Mr. Irresistible

"Oh my God!" I screamed, as pain ripped through my lower back. My hands retreated from their posts to support my back, their only higher priority above sex being self-preservation. Mia started to freak out.

"Oh Jesus Cameron, are you OK?"

"GET OFF OF ME!" I yelled, and she quickly scrambled back onto her knees near my outstretched legs. "Mother fuckin' Son of a shit fuck!" Honestly, I don't remember what I said, but it was a similiarly not-so-eloquent string of expletives. I painfully pushed myself against the door and found relief there. I let my head rest against the window and let my breathing calm down. I decided against further speaking. Mia had to be terrified as it was. I looked over at her and surprisingly she was cupping her mouth to keep from laughing.

"Holy shit! Are you OK?" My dick said "sure." I could hear it shouting at me "Fight through it you bastard!" but my brain was like, "Dude, just chill for a bit." I looked at her smile and could only tell the truth.

"I think I'm gonna puke."

***

I couldn't look at Mia as she drove me home, mainly because it would remind me of what I was missing. The fact that she found my pain terribly amusing didn't help much either but the "no sex" thing was way worse. Who would have thought that my mystical "power of the pimp" would get shut down by a goddamn Buick on a night when I shouldn't have even been goddamn working! AHHHHHHH! I guess I should take it easy for a little bit. The huge front seat of the hummer wasn't helping my back either. "Cameron," she said, still giggling, "Maybe it just wasn't meant to be?"

"Oh but it so was, Mia." Man, I was really taking this badly. I guess after conquering the entire female sex, a simple failure like this was devastating. In any case, the ride ensued, Mia talking the whole time nonchalantly about this and that. I adjusted myself in the giant seat uncomfortably until I could take it no more. It was just too big. Mia's little frame wrapped around the steering wheel was practically comical. "Mia," I said, "I hate your car." She just laughed and didn't bother to ask me why. Instead she said something fairly interesting.

"Cameron, do you believe in fate?" I had a faint inkling of what fate was and to be honest, I never bought into the shit.

"What? Do you mean do I think that my back was meant to crack?"

"Maybe that, or just generally I suppose."

"No." I said. "Things happen because people cause them to, not because it was predestined or something."

"No?" she asked. "You don't think that certain things happen for a reason? That they are unavoidable?"

"No," I said again, thinking about the rest of the day. My thought fell upon the Pimp-Fairy and my mystical transformation. Was there a reason for that? It was strange that some higher power thought that it was a good idea to let the downtrodden guy get some pussy. That was enough for me though, and so that was all there was to it.

"Seriously Cameron, I know that there is some situation that you can think of that feels like fate. I can tell from your confused expression."

"Well alright, I'll give you that much. Some stuff happened today that's a little weird, but that doesn't mean that it was inevitable. Some things are just…..unexplainable, I guess."

"Unexplainable?" she asked. "Isn't it more positive to think that certain things are put in front of us to test us, to make us stronger, than to attribute it all to chance?" She glanced over quickly. "That's such a dreary outlook on life." Shit man, she was making me think, and it started to hurt.

"I don't know Mia, I guess I just never pondered real deep on fate." She smiled again as she rounded the corner onto my street.

"Well maybe you should…" She said, as she pulled up to my house. The sense of foreshadowing was heavy in the air. We quickly said our goodbyes and I felt my heart drop heavier than my cock as I kissed her. I awkwardly stumbled out of the car, thanking her for the ride and stared at my house and the party that must be ensuing inside. I started to walk back up to my place before Mia called out to me. "Hey Cam, think about what I said." God that accent was lovely. "It could be important." I nodded my compliance and she drove off, never to be seen by my eyes again.

Chapter 12 – "Shrooms Are Bad For You"

Mia's words really got me thinking. It got me thinking so much, in fact, that I walked right through my front door, past the rush of drunken schoolmates, and right up the stairs to my room without a word. I felt introspective, a rare moment of clarity, if you will. I liked the mood and felt a burning desire to write that I hadn't felt since the third grade when I used to make comic strips for my character, "Mr. Toaster."

