Moonshadows Ch. 04

"Uh, I didn't...." I started, "I mean..." I couldn't get a read on his expression and it just added to my quickly-rising nervousness. "Shit," I muttered.

I had never had anything resembling a functional poker face; there was no way to try to play this off casually or as a joke, and my inability interpret his reaction left me spiraling quickly into full-blown panic. So of course I felt my eyes start to burn.Stupid, stupid, stupid!

I had to get out of there. I couldn't afford to lose it in front of him and totally cement my persona as an emotional disaster to be fled as fast as possible. I stood up quickly, too distracted to even wince much as he slid out of me, but a firm grip on my wrist halted me.

"Are you crying?"

I shook my head rapidly, forcing a smile, but my quivering lip must have given me away because he didn't let go. "Hey," he said, a frown in his low tone. "What's wrong?"

Taking a few deep breaths to keep myself together, I studied his face carefully, reading only confusion and concern. Well, there was some surprise in there too, and for good reason. One minute, we were having a lovely post-coital cuddle, and the next...

"I swear I'm not trying to go crazy on you, Rafe."

A dry smile curled one end of his delicious mouth and he said, "You're a woman, babe. There's no helping that."

Damn it. Despite my every effort, my face crumpled and embarrassing tears flooded my cheeks. Alarmed, he pulled me to him and sat me on his warm lap again, wrapping his arms around me tightly.

"Oh, hell. Bad joke. Hey, don't cry, baby." His rumbling voice was resonant under my ear.

"I'm s-sorry. I'm being t-totally stupid right n-now," I said tearfully between sobs. "But I swear I would never try to g-guilt-trip you into anything, o-or manipulate you and I don't... I don't have any expectations or–"

"Whoa, whoa. Calm down." He ran a strong hand along my back and huffed a sigh. "I don't even know what... Just calm down. We'll talk about it. Take it easy."

It took longer than I wanted, but I got myself under control again. I took a big, shuddering sigh and sat up straighter, wiping my face roughly. I had to fix this.

Rafe was watching me closely, and after a minute, he ventured a little warily, "So... Do you wanna tell me what that was about?"

I decided that it would probably be best to take the direct approach. I owed him as clear of an explanation as I could assemble, and if I didn't just say it outright, I probably wouldn't be able to say it at all. So I took another deep breath and steeled myself.

"I care about you, Rafe," I said. "Obviously. But I didn't say 'I love you,' with any expectation that you'd say it back. I wasn't trying to 'take our relationship to the next level,' or whatever, and I wasn't trying to rope you into a commitment that you're not interested in."

"Okay," he said and his face darkened in a frown, "That sort of pisses me off, actually."

"Wh-what?"

"We just had sex, Selene. I popped your cherry last night. And I know I'm a guy, but I'm not a complete asshole."

Scowling, he went on, "The fact that I'm the first guy you let touch you like that? That means something important. So whether or not you weretryingto take things to the next level, we're there. And I don't like the implication that you don't deserve my commitment for that. Or that you think I'm not interested."

I realized after a moment that my mouth was open and I closed it.

Rafe sighed again and pushed his hair back off his forehead. "Look. I'm sorry if I somehow gave you this impression, but I don't jump into bed with just anyone–"

"You could," I interjected honestly.

The hint of a smile cracked through his frustrated expression. "Thanks, babe. But what I mean is that when I have sex with someone, it's not usually a casual thing for me. Maybe it's how I was brought up, maybe it's my nature, but when I sleep with a girl, I actually care about her. Besides," he said and his smile grew, "It makes the sex better."

I thought about what he'd said. It made a certain amount of sense, even if I did have a hard time believing that he didn't have girls lining up to fuck him. Or maybe he did, and he just chose not to. But then, why would he choose someone like me? My thoughts were too scattered and fragmented to really make sense of them, so I filed the information away for later, when I was a little calmer. He watched me and didn't say anything for a minute; I got the impression he was trying to assess whether or not I was going to flip out again.

"I guess," I said slowly as the silence stretched further, "I'm just afraid of scaring you off."

Quite unexpectedly, he let out a burst of laughter. I jumped then frowned in confusion.

