Mud and Magic Ch. 01-03

"Nah, don't thank me yet. I'm certain before the day is up, you will be cursing my name to the Burning Pits and back."

"All right then, Rhys. Let's go." Idunn tapped his waist. The female dwarf walked briskly towards one of the corridors. Rhys had to jog to keep up.

The corridors were lit by the same golden radiance pouring down from the ceiling. There were no windows, the light seemed to come straight from the wooden panels overhead, spilling over smooth stone walls and the paintings stuck to them. Most of them showed wide, sweeping landscapes, impressive castles or bustling city vistas. The floor was carpeted, a luxury Rhys assumed not even Carver could boast. Their steps made barely a sound as they moved deeper into the corridor, past a door not fully closed. Soft moans came from the room behind it. Rhys wondered if he should stop and look but Idunn showed no signs of slowing down.

Behind the next door, two voices argued loudly. Thick, green smoke poured out from under the door. It smelled of apples. Suddenly, the door flew open, releasing even more of the smoke. A coughing, green-skinned being, wrapped in a blue robe stumbled out, shaking a fist. It barely reached Rhys' chest with the topmost strands of its wild, flaming red tangle of dreadlocks. The ears were large, triangular and floppy, with numerous shards of flint piercing the outer edge.

"I just wanted to help, you <i>gra-ka-kari</i> ingrate!" The voice was raspy and high-pitched and definitely female. Rhys looked at the first live goblin he had ever seen. Gran's book had shown them, usually in unending swarms of sharp, little teeth and crazy eyes. He took a swift step back. In the tales, they had been nothing more than vicious hordes of cannibals and scavengers.

Inside the green haze there was a furious coughing then the sound of something shattering. "I don't need your help, you maniac! My experiment is ruined!" A male voice but Rhys couldn't see the speaker through the thick, billowing smoke.

"I think I just improved it. Apples are fine!" the goblin snarled. "See if I'll ever help you again." She swept past Rhys in a cloud of apple fumes, not even noticing him.

There was a sharp word and the door slammed shut. Rhys jogged down the corridor until he caught up with Idunn, who stood next to a closed door. She rapped her knuckles against it. "This is yours. Or rather, it will be once you can convince the door to open."

Rhys looked at it. There was no lock, no handle. Or hinges for that matter. A solid wall of wood loomed before him, barring entry into the room beyond. "And how am I supposed to do that?"

Idunn shrugged. "Use your powers. The tower reacts to that."

"Like throwing a spell at it? I'm not sure I'm up to it. The last time I cast one, I nearly died." Rhys critically inspected the wood. "How did you open yours?"

Idunn flashed him a wicked grin. "It didn't want to taste my axe."

"Which axe?"

The lady dwarf raised her hand, closing her fingers around an invisible handle. Her other hand made a complicated, turning motion. Suddenly, a scorching battleaxe appeared in her grip, made from molten metal and stone. The heat of the blade nearly singed Rhys' eyebrows off.

"I never knew half-orcs and dwarves could use magic," Rhys said, taking a step back.

Idunn dismissed the axe and snorted. "Do you think the elves invented magic? Magic is as old as the world itself. The Hearthmother made us from the living rock, so of course we have magic. And as for the greenskins? They are -- when all is said and done -- giantspawn, much like the trolls. Giants have magic in the blood, so their bastard kin have too." She smiled. "Thurguz only is so damn smug about it. Now, enough stalling. The door, please?"

Rhys placed his palms on the door. It was wood. Not just any wood but the solid kind, thick enough to laugh at any puny siege weapon. Rams would break against this kind of wood. Fire arrows would glance off, possibly setting fire to allied troops.

<i>And it will open for me,</i> Rhys thought, gnashing his teeth. <i>I made fire from thin air. What chance does some overgrown kindling have?</i>

The wood laughed in his face. Or rather, it refused to budge.

In Gran's book, the elves could speak to the trees, bend them to their will. The elven princess nearly killed Froki with the roots of an oak for stealing her treasure. Rhys took a few deep breaths. He was no elf. But he had managed to move things, convince them to bow to his will. Pebbles. Skirts. Wood. Where was the difference? All the wood needed to do was split, move inwards, open the way-

Rhys stumbled forward. The wood had split down the center, creating a set of double doors, with two round handles smooth from centuries of use. The smell of fresh sap was heavy in the air.

Idunn clapped. "Well done. Making it a double door is a nice touch, if a bit overdramatic. After all, it's just a dorm room."