"Fate," I muttered, "Gimme a break." I fired up the computer but couldn't think of what to write about so I asked my best friend "Google." He always had good ideas. I searched for something like "short stories," and I wasn't even slightly surprised when the first hit turned out to be porn. My cursor motioned past the quarry to next hit but the name of the first site intrigued me a bit.

"Eroticstories.com," I read aloud. "You have got to be kidding me. I couldn't resist checking it out. Thinking that it might stimulate some insight, I clicked on a few stories that showed up but none of them were…well…any good. The whole site seemed full of trash stories submitted by people with a lot of passion and a little intelligence. It was then that the thought hit me. Why not write about the last few days? They were pretty exciting and quite more than simply erotic. Shit man, and I can actually write! I know because my 6^th grade English teacher told me so. I brought up wordpad in a flash and the words just came pouring out. I started writing about that first night that I saw the "Pimp-Fairy" in my mirror. I wrote it all down, and to my surprise, it actually turned out to be pretty funny. After a mere 20 minutes, I leaned back in my chair and cracked my knuckles. I had churned out three pages of gold man, pure gold. Then another thought came to me as I glared at the screen. If I submit this story, people will read it? I sent the story to the site without another thought.

My door flew open just as I clicked "send," and my sister stepped in, blocking out the loud music by shutting the door behind her. "Cam," she said, looking confused, "You are home. Somebody said you were home." I stared right back at her smiling, fully reclined in my executive chair. "Didn't you get hit by a Buick?"

"Yeah, hit by a car, thanks for coming to get me, by the way," I turned back towards the computer but still managed to see my sister stumble against the door-frame. She was balls drunk.

"Cam, I had already begun drinking, I couldn't drive to the….hospital." She rested her head against my door and closed her eyes.

"Look, whatever Sarah, just go downstairs." I had hoped that my frustration would be slightly apparent to her but she was far more than slightly wasted.

"Mmkay," she nodded back to me and started to open the door. "Oh yeah Cam, some girls downstairs have been asking for you all night." I was busy typing so I simply told her that I would be down in a minute. I waited a second but Sarah still hadn't budged.

"Why…are girls asking for you, Cam?" I glanced over and she seemed sincere. I guess it was a little unusual.

"Sarah, go drink another beer."

"OK," she slurred, and with that, she stumbled out of my door. I turned back to the screen, but there was no use. My concentration was shot. Oh well, I guess I did pay for this keg. I grabbed a large plastic cup, headed downstairs, and the rest is a complete fucking blur.

***

I moaned heavily as I woke and rolled over in my bed. I felt horrible and just wanted to sleep some more so you can imagine my disdain when I hit into another body. I jumped back quickly and scrambled to rub my eyes open but smacked into another body behind me. At that moment, I remained completely still for a second and pulled myself to the head of my bed. I stared wide-eyed at my room as I counted not two or three, but five girls in the bed with me, and another seven lying mostly nude, splayed about my room.

"Oh my sweet Jesus, what have I done?" I whispered to myself as to not wake anyone. Glancing around, I saw Tasia, Amber, Jules, and Belle, but many of the girls I didn't even recognize. All slept soundly, looking satisfied, and after the last couple days I had no doubt that they were satisfied, all of them. I freaked. Quickly but silently, I stood up, and leapt off of my bed. Suddenly realizing that I was, as many of the girls were, naked, I grabbed a pair of boxers out of my dresser before retreating to the bathroom.

"Awww man, this is bad," I muttered, splashing water into my face. While insanely awesome at the same time, I knew fucking thirteen girls in one night would have severe repercussions, in one way or another. I stared at the mirror in vain, trying to make sense out of what happened the previous night. The last thing I could remember was Ian, super drunk, getting into a fist-fight with the keg and losing. I jumped into the shower for a quick minute and snuck back into my room to grab some clothes. I closed the door behind me, all of the girls still asleep. I was confused and lost, not knowing what to do. So I did the only thing I could think of. I quickly ran downstairs and made a pot of coffee. I took two sips, relaxing a little bit before heading to the living room to survey the damage. What I found was cups everywhere, smeared windows, and two people cuddled up in a blanket on my couch. My grip on my coffee mug tightened and my eyes glared like fire when I recognized them. It was none other than my little sister Sarah, and my former best friend, Ian.