"Scareme?" There was something there in his tone that I couldn't quite place. Almost... derision? Disgust? But before I could identify it or be too disturbed, he said, "I can't think of anything you could do to scare me off, Selene. Doesn't mean I don't appreciate you trying to rein in the woman craziness, but I think you're probably okay."

I smiled at him tentatively.

"There," he said, taking my chin gently in his fingers as he smiled back, "That's my girl."

A shudder of pure pleasure went through me at those words.

"I like how that sounds. 'Your girl.'"

"Youaremy girl." He said, suddenly fierce again. "Mine."

His fingers tightened on my chin and he kissed me again, hard, as my head reeled at the abrupt possessiveness and my own lingering, jumbled emotions. But, God, the way he kissed... Distantly, I heard myself moaning again as he ravaged my mouth, his hands exploring my skin with dominant urgency. And between my soaking thighs, I felt him starting to get hard again.

He broke the kiss; I certainly wasn't capable of it at that point.

"All right, now," he said, and there was an almost sinister delight simmering in his bass tones. "I know you already showered this morning, but I haven't yet. And if you think I'm letting your sexy ass out of my sight for as long as it takes me to clean up, you're out of your damn mind."

"Mm hmm," I managed.

With that, he scooped me up with the effortless strength that I remembered so vividly from the night before and carried me down the hall to the bathroom. Somehow, in between kissing, rubbing and licking me to a state of quivering, incoherent desperation, he managed to get the water of the shower going and maneuvered us both inside. Under normal circumstances, I would have noted that his six foot plus frame made it a tight fit, but at the moment I was too out of my mind mind with desire, and too closely wrapped around him to really notice or care.

I gasped as the hot spray hit us, then was entirely diverted a moment later when, lining himself up with my entrance, he slid me down on his thick cock. It was a probably a good thing that I was so well lubricated and decently stretched from our earlier fuck, because this time I had absolutely no control over the pace. It was all Rafe, bouncing me up and down on his giant tool like a doll.

Mewling and moaning and grunting, I gripped his shoulders and hung on for the ride. His intense fucking was painful, but in the exact way that I was beginning to realize drove me crazy with need. Our skin, slick from sweat and steam and spray, slipped against each other, stimulating and teasing. My wet nipples were hard as little pink beads as they rubbed against the slight friction of his hairy chest. His tongue plundered my mouth insistently and I surrendered to his assault with abandon.

The sudden, cold shock of tiles at my back made me suck in a breath in surprise, only to exhale it all in a rush as he used the new leverage to start pounding me harder. My back arched involuntarily, thrusting my slippery breasts at him as he fucked my cunt. Then I was there. My scream echoed off the walls of the shower and I came undone around him. I felt his mouth descend on one of my tits, enveloping it with his hot mouth then he too was climaxing, growling around my flesh as he pumped me full of his cum for the second time that morning.

We panted against each other for a minute or two as he continued to hold me, and I was grateful, as I wasn't sure my legs would support me at that point. He did set me down a minute or so later, however, and initiated me into the sensual, playful dance of trying to wash with two people in the shower. I was more than a little delighted that the experience gave me a whole new, intimate view of his naked body and took full advantage of touching as much of it as I could.

When the water started to run cold, we managed to extricate ourselves from the shower and move our activities back to the bedroom. I caught one glimpse of a dark stain on the sheets –evidence of my happily-relinquished virginity— before we were falling to the bed together and he fitted himself inside me once more, fucking me with deep, slow thrusts.

We fucked twice more that morning, until I was too sore for another round, and Rafe finally seemed to be satisfied. At least for the moment anyway. Even then, we sat curled up together and talked about stupid stuff until his phone rang, bringing us back to earth. He glanced at the caller and sighed.

"I need to take this."

"Okay," I replied, smiling at him in complete contentment.

Since he didn't get up to talk, I snuggled into him and half-listened to his side of the conversation until, frowning, he told the caller, "Yeah. Fine. I'll be there. Bye."

His lips brushed the top of my head. The breath of his disgruntled sigh stirred my hair. I already knew that the phone call meant he needed to leave, but I looked up to pout at him anyway. "Do you have to go?"

He sighed again. "I don't want to, but that's what it's sounding like."

