Milk and Cookies

"Do you hate Mom? For leaving you?"

I shook my head. "No, I never hated your Mom. I was angry with her. I was hurt by her. But I always loved her, and I love her now... and I know that she doesn't love me..." and I gave a ragged sigh. "... and, I've learned to accept that." I paused, and listened to the pumps and the water for a while. "I wish it could have been different. I take pictures of these gorgeous girls all day, and then, at night..." I shrugged. "I'm alone. And I hate that. But... sometimes you just take what you've got." I shrugged. "It could be worse."

There was a pause. Then, "I know you made your money doing pornography." It wasn't an accusation; just a statement.

I took a breath. "I never tried to hide the fact. I was always a good portrait photographer; I could get the lighting perfect, get the exact pose, the exact angle, the exact look... my stuff was good. But the department stores destroyed the child and family portrait market, and I had the three of us to take care of, and one day I got asked... and it turned into a career. I did pretty well, during the 80's and 90's, but now... the market's changed. No one cares about quality anymore. It's all digital this, and webcam that, and...stuff I don't even want to talk about." I took a deep breath. "But, maybe it doesn't matter. The house is paid for, you're raised... maybe I should just retire."

"Dad, it sounds like you're giving up." I couldn't see her face; but the tone of her voice carried concern. I took a deep breath.

"Well, not exactly giving up," I said. "More like slowing down. The game has changed, Tia." I spent a moment reminiscing. "When I first got into the game, we were shooting 4X5 Ektachrome transparencies, and we had an art department, we had a prop room... it was professional. Every shot was laid out in advance, we had time to get the lighting perfect... and we treated the girls like gold. We made them into goddesses; we didn't even show pubic hair. We created an illusion of perfection."

I wet my lips, thinking back to the first days of my career. "But then, the crap mags started showing pubic hair, and then cocks, and then sex, and then closeups, and all the beauty and elegance went right out the window. It was a race to the bottom, to see who could be the most disgusting. And the money disappeared; so we started moving to smaller film formats, and the art department got outsourced, the props got thrown out... everything went to crap."

I paused for a moment. "Tia, I think I'm a romantic. I like to think that there's more to sex then sweat, semen and spit. I think a model should have a connection with the viewer; or in a two person shoot, the models should have a genuine love for each other. You should see it in their eyes. But now... it's all grunting, shoving, panting and screaming. And I hate it."

"But you do it."

I shrugged. "Yeah, I do it. Have to put gas in the car, food on the table, pay the utilities... stuff like that. I did a shoot earlier tonight for Shattered - they do bondage stuff; nipple clamps, pussy pumps, handcuffs, boob ties... your standard domination stuff. But I... I'm just going through the motions, Tia. I still want to create art... but the world just wants to see naked women being hurt or frightened, and girls getting semen shot all over their face." I thought for a moment. "I guess the market moved away from me, and I didn't follow it."

So I listened to the aerator bubble for a while... and then I remembered the hostages. "Tia, could you pass me a cookie?" I had no idea where she'd put them, but I knew that she'd know. "And my glass of milk, if you could."

Tia said, "Sure, Dad. They're right over here, behind us. Just let me reach..." and a few seconds later there was a glass of milk and a cookie hovering in front of me. "There ya go!" And I took them. And I'd seen something else...

My eyes had been adjusting to the extremely dim light, and I could now make out vague details. And when Tia turned around and reached over the tub wall... well, it was pretty clear. "Tia, you're not wearing a swimsuit."

She laughed quietly, like a wind chime on a gentle day. "Dad, it doesn't matter. It's pitch black, no one can see us, we're under water... and it's not like I asked your permission. Just go with the flow."

I sighed. It wasn't the naked tits that bothered me; I did that for a living. It was... well, it was Tia. My daughter. And I found myself struggling with old sensibilities, notions of what was proper or decent.

"Honey... I'd be a lot more comfortable if you had a suit on."

"Can't," she said tartly. "Don't own one. But if it's such a big deal for you... well, I'll pick one up tomorrow. Until then, you'll just have to pretend, or cover your eyes, or something."

So, I thought about that. "It's almost pitch black out here... which is about the same as closing my eyes. So I guess I can live with it for right now. But please, Honey - pick up a suit tomorrow. Okay?"

