Moments Ch. 01

Isn't it weird how a single moment can change your life? How one chance encounter can send you hurtling down a road you never saw coming. How one wave, or wink, or smile, or shy 'hello' can turn your world on its head, be it for better, or for worse.

One moment you think you know exactly who you are, what you like, what you don't. You think life is sorted, tidy, all filed correctly, all present and correct. Then the next moment you're questioning everything, you're not so sure who you are, the things you thought you knew are murky and unsure, and your head is strewn with incomplete thoughts, total disarray, like someone has opened up the filing cabinet, and flung all the papers everywhere.

Life is full of those moments, those chance encounters, those heart warming smiles, those times you are filled with self-doubt because someone said something, or maybe didn't say what they should have. These moments, fantastic, questionable, enlightening, hear-warming, destructive, happy and sad, because they're not all good moments, but they all affect us in our day to day lives, Sometimes tipping the scales and making us rethink our paths.

There's no way of knowing when one of these moments will strike, or whether the next special moment will be good or bad, but as humans, I think, we all cling to the good ones when they come, and try to bounce back from the bad, however we best can.

People cope with their 'bad moments' as I've come to think of them in different ways, some are practical and others are probably more destructive than they originally intended. Some people can ask for help, some people already have a safety net in place for when that big bad moment comes and sweeps them off their feet. Others don't.

Others struggle, they stumble and fall, they get swept along in the undertow of a bad moment and have no one to reach out to, no safety line to pull themselves back ashore. These are the people who turn to more destructive methods, the ones who can't see a better way out. Those who think the answer may lie in a knife blade, a bottle of some kind of spirit, those who can't see any where to go, how to get back to the good times.

This is my story, my moment, and how i tried to cope.

My name? Myah, a name I'm happy with, people seem to accept it, and to be honest, my parents could have done a lot worse. I'm nineteen years old, but people tell me that sometimes, I seem older or younger, I guess that is true of everyone.

People find me unsettling sometimes and welcoming and approachable at others, I think it's my tendency to wander off into my own head from time to time, when I start to question everything, where I analyze every moment, every word, every action, searching for something more. Because there has to be something more, we can not be, as such complex beings, just put here to live and then to die.

Those moments that change your life, they can happen when and where you least expect them, which is probably why they throw people so completely. My moment came at the end of my final year of college, just eighteen and about to take my first steps into the wide world without teachers and the college support system to guide me. I was making university choices, and deciding on a degree.

Life was, dare I say it? Almost perfect. Until that moment my life had primarily revolved around classes, family and friends, I was active in student politics and was maintaining a weekend job alongside my consistently high grades. I'm not trying to boast here, just paint a picture, so you can understand. It wasn't meant to happen like it did, it shouldn't have happened.

The moment, an accident, a risk taken that had gone wrong and a careless mistake.

With school finished and two and a half months before I was due to start University my plan was to work and play hard, to make the most of my time with my friends before moving hundreds of miles away from home. A summer of sun, sand and surf, born and raised by the sea we thought nothing of getting into wetsuits and braving the cold waters of the southwest coast of England, even splashing around in bikinis from time to time.

It probably wasn't the best day for it, the surf was choppy and the sky was looking ominous in the distance, but it was the best swell we'd seen all summer and we couldn't resist the chance to catch a good wave or two, and who thinks of riptides and undercurrents when the sun is shining, and that cute guy from Psychology 1 is there with you?

Four of us went out that day, all with our boards, off we went, paddling out to where we couldn't reach the sea bed any longer, where the water was colder and darker, and the waves were higher, rougher.

For about an hour we messed around in the foam, the waves we tried to catch failed us time and time again, they broke too soon or they were too chopped up by the ever increasing wind.

"I think we should head back to shore." I remember saying at one point, while we clung to each others' boards to catch our breaths. But we didn't go back in, we all turned out to sea, watching, waiting, there would be another wave, there would be at least one good wave, there always was.

Wishful thinking?

"That one!" Someone shouted, pointing out to this blue, grey wall of water than was rising towards us, big and fast, clean and sweet.

