Moonbeam Ch. 04

Now that Cloud was in his final year there were more solo concerts. It hadn't seemed to be all that important up to now, but these days he was auditioning for a future career. He still wasn't going to be the best in the business, but he'd be good, and we needed a touch of financial security.

My career was sort of on hold while I waited for the baby, and maybe it was over. I supposed I could always go back to retail, but that had never been the most exciting of careers. Have you tried our bagels? Everyone waited with baited breath to see whether motherhood would do the wrong sort of thing for me, at least as far as Jeune Fille was concerned.

Angie and Cassie seemed deeply interested in the coming baby even though they'd both had three kids of their own, really nice ones, so it wasn't new the way it was for Cloud and me.

Doing presentations, Cloud's strongest suit, wasn't established enough as a career to rely on. Too many people thought they knew exactly how to do presentations. They were seldom right, but never uncertain.

The problem, of course, was that the job market for concert pianists was kind of tight, too, and Cloud wasn't the very best. He was really, really good, but there were enough around who were better to get all the good jobs. Too bad they didn't have silent movies anymore. Cloud would have been great at accompanying Pauline in her perils, or whatever else was showing. I loved listening to him play.

We'd continued working for Jeune Fille as long as we could. There were a bunch of appearances across Europe as the face of the brand. They were betting heavy that motherhood wasn't going to affect my looks significantly. I suppose they were betting with the odds. Nothing else had in the past twelve years.

I got to see a lot of places and spent a lot of time simply sightseeing. That made for good pictures. I was always ready for pictures, of course, since I always wore something by Jeune Fille (it was in my contract) and I didn't need make-up for the fresh-faced young girl look that I was stuck with. I needed make-up to even begin to look older, and when I used it people thought I'd been into my older sister's stuff.

The appearances, which is all they were, really, went well. I wasn't supposed to do anything but exist. Well, that and look fourteen, which didn't take any work either. When I felt comfortable with it, I could do a little more, something to make Jeune Fille look like it was a moderately caring conglomerate (I know, an oxymoron, but they did try). I was getting to be a little famous, and people would recognize me on the street sometimes, at least in Europe. It was kind of nice. Finally a use for the autograph I'd practised so assiduously. Actually, I used it more when I was doing a book signing.

I performed in Giancarlo's show, dressed in a couple of really nice designs for the younger woman. Even Giancarlo (he was Angie's good friend, I knew, and took me on faith a little) admitted his designs were actually for girls, a lot younger than I was, but not younger than I looked. Cloud played for the entire show, and got good reviews, too. Both my designs were good enough that Jeune Fille bought the right to manufacture them from Giancarlo, and I got a bonus. My reviews had been good as a bit player. I suppose if I weren't the new face of Jeune Fille they'd have overlooked me entirely, so the publicity went both ways.

I told Giancarlo I'd miss the next show because of the baby, but would keep him in mind for others. Giancarlo told me his deal with Jeune Fille was that I could appear in any of his shows - they had a veto on outside employment, you may recall, which cost them enough I couldn't really object - provided they got first chance at the manufacturing rights. Giancarlo was happy, since they were more likely to buy than not if the face of Jeune Fille (me) was presenting them. Unless Giancarlo really blew it, always a possibility, though less likely with him than with many other designers, my presentation would guarantee the demand that ensured Jeune Fille would buy, and everybody made money.

Since I wouldn't wear anything really bad, I was a sort of a cut-out for Giancarlo, and for the in-house designers at Jeune Fille, too. More people appreciated that than I realized at first.

Cloud did pretty well out of Giancarlo. On the other hand, Giancarlo did better than any show since Angel's, so everybody came out ahead.

I wrote a few stories to keep my hand in. I told you I was an aspiring writer. I'd even sold a couple of stories, as Callista Felix. I don't know where I came up with that name. Turns out it means something like "most beautiful" "happy". I'm not beautiful, though maybe that's for the Moon, which is. I am happy, of course, so I'll keep it.

One day a plot for a full novel dropped into my head. It wasn't anything brilliant, at least to me, but it seemed like it might be fun to do. I'd never written anything novel length before, but I didn't have anything better to do with myself once we'd finished the shoots for the teen pregnancy wardrobe Jeune Fille was putting out under another name. Genuine Jeune Fille girls never got pregnant, of course. My involvement was seen as a public service.

