Molly & Marilyn & Me Ch. 03

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but Marilyn is using diet pills to maintain her weight. They contain a dangerous substance that could harm her. They also have nasty side effects. I've warned her and told her of the consequences, but she seems to be dependent upon them."

"Oh, no! Are they addictive?" Margaret asked with a frightened look.

"No ... I don't think so. However, she is so obsessed with her weight that she depends on them when she can't eat properly or get regular exercise. When I was with her in Seattle, she ate a big steak dinner with baked potato and a big salad. She ate everything. She ate as if she hadn't eaten in a week. Maybe she hadn't," I frowned.

"Where is she getting these pills?" Walter asked.

"Her employer is giving them to her. That's illegal, as I understand it. But it's happening. I wish I knew what to do about it," I groaned.

"I'll leave a message for her tonight," Walter said quietly.

"She may be home tonight," I said. "She said something about being home for a day before leaving again. It's about ten o'clock in Chicago. Do you want to try?" I asked.

"Yes, let's try right now," Margaret said, moving quickly to the phone.

She punched in the numbers and I waited as the phone rang. Inevitably, it went to voice mail. I could see the look of frustration on her face.

"Marilyn, it's your mother. Please call us. Your father and I are quite worried. We haven't spoken to you in a long time. Please call." She hung up the phone and turned to me.

"Let's see what happens. We'll call you when we've talked to her," she promised.

"Thank you. You've been so supportive. I feel like I'm one of the family ... even though ... I wish it were under better circumstances. If ... when you talk to Marilyn, please give her my love."

They walked me to the door and I left, feeling no better than before. I had not made Marilyn's parents feel any better. In fact, now that they knew my concerns, they were quite upset, and that was my doing. I wondered if I hadn't made a bad situation worse.

Walter Lee called me on Friday evening. They had heard from Marilyn.

"She called this afternoon. She wasn't home ... I think she said she was in San Antonio. She apologized for not calling more often but gave us the usual excuse ... always on the go ... very busy. I'm afraid her mother wasn't very charitable toward her. She suggested she was more interested in her career than her family and that it didn't take that much out of her schedule to make a ten minute phone call. She didn't react very well, telling us that we didn't understand and shouldn't be so demanding.

"I asked her about the pills and she got very upset. She swore and I've never heard her do that ... ever. She guessed you told us and she was extremely angry and said it was none of our business. It was her life and she was going to live it her way. Then she hung up. She didn't even say goodbye. Margaret was in tears and I felt terrible. We'd never had an argument like that with her before ... ever!"

"I'm very sorry, Walter. I didn't want that to happen. I should never have said anything about the pills," I said regretfully.

"No ... no ... you did the right thing. I would have been much more upset if you hadn't. I wanted her to know we knew and that we didn't approve. For all the good it will do, she can't say we didn't tell her how we felt. I just hope she thinks about what she is doing to herself before ... before it's too late."

"I do too, Walter. Please give my best to Margaret. We'll keep our fingers crossed and see what happens. Maybe she'll be embarrassed about what she said to you and call to apologize. I hope so. Thank you for calling. Please stay in touch."

"You too, Tory. I wish there were better news, but ... well ... as you say, we'll keep our fingers crossed.

I hung up the phone. Things were getting worse. I couldn't imagine Marilyn swearing at her parents, much less hanging up on them. That wasn't the real Marilyn, I knew that for sure. What could I do to help restore the woman I loved? I couldn't think of a thing.

-0-

I continued my preparations for starting my business. I went to the printers for letterhead and envelopes, as well as business cards. When I looked at the proofs before printing, I wondered if I had made a mistake. Was I dreaming? I chose the name Maritor Designs. Guess where that came from? Wishful thinking? I suppose so. At least it was a unique and memorable name.

I would be working out of my house, but my cell phone would be my business phone. I already had a high-speed connection to the internet, so there was little to do but set up an e-mail address and created a website. I thought about creating my own website from the many templates available, but decided I wanted something specific to the business. I contacted a local web developer and he was able to give me exactly what I wanted at a very reasonable price.