We should have noticed the pull of the water underneath us, we should never have let go of each other, we should have looked back to shore and seen just how far we had drifted while we had been messing around.

But we didn't.

Moments, that's all it was. A few seconds where I looked at the wave, looked at the shore, looked out of the unnatural calm of the water before us. This wasn't a good plan.

"Guys.. Maybe we shouldn't..."

"Aw, don't be chicken Myah, we've ridden bigger waves before this."

"But something isn't..."

And it was too late, they were off, up on their boards and into the path of the oncoming monster and I had no choice but to follow, well, there is always a choice, but sitting where I was wouldn't have changed what had happened.

We caught that wave, we rode that blue grey monster for all of ten seconds, and those ten seconds were euphoric. Flying. That's what it feels like. Standing on a board and flying over the water, towards that yellow sand, faster and faster, controlling it without realizing you are. Magic.

Then it went wrong. That moment came, and there was nothing we could do to stop it.

The wave broke, Sooner than we had thought, harder than we had anticipated, and right over our heads.

I remember wondering what had happened as I crashed into the foaming water, as I felt my feet fall from my board, the salt water burning my eyes, rushing into my mouth and lungs as I screamed. Then there was a thud and everything went fuzzy, everything stopped hurting and I was sinking, just watching the bubbles float up towards the surface, the light fading away slowly until there was nothing except the gentle hold of the water.

Beep. Beep. Come on kid, stick with us. Beep. Beep. We're losing her! Hold on kid... Mya...

"Myah, open your eyes for me." The voice was louder and clearer than any of the other snippets I seemed to be hearing. I couldn't work out what was happening, had something bad happened? That beeping, those words, they sounded like... No, it couldn't be.

I slowly opened my eyes, blinking hard against the onslaught of light,

Too close to the cliffs, that was the problem, dragged out by an undercurrent.

"Myah." The voice spoke again, too loud. The light was bright, my eyes were burning, too much salt. "Myah can you hear me?"

"Y... Y... Yes." I croaked, my throat was dry, and I didn't even know who I was talking to, I still couldn't see properly. "Where are you? Why is it so bright?"

"Oh, sorry." He, for it was definitely a male voice sounded a little embarrassed, and as he spoke the light started to fade, fading inwards towards it's center.

That was when I saw him, a human, or at least, human in shape, surrounded by that glowing white light, and that was when I realised.

"No!" I screamed, trying to get up, trying to run, I had to get away from him, I had to get back.

Severe head trauma, that's what they say.

"Myah, please?" He called after me, the light was fading and he seemed to be solidifying. There was no way of telling where I was, where I was going. "Myah." He called again, his voice firmer and more commanding this time. "Stop." And I did just that, my feet stopped running so quickly my body barely had time to catch up and I nearly toppled over, but he was there, a quick arm catching me before I fell.

"That's better." He told me, his voice softening once more. "Myah, don't be scared, this isn't as bad as it might look."

They tell me I'm crazy when I talk about this.

"Who are you? Where am I?" I asked, but already I was feeling calmer, and I made no move to pull away from him, his arm still around my waist.

"My name? Hmm, yes, you may call me Alex. As for where we are, that's a little harder, this is Here, it's a place between places. Between your world and between mine. Understand this Myah, you can not stay here, you must make a choice whether to move on, or to go back. But not just yet eh?"

He wrapped his other arm around me, so subtly and slowly as I spoke that I barely noticed until I realised that I was leaning back into his chest. I closed my eyes for a second, another moment, and just let him hold me, whoever, whatever he was.

"So what are you Alex? My Guardian Angel?"

"Almost Myah, almost." He began, his voice soft and low. "I wait Here, the place between, I greet those who are stuck here, who have not made their choice for whatever reason. Usually those ripped untimely from their mortal world, like you."

"So, I'm dead and you're what? Here to help me decide whether I want to go back or move on?"

He looked down at me, a caring expression on his face, the one you get when you have to tell people bad news.

"Yes Myah."

I stopped breathing, my mum broke down into tears as she watched through the window, they kept trying, they wouldn't let me go that easily. A stupid mistake causing so much grief. One moment at a time.