"Okay, Dad." She settled down in the water, and for a long time there was nothing but the bubbling of the aerator, and the distant chirping of the crickets.

Then Tia spoke. "Hey, got a question for you. How do nudists do it?"

My eyes opened a bit. "Do what?"

Tia laughed. "Cope with being naked in front of each other. Families, strangers... they just let it all hang out, and they don't worry about it. How come it doesn't bother them?"

I was taken aback. "Honey... I don't know. Different societal norms, different beliefs, maybe being raised that way from childhood... I don't know."

"But at some point, somewhere along the line, somebody had to get naked in front of somebody, for the first time. I mean, not counting sex. Just getting naked for the freedom of it. Right?" She was probing.

I shrugged helplessly. "I guess so."

"So for us, there'd also have to be a first time. Right?"

I sighed. "Tia, I'm just not comfortable with your being naked around me. I don't want that. Can we just - let that be?"

"We could, Dad." She shifted a bit in the tub. "But it just seems odd to me that you have no problem with these girls - some of them total strangers - getting naked in front of you every day... but you won't extend that same level of comfort and relaxation to someone you care about. Someone like me, for example."

Tia sat up and stretched, her beautiful breasts emerging like ghostly globes from the water. "Dad, I like being nude. I like being free. And I love it when people look at me, because it makes me feel beautiful. So please... don't make me wear a suit. Just let me be me, and don't make a fuss." She turned and looked at me, resting her arm on the lip of the tub, both breasts completely out of the water. "Please?"

I sighed. "Honey, let me think on that one. Maybe it makes logical sense, but I don't know if I'm ready to make the emotional leap. Let's talk on that one tomorrow, okay?"

She looked at me, with a big ghostly grin on her face. "I know you'll see it my way!" And she reached over, wrapped her arms around my neck, and gave me a big hug. And although I couldn't see them, I could certainly feel those full, womanly breasts pressed hard against my arm and chest. I caught my breath - this was something I hadn't felt for many years. It was more than the nakedness; it was her desire to be close to me, to touch me, to hug me... while being naked. I suddenly felt loved, and cared about... and more turned on than I'd been in an awfully long time.

Tia pushed back suddenly, the starlight making the water in her hair glisten, a beautiful smile cresting that beautiful face. "Dad, I love you. I'm gonna head for bed now, and get some rest; we can sort everything out in the morning. We're adults, and we ought to be able to figure this one out." She gave me a quick kiss on the forehead. "Love ya!" And she climbed out of the tub, a total splendor of ghostly, naked elegance, water coursing down her lithe frame and dripping from her beautiful breasts. She wrapped a towel around her and, leaving a trail of wet footprints, disappeared into the house.

And later on, in bed, I spent a lot of time staring at the ceiling.

Tia's case was logically correct; if I could have other naked young women around me, particularly doing porn shoots, I ought not to have a problem with my daughter also being nude.

But it felt like it ought to make a difference; and eventually, I figured it out.

Tia was an adult; an independent, completely launched, fully functional human being. But I hadn't got my head around that concept; in my brain, she was still my child, my baby. So Tia was seeing me as an adult, but I was still seeing her as a child. And as my child, I didn't want to have sex with her; I wanted to protect her, nourish her and keep her safe.

Except... I twisted uncomfortably. Because I actually did want to have sex with her. When she'd hugged me in the hot tub, I'd suddenly felt cared about, for the first time in... an awfully long time. It brought my attention back to a wound that had hurt for so long, that I'd blocked it out; the truth was, I didn't feel loved, or necessary, or important. To anyone. And suddenly, I was all of those things... and in some bizarre fashion, that translated into a ferocious desire to have sex with Tia. There was no question; just the thought of it left me feeling important, and energized, and alive.

And then I had to remind myself that Tia had never mentioned sex; what she was pushing for was nudity, and nothing else. At which point I felt a bit let down... and I calmed down.

Okay. Casual nudity would be okay. As for the rest... that would stay inside my head. And finally, I was able to take a deep breath, relax, and drift into a deep sleep.

