Mom is an Incestuous Slut Ch. 02

Forgetting that they were backed up on her flash drive, I recently found more than four dozen of her naked photos when she gave me her removable disc drive to use for my backups when saving my stories. Seeing her naked, especially in the way that she looked ten years ago, I can see why so many men wanted her. Tall at 5'10" and shapely with big breasts, she truly was a beautiful woman. I was going delete the photos but even if she's topless and naked in them, they're the only photos that I have of her. Besides, looking at her old, nude photos now makes me realize how far I've come after starting out with nothing and how low I'd have to go to be anything like her. I'm no whore. Even after being broke, hungry, and homeless, I'd never prostitute myself in the way my mother did. Yet, if I had children to feed, maybe I'd have sex for money. I don't know. Yet, if I had a son, I'd never sleep with him in the way my mother did with her all of her four sons.

Even though I'm unemployed, homeless, and weighed down in student loan debt, I still have my college education. The best thing I ever did for myself was to graduate from college, along with breaking up with my Ex. Just as no one can take away my self-respect and self-righteousness, no one can take my college education away from me. College enlightened me to not how much I know but how much I don't know and have yet to learn. I have so much to learn that I'll never learn all the knowledge that I yearn to have.

The funny thing is that I used to blame myself for my failed relationships with my ex-boyfriends, but parading me around as if I was their trophy girlfriend, they were only using me for sex. In the way that I blamed myself for the failed relationships with my boyfriends, I blamed myself for the failed relationship with my ex-husband. Pushing all of my buttons, my ex-husband was the one who pushed me away by forcing me to participate in the swinging lifestyle. I didn't want to play but once I did, I enjoyed myself. I met some of the nicest people in the swinging lifestyle while knowing that no always with no and if I didn't want to be with someone, nothing personal, I just had to say no.

It was obvious to me why my ex-husband wanted to be a swinger. Having his cake and eating it too, he no longer wanted me and the swinging lifestyle was his way to have sex with someone else while still pretending to be happily married. Then, when I received more attention from the men than he did from the woman, he didn't want to swing anymore. He was done. In a lifestyle where jealousy and possessiveness has no place, he was possessively jealous of me, especially whenever I was with another man.

Yet, it wasn't the alternative lifestyle that ended our romantic relationship, not that it was ever romantic. The thing that ended our marriage was when he told me that he had a vasectomy two years earlier and behind my back. Can you imagine a husband doing that to his wife? How could he do that to me? How dare he! He knew I wanted children. Only, he didn't care. Only caring about himself, in the way that my mother only cared about herself, he didn't want kids and he made sure that he'd never have any with me or with anyone. In the total lack of caring and of love on her part, what I experienced with my mother, I experienced with my husband. Because of my mother, was I doomed to repeat this one-sided love relationship with men over and again?

To be continued...