I turned to him, tears burning the back of my eyes, and placed my hand on his chest, staring up into his blue eyes.

"This feels too real to be death." I told him, my voice threatening to break at any point.

Looking up at him, all that light faded away, sucked into him somewhere, I saw just how perfect he looked. His hair was brown and fluffy, sticking up in odd directions, the kind of hair that would never behave, no matter how much you combed it. Grey, blue eyes that looked just like the sea, that shone when I touched him, that lit up when he smiled.

He pulled me close to him, wrapping his arms around me, one around my waist, another coming up to stroke the back of my head, his fingers softly combing through my hair. "It's ok Myah, you don't have to move on, you can go back, it's not necessarily your time to leave, that's why you are here with me." His words were soothing and even as I buried my face into his chest and cried.

Crazy they say. Who talks to an angel about not whether it is really their time to move on?

Wiping my eyes with the back of my hand I looked up at him again, taking a deep breath to calm myself.

"You're a fantastic kid Myah." He said, brushing the hair back off my face and running his thumb along my cheek to wipe at another stray tear. My head was spinning, but I wasn't scared anymore.

One moment, one second, that's all it takes to turn your world on its head, one moment to stand up on tiptoes and kiss. Oh. My.

"Myah." He breathed as my lips touched his, but that was all he said, no attempt to stop me, no attempt to prevent what would happen.

His hand slid lower on my back, pulling me in tighter towards him, the front of our bodies pulled in tight to each other. One hand slowly, creeping down towards the swell of my ass, hesitating at the top of my bikini bottoms.

I hadn't even realised I was still dressed as I had been when I'd gone in the water, that all seemed like such a long time ago. Not that I had expected my looks to change, I just, I don't know really. One red halter neck bikini top that was doing little to hide anything. Thin and small, just enough to cover my enough of my breasts to be decent and matching red bikini bottoms, high cut on my legs and tight. I didn't even want to think about my hair.

"Myah, you are a fantastic girl but I can't..." He said, pulling away from me, as if he'd just realised what he had done.

"Oh, right, yea, you're an angel, you don't actually exist." I shrugged, but my hands didn't leave his waist and his didn't leave mine.

"Let me finish." He chided, grinning cheekily. "I can't stand here, this close to you and not want to touch you, not want to lay my hands on every inch of your skin. I want you Myah, I want you to be mine."

Absurd they tell me, wanted by an Angel? What kind of insanity is that? Angels are holy creatures.

"Yes." I whispered, barely trusting myself to speak, scared that speaking would make it all a dream, that I would wake up on the sand, maybe a little sunburnt, but not with him. "Yes." I repeated, louder this time, so there was doubt about what I had said.

"Really?" He asked, looking a little shocked. "Are you sure you want to be mine?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed. "Being this close to you makes my skin burn, I want to be with You!" "Good." He said, and for a moment I was confused, his voice sounded harsher than before, and then the world started to spin. I clung onto him, my arms tight around him, but soon even he seemed to be shifting in my arms, changing.

I screamed and without warning everything went black, there was no sound, no light, nothing.

One moment, one word and everything changes. Nothing can stay forever.

I don't know how long it was black, whether I passed out, or what had happened, but 'waking back up' if that's what it was, was a painful experience. My eyelids were heavy, my body ached in places I did not even know could ache. It felt as if I'd been done over in a fight and then gone down with flu at the same time.

"Alex?" I called out into the dimly lit room I found myself in, I couldn't see him anywhere, and everything was so unfamiliar.

I was sitting on a concrete floor, cold against my exposed skin, the bikini offering me little warmth. The room seemed to be entirely exposed concrete, except for a few wooden doors that looked as if they led into walk in cupboards or adjoining rooms. I could tell I was on a lower floor somewhere by the spiral staircase the occupied one corner.

Slowly I stood up, holding my arm out to steady myself, things were starting to feel better by the minute, the confusion was clearing although I still did not know where I was. It couldn't be too bad could it, Alex had to be around somewhere, I didn't remember letting go of him.