I could scarcely go back to my job in retail, either. Nobody pregnant ever worked there. "Want a baby to go with that leer, sir?"

I scribbled down the plot outline for the novel as soon as I could find paper. While I hadn't had an idea as interesting before, I had lost ideas for story continuations and such like. They come, and seem like you could never forget them, but after supper they're gone again to wherever flashes of inspiration live. I hope, when they're reborn, they go to people who can use them.

Eventually, of course, I started to show, and teenage models were enough problem that having an obviously pregnant one, or even one who'd put on a few pounds (in my case it wasn't a few), was contraindicated (means don't do this). So Jeune Fille and I parted company, mostly, though they did get Harry to take a few face shots to tide them over. Harry was nice enough to say that I seemed to keep getting more beautiful.

Angie called now and again to check in. Once she arranged for Cloud to be her accompanist when she gave a concert out east. Her band had a conflict, or something, and anyway she wanted to try something closer to a classical concert. She wasn't going to do arias or anything, just a slightly different sound. I was sort of not able to go. I was eight and a half months pregnant and looked like an ad against teenage pregnancy. THIS TOO COULD HAPPEN TO YOU kind of poster. Either that or they'd resurrected the Hindenburg.

Actually, Harry and I made some of those posters up with Cloud's help for a campaign Jeune Fille funded. They could use the poster in both the abstinence camp and the birth control camp. I was very pregnant. As it was, I got paid, Harry got paid, and maybe we did some good. I got some praise in the press for taking such an adult stand for such a young girl. I guess in their minds I wasn't the pregnant one, but I was very sure I was.

My obstetrician had known me for a couple of years and still couldn't believe it.

"Moonbeam, it's so hard to believe someone who looks as young as you do is going to be a mother."

I was the star of our Lamaze classes, the ones with all the breathing stuff. Of course, I was the oldest one there. There actually were a couple of hardbitten youngsters, who might have looked as young as I did if they were cleaned up and fed. Actually, no, they looked older than I did even then. One was fourteen. No wonder I scared my doctor. If that poor soul was going to be a mother, she was probably going to be a grandmother when she was younger than my mom was when she had me. Was there really nothing to be done about this?

I wanted to take her home and hug her. She'd been thrown out of her home, some stupid thing about violating a religious tenet, and had found temporary refuge with a cousin, I think. I suppose in some "religions" they'd have stoned her to save themselves trouble. Child Welfare had had to take her permanently into care. Neither the girl nor the cousin had any money, and welfare wasn't going to help much. The girl, Shelley was her name, was planning on giving the baby up for adoption. I talked to her about it, wondering how someone could give up flesh of her flesh like that. Of course, that is what her parents had done when they threw her out, and I couldn't understand that, either.

"Moon," she told me, "if it's a choice between starvation and letting the little one go, I have to let him, or her, go. Public assistance won't give us enough to have a roof over our heads and eat, both. One or the other, yes, but that's no life for a little one."

I talked to Cloud about it. Her situation really bothered me. Cloud, of course, had an answer.

"Moonbeam, we're going to be all right even if Jeune Fille won't take you back. I've got a full-time job at the university theatre, starting this fall. It's a combination of presentation, playing, and teaching. We've got more than a little money in the bank, now, from your modelling for Harry and from what we stashed away while we were working for Jeune Fille. We have enough for the down payment we need for the house we want to buy."

"Okay, Cloud, I guess we're all right financially, at least for now. Where is all this going?"

"Tell the young girl we'll adopt her baby, and she can visit."

"You're kidding, right?"

I was strangely excited. Taking care of two newborns would be a major pain. Anything I'd ever read about the mothers of twins said the problems weren't easy to cope with, even if the rewards were immense. The twins had the ability to wake each other up and double the screaming. On the other hand, I'd be producing milk, and could breast feed them both, which would be something you couldn't normally do with an adopted child. Two cribs, double stroller: the costs mounted, too.

"No, Moon, I'm not. It will wring us out, but we'll have kids, Moon. The start of our own teams."