I grumbled, trying to tuck myself tighter against him. He chuckled, but gave me another kiss on the head and got out of bed to go find his things, dressing with the fluid efficiency of a man fully confident with his own body. When he finished, he gave me a hand out of bed as well and kissed the inside of my wrist softly, a smile curling his warm lips.

I wrapped myself in a blanket and followed him to the door, hesitant to relinquish the sight of him until absolutely necessary. Rafe didn't seem to mind; at the door, he pulled me into his arms and inhaled deeply, running his lips softly over the edge of my jaw. Even after so much new physical activity, I felt myself getting wet again, my body leaning into his touch, preparing itself for his entry once again. I was tired, for sure, butdamn. I still wanted him terribly. Achingly. It seemed now that we had entered into this new realm of interaction, I couldn't get enough.

With a low, discontented sound in his throat however, Rafe withdrew slightly and looked down at me, his topaz eyes telling me he was about two seconds from pushing me up against the wall and fucking me hard.

"I have to go." He said. His deep voice was tense with disappointment and what I interpreted to be restraint.

I couldn't help it. I stood up on tip-toes, wrapping my arms around his neck to nuzzle his skin. "I don't want you to." I whispered.

"Selene..." His hands gripped me tighter, and I could feel how hard he was, pressing against my belly.

"I know, I know," I sighed. With extreme force of will, I unwound my arms from his neck and slipped to the floor, even taking a small step backwards. "You have to. I'll be good."

His expression was wry, and not a little bit frustrated. "You're not making it easy to leave."

My face turned warm from a blush of pleasure and excitement. I can't explain how heady it was to see evidence of his attraction to me; I felt exhilarated and powerful and alive. And horny. I grinned at him. "Come back to me soon then."

With a growl, he pulled me to him again and his mouth descended on my own passionately, his tongue ravishing my mouth until I was breathless and tingling in his embrace. Dizzily, I felt him pull back again, felt his breath at my ear as he murmured, "You are so damn beautiful." My stomach did a little flip and I felt my heartbeat distinctly, fast and eager.

"When... when do I get to see you again?" I managed to ask around the euphoria that was in danger of overwhelming me. "I have work tonight, but maybe after that, you could come over and..."

"Done." He agreed definitively, his arms squeezing me possessively. An instant later however, his body stilled and I could hear the frown in his voice when he said, "No, wait. I can't tonight. There's something... I already have to deal with this thing tonight." He released me and brushed his fingers along my cheek lightly. His gorgeous face was serious.

"I'll take you up on that offer tomorrow though." His mouth curled up slightly in a teasing smile. "That is, if you still want me."

I was torn between disappointment, incredulity and amusement. As a result, my playful swat at him was somewhat vague and I couldn't keep the silly smile from my own face. "Of course, you... W-well, what time should I expect you?"

"Soon as I can get away, babe. I'll call you."

"Okay."

He bent down and pressed his lips to mine once more, this time softly, chastely. "I'll see you soon, baby."

"Okay. Bye."

It was good that he had the self-discipline to pull himself away and make his exit, because it was all I could do to let him go. My head was reeling with happiness, my heart was a stuttering, giggling buoy of excitement. My body felt feverishly hot, almost physically aching for him to come back and make me his yet again. Or maybe that was just the soreness from our first series of rounds.

I felt myself laughing and almost skipping down the hall to my room to get ready for work. Tomorrow could not come soon enough.

***

As it was, work that night was busy enough to keep my mind mostly occupied with something other than pining. The exquisite autumnal weather meant a proliferation of couples and families out on the town, enjoying the evening and apparently hungry. Maybe it was atmosphere of the night itself, or maybe it was the happy daze that I was still floating in, but my tables even tipped better than usual, and I found myself laughing and chatting with customer and coworker alike much more than I generally did.

The effects of my night and morning with Rafe were like a magical elixir. I felt so different: more confident and sexy and alive than ever before, and I though I would neveractuallytalk about my sex-life with anyone at work, I was nearly bursting to tell someone about my experience, my triumphant entrance into the world of sexual adulthood. I couldn't wait for Cara to get home so that I could share at least a little bit of my sorcerous transformation with her.

