Moth to a Snowflake

I felt his forehead to make sure he wasn't running a fever or anything, but he was cool as always.

"Yeah, but you never seem to feel it."

He chattered his teeth again and I felt my stomach clench for him in his discomfort. But I also knew that as cold as he was, I was equally warm. I suppose it had something to do with our mutations, but right now he was obviously weakened enough for his natural defenses to be down. I ached inwardly every time he exhaled another chattering breath and I finally made up my mind.

"Move over."

He looked at me like I'd smacked him in the face, when I lifted his covers carefully, not to let too much warmth escape from them as I crawled in. But he scooted over enough for me to squeeze myself in behind him and with a shuddering sigh he settled against me soaking up the warmth I offered. He was so cold I did wonder for a second if he had accidentally activated his power and iced himself over, but then I felt him slowly warm up at the touch of our naked torsos. I rubbed his arms and shoulders carefully to heat them and covered as much of his body as I could with my own.

Eventually I simply draped my arm over him and pulled him close to me, letting myself enjoy the feeling of our closeness. He took my hand and intertwined our fingers, before he drifted off to sleep again, leaving me awake a while longer, bursting with happiness.

A few hours later I woke up. I was supposed to have been to class, but I didn't care. I could have cried when I realized I was alone in Bobby's bed, but I felt life made it up to me when I turned over and saw him. He was standing in front of the mirror, checking the bruise on his forehead and flexing his muscles carefully to avoid stretching his stitches. He had opened the curtains and the morning sun was putting on quite a show for me, caressing the muscles on his back and legs as he flexed and moved. I just lay there holding my breath, enjoying the view immensely.

He was just so beautiful. And then he turned around and smiled tenderly when he saw that I was awake.

"Good morning."

As usual I didn't answer. I simply moved over a bit in the bed and opened the covers, praying that he would accept my open invitation. He did. I shivered with a mix of pleasure and chill when he slipped his cool body in beside me. He was clearly comfortable in the cold again, so I was now convinced he would be ok. Unlike the night before, we were now face to face. His eyes burned into mine with an intensity that made my heart skip and I gasped when I finally remembered to breathe again.

His arms were around my neck and my mind was reeling with the pleasure of his touch. And then I remembered how close I came to losing him, and my stomach turned to led. His face was so close to mine and his breath was warm to my surprise. In my head the chant began again.

[You never even had the balls to kiss him...]

[You bet your ass I do....] Throwing all caution to the winds I grabbed his face with both hands and dove into a desperate open mouthed kiss, putting all my fears and passions in his hands, while attempting to melt as much of him as possible and absorb it into myself. I was so sure he would push me away now and I would damn well build up a reserve of the touch, taste and scent of him for the lonely days I knew were coming.

But he only stiffened for a fraction of a second. And then he was all over me. The quiet, relaxed and cool guy was gone and he went mad, kissing me so fervently our teeth bumped. I clutched his face to mine, feeling his hands in my hair while my head kept spinning from the heavenly sensations I was experiencing.

It all turned to panic however, when he pressed himself against me, only to grind his stitches right into my hip. He cried out from the pain, and I jumped off the bed from the horror of being the cause of it. I stood there next to his bed, my skin still tingling with pleasure from his touch, wringing my hands and watching him gasp and heave. When the pain passed he smiled at me with a regretful look.

"I guess we'll have to hold out for a few more days..."

I couldn't help laughing and he grinned back at me. I was very excited, but also nicotine deprived, so I hopped into some clothes and left the room for a smoke. He watched me go and I winked at him when I closed the door. It was the closest thing to a greeting I had to offer.

The following days were a blur of suppressed lust and tension between us. We avoided physical contact as much as possible, as we both seemed to be easily swept away by our mutual attraction and more than once caused him pain by accidental touches. But I did my best to keep my promise to myself though. I made an effort to involve myself and do as I was told. Scott almost made me puke when he commented how glad he was to see I was finally showing some responsibility. I just nodded and waited until he was out of sight, before making a very rude gesture in his general direction.