"Cloud, I don't know how to break it to you, but there's no way I'm having eight, or even seven, more kids. This one is hard enough. No, I'm not planning to stop at one, but I'm not planning on having enough for a team, either, except maybe table tennis. Besides, we don't have that kind of money."

"The money's not a big issue, Moon; we'll always have enough. Not lots by any stretch of the imagination, unless you go back with Jeune Fille, but enough. I can't say I'm surprised at you not wanting to have a huge family, but I'd like three or four, and this would get us a good start, if the mother's agreeable. If you do go back with Jeune Fille, they'll probably be happy you're getting a bunch out of the way all at once."

"I'll talk to her. If we let her see the baby from time to time, she'll probably agree. There's such a demand for adoptions, and such a small supply, that we'd probably never have a chance to adopt ourselves, and likely wouldn't even consider it."

I talked to Shelley, the young girl I'd made friends with.

"Moon, that would be marvellous. I know I have to let the child go, but maybe I could be Aunt Shelley in her life, or his."

I hadn't thought that far ahead. It would work, though. She'd look older than I did in a couple of years, anyway. Actually, she already did.

"That you could, dear. We'd never shut you out from your child, but you have to agree he or she will be our child, Cloud's and mine, not yours. The poor darling can't be confused by having two mothers."

Famous last words, those were.

"No, Moon, I'd never do that. Thank you. Knowing my baby is going to a wonderful home, where I can still be a small part of my baby's life, is such a fantastic solution for me and the baby, I can't thank you, and Cloud, enough."

Well, it turned out that wasn't going to work. Child Welfare had taken Shelley herself into full time care and her baby-to-come was going into the queue. It didn't matter that Shelley wanted her baby to go to me. There was some kind of bureaucratic rule that they weren't prepared to waive. I was famous enough that I could demand a little special consideration, but I looked so young they weren't going to give it to me. As a matter of fact, the case worker started giving me information on how I could arrange to have my own baby adopted by a sober, caring family until I explained that I was twenty-four with one of the highest-paid jobs she'd ever heard of. I didn't tell her the job was maybe over for good.

I was pretty unhappy about the ruling, and so was Shelley, but the bureaucrats were adamant.

The deal with Child Welfare was that if Shelley was going to give up the baby, because she was a ward of the state, she couldn't agree to a private placement. Maybe the rules are different elsewhere. Since the baby would then go on the general adoption list, there were about three hundred couples ahead of us. Maybe more. We didn't have a prayer.

I moaned about it to Cloud, and he was sympathetic. He'd kind of looked forward to having two at once. There wasn't any question in my mind that he'd certainly help out as much as I needed, or the babies needed. I was quite liking the idea myself by then.

"Look, Moon, once the bureaucrats get an idea in their heads, there's no way around it."

Cloud went over to see Angie to practise about a week before their concert date, and came back all excited.

"Moon, do you still want to adopt Shelley's baby?"

"Yes, of course, but they've told us that won't work. At least, they won't do it, or allow it to happen. We've been all through that, Cloud. It's not going to happen."

"What do you think of Shelley?"

"She's a dear. I almost want to adopt her. She needs a mother so badly. I still can't believe her parents basically drop-kicked her out the door."

"What if we do?"

"Do what?

"Adopt Shelley."

"Excuse me, I wanted to adopt Shelley's baby. I like Shelley just fine, but she looks older than I do."

"Well, suppose we adopt Shelley. The baby comes with her. Shelley doesn't have to give the baby up for adoption. There's no waiting list to adopt teenage girls. The way they talked to me, there might even be a reward. There's a serious shortage of foster homes for them. Suppose it works out. Shelley's baby won't be yours, but Shelley will be, and you get another baby. Two, actually, though the second one is fourteen."

"And looks older than I do. It's a strange idea, but I'll do it if it works the way you say it will. We'll have to check with Shelley, but I'm up for it if she is. I like Shelley. I think she's sweet. Did you know she got pregnant because her idiot boyfriend told her a girl couldn't get pregnant her first time? I guess she didn't know any better, and guess what, he was wrong. He's not around, of course, not his problem. Not his family's, either, I guess. Just hers, poor soul. I'd enjoy having Shelley around all the time if she can put up with me. I think she's half in love with you. Don't blame her. I am, too; well, more than half in my case."