***

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" screamed my inner voice. I stared at the toaster in front of me fuming, silently waiting for my English muffin to be done. A thousand thoughts raced through my brain. Everything happening for a reason, Ian sleeping with Sarah, the plethora of bodies about my room, fucking Ian sleeping with Sarah. "What the fuck," I muttered. For a million reasons, I was torn up. I was so confused about so many things. These last couple days were starting to wear on me and I didn't know why. I needed guidance. I needed advice. And I needed my fucking English muffin!

I snatched the muffin as soon as it popped and covered it in peanut butter. I went over and opened my front door thinking that the morning paper might help me to clear my head but instead I welcomed even more trouble. Cara was walking through her front yard towards a car that was waiting for her. She glanced over when she heard my door open and flashed me a look that made my blood go cold. I felt that I should say something but she looked really pissed. Jesus, I hope she wasn't at the party last night. "Cara," I called out. She walked up to the car door before turning around to face me. Her eyes were angry but another emotion there overpowered anything else. A sublime sadness was there deep behind her beautiful blue eyes, one that couldn't be hidden, despite her efforts to try. Fuck, she was definitely at the party.

"Fuck you, Cameron," she said, and got into the car. As it sped away quickly, I recognized the driver as her boyfriend Billy, and I felt like someone had just ripped my guts out. I had heard those words before and worse but coming from her made them especially painful. It was the worst feeling I had ever felt. I tossed the muffin on the ground, my appetite diminished, and went back into the house without even closing the door. I picked up a cup, walked out to the backyard, and began pumping the half-beat keg.

I drank myself stupid that morning. I sat in a lawn chair and just drank for 4 consecutive hours and listened to Bob Dylan. Everybody ended up waking up and leaving but it all passed by like a flash. Some girls came out to me after an hour or so but left angry and confused when I yelled at them for being whores. Ian ended up coming out after an hour or so too. I was angry and drunk and I think I told him something...unpleasant. He walked away pissed off and saying that we would talk when I was sober. I passed out after a time, and the afternoon slipped away.

***

I awoke feeling better than ever. Whatever dreams I had or didn't have in my drunken stupor had cured my ills. Yee-fucking-Haw. I knew that I had offended most of my friends the previous day. I realized this. I also knew that I had screwed up big time with Cara the night before. And I did still recall vividly getting my ass beat by a large, muscular significant other the night before that. One would think that I would be ready to quit by now, after all of these unfortunate occurrences, but not really. Despite the pitfalls along the way, I still had hopes that this could all lead to a positive conclusion. At least I knew exactly what I wanted now. Cara was definitely the girl of my dreams, and now I knew it.

I hopped out of bed (how or when I got there are unknown) and glanced at the clock. 7:30. It must have been my day. Half an hour was more than enough time to get to school. I grabbed some clothes and headed for the shower. Half-way through the shower I lowered my eyes and realized that I was horny as hell. The shit was out there and I didn't have time to make it go away properly. I finished my quick shower but soon realized the one for-real terrible reality of having a hard 12-inch cock: Your pants are not getting up, come hell or high heaven. I nervously looked towards the cock…err…clock, and saw my precious little time slipping away by the second. Because I needed a quick solution and nothing else presented itself, I did the only logical conclusion: I duct-taped the bitch to my leg. Uncomfortable yes, but at least I got to wear pants right?

I grabbed my pop-tart completing my precious morning routine and ran to my car, grabbing my bag on the way. I was actually excited to go to school. All of my problems were there and so it was that I had to fix them there. First and foremost I had to fix shit with Cara, but that would have to wait for 8^th period when I first saw her. The first blight on my list was Ian. Despite the fact that he slept with my sister, he was my best friend and I felt that he deserved an explanation. In my mind, he didn't deserve much else cause, let's face it, sleeping with your boy's sister is really fucked up but I figured I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. But even that would have to wait for 4^th period gym. What to do until then was what my mind was on as I pulled into my parking spot and walked towards school. I almost counted on the fact that I'd run into some girl I'd have to apologize to before 4^th period, and I planned on hooking up with at least one before that too. Just because this power caused me a few bruises didn't mean I was about to quit being irresistible.