"Ah, it is good to see you awake again." His familiar voice came from behind me and I spun to face him, almost losing my balance and falling to the floor, but I caught myself on the wall.

My breath caught in my throat as I saw him, gone were the white shirt and trousers, gone was the angelic look to his face. He's changed, but it made my stomach clench in anticipation, no shirt, black leather trousers that clung and fit, so snug, revealing all and nothing at exactly the same time, bare feet. His eyes seemed even more surreal, more like the sea than ever before.

"Alex..." I began but he cut me off with a stern look as he pressed a single finger to my lips.

"Shush, not now." He said, and slowly walked around me, his eyes roaming over my body, I shuddered under his intense gaze, nervous, scared, what was going on? "Myah, you have agreed to be mine, do you understand what you have done?" He asked as he came to stand in front of me. "You now belong to me, you are my possession, my plaything, free to use as and when I please, without complaint or question from you."

My eyes lowered to the floor, be it shame, respect, confusion, I wasn't sure, all I knew was that I was owned, that I'd given myself up for Him.

"Yes Sir," I answered meekly, the words automatic, they just felt so right.

"Good girl. Now, kneel."

There was one moment, one second of hesitation before I went to my knees before him, my eyes locked on the floor just by his feet. Once again he paced around me, I could feel his eyes burning into every inch of my skin, the curve of my jaw, the swell of my breasts, the flare of my hips, the erratic rise and fall of my chest as i tried to make sense of what was happening.

Where was I?

His hand brushed lightly across my shoulder, the gentlest trickling of finger tips over exposed skin, dancing across my back, between my shoulder blades, under my hair until stopping at the neck tie of my bikini top. One sharp tug at the knot gives, the flimsy red material falling away from my body, held only around my middle by the second string.

Reflexively I grabbed the fabric, holding it over myself, covering myself from his gaze over my shoulder.

"Let it go." His voice was stern, demanding respect and compliance. "You will not hide yourself from me, you are mine and I will see you as and when I please."

"Y... Y...Yes Sir." I stammered, my hand falling weakly to my side again, letting the material flutter away from me, exposing me to him, my nipples hardening in the cold.

Again he started walking around me until he was standing before me once again, my eyes locked on the ground by his feet, not daring to look up at him. Scared and excited all at the same time. For a few moments I wondered how I must look to him, or how I would look to anyone else who saw me. Kneeling on a cold, concrete floor, my bikini top hanging around my middle, my breasts exposed for viewing, nipples hard with the cold air and the thrill of being watched, of being used.

"Look at me, pet." Every time he spoke i was amazed at the difference in his tone, one moment he could be demanding, and then the next soft and caring. A perfect blend of care and control that had me scared and safe at the same time. So many conflicting emotions running through my head, and i obeyed.

Slowly i lifted my eyes, taking in the image before me, the skin tight leather than looked almost painted on, that i just wanted to rub my cheek against, to inhale the scent of leather, then upwards over the naked torso, exposed flesh that i could beg to just touch, and finally to his face, the slight smile at my obvious want and those eyes that captivated me. Green/blue like the ocean, their depths untold and i was drowning in them, i couldn't tear my eyes away from them.

He took a step towards me, the movement breaking the connection and reminding me how to breathe and i gasped for air. He laughed slightly and reached down to cup my cheek with his hand.

"You are quite exquisite." He muttered as his thumb caressed my cheek. "But are you good enough? Do you want me enough?"

"Please..." I started, my voice unsure, unsure of where I was going, unsure what to say, how to vocalize my need. "Anything, I'll do anything."

"What do you want?" He asked, his fingers trailing down the side of my neck, making my breath catch in my throat as they grazed across the hollow of my throat, down between my breasts.

"You." I gasped as he flicked a thumb over my right nipple. "I want you!"

"Are you sure?" He teased, both hands on my breasts, pinching, squeezing, eliciting soft moans from my throat.

"Yes!" I cried as he caught my left nipple between thumb and forefinger and pinched hard. "Take me, use me, i am yours."

And he stopped, his hands left my breasts, leaving me a shaking, breathless mess as he stepped back slightly.