Christmas and New Years came and went in a flash. I was on my own. I informed all my current and former customers of my move as well as the architectural and engineering firms I was in contact with. I made sure to acknowledge Redekop Lumber as my principal source for materials. There was some business lined up, ready to go in January, so I was off and running. I felt pretty good about my prospects.

I gave up on my afternoon pint at the pub. There just wasn't time for it. However, come hell or high water, I wasn't sacrificing my Saturday lunch. It was virtually my only recreation some weeks.

By early February, I was getting settled in. There was enough new business to provide me with an adequate income and I could see some nice opportunities on the horizon in the form of larger projects from my contacts in the architectural community. I was feeling good about my decision and Jerry wasn't suffering from any loss of business either.

I was sitting at my usual table in the Pickled Pumpkin that weekend, enjoying a nice steamed, smoked-meat sandwich on rye with hot mustard, a big dill pickle, and a side of coleslaw. Of course, my trusty pint of dark ale was handy. I stopped watching the hockey game when the period ended and my nose was down in the sandwich when I became aware of someone standing in front of my table. I looked up and I nearly choked on my food.

I didn't know whether I was hallucinating or not, but I could swear, standing in front of me, was an identical twin of Marilyn Lee. This Marilyn had fresh, bright cheeks, clear eyes and a nice, small smile.

"Hi Tory. May I sit down?" she asked quietly.

Now, my mother always told me never to talk with my mouth full and I've lived with that admonition all these years. I just stared at her. At last, I stood and gestured to the open chair, still chewing on the last of the sandwich. I plopped back down in my seat, without taking my eyes off her for one second.

"Hi," I finally managed. I sat and stared at her. I was completely unprepared with no idea what to say. Oh, there was plenty to say all right ... but what?

"I'm glad I found you. I called your house, but when you didn't answer, I thought you might be here," she said. She was being very cautious with me. She was clearly uncertain how I would react.

"Yeah. It's Saturday," I said brilliantly.

"You're surprised to see me," she concluded in a moment of gross understatement.

"Yeah. More like stunned. I thought ... I mean ... I was sure ... you'd never ...," I finally managed, still sounding like the village idiot.

She was shaking her head and there was a rueful look on her face.

"I'm home. I'm not going back to Chicago. I quit my job. I sold my apartment. I retired from that craziness," she said directly.

"You did? Why?"

She breathed a big sigh.

"You were right. I was hurting myself. I didn't want to admit it, but the pills and the long hours and the poor eating habits, they were all catching up to me. I knew I couldn't keep it up much longer.

"When I talked to Mom and Dad and I blew up at them, I knew I was losing it. I felt like hell after that. I couldn't bring myself to call them back. I knew they were right, but I couldn't face admitting it. I needed to look after it myself," she said sadly.

"What did you do?" I was surprised, hoping this was all true.

"Like I said, I knew the pills were part of the problem, so I threw them away. That was step one. Then I went back to your sheet for diet and exercise when travelling. I couldn't follow it completely, but I started eating more regularly. I was packing food with me on the road. I was sleeping better too. I think the pills were keeping me awake."

"Damn right they were. That's what amphetamines do. They're 'uppers,'" I snapped.

She shook her head. "It took me a while to figure it all out, Tory. I guess I didn't want to hear what I didn't want to hear. The job owned me ... not the other way around. I lost control of my life. When I started to make changes, I got some of that control back."

"Not a moment too soon by the sound of it," I said with some force.

"You still sound pretty angry with me."

"Yeah ... I guess I am. I couldn't believe what you were doing to yourself. You weren't the Marilyn I knew and fell in love with. I didn't know you. Even that night in Seattle. That was wonderful and I loved every second I was with you, but it wasn't the real you, was it?"

"I know. I woke up that morning and ... and ... it was like it never happened. I was going back to where I was and I didn't even know why. I never understood that I didn't have to do any of it. If I stayed with you, they would replace me in a heartbeat and no one would notice. God, I wish I had stayed. I've ruined everything, haven't I?" she sniffed as she began to break down.

I reached across the table for her hands and held them tightly.

"Are you truly back? Is the crazy life of Marilyn Lee over with?" I demanded.

"Yes. It's over and I'm glad." The tears trickled slowly down her cheeks.