Rhys caught himself on the frame, panting. His back hurt like someone had raked thin, sharp claws over it but compared to the burn earlier it was a mild inconvenience. He looked up, into the large room beyond. It was almost as big as the whole farm house's lower floor.

To his left, a lavish bed, big enough for a king and most of his court, awaited him. It even had four pillars, curtains and a cloth roof. A desk with a thick stone top had been set against the foot of the bed along with stools to sit on. Next to the bed was a large wardrobe, even bigger than the one Dara had in her room. Another wall had a fireplace and two armchairs stood in front of it. The wall next to the door vanished behind a tall shelf. Some spaces seemed to be tailor made for books and scrolls, others had pegs and hooks built into them.

"This is all for me?" He reverently crossed the threshold. Opposite the entrance, another door waited. "And... do I need to convince that one to open too?"

Idunn shook her head, grinning. "No. It would cause undue problems if we sealed off the bathrooms that way. You'll find the key in the top drawer of your desk. Don't lose it. Getting a locksmith here is quite the hassle."

She walked straight up to the wardrobe and pulled a number of items from it, tossing them on the bed. "In the end it's up to you what you wear around the tower but you'll find these both comfortable and practical." She pointed. On the bed, there was a robe, made from the same blue material the goblin had worn. A silver belt. Socks, sandals, a loincloth.

Rhys joined her and gently touched the fabric. "What is this? And why blue?"

"A thread of Thurguz making. Pretty tough, fire-resistant and both cool in the summer and warm in the winter. Amazing stuff. As for the color, it's an arbitrary choice. Teachers wear red, students wear blue. If they bother to wear anything at all. It's like Lordehome's worst brothel in here sometimes."

Rhys felt someone's gaze on him. He looked over his shoulder towards the still open door. He thought he'd seen something sleek and purple slip out of sight.

"Come now, I don't have all day," Idunn prompted, rustling with the robe. "If you give me your current clothes, I'll have them washed."

"Uh, sure. Thank you." Turning away from her as he changed helped a bit but Rhys fought a furious blush as he pulled off his trousers and fought to put socks onto his feet. He shivered as the cool blue fabric caressed his skin. It was much lighter than he had anticipated yet it kept him comfortably warm. Several pockets were sewn into the garment around waist height. The silver belt and a few buttons at chest height held the garment in place. It fit perfectly.

"You will find a few extra in the wardrobe, along with bedsheets, towels and the like."

"Understood. Now what?"

"Since we're already making you presentable, how about you shave and I'll quickly go over the rules with you?"

Rhys touched his cheek and chin, blushing. Compared to his brothers and Daffyd, his beard was barely more than a few errant wisps and soft down.

"To be honest, I... I have yet to learn how to shave. We didn't exactly have a razor at the farm. Metal was expensive and most of our money went towards keeping the plough and other farm implements going."

"I see. Alright then." Idunn closed the door then claimed the key from the desk and unlocked the bathroom. Rhys heard her rummage around in it. When she returned, she carried shaving utensils, towels, a small urn and a bowl of water. "Please sit down on the floor." She sounded a bit disgruntled.

Rhys did as she asked. Idunn stepped behind him. She was just tall enough to reach his head without bending down. With quick, efficient movements, she covered his neck and shoulders with a towel and prepared the shaving soap. "Just to be clear, this will be the first and last time I'll be shaving you. You'd better pay attention to what I'm doing."

"I will."

"Good." She applied the foam with a brush, generously covering his jaw and cheeks until they were white like the snow. "You may rest your head against my breasts. Don't move or I might cut you."

Rhys kept perfectly still as Idunn went to work, slowly, carefully moving the glinting blade along his jawline, cleaning the razor with quick swipes on the towel on his shoulder in between shaves. He had always thought dwarven fingers were calloused and rough but hers were as soft as Dara's and nimble too. Within a matter of minutes, the unkempt fuzz around his jaw was gone and Idunn dabbed the remaining foam and hair away with a wet towel.

"There you go," she said, patting his cheek fondly "Smooth as an elven arse. If you need more help, ask Galdor." She collected the shaving utensils and brought them back into the adjoining room.

"Who's he?" Rhys asked loud enough for her to hear it. He gingerly fingered his cheek. Not a single nick.

"We're from the same clan. He's an alchemist and artisan. A student like you and, as a fellow male, probably better equipped to talk about face shaves than I'll ever be. He lives next door," she said, walking back into the main room.