As I pushed open the school doors, I immediately realized that something was wrong. The halls were empty. My eyes went squinty with suspicion. There was no way I was late. I glanced at my watch to make sure and I was right on time. Was it "daylight savings" time or some shit like that? I thought that was in March or something. Hmmm. I walked down the halls toward the office. I hated being in there because of the mental trauma suffered at the hand of Lecter while inside, but I had to get to the bottom of this. I pulled open the wooden door and Olga, the hot blonde secretary from Russia was….wait a minute. Obviously, at that moment, the same thoughts shot through my head as the ones that are going through you readers' heads right now. Hello lady.

"Olga," I hesitantly said upon entering, stopping short in my tracks. "Umm, what's up?"

"Hello Cameron," she said without even looking up. "Detention again today?" She sounded pissed and I was obviously making it worse. Olga hated me because one, I saw her all the time because Lecter and I had so much love for each other, and two, I never shut up when in her presence because I enjoyed annoying the thirty-something foxy foreigner. She didn't find me amusing most of the time but I thought today I might be able to be pretty amusing. I knew as soon as she gazed upon my gorgeous countenance that that inner bitch would go away, allowing me to fuck the rest of her. At least that's what I had hoped as I walked up to her desk.

"Hey what's the deal, why isn't anyone here? I asked. Still writing on the pad in front of her, she started to laugh.

"Does the first day of hunting season mean anything to you?" she said. You see, I live in a very rural town in which everyone, except really cool people like me, hunt….everyone. This phenomenon is so widespread, in fact, that we got the day off of school. I couldn't believe that I had forgotten.

"Oh shit, you're right," I said, immediately recoiling once I realized that I swore. Olga hated swearing, HATED it. I once swore in front of her before and she convinced Lecter to give me detention, but, glancing through his office door, it looked like Lecter was somewhere else. Hunting perhaps? Olga rapped her pen down in front of her once I spoke. "Don't you ever get sick of being in trouble Cameron." It was after this remark that she finally looked up and my spell took hold.

I can't even imagine what I looked like to these women but they're first expressions always gave me an idea. Her thin dark eyebrows initially perked followed by a quick once-over of my crotch. Her expression then turned to something sexy that I didn't know. The only thing that I did know was that that expression meant pussy for me. I let my gaze drop to her chest. Her large tits were squeezed together by her bra that peeked out slightly from her tight white button-down blouse. I didn't even feel uneasy around women anymore.

"You have an incredible rack." I commented. She looked shocked and covered her cleavage with her arms.

"Pardon me?" I smiled at her.

Her blond hair was done up well behind her head in the chic secretary fashion and her makeup was applied very carefully. Her eyes were surrounded by a dark eyeliner and a very slight shade of blue framed her eyes of the same color. Her lips were pink and glossy, obviously some type of lipstick that would soon get smeared around my cock. Below her afore-mentioned mass of boobflesh, the tight white blouse hugged her stomach, accentuating her flat abdomen before being tucked into the skirt beneath. The skirt was very….faux-professional, extending only about 18 inches, exposing most of her luscious creamy thighs to my prying eyes but still maintaining enough of a independent woman vibe to maintain her credibility. She opened her mouth wanting to say something, but stopped short.

I took another step towards her desk and planted my hands on it, leaning towards her, smiling. "You want to go at it in here, or make it saucy and get busy on Lecter's desk?"

***

Thirty seconds after that found me buried into Olga's tits, her ass flat on Lecter's desk and my hands firmly cupped around them. Her ass was supple and firm and felt good to the touch. I pulled her to the end of the desk and pressed my pelvis into her while pushing her back to the desk. As I resumed my position buried between her tits, I started unbuttoning her blouse button by button, before a single thought caused me to pause. Just as the sexy foreigner started to moan against my touch, I pulled off and took a step back.

"What the fuck am I doing?" I said, staring at Olga's shocked face, above a pair of shocked titties hanging out of her blouse. Damn they were lovely. "Like I could totally bang you, but why? I mean, I dislike you as a person and hitting it now could cause some crazy issues between us down the line."