Moments On A Morning After

My heavy eyelids opened slowly to unfamiliar shadows lit by a light left on in the next room. Looking around as if through a morning-after haze, I was surprised to come to the realization that this was NOT my bedroom...and I was NOT alone! My thoughts raced through the tangled circuitry in my brain in a futile effort to recall whatever circumstances had led me to this king size bed. At the same time, I found my now fully opened eyes staring down in wonder at the unfortunately unknown sleeper lying blissfully beside me. She couldn't have been much older than twenty—a bit thin with long auburn hair spread out unmussed like a pillow framing the face of a wonderful, forgotten dream.

With each passing moment, the fog cleared but memory still eluded me. My pulse rate was working itself into a frenzy. Clearly, I had spent the night with this lovely young woman but who was she? I had to have met her somewhere but where? A party? A bar? The last thing I remembered was sitting down to watch the eleven o'clock news last night...or was it last night? Who knows how many hours, days or even weeks I'd forgotten? God, why can't I remember?

What would I say when she woke up? What would I do? What DID I do? A quick glance beneath the silky smooth sheet confirmed what I already knew—I was stark naked and so was she. I glimpsed a compact but firm breast with a tiny mole just beneath its dark nipple. I glimpsed it again in my mind a moment later as its owner continued to sleep peacefully.

I must have been drunk. That was the only explanation. Yet, I saw no evidence of drinking in her bedroom—assuming it to be her bedroom and not a hotel suite. Besides, never having been much of a drinker, I found it hard to believe that I could have gotten this wasted.

Suddenly, my stomach grumbled rather loudly. I held my breath but the vision beside me remained oblivious. I sighted a small alarm clock on a table beside the door about ten feet past the foot of the bed. The lighted hands appeared to be signaling 6:15. If that meant AM, I decided that that felt right. Assuming that yesterday was Saturday as it seems to have been, then this was Sunday morning. Nowhere to go. I could safely lie here just prolonging my agony.

What was I worried about? By all appearances, I must have had a marvelous evening. I went out to a bar, got totally wasted picked up the hottest chick in the room and convinced her to take me back to her place for some hot, casual sex. A good theory except that I had been looking forward all week to catching TO HAVE AND HAVE NOT on TCM at Midnight Saturday.

What would Bogie do in my situation? I know. He'd wake her up and say, "Sweetheart, you were great but I got things to do so get dressed and go." And if she didn't, he'd just slap her around a bit. Well, so much for hero emulation. I'm definitely not the slapping around type.

The last time I woke up next to a girl I barely knew was with Mary Ellen Frobisher in Senior year. Yeah, I barely knew her but at least I DID know her name! This girl's gonna wake up and coo "Good morning lover! Mmmmmmm. You were wonderful last night." And I will politely thank her and then ask if she could please tell me who she is. At that point, there's likely to be some yelling and kicking and then she'll throw me out the door...probably without my pants. Come to think of it, where were my pants anyway? I looked around the room but saw no trace of clothing, hers or mine.

At that point, her briefly noted breast reentered my brain. A glance to my left caught its partially hardened nipple poking at the silk with each regular breath my unknown angel took. I felt a slightly painful lurch between my legs as though I had had quite a workout recently. I started to smile but concluded that if I didn't recall it, it didn't really count. I was suddenly tempted to tap her shoulder but came to my senses. Unfortunately, she chose just that moment to begin her return from Slumberland. She coughed lightly and rolled to one side with a kind of sigh, pointing that masterpiece of a face directly at me. My heart suddenly had a roller coaster effect. What's worse was that I was hit with the sudden realization that I really had to pee...immediately! If I so much as blinked loudly, though, she'd probably come around. What could I do?

If I didn't jump up quick and find the bathroom, the situation would just become even more embarrassing when I wet the bed so I decided to fling myself whole-heartedly into it, tossing off the covers and bounding quickly across the room. Already, as my feet hit the floor, I could hear puzzled exclamations coming from her. I was determined not to worry about her until I got back. In fact, now that I found myself in the bright porcelain safety of the large decorative bathroom, perhaps I could just stay there until she got up and went away....Hmmm. I wonder what she was thinking at that moment....

Good lord! That was naked man running through my bedroom! Wait a minute! This isn't my bedroom! Oh, God, I must have spent the night here in that man's apartment. My mother is going to kill me! I feel like crying. Who the hell was this guy and how did he ever get me drunk enough to allow this...when I don't even drink? The last thing I remember was settling in to watch the eleven o'clock news last night. At least I hope it was last night. Oh, no, I was supposed to meet Mom for Church this morning. Maybe if I just slouch down under the sheets, I can pretend I'm still asleep until he goes away.