More than a Substitute

"Well, it was a lot like this. Working hard, good days and bad days, loving my son like the treasure he is..."

"And someday seducing the father of one of his classmates, convincing him to marry you." A third smack to the chest, much harder this time.

"You keep talking about marriage, but I don't see a ring."

I smiled and pulled her closer to me. "Soon, baby. Soon."

*******

As we dressed to go get lunch before picking up the boys, I said, "Isa, there's something I need to tell you. It...might be important."

"Is this where you reveal your secret past?" she said playfully.

"Kind of. I wasn't sure when to bring this up, but since you mentioned sex and birth control...I guess it can't wait any more."

I had her attention. She pulled a shirt over her head and stepped closer to me, a slightly worried look on her face.

"So...Noah was...a problematic pregnancy. The birth just about killed Carrie, literally. There wasn't any long-term damage, but it took a few weeks of bed rest just to get her up and around again." Isa watched me with a sympathetic expression. "Afterwards, the doctor said that another pregnancy would probably be just as bad. We couldn't imagine putting her body through that again, so...I got snipped. It just seemed to make the most sense. It was only a year later that we found out about the cancer..." I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. "We had been planning to adopt, but once the cancer hit, none of that mattered. So I guess what I'm telling you is that you can probably not worry about birth control."

I wasn't sure what to expect. I was worried she was really hoping to have more kids. I was worried I was majorly disappointing her. I was worried I was crushing a dream. Her eyes went wide for a second, then she said, "Thank GOD! You are saving me a lot of trouble and money."

"Really? You're...not bothered by this?"

She shrugged. "I'm a little surprised, to be honest, but...it's not like I'm only interested in you for your sperm. Two boys is plenty for now. And if we want more someday, I've got a friend who will be eager to help us get the adoption process rolling." Then smacking me playfully on the shoulder a few times, she said, "But why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Wow...that's...way less drama than I expected."

"Oh, that reminds me," she said, slipping on her shoes. "Mind if I make a phone call while we're in the car? I need to touch base with someone."

*******

I drove us to a sandwich shop that I used to frequent when I was single. It wasn't fancy, but the meat and veggies were so fresh, and the bread was made on site. Noah didn't really like sandwiches, so I didn't get there often anymore. But as we drove, my mouth started watering, and I planned my sandwich. Meanwhile, Isa was on the phone, and I was trying to make sense of the half of the conversation I could hear:

"Hey!...yeah, he renewed for another three months, but on his dime, not yours...no, nothing new...you know I'm only cleaning his place once a week, right?...yes, your recliner is still there. Do you want me to have Brian go pick it up or something?...OK, your call...."

Isa looked over at me and winked, then laughed at something her friend had said. "No, no, no. He's been a perfect gentleman...yes, really...no one that I've seen...he hasn't said anything, but I think he knows you're using me to spy on him...good days and bad days, I think...a little mopey, but not bad..."

Then there was a long pause while her friend talked, then Isa said, "Look, babe, I don't know what your deal is with this guy, but you need to just get over it. It's obvious you love him and he's clearly missing you. I don't understand why you won't...I know, I know, it's complicated, you've said that a hundred times...listen, I gotta go...yeah, we're going to lunch right now...yeah, plenty of news in that department, but it'll have to wait...no, not yet, but soon...no, not that either...you'll be the first to know...OK, I will. Love you too, babe...bye."

She looked over at me after hanging up. Shaking her head and smiling, she said, "I think I like having someone in my life who has crazier issues than I do. It's nice to feel like the sane one now and then."

"Should I tell your friend you think she's crazy?"

"I said she has crazy issues, not that she's crazy. But heck, when you meet her, I'll introduce you to her that way- my friend with crazy issues. You have to be nice, though, because if we do adopt some day, she's our go-to girl."

Later, as we pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards the school, Isa said, "So Jax is turning five next week. We're having a party on Friday- it's a sleepover party. Do you think Noah can come?"

"By himself?"

"Nooo...I was hoping you could help me keep an eye on the boys that night."

I figured that a slumber party of kindergarten-aged boys probably wouldn't be the right context for Isa and I to do anything other than sleep in the same bed, but it would still be nice. And Noah would love the party...

"Sure. We'll be there."