"But dwarves and their beards...?"

Idunn laughed, helping Rhys to his feet. "You have any idea how impractical a bushy nest of hair on your face is around fire? Maybe the warriors and adventurers have the luxury of growing out their pelt but no sane artisan or craftsman would be caught dead with such a fire hazard. Now, for some official rules."

"I'm all ears."

"There are not many but violating any one of them could potentially get you kicked out so listen well. First, no spell casting unless you are in a safe room or with me or Thurguz."

"Sounds reasonable. What are these 'safe rooms?'"

"After one 'accident' too many, Thurguz finally saw fit to make student's rooms safe," Idunn said. "Most spells cast in your room are non-lethal and can't cause lasting damage to objects. The other safe rooms are the dining hall and the training rooms. Should you get caught mucking about with magic anywhere else -- especially in the Library -- you're out."

"Understood."

"Good. Next. If you have to engage in sexual activities, please, for the love of the Hearthmother, do it in your or another student's room. There is always the chance Thurguz will entertain unannounced visitors and the last thing we want is for them to think we're some kind of brothel."

Rhys shot her an amazed look. "Does it happen that often?"

"You have no idea," she growled, disgusted. "As an addendum to that which usually concerns the female students -- don't try."

"Don't try what?"

"Don't try to seduce a teacher. It will make things horribly uncomfortable. And complicated. Thurguz, to my surprise, can keep his hands well enough to himself but if he didn't there would be no end of backstabbing and intrigue as everyone tries to win his favor."

"I-" Rhys began, blushing horribly.

Idunn threw him a kiss. "Sorry, lad. You're a bit too green to get my juices flowing. But I appreciate the thought. Got it so far?"

"I think so."

"As another addendum to the 'sex rule,' please try to adhere to something of a proper dress code in public rooms. No one gives two hoots if you prefer to have your cock out in private but once you're in the tower proper, please cover yourself up somewhat. Like I said before, what you wear is basically of no consequence as long as we can bring in unannounced visitors without them dying of shame, all right?"

"Yes."

"Finally, probably the most important one. Most rooms in the tower are always open. There is no way for students to lock themselves in apart from their bathrooms. Closed doors mean 'knock first, please.'"

"Makes sense."

"Great. There are only two exceptions to the 'always open' rule. The top floor with Thurguz' rooms and the cellar. These areas are strictly invite only and violations will result in immediate expulsion. No 'I just wanted a look,' no 'I misplaced my spellbook up there,' no messing with his locks. Got that?"

"Yes. Why is that such a big deal?"

"Two reasons. First, it is a simple test of your trustworthiness. If you can't handle such a simple request, what else we can teach you might also be beyond your capabilities. Second, Thurguz keeps some dangerous items and books up there, barely fit for his consumption, much less any untaught novice. Students have no reason to visit the cellars whatsoever. The only things down there are the holding cells."

"You have a dungeon down there?"

"Yes. You'll see why soon enough." She counted on her fingers, muttering to herself. "That should be all. Oh, and don't be an ass with the staff."

"Staff?"

Idunn laughed. "Thurguz learned rather quickly that you can't teach the future of the Old Kingdoms and cook, clean, mend and do all the other little things which keep people fed, clothed and healthy at the same time." She gestured to a bell pull next to the bed. "We have maids and cooks and carters and even two hunters. Give a tug here and one should come. All we ask is that you be nice. If I hear any complaints, I will come down harder on you than a stone ceiling on unlucky miners."

Rhys blanched. "Until today, I looked <i>up</i> to maids and servants. Why should I be-"

"It has happened. Young, horny magic users can do all kinds of stupid things. When they offer, do as you please. But realize that 'no' means 'no,' not 'maybe if I add some magic.'"

Rhys shook his head. "I would never-"

"Let's see how long that lasts. An open door may even tempt a saint. And with that nugget of wisdom, I think I'll leave you. I'll send someone to fetch you tomorrow morning for your first lesson."

"Thank you. And good night."

Idunn moved around the room, collecting used towels and Rhys' clothing before leaving, closing the door softly behind herself.

Rhys stood there at a loss, surrounded by the lavish room which was now supposed to be his home. He'd always thought that only small spaces could overwhelm but the opposite seemed true as well. Everything around him looked as if it had been built only a few hours ago. The smell of freshly lacquered wood, new leather and fabric was thick in the air. Even the stone table top had no scratches. The armchairs alone cost probably more than Padec's whole farm, with their finely stitched fabric and all the metal bits and bobs. He almost didn't dare sit in one for fear of ruining it.