I could feel something in my gut that told me there was new life here. Another chance? She seemed sincere. Was I willing to try one more time?

"When did you get in?" I asked quietly.

"A couple of hours ago. I dropped my bags off at my parents and then came looking for you."

"Have you made amends with your mom and dad?"

She nodded. "I hurt them, I know. I apologized and told them what I've been telling you. I know they're just relieved and happy to have me home."

"Maybe you should be with them, Marilyn. I can wait," I said, not meaning a word of it.

"No ... Mom said I should find you and grab you and not let you get away," she laughed through her tears. "I think Dad was offering to hold me for you."

"I love your parents. I hope you do too," I smiled.

She nodded.

"So what comes next?" I asked, wondering exactly that.

"Whatever you want, Tory. I just want to be with you. I've made some terrible decisions, and I've hurt the people I love most. I need to make it up to them. I hope I can," she said with a tearful, wrinkled smile.

"I want to believe you, Marilyn. I want to believe you more than anything I can think of. But ... I guess I'm a bit gun-shy. After that Sunday morning in Seattle ... I can't handle another one of those," I said quietly.

"I will never do that to you again, Tory. I hated myself afterwards. I spent that whole flight to Chicago angry with myself for treating you that way. I don't know how to say it except that I'm sorry and I will never do anything like that again. Not to you ... not to anyone." She was unequivocal in her pledge.

I sat back in my chair, desperately wanting to trust her. No matter what she promised, it would be up to me to decide. Was I willing to take the risk? What would I gain if she was sincere, and what would I lose if it was another empty promise?

The silence between us was deafening. I was staring at her and she was returning my gaze with unflinching steadiness. I would have to take a chance. It was the only possible way for me to win.

"I can't think of a better way to spend a Saturday afternoon than with you," I murmured finally.

I heard her breath escape as I announced my choice. She was rising from her chair with a look of confusion mixed with excitement. I think I was smiling. At least, I hope I was.

I stood, dropped a twenty on the table, took Marilyn's hand and led her out of the pub. As we exited the door, I turned to her, gathered her in my arms and kissed her with all the suppressed emotions I was carrying around in me. I got very nice response from one very beautiful lady. I guess we gave the patrons on that side of the pub quite a show, but neither of us cared.

I held the car door for her and she slipped in. We drove toward my home. I didn't rush. The last thing I wanted to do was rush. I was desperately trying to get a grip on my emotions. I was excited and yet, still wary. I found myself looking over at her frequently, trying to read her expression. All I could see was the smile. It wasn't faint, it was pronounced. I began to feel more confident.

In a moment of cheekiness, I pulled out my cell and asked Marilyn for her parent's home number.

"Walter, its Tory Payne. I have your daughter with me. I've been thinking of holding her hostage until she completes her apology for her naughty behavior." I looked over at Marilyn and flashed a big fake grin.

"Oh ... well Tory ... I expected that. Would you like to drop by the house and pick up her clothes? It might take her a while to get through that apology."

"That's an excellent suggestion, sir. We will be there shortly," I laughed, signing off.

"Your father is now an accomplice in my hostage taking," I smirked with a raised eyebrow.

"God it's good to see you laugh, Tory. I've missed that. I've missed you. I've missed so much." She looked out the window with downcast eyes.

"Well, we have lots of time to fix all that." I was beginning to believe that I was close to gaining what I always wanted. I hoped and prayed it wouldn't be snatched away again.

We arrived at the Lee home and they were waiting at the entrance with the door open.

"Hi ... I'm back. I need some clothes for my imprisonment," she giggled.

"Hold it ... I didn't say anything about prison. It's merely protective custody with a price tag. You have to do penance for your misbehavior." We were having a bit of fun and I could see the relieved looks on the faces of Margaret and Walter. It was good to be able to smile about their daughter again. It was even better that they trusted me and knew I would look after her.

I grabbed her roll-away and carry-on as she hugged her parents. Big smiles all around.

"See you tomorrow," Marilyn said. "Tory told me I could have a day off for good behavior," she grinned.

"I won't ask what good behavior entails," her father said. Her mother was smiling, despite the odd tear.

We hurried down the walk, put the bags in my trunk and left for home.

