think I even saw Jeff's dad shed a tear. When I was asked for Mia's ring, I briefly reached for the wrong pocket, setting off a round of chuckles before getting the ring into Jeff's hand.

And then they were down the aisle and we were all off to the reception while they posed for pictures at various places around campus. It gave me time to get to the reception hall early and make sure everything was situated in both the hall itself and in their back preparation room.

Guests started filtering in as I scurried about.

I froze when I saw Savy walk in, nearly dropping a glass I was holding. She was stunning in every way. I hadn't been able to see at the ceremony, but she was wearing a spectacular mint green dress. It was perfectly fitted for her body and floor length. She appeared to be gliding as she walked, her dress shimmering as light hit her at varying angles.