Eventually Rhys went to the wardrobe and looked inside. Like Idunn had said, more robes and sets of socks and loincloths were at the ready and more fresh linen than he had ever seen in his life. He could probably open his own inn with them and have some to spare for Dara's.

He closed the wardrobe and pushed open the bathroom door. The only place in the whole village which had had a bathroom was the inn, a chill room down in the basement, where Dara would heat up water for travelers brought in from the well outside to use in an old wooden tub. And even the inn's patrons had to use the outhouse next to the stables.

This bathroom was the height of luxury. A large, waist-deep basin, with chiseled seats even, had been recessed into the floor. On the wall above it, he saw a spout, not unlike the ones used to get wine from a barrel. He tried the lever and a stream of cool water shot out of the spigot, splashed into the basin and drained away through a metal-ringed hole above which a thick plug hung. Rhys closed the spout, amazed. He'd never seen such a sophisticated way of drawing water. The only question was how to get it to heat up. Probably he had to use a cauldron in his room's fireplace. Maybe the servants knew.

Opposite the basin was an ornate, metal wash table, with pitcher and bowl and a small shelf underneath a wall-mounted mirror. The shaving utensils had been neatly placed onto the shelf, along with a large piece of soap on a delicate tray next to the washing bowl.

The last item of interest was a shoulder-height wooden enclosure in a corner. Rhys examined it. It had a door and surrounded a stone seat with a big hole in it. Water ran underneath.

<i>And everyone has their own bathroom? With their own sewers, no less?</i> Rhys thought. This Thurguz had to be richer than any merchant he'd ever known. Shaking his head, he fetched two towels from the bedroom and hung them on pegs next to the wash table.

Suddenly, his stomach rumbled. Rhys shrugged. That wasn't that unusual. There had been times when he was forced to go days without food, when even the pig slop was too disgusting to steal.

<i>Those times should be over. I hope.</i> He returned to his room and looked at the bell pull, pondering if he should use it. <i>Either that or aimlessly running through the tower, looking for someone to ask.</i> He braced himself and gave it a tug. Nothing happened. No ominous gong, no bells. He waited for a few moments, then raised his hand to try again.

A sharp knock came from the door.

"Uh, yes, it's open!"

A young woman entered. She wore a colorful dress which went to about her knees, over which she had a clean, white apron. Her hair was gold and streaked with green, bound in a practical ponytail which left her pointed ears clearly visible. Her eyes were green and sparkled as she looked at him. She curtseyed. "You called, Master?"

Rhys opened and closed his mouth several times. She was probably Dara's age and yet she referred to him as "Master?"

"Please, um... call me 'Rhys,'" he stammered. "Who are you?"

"I'm Sen. Pleased to meet you, Master Rhys." She curtseyed again. "What can I help you with?"

"Just Rhys will be fine. I feel bad having you call me 'Master.' I'd like some food, please."

Sen grinned, closed the door behind herself and joined Rhys at the bed. "See, Master Thurguz will be very upset if we don't show proper respect to him or his students," Sen whispered. "So, I'm 'fraid 'Master' it will be. I 'preciate the sentiment though." She leaned in and pecked a kiss onto his cheek. "Hmmm, freshly shaved. I like that."

Rhys took a step back.

"What, don't like girls?" Sen purred. "Want me to get me brother?" She snapped her fingers. "Oh, I see. Idunn gave you her speech. She may act like a fire-breathing dragon but she's a dear. Don't worry about that. I wouldn't mind tucking you in, if you get me drift." She tugged at the laces under her chin, exposing pale skin and a hint of cleavage. "So, what'll it be, Master Rhys?"

"You hardly know me! Um, a bit of food will be just fine. Maybe bread and cheese?"

"What better way to get to know someone than a bit o'friendly tuggin', eh?" Sen whispered. "A bit o'supper then. I'll be right back." She turned on her heels and sashayed back to the door.

When she was gone, Rhys carefully sat down in one of the armchairs and waited for Sen to return. "What a weird place," he muttered to himself.

Sen looked like an elven maid, with her graceful stature and the pointy ears, but she spoke like she'd just crawled out of a hay loft. Maybe she was half-elven? He wished Celeste had prepared him better for his arrival here. He felt utterly out of his depth.