I was still flying high when I went over to the guy sitting at a table by himself, hardly glancing at him as I smiled happily and started into the usual greeting. "Hello, my name is Selene and I'll be your server for the evening. Can I start you off with anything to drink tonight?"

"Miss Dalton, what a pleasure to see you again."

The voice was like a shock of cold water and I looked, reallylookedat him again to see the urbane, eerily magnetic features of the man from the concert. I felt my stomach do an odd kind of clenching flutter.

"Ah..." All my giddy confidence from before seemed to have evaporated and it was all I could do to wrench myself back to the relative safety of the servers' script. "Um, yes. Is there... Is there anything I can get you to drink, sir?"

His smooth, cultured voice held a tinge of artful disappointment. "You don't remember me. What a shame. We spoke last night at the festival."

"I remember."

He glanced over the menu, then back to me. His black eyes were very hard to look away from. "Truth be told, Miss Dalton, I'm not terribly hungry. I just happened to be walking by when I saw –much to my surprise– your lovely form in the window here. I confess that I really just came inside to speak with you."

I had no idea what to say. As before, for some reason he made me feel supremely uncomfortable. Almost afraid. Maybe it was the stalker-ish overtones of his words. I swallowed to soothe a suddenly very dry throat.

"But I suppose I can't just sit here and take up your time." He went on. "Why don't you bring me a water while I see if there's anything else that catches my fancy."

The way he said it left me with the distinct impression he was not talking about anything we had on our menu. With a nod and what I hoped passed for a smile, I hurried away, ostensibly to get his water. However, upon rounding the corner to the kitchen, I instead made for the bathroom and rushed inside to lean, panting, against the door.

I tried to think logically about why I was so disturbed, but there was nothing solid to hold up to the light as evidence as to why this man terrified me so. And I realized that Iwasterrified. I didn't even know why then, but I understood in my bones that this man, Cassian Grey, was terribly dangerous. I wished Rafe were there.

After a minute or two, and with the resolution that I'd call Rafe as soon as I got off work, I worked up the courage to go face the world again. After all, I had other tables waiting, and it wouldn't help my tips any to neglect everyone else on so slight a reason as an unidentifiable fear. Still, I left his table as the very last one I waited on, the water in my hand amplifying the small tremors going through me. I set it down quickly.

"Have you decided on anything?" My voice came out rather smaller than I would have liked, but at least it didn't shake.

"Mm..." I avoided his eyes by studying my order pad intently, but could still feel his gaze as it swept over my body, almost like a physical touch. I shuddered.

"You mentioned a... boyfriend last night," he said suddenly, surprising me into looking at him once more. The word fit oddly on his tongue, or maybe it was just the way he said it, with the barest hint of derision. His stare was hypnotic and cold. "How very charming. You are fond of him?"

"Yes." As with my name before, the word popped out of my mouth before I could think. I blinked at my own response, mystified why I had answered such a personal question at all, and to him of all people.

"And how does he feel about you, Miss Dalton? Does he love the girl he's bedding?"

I glared at him, bright pink from the roots of my hair to the top of my chest, but shocked out of the rapport he'd had me in. "That is none of your business," I snapped then added a belated, "Sir."

I was surprised at my own boldness; generally I didn't stand up so directly to anyone, even when a customer was getting out of line. But he'd made me mad the way he said it, like he thought my relationship with Rafe was just a joke, or something ridiculous. And after my misstep with the "L-word" this morning, I was particularly sensitive about the subject. So I rode the anger, leveling a hostile stare at him and asking rather brusquely, "Do you need another minute to decide, or do you know what you want to eat already?"

Cassian watched me closely, almost assessing, before handing me the menu without looking at it. "I'll have the New York strip. Very rare. I trust your discretion regarding the sides."

Without a word, I gathered his menu and walked away. What an asshole, asking me something like that. Fuck him anyway. And screw his tip, I didn't need it. I didn'twantit. I would deal with him as little as possible tonight.

I managed to put his order in and make it halfway back to my station before the shaking started. Unlike the trembling of before, this wasn't just isolated to my hands. It was was a violent, wracking shuddering in my entire body and I felt that if I didn't wrap my arms around myself, I would shake to pieces. I changed direction quickly and slipped into the empty office where I slid into the folding chair and hunched over like I was going to be sick.