"It's pirate-themed, of course."

"I'll bring my best pirate pajamas," I joked.

She laughed and said, "I might make you take them off."

Smiling, I sighed and said, "You know, as much as I hate to say this, I really need to be working the rest of the week. No more morning trysts for a few days."

"I know," she said dejectedly. "I have to put my name back on the sub list at school, anyway. Working every day for a few months straight was really good for my budget, but it's not like I can coast for the rest of the school year."

"Well, we'll find some time, somehow," I promised.

"Count on it," she said with a wink.

*******

We didn't find time the rest of the week. The four of us met at a park on Saturday afternoon, but our work schedules conflicted so much over the following week that it was Jax's birthday party before we had more time together.

Noah and I arrived early so we could help set up. Isa took our bags back to her bedroom, then put us to work. (OK, she put me to work. Noah played with Jax.) As the other kids arrived, I started to notice that none of them had overnight bags. I pointed it out to Isa when we were in the kitchen refilling drinks, and she said, "Oops! Did I forget to tell everyone else about the sleepover? Silly me. Guess it'll just be us, tonight." As I stood there a little stunned, she reached up and gave me a deep, promising kiss. I leaned against a countertop and watched her walk back out to the party, swaying her hips until she was in the other room.

There are two types of parents whose kids come to birthday parties- the ones who stick around and help manage the chaos and the ones who see the party as free babysitting and just disappear after they drop their kids off. I make sure I give their kids extra sugar at the end. Fortunately, we had more of the former than the latter, so the party went pretty smoothly. It ended in the late afternoon, and the last guest left at 4:30. I cleaned up while Isa made some dinner. The boys were having a blast playing with Jax's new toys, but I was eager for Jax and Isa to open our gifts to them.

After dinner, I went to my car and brought two small boxes inside. Jax opened his, and his disappointment was obvious, at first.

"A picture?" he said with disgust.

"What's it a picture of?" I prompted him, holding back Noah, who was bursting to give away the surprise.

"It's a pirate ship," he said, not getting it yet.

"It's a pirate ship playhouse with a slide and a fort and a telescope...and it's for you," I said.

Jax seemed to get it, then ran to the window to look outside. "Where is it?" he asked with excitement. Isa looked at me curiously, taking the picture from Jax. When she saw that the picture was taken in my back yard, she smiled.

"It's in our yard!" screamed Noah, breaking from my grip and running to Jax. "Daddy says I can't play on it yet- it's yours so you get to play on it first."

"COOL! Can we go right now?" Jax yelled, finally understanding.

"How about first thing tomorrow? It's getting dark right now," Isa suggested. Then looking at me she said, "You know this is going to be torture for him- waiting all night?"

"Nah, he's got a lot of new stuff, he'll get distracted." Sure enough, the boys were already running back to Jax's room. I heard Noah telling Jax, "And we got bunk beds, too!"

"Bunk beds?" Isa said, raising her eyebrow.

"In case you want to stay the night. I figure you can sleep in Noah's room," I teased.

"Ohhh...Too bad I don't have bunk beds. You'll just have to take the couch tonight," she responded smugly.

"If you insist," I said casually. "But first, you should open your present."

"The one in skull and crossbones wrapping paper?" she asked.

"Sorry- my options were limited."

Smiling, she opened the paper to reveal, no surprise, a small jewelry box. Just as she started to open it, she paused, looked at me and said, "If this is a picture of a ring, you are definitely sleeping in the boys' room tonight."

"Open the damn box," I laughed.

Isa sighed and smiled, holding the box up to look closely at the small diamond ring. "I don't want to assume anything," I said, "So I'm still going to ask you." I got on one knee, then winced and cursed, finding I had knelt down on a Lego one of the boys had dropped. Isa laughed sympathetically as I tossed the toy aside. I took her hand, and asked her to marry me. She pulled me up and onto her, falling back into the chair and kissing me.

The boys ran past, and Noah froze when he saw us kissing. Pulling up his eye patch, he asked, "Did you ask her to be my new mommy yet?"

Isa and I laughed, and she looked at Noah and said, "Yes." Then looking at me, she said, "And yes!"

"Woohoo!" the boys yelled, holding foam swords in the air and running back down the hall. Isa groaned lightly and said, "Is it bedtime yet?"