I woke up to the sound of the shower running. Yawning, I swung my feet out over the side of the bed and rubbed my face; and then I remembered that Tia was here. Fair enough. Couldn't run water with the shower running, or Tia would freeze; so I just threw some clothes on, and gave my face a quick rub with the electric razor. Tried to remember my appointments... and if I was remembering the day correctly, my schedule was clear. When I finished dressing Tia was still in the shower, so I decided to throw some breakfast together for both of us.

I was just finishing a couple of smoked ham and three-cheese omelets for us when I heard the shower turn off; so that gave me just enough time to get some orange juice ready. I dumped a can of frozen juice into the blender, followed it up with a handful of ice cubes and some water, and cranked it up to max. It made a racket, but it was worth it; the ice cubes chilled the juice down to near freezing, and thickened it as well.

And with all the noise from the blender, I never heard Tia padding down the hall; I just turned around with the jar of juice in my hand and there she was, perky and happy, with a towel wrapped around her neck. She'd positioned it so that it concealed her breasts; but it only reached down about half way to her navel. Below that it was pure Tia, and nothing else.

So I just stood there with my moth open, holding a blender jar full of juice. Tia seized the initiative and ran over, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"You made us breakfast!" she squealed, her eyes bright and her smile dazzling. She kissed my neck. "Oh, I love your omelets. And juice! Dad... this is such a way cool breakfast! Come on, let's get organized."

And she turned away from me and started rummaging busily through my upper kitchen cabinets. "You used to have big juice glasses... oh, here they are!" She reached up and stretched, and the towel fell away from her breasts, leaving the sides and bottom well exposed. And I couldn't help but notice... she had a helluva nice ass. Round, muscular, perky... perfect. Just like the rest of her.

And my dick was becoming aware of that fact, as well.

So I turned away, and put the juice jar on the table. Tia had brought the juice glasses, and gone back for plates and cutlery; so I got the omelets and slid them onto the plates. We sat down, and Tia dug in; she took her first bite and closed her eyes, a blissful smile creasing her face.

"Dad, these are so Good! Why did you ever become a photographer? You could have been a Chef!" Tia focused completely on her omelet, as the melted cheese slowly oozed out of the interior and mingled with the fragrant eggs and ham.

I shrugged. "I probably would have made more money as a Chef... but I love photography. And I've always felt that you should do what you love."

"Umph. Oh, so good." Tia took a sip of the iced orange juice, letting the crisp tartness of the juice swirl around and mingle with the taste of the omelet. She swallowed, and with her eyes closed she took a deep breath, and smiled. "And fragrant, and rich... Dad, these are better than any omelet I've ever had. What's in these!?"

I smiled. "Farm fresh eggs from the co-op, some thick cream, some cream cheese, some butter, tiny bit of sugar, some vanilla... just a bunch of things. I'll print out my recipe for you, if you'd like."

"Nope. Gonna be on the road, won't be able to cook. Besides, I couldn't make these as well as you can. I'm just gonna let you be the chef, and I'll just visit whenever I want an omelet!" She gave me her favorite pixie smile, and giggled.

Eventually we finished breakfast; I started moving stuff to the sink and fridge, and Tia gave me a hand. She was naked except for the towel, and with Tia moving so quickly the towel provided little coverage. Eventually we finished, and I pointed at the kitchen table. "Tia, let's just sit down for a while. There's some stuff I need to go over with you."

So we sat down, Tia still with her breasts technically covered, a serious look on her face.

I looked down, and pursed my lips. "Tia, I thought about what we talked about last night - your wanting to be nude around the house." I paused. "It's difficult for me, but I'm going to be okay with it. But there's a catch: you gotta promise me that you won't be rubbing up against me, brushing against me, giving me big hugs... stuff like that. If we can maintain some physical separation, then... I'm going to work at being okay with it."

Tia looked at me solemnly. "But I can still hug you, as long as I have clothes on, right?"

I gulped. "Yes... normal, daughter-father hugs. Not sexy hugs." I stared down at the table. "Tia... I don't want our relationship to become sexualized. I love being your Dad, and I don't think I can do a good job of that if I'm wanting to have sex with you. And being hugged by you when you're naked... it's too much for me, Tia. You've gotta help me on this one. No naked hugs."

Tia looked at me intently, and then stood up. "Wait right here, Dad - I'll be right back." And she turned around and padded down the hall, that pert little tush flicking rapidly back and forth.