Where on Earth had Cloud come up with this idea? It seemed like it was a good one and would work, if Shelley was agreeable. The bureaucrats probably wouldn't be able to figure out just what prompted it, and even if they did, it was within the rules and they did have to find Shelley a home, which Cloud's idea would resolve. The plan was convoluted enough Tommy might have thought it up.

Wait a minute. Guess where you usually found Tommy? At Angie's. And where had Cloud just been? At Angie's.

"Cloud, you've been talking to Tommy again, haven't you."

"Yes, but only after the fact. It was Cassie who had the idea, when I told them how close you and Shelley were, and how they weren't going to let you adopt her baby even though Shelley wanted you to."

I knew I should never have let Cloud go to Angie's by himself. Strange things seem to happen when he gets talking to Tommy, and it's worse when Cassie gets involved, because she makes the maddest caper seem so sensible. I've got to admit that this time it did work out really well for us all.

I raised it with Shelley at the next pre-natal class and she fell on my neck.

"Would you, Mom? Would you really?"

Now Shelley hadn't called me "Mom" before, even though I'd been trying to give her some support and guidance, so I guess all it took was an expressed willingness on my part to take on the role for real for her to cast me in it permanently. Can't say as I minded, really. I like Shelley.

"Yes, of course. I wouldn't ask if I didn't intend to go through with it, if you agree. I'm not going to put in an application if you don't agree. Where we are, if you're over fourteen you have to agree anyway."

"I agree, Mom, of course I agree. That will be so wonderful!"

"It'll be work, too. You'll get to keep your baby, but that means you'll be a mother, and that's not an easy job."

"Oh Mom, it'll be fantastic."

Shelley and I hugged each other up pretty hard after that, and I won't say there weren't any tears, but they were happy ones. From both of us.

Cloud got the paperwork together and Shelley withdrew her request to have the baby adopted - where we are the mother has up to seven days after the birth to withdraw her consent to the adoption, and they were certainly used to that happening, though more after the birth than before. Child Welfare agreed that Shelley would certainly be able to keep her baby if we adopted her, and she would be well taken care of herself. Seems to me that Angie dropped in a guarantee for our financial security, but neither she nor Tommy would ever admit it. If she did, she was never called on it.

About three days after Cloud got back from playing for Angie (which did good things for him at the university), I went into labour. Cloud drove me to the hospital. At admitting, the nurse was all comfort.

"Were you raped, dear? I'm so sorry for you. That's often what has happened when we get them as young as you are. Just be brave, and the adoption people will take care of things for you."

I was twenty-four, and I had consented, many times, but there wasn't much point in trying to correct her. My not-so-new-anymore ID said I was nineteen, and she wouldn't believe that, either. My pains were coming closer together. Cloud nodded sadly.

"It's so good your Dad could be here with you, dear. Family can be such a help in times of stress."

"Yes. Family should stick together."

Cloud was very careful, just then. He knew I'd never quite forgiven Harry for including him, my younger brother Cloud, in some of those catalogue shots as my father. Cloud had hoped I hadn't seen them, I guess, but I had. It wasn't Cloud I was mad at, but he knew that could change.

Having little Veronica was not quite the most enjoyable experience of my life, but it was probably the most rewarding. She's a darling, and I love her dearly. I'd almost forgotten about Shelley, having other things on my mind, but she had come to the hospital at almost the same hour as Cloud and I. The morning after I gave birth to Veronica, Shelley, and Gloria, the name we'd both agreed on if her baby was a girl, came to my room. Gloria was a sweet thing, and I fell in love at once. That's easy to do with babies, I guess, at least for me.

Shelley looked so sad when she had to leave.

"Shelly," I asked impulsively, not even throwing a glance Cloud's way. "Are you going home today?"

"Yes," she answered in a puzzled tone. "My cousin can take me for a couple of days, until we get the adoption business sorted out, and I should be able to find a place before she has to put me out to make room for her son, who's coming back home."

"I've been checked, and the baby has been checked, too, so we'll be leaving about then. Come with us?"

"Oh, Moon, I'd love to!"