We needed to put some old ghosts to rest, and there was a nervousness about it that wasn't present before. I was still harboring doubt about whether this was real or another prelude to disappointment. To me, Marilyn was still a mystery.

That background of caution and my insecure anxieties didn't help us at all. I fumbled with her clothing and my own as well. I was visibly trembling as we embraced in our nakedness. She noticed it, of course.

"What's the matter, Tory? You're shaking like a leaf," she said with a worried look.

"I'm still trying to convince myself that ... that ... this time ... this time it's real. This time you won't disappear on me. This time, you mean what you say ... about us," I stuttered.

Marilyn buried her head in my shoulder. I could feel her tears as they trickled down my chest, one by one.

"Oh Tory. I didn't mean to hurt you this much. I never meant to hurt you at all. I love you. I want you. I came back for you. Please believe me," she pleaded between sobs.

I let go my breath. I closed my eyes and prayed that it was all true. Every word of it. I could only hope. I pulled her closely to me and held her as I calmed myself.

"Do you really love me, Marilyn? Is it true? Please be sure before you answer," I begged.

"Yes, Tory. I'm sure. I let things get in the way of it, but I'm sure. What I also know is that you love me. I can't hope for more than that, can I?" she said quietly.

The difference between our love-making that afternoon in my bed and the hotel in Seattle was palpable. There wasn't any sense of urgency and we took our time. But more than that, I felt secure. I was no longer dreading the morning and wondering if Marilyn would be up, packing her bag and leaving. I expected that she would be there.

She was. She was there, sleeping, snoring softly, her face almost buried in my shoulder, her arm across my body. I can't describe either the feelings that simple sight, sound and scent evoked in me. I knew then. I knew for certain. I knew we were together.

As I lay in bed, I was gazing at the photograph I had framed and mounted on my bedroom wall. It was Marilyn in profile from the photos that were taken at the Pumpkin that afternoon. No professional photographer could have captured the real Marilyn Lee any better than that perfect image. I turned toward her and there she was, in flesh and blood. I touched her cheek just to be sure. There would be no vanishing this time.

We spent most of the rest of that day in bed. It was time to get to know each other all over again. Just as importantly, it was time to kill the demons and unspoken fears we shared. We did that a bit at a time.

"Tory, I need to tell you some things. Some things about me when I was ... away," she said quietly as we lay together.

"I was with other men. Not a lot ... but some. It wasn't anything serious except ... trying to stop the loneliness. I'm ashamed of it, but ... I needed them ... someone. You weren't there and I needed someone," she moaned.

"I know. I understand. But that's in the past. Don't feel guilty about it. I had a couple of dates too," I said softly.

"Did you sleep with them?"

No ... I didn't. I couldn't. I kept seeing you. But you know about Molly, don't you?"

"Yes, she told me. She said she took advantage of you. She apologized to me." There didn't seem to be any residual upset.

"So it's different then, isn't it?" she continued. "It makes what I did so ... dirty."

"No, Marilyn. No. You were among strangers. There was no one to turn to. I understand, trust me. I understand."

"Did you ever think this would happen?" she asked, turning to me. "I mean us ... together again?"

"I kept hoping and I kept wondering how. It looked pretty grim there for a while."

"I'm sorry, Tory. I never meant to hurt you. Honest."

"I know. I think you got caught up in something you didn't understand and ... those pills ... they had something to do with it too," I suggested.

"Maybe. That day ... that day I talked to my parents and I yelled and swore at them. I couldn't believe I did that. I was sick to my stomach afterwards. That's when I made my decision. I threw the pills in the garbage."

"A smart decision. But that was November. What's been happening since?"

"I started paying attention to my diet. I weighed my self every day anyway. I was obsessed with my weight. I lost fifteen pounds from our last day with you. I thought I was helping myself. I started to eat properly again. Inside a month, I gained ten pounds back and I was sure I was going to get fired.

"A funny thing happened, though. I started getting people telling me how much better I looked. When I looked in the mirror, I could see and feel the difference. I think that's what gave me the courage. In December, I told them I wouldn't be back in the New Year. I was quitting. They didn't seem to even notice. I was just a ... piece of meat. They could replace me anytime," she said angrily.