*******

Bedtime couldn't arrive soon enough. The boys were pretty worked up from an exciting day, and they were eager to get to our house in the morning to try their new pirate ship. But we finally managed to get them to bed, after calling around to all the grandparents and letting the boys share our news. Once we were certain they were asleep, I was standing in the hall, looking in on them. Isa walked up, wrapping her arms around me.

"Does Noah usually sleep through the night?" she asked.

"Nine times out of ten," I said. "But he's never been at someone else's house before, so we'll see."

"Jax usually goes the whole night; he sleeps so soundly. But I put our old baby monitor in there, so if someone does wake up, we'll at least get a little warning before they get to us. My bedroom door doesn't lock."

"And why," I joked, "might we need some warning?"

"Because if they see what I'm planning to do with you tonight, they might get traumatized."

My eyes went wide, not sure how serious she was about that. Isa giggled and said, "OK, that's probably an exaggeration. But I don't feel like explaining the birds and the bees to them just yet."

Then holding her hand out and looking at the ring I had recently put on her finger, she asked softly, "Was this her ring?" Then she quickly looked up, putting her hand on my chest, and said apologetically, "I mean...it's OK if it is. That doesn't bother me. I'm just curious."

I smiled, knowing she could keep talking and talking if she got nervous enough. "No," I answered softly, rubbing my hand slowly up and down her side as we stood in dim light of the hall. "I didn't want to do that, because you're not replacing her." Then looking very intentionally into her eyes, I added, "You're not a substitute."

That seemed to satisfy her, and I was rewarded with a happy sigh and a firm squeeze as her arms wrapped around to my back.

I placed a slow kiss on the top of her head, breathing in the faint scent of her shampoo, and said, "What do you say we go get buzzing and chirping?"

Isa pulled away from me and headed towards her room, saying, "I would say...that since I've got nothing on under this robe, you've got some catching up to do." As she said that, she disappeared into her bedroom. Before I could take a step in that direction, her robe flew out the bedroom door and onto the hallway floor. I glanced back at the sleeping boys, flipped off the hall light, and followed her into the room.

*******

I walked in the room and closed the door behind me. I was surprised to see that, despite her boldness a moment ago, Isa was under the covers, holding the sheet all the way up to her nose. When I looked at her questioningly, she pulled the sheet down to her chin and and said quickly, "I got nervous," then pulled the sheet back up to her nose.

I took off my clothes as I walked towards the bed. Isa's eyes followed me the whole time. I climbed onto the bed, fully naked, and felt a little self-conscious about being so exposed. Isa lowered the sheet to her neck, and I could see her pleasant smile.

"That's it?" I asked. "I strip for you, and all I get to see is from the neck up?" Isa stuck her tongue out at me and pulled the sheet back up to her nose. I didn't want to press the issue- I knew how delicate this body-image issue could be for her. So instead of pulling the sheet away, I started running my hand all along her body, but not on her skin- on the sheet. It didn't feel very good- well, not as good as touching her skin would- but that was the point. I knew it wouldn't feel as good for her, either.

When my hand reached her shoulder that was opposite to me, I gripped it firmly and rolled her over. The sheet rolled with her, wrapping her up. Isa giggled and said, "Hey!" I had her fully rolled up in the sheet, at my mercy. I lowered my face to hers and began gently touching her lips with mine. My hands resumed their motions all along her body, still only touching through the sheet. Isa started wiggling her body in frustration, trying to at least free her arms. "Shhhh..." I said, cradling her cheek with my hand. "New rule- if I can't see it, I don't touch it." Isa narrowed her eyes at me, but just then a cough came through the baby monitor.

Startled, I turned to look at the monitor, listening to see if anyone was awake. Isa took advantage of my distraction and rolled away, disentangling herself from the sheet and pulling her arms out. "Ha!" she gloated. Satisfied that no one was awake, I moved closer to her. Isa held out both arms, turned up her nose and in a dignified voice said, "You may lavish your attention on my arms."

Smiling, I took hold of her hand and began kissing my way up to her shoulder. Isa exhaled and put her other arm around my head, rubbing her face in my hair. "I love you," she whispered. "I love you so much."

"You are so...so beautiful," I replied, trailing kisses from her shoulder to her neck, then up along her cheek to her nose.