I wasn't doing it for Scott. Or for the school or even for myself. It was all for my hot ice-cube, and to make myself feel worthy of his affection. I even tried cleaning up my side of the room a bit, but I gave up half way through and was just about to burn all my crap right then and there, when Bobby laughed heartily at my feeble attempt at tidiness and hugged me close to him. When he whispered in my ear that he didn't give a damn how the room looked as long as I was in it, I had a minor melt down and completely lost control over my passion. I pounced him and was in heaven for a few glorious moments, before we yet again bumped hips and caused him pain.

-------

The following Friday I was slowly killing myself by trying to do some homework, when I heard the door open and close very quietly behind me. I had lit two candles in front of me on my desk to have a bit of fire to distract myself with, as I was twirling a pencil instead of my lighter between my fingers. I tried to pretend I hadn't heard the door, but the candles betrayed me and flickered wildly while I sat stock still, waiting.

As I had hoped, I soon felt cool hands slide down my shoulder and under my arm in a tender embrace and I let myself fall back into him and enjoy the moment. His voice in my ear made me shiver and it took me a second to actually catch on to the meaning of the words he had whispered.

"I've just seen my doctor, and he says I'm fit to start exercising again. So..."

As usual I was unable to answer, but the candle-flames dancing in front of us told him clearly what I wanted. Without me ever really focusing on it, the flames formed two separate shapes, slowly turning to each other. The flames reached out for each other and easily closed the space between the candles to meet in a fiery, passionate embrace. His cool lips made my hot skin prickle when he placed gentle kisses on my neck and ear. It was so sweet and gentle it was driving me insane, and I sent my books flying when I couldn't take it anymore, jumped up and grabbed him desperately.

He gave up any plans he might have had of going slow when faced with my frantic desire and he returned my intense caresses with equal eagerness. I pressed myself as hard against him as I dared, and was rewarded with a moan from him and a slow grinding from his groin. My mind went completely blank from lust and in a frenzy I tore off his clothes and my own, while nudging him to his bed.

I had expected to be the one taking the initiative and seducing him, but to my surprise he turned us around at the last moment, making me fall back on the bed with him on top. I tried feebly to get on top again, but he was easily as desperate as I was, and wouldn't let me. Somewhere along the way I forgot all about it and I whimpered out my surrender before long. I felt every drop of my sweat turn to ice when coming into contact with his skin and I constantly had cold water trickling from my chest onto the bed, when my warmer skin made the beads of ice melt again. The feeling was awesome and I alternated between shivering and gasping from the extreme temperatures switching between us.

With his cold lips and hands inducing pleasure all over my body, I had no chance of holding on to my already crumbling defenses, and to my slight embarrassment I was soon the one begging for relief. I think I blacked out a few times and the whole experience seemed like precious flashes of heaven.

[Flash.]

His hands on my chest. His lips over my nipple. My hands in his hair.

[Flash.]

His chilled breath in my ear. His warm tongue on my neck. His hardness against my own.

[Flash.]

His hands on my ass. His mouth on my cock. My voice hoarse from moaning.

[Flash.]

His fingers in me. His tongue on my hip. My breathing loud and desperate. Begging him to take me.

[Flash.]

Shockingly hot he pushed into me, the pain melding with the pleasure, making me clench my teeth to avoid screaming out my carnal joy. He closed my mouth with his own while taking me roughly and I felt the last threads of my locked down emotions give in, as he claimed me as his and growled out his climax into my mouth. I felt like something imploded violently in my head and I was only too happy to slip into darkness, still riding the wave of ultimate happiness.

It might have lasted hours or just a few seconds, but when I finally started my slow ascent into consciousness again, I was thinking to myself:

"Kill me now. I can't possibly feel more happiness than this in my whole miserable existence, so someone... please... kill me now."

I heard a sharp gasp, felt cool hands cradling my face and when I opened my eyes, I was met with Bobby's loving eyes, filling with tears. [Oh no. I hadn't said it out loud, had I?]