A few minutes later, she came back wearing a loose fitting sweater and some formless, unflattering jogging pants. "I'm trying to dress conservatively right now. Is this conservative enough? No sirens going off in your brain?"

I looked at her, and shook my head. "No, you're dressed just fine. No sirens."

"Good. Dad, stand up, please."

So I stood up, not knowing what to expect; and Tia came and wrapped her arms around me tightly, hugging me close to her. She had her head buried against my chest. "Dad, I want to be nude... I love being nude. But I love you even more than that. So I promise you that every time I want to hug you, I'll go get dressed first. And that will be hard, cause I want to hug you a lot. But Dad, you're so important to me that I absolutely will change my world, so that it doesn't hurt yours."

And she kept holding me, and rocking me gently... and after a while, I put my hands around her, and hugged her back. She sighed, and relaxed against me... and I really felt that I had a reason to live. Finally, I was important in someone's life.

A long time later, we parted; and she looked at me, her eyes glistening. "I love you so much, Dad. But listen... Umph. Let me gather my thoughts." She paused for a moment, blinked a few times, and continued. "I... ummm... I originally wanted to get some feedback from you regarding my future plans. I'm on holiday right now, but I can't spend the rest of my life doing that. So can we go sit down and talk in the living room? I need your opinion on some things."

So I followed her into the living room; she sat down in my overstuffed recliner, and I sat down on the loveseat beside it. She began.

"Dad, I'm trying to make a decision about University, and I don't really know what I want to do. I thought about engineering, but math really isn't my strong point. So I was thinking about something in health sciences - a nurse, or a doctor, or a dentist maybe. What do you think?"

I spread my hands. "Tia, those are all good careers... but you should only do the thing that you really like doing, that you're drawn to do. Do any of those careers really interest you?"

Tia pursed her lips. "I don't know."

"Well, how about the library, or the internet?" I continued. "There must be a ton of material on all of those career paths. Would reading about them or watching YouTube videos about them help you clarify what you wanted to do?"

Somewhat disinterestedly, Tia said "It might." Then she looked up at me. "But the real kicker is the cost of getting the education. Dad, my marks are good enough that I can qualify for just about any school in the country... but I can't afford the tuition to any of them. And I don't know what I want to do anyway, so it doesn't make sense to me to get a huge student loan just to get an education in something I find I don't really like."

Tia took a breath. "Remember you said that I should always do the thing that I really like doing? Well, there is one thing that I really like doing. I love posing nude, Dad. And I can make good money as a model, while I figure out what I want to do at University. In a couple of years, I'll have socked away a decent amount of money; maybe enough to pay for an education outright, and if not... certainly enough to make a student loan much more manageable."

"So, that's what I wanted to talk to you about, Dad. Will you help me become a nude model?"

I just sat there, unmoving, with my mouth open. I absolutely hadn't seen this one coming.

I closed my mouth, took a gulp, opened it, closed it again. Took a deep breath, and ran my hand through my hair. "Honey... what is it that really draws you to nude modeling? For example, if we took the money out of the equation, would you still do it?"

Tia paused, and considered. "I probably would, but on a low key level, doing some art stuff." She smiled. "Dad, I can't help it. I just love being nude. I love the look on guys faces when they see my naked body. It makes me feel so good, so alive. So... yes, I would pose nude, even if there were no money in it."

"Okay." I took another deep breath. "Tia, tell me what you see yourself doing in this imaginary porn career. Do you want to do just print material, or videos? Do you want to go on the stripper circuit? Do you want to have a web cam site? Give me some feedback on where you'd like to take this potential career."

Tia sat forward. "Definitely print material. I'd do some video work, if it was safe; I don't want to risk any diseases or anything like that, so maybe some masturbation stuff, some strip tease... maybe with a girl. Have to think about that. I love the idea of being a stripper; being naked under spotlights in front of hundreds of guys... that is such a turn on for me. Web cam work... dunno; depends on what it pays."

I raised my finger. "And there is the relevant point: getting paid." I pointed around the house. "Look around. It's an okay house; I've kept it in good repair. But it's not a mansion; it's by no means special. It's just a house. And you could say the same thing about my car, and my clothes, and the rest of my life."