Isa laughed and asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm kissing along the path of your freckles," I said.

"Ugh...that's embarrassing. They were cute when I was little, but now they just look..."

"Beautiful," I interrupted. "I want to kiss each and every one of them."

"You're weird," she said.

"Get used to it." While we were talking, I kissed back down the other side of her cheek and neck, then onto her upper chest. I slowly put my finger on the spot where the sheet met her breasts and gently tugged it down. Rolling her eyes up towards the ceiling, Isa let go of the sheet. It dropped into her lap, and I lost my restraint. I quickly wrapped an arm around her back and pushed her gently onto the bed, latching onto her breasts with my mouth. Isa gasped as I wrapped my lips around a whole breast, then slowly pulled back, teasing her nipple. My free hand moved from her breasts down to her abdomen, then around to her back.

I moved my mouth up to hers and she drove her lips to me in a hungry kiss. Her hands slid smoothly along my back and up to my shoulders. Her touch electrified me, urged me to kiss more passionately to touch more desperately. I paused a moment to catch my breath, and Isa murmured in my ear, "I'm ready, love. I'm very ready."

Lifting the sheet away from her body, I got underneath it. I put my legs between hers and settled gently on top of her. We both moaned at the sensation of skin touching skin...all the way down. We kissed again, moaning into each other's mouth as our senses were overwhelmed with pleasure. I moved my lips again to her chest, and she arched her back, pushing her breasts towards me with a gasp.

As I moved back up, again face-to-face, I wiggled my hips, letting my tip find that most warm and welcoming spot. Finding the right area, I reached my hand down to grip my shaft. I moved my tip up and down inside her folds, spreading her wetness around to ease my entry. Satisfied that I was firmly set at her entrance, I ran my hand along her waist and around to her back.

"OK?" I asked softly. Eyes closed, breathing deep, Isa nodded, "Mm-hmm."

I took a deep breath and pushed forward. Sex had been impossible during the last six months of Carrie's life, so it had been two years since I had felt the heart-racing pleasure of a woman's walls yielding to my entry. Isa was indeed ready. Though tight around my shaft, her passage was wet with arousal, allowing me to push halfway in on one stroke.

"Ohhhhh..." she gasped, her voice fading away to a whisper.

"Wow," I whispered back.

"More," she whimpered, our conversation reduced to single words as we both dealt with the deluge of sensations and emotions. She is going to be my wife, I thought, pausing to appreciate the moment. This is our first union, our first time of many that will follow. This woman isn't just giving me her body, she's giving me everything!

"Wishing you'd proposed sooner?" she asked, gently touching my cheek with her hand.

I half-smiled, not able to fully take my mind off the perfect feeling of being inside her. I pulled out just a bit, then pushed again, sinking fully inside her. Isa groaned, putting her other hand on my other cheek, then pulling my face down into a soft kiss.

"Maybe," I answered. "But not really- the timing felt right."

"You weren't sure?"

I breathed out a small laugh. "Baby, do you know how long I've been holding on to that ring with you in mind?" I asked, my eyes glancing at her hand that was moving from my cheek to my chest.

"Tell me," she said, eyes aglow.

"Since about a week after I found out that 'Mrs Abella'...didn't exist. Since I realized that there should be men lining up to spend time with you. Since I found out I didn't need to feel guilty about admiring your body as much as I was admiring your character and your personality and your skill."

"It took you a whole week? Damn, you're slow. But then, I had a head start, since I had been wanting to make out with you since the Christmas party."

"Did you even imagine back then that by Easter time we'd be doing this?" I asked, giving my first thrust since entering her.

Isa grunted softly then started pushing up with her hips, encouraging me to continue thrusting into her. "If you'd been a little quicker on the uptake, maybe we could have spent Valentine's Day like this," she chided me.

"So much wasted time," I fake lamented. My slow pace wasn't easy to maintain, but talking helped distract me. Isa's eyes closed and her head turned as it moved up and down to the rhythm of our motions.

"We did move fast, didn't we?" she pondered. "What's it been, six weeks?"

"About that," I said, starting to pant. The strain of holding myself above her was starting to make my arms quiver, and the sense of being close to cumming was making my whole system work faster.