I had.

"Don't ever say that again John. Never, ever say that again. Don't you dare."

His voice cracked and the tears slid slowly down his cheeks, freezing on the way. I tried to save the situation.

"I didn't mean it. Honestly I didn't Bobby."

But he knew me too well. He saw right through me and my pathetic lie.

"Bullshit. After all I've put up with while waiting for you to come around and see how much I care, this is what I get? When I finally make you mine, you want to throw it all away?"

Now tears were in my eyes as well. I couldn't stop them. I hated every one of them, but they kept coming. I squeezed my eyes shut to avoid his wounded look.

"I know. I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being. Why would you even want me? What can I possibly offer you with my twisted upbringing and warped ideas of love?"

Bobby caressed my face so gently I felt like I was slowly breaking apart at the seams. He was still inside me and I felt every beat of his heart in my most sensitive of places. It was simply too much and I weeped like a child at the intensity of the whole thing.

"Don't offer me anything John. I already have what I want, and I took it cruelly without even asking if you wanted me. I've been doing everything I possibly could to steal away your heart, while you were busy hating me and the world. I had even given up. I thought I could never get through to you, but then you showed up at the hospital. Then I knew. I knew you were mine. "

I couldn't take it. Those gentle words were slowly killing me.

"Stop. No more. Please don't say any more Bobby."

I turned my face away from him and wept into the pillow. He took firm hold of my face and forced me to look at him.

"No, I wont stop. I'll never stop. And you know why."

I begged him.

"No. Don't. Please don't say it. I can't bear it."

But life is cruel. And he had to say it. He forced me to look him in the eye, bent in so close his lips were brushing mine and whispered out the words I knew would kill me.

"Because I love you."

And then he kissed me. I cried. I screamed. I writhed under him, begging him to let me go, to leave me, to kill me. Anything to stop that terrible ache in my soul. My whole body cramped and spasmed while I battled myself inwardly. All my hate and anger was searing holes in my heart, desperately trying to force itself together and believe the words edging themselves into my being. A thousand voices were screaming in my head, all trying to dominate my thoughts.

[He loves you. He hates you. How could he not? You don't deserve love. You're a horrible person. But he loves you. No he doesn't. It's just words. Yes, but believe them. No. Don't. You know you can't. Nobody can ever love you, and you know it. Why would he? No idea, but he says he does. He does. He does. He does.]

And then the darkness again. That blessed darkness. Would it only have lasted forever.

[Bobby. My Bobby. How I love you. But you kill me. I must be dead. My heart has broken from the strain. Not that it has ever been whole.]

[Bobby. Bobby why do you love me? Why? Why?]

"Why?"

The last word forced itself out into the room. My soul suddenly stopped, waiting for the answer. My heart stirred feebly, standing by for the one thing that could possibly mend it.

A while must have passed. The room was dark, and Bobby was now behind me, hugging me close to him with his strong arms. He stirred and his voice was slightly slurred from sleep.

"Why what?"

I swallowed. My heart was still. My soul quiet as a tomb.

"Why do you love me?"

The quiet in the room was so thick I felt it suffocating me, until he spoke.

"Because... I do. My heart won't let me not love you."

I grimaced into the dark room.

"But I'll hurt you. I always hurt people."

I felt him shift and turn me over on my back. His eyes shone in the faint light from the moon.

"Then hurt me. I don't care. Break my heart, set it on fire and stomp on it. I don't care. I'll take what you can give me. I can't help it."

I felt my heart beat again. As painful and unused to the sensation as it was, I grasped every heartbeat like the link to my life it was. One beat. Two beats. Pain. Another beat. And another.

I sighed deeply, exhausted, but feeling safe and relaxed in the arms of my lover. Feeling myself slipping off to sleep, emotionally exhausted, with no way of stopping it, I forced out the thing I most wanted to say, right before the darkness embraced me again gently as a mother.

